learned a females point of view on jealousy. interesting.

[jamescr73]

My best friend of 22 years got married last year and his wife and I have become pretty good friends. So i was talking to her one day about this chick ive been talking to who has been on and off with her boyfriend and we were talking about jealousy. She said something that was interesting none the less and i figured i would share her point of view on the matter.

First off I am an absolute 0 in the jealousy department. I get jealous about nothing, but am a master at making other guys jealous (at bars etc). Ive been taught that jealousy is a horrible trait, especially when encountering women and that girls wont put up with it etc, but the other day I heard the exact opposite.

My friends wife told me that some girls view a guy getting jealous about something (another guy, whatever) as flattery. Literally, like he is watching out for her, or trying to protect her, and said girl will be flattered by the jealous move. I guess I hadn't thought of jealousy in this way and it kind of took me back.

So is it possible to have good jealousy and bad jealousy? One girl actually lost interest in me here recently because I am too aloof in situations, and she thought i didn't care about her because she couldn't make me jealous (even when i noticed that she was pulling a sh1t test on me and trying to).

Is it possible to use the best of both worlds, where you can show the protective side of jealousy to appear as you are watching out for her but in a non jealous way?

 

[Albion10]

My best friend of 22 years got married last year and his wife and I have become pretty good friends. So i was talking to her one day about this chick ive been talking to who has been on and off with her boyfriend and we were talking about jealousy. She said something that was interesting none the less and i figured i would share her point of view on the matter.

First off I am an absolute 0 in the jealousy department. I get jealous about nothing, but am a master at making other guys jealous (at bars etc). Ive been taught that jealousy is a horrible trait, especially when encountering women and that girls wont put up with it etc, but the other day I heard the exact opposite.

My friends wife told me that some girls view a guy getting jealous about something (another guy, whatever) as flattery. Literally, like he is watching out for her, or trying to protect her, and said girl will be flattered by the jealous move. I guess I hadn't thought of jealousy in this way and it kind of took me back.

So is it possible to have good jealousy and bad jealousy? One girl actually lost interest in me here recently because I am too aloof in situations, and she thought i didn't care about her because she couldn't make me jealous (even when i noticed that she was pulling a sh1t test on me and trying to).

Is it possible to use the best of both worlds, where you can show the protective side of jealousy to appear as you are watching out for her but in a non jealous way?

A little jealousy is good, like you said, flattery, "Who's that guy you were talking to, he's kinda hot, hey?" But to much jealousy means insecurity, "Why are you talking to that guy? What, you like him or something?" If you put her on the defensive, you've already lost her!

-Al

 

[Kev07]

Maybe it's when the jealousy is felt.

For example, if you get jealous over a girl after one or 2 dates then obviously that's not a good thing, shows neediness.

However, if you were getting jealous over a girl you've been dating for a month or more, the jealousy can be seen as caring. Though you don't want to be TOO jealous

 

[JLR]

Well, I'm not saying your buddy's wife doesn't have some insight, BUT, in my experience, the only women who accept/like/want/crave jealous reactions out of men are attention hors. They see a jealous man as validation, plain & simple. I also do not feel jealousy, and I sure as hell won't put on a contrived air of jealousy just to please some chick. But again, that's just been my experience & my preference.

 

[lYlasTer]

Hi, interesting post.

Here's my take. I think that jealousy is never good; it's a sign of insecurity. If the woman views jealousy as a sign of flattery, then it shows that there needs to be more comfort in the relationship and that she needs to feel validated.

 

[KontrollerX]

You have to know how to read people to know which chick this would work on or not.

For the most part acting like a totally unfazed DJ is the best route to go no matter what some chick tells ya about liking you to be her knight in shining armor protecting her from other men's advances.

Show her that you care and love her for sure but never when she tries to incite jealousy in you or there's a situation out of her control like a guy hitting on her that would provoke jealousy in an AFC.

 

[Obsidian]

Your friend's point sounds accurate. Jealousy is flattery.

Like compliments, however, jealousy comes best in SMALL doses.

 

[Falcon]

You know what, your friend is probably right in a sense. But I completely disagree with it. You have strong values and now you are thinking of lowering it. Just don't, that's the best advice I can give. Just because most women today have crappy values doesn't mean you have to. It boils down to lowering your own values so you can obtain a result you want = supplication.

 

[zerocelcius]

If you have something worth fighting for than why not fight to the death? Other wise just let it go.

In the end you have to ask: "Does the reward justify the means"?

 

[happyguy]

I don't know if I would call it jealousy per se... it is sort of an extension of your interest in her, and showing that you are willing to stake your claim against other guys. I would call it only competitiveness or aggression. I do it quite often these days... I block out other guys from our space when I am around a girl I want to get with. The subtle way to do it is to make sure the distance between you and your girl is smaller than the distance between her and the new guy. Makes it look like both of you are taking on the intruder as a team. Another way is to cut off the new guy with body language.. the same kind of over the shoulder talk and neg hits will work on guys too, only it will make them want to go away.

Women love it when you try to claim them socially like that.

 

[Cremasta]

Women seem to like the 'idea' of you being jealous about them, but when you let it out somehow, they realise they don't like it that much after all.
If a girl is out on the town with her friends, she will love the idea that you are wondering what she is up to and getting a bit jealous... but she'll soon get the shyts on if you start interrogating her about her night out when she walks in the door.

It's a bit like all girls saying they want a nice (read AFC) guy. They like the idea of having a nice guy as a partner, but when it comes to putting it into practice, the nice guy doesn't have a chance.

 

[cNfny]

interesting post. whats the best way to respond to a girl's attempt at bringin out your jealousy?

 

[Skel]

It use to make my girlfriend happy when I got jealous.

 

[reset]

I used to get very jealous. But now, when something like that comes up, I don't really feel "jealous" anymore, just disappointed in the girl. "Oh here she is... trying to make me jealous. What a winner she's turning out to be."

It may lead to me losing some interest because I've decided I don't really enjoy tests so much. I'm not sure if that's the "right" reaction, but what used to drive me nuts is just becoming a turnoff.

 

[cNfny]

My ex would always tell me about different guys who'd approach her at coffee shops and what they said did. I would laugh and ask more into but for my amusement and shed know it. One day she got fed up and said "I wish you'd just get jealous sometimes, so I know you care"

One day I showed a bit of jealousy and she started a fight! So I said "man, last time I pretend to care" haha

 

[reset]

Well, the mild jealousy is a sign you care, but the mild disapointment is a sign to HER that you care about YOURSELF, and that even though you like her, if she's going to play games, you value yourself too much to be manipulated. If SHE cares, she'll pick up on that.

 

[zerocelcius]

Girls will always use jealousy. What a DON does is use it right back. Get a pawn and use them to install jealousy, or a pivot. Haven’t you ever noticed girls throw the jealousy card all the time? You call them and they tell you to hold on they have another call.

Depending on what stage you are in with this girl should determine how you handle her attempts at jealousy.

Just met stage: Tell her she needs to get laid and then offer to hook her up with somebody. Than say why it could never work out between you and her. Than move on with your set or routine.

Gone out a few times: Withdraw or freeze out. When she shows an IoI than return with a small IOI and start a new topic. IMPORTANT don't look hurt or show emotion during the Withdraw or Freeze Out. Actually get distracted or call a friend.

LTR: At this stage she should have proven her value and earned your trust. If she has to go around getting you jealous than something is wrong. She just might want attention or is feeling guilty for some action. Remember the subconscious will always tell on you. If you feel bad for flirting with another girl you most likely project that. You will ask your girl who are you talking to or why. She might be doing the same here. Like RESET said at this stage you should already trust her and only get let down by her actions not worked up.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Jealousy is a good thing if judged correctly!!

Dictionary.com

jeal·ous·y /ˈdʒɛləsi/

1. mental uneasiness from suspicion or fear of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in love or aims.

2. vigilance in maintaining or guarding something.


It is being in a vigilant state and feeling uneasiness when something is out of place!! It is a human characteristic - an internal mechanism to give us warning of when something is out of sync than what it should be!! Jealousy is a first impression if you suspect your mate of being unfaithful! - if she is being unfaithful to you she will accuse you of jealously, but if she is faithful then she will see your concern as affection for her!

 

[jamescr73]

Jealousy is a first impression if you suspect your mate of being unfaithful! - if she is being unfaithful to you she will accuse you of jealously, but if she is faithful then she will see your concern as affection for her!

So basically your saying that if you dont show some sort of jealousy or emotion, that your mate could potentially continue to cheat because she feels like you just dont care what she is doing?
I would totally care if a girl was cheating on me, because i would drop the bltch in about 2 seconds, but im not going to get all jealous over it. Id drop her and be on to the NEXT! :yes:

 

[comic_relief]

So basically your saying that if you dont show some sort of jealousy or emotion, that your mate could potentially continue to cheat because she feels like you just dont care what she is doing?
I would totally care if a girl was cheating on me, because i would drop the bltch in about 2 seconds, but im not going to get all jealous over it. Id drop her and be on to the NEXT! :yes:

same here, but I would thank her for doing it. That would show that she is low quality and that I could do much better.

comic_relief