Language of Women

[I give Up]

I asked this girl I liked a lot a few weeks ago out, and the conversation basically went like the following:

ME: "You know, ive gotten to know you a lot this week, and we seem to both like eachother a lot. From what I can tell, you seem to be giving me signals, and quite frankly I'm interested in you. So basically what I am asking is, are you interested in me?"

HER: "Um......I don't know."

ME: "Oh, well, you seem to be giving me signals, so I was wondering why you were showing me signs that you like me."

HER "Just ignore me, Im crazy. I don't know."

Then the conversation ended. A day later, my friend told her that he had feelings for her, and shortly after she sends me an email telling me that Im not her type. This seems to go against her behavior to me, so naturally Im very confused.

The rest of the email was the typicall LJBF speech, your all aware of the "your like my older brother" comment.......

So anyways, how would you guys interpret the "I don't know answer"?

I get the impression that she liked me a lot, but she liked my friend just a tad bit more. (my friend is basically the same as me, but hes a little thinner and a bit more on the bad-boy side)

I was the one always showing her the affection. We got really close, but my freind was very shy toward her, so I guess her feelings for him didn't emerge until he showed his feelings for her.

So, my conclusion is that she liked us both, but he was a little better then me, but she didn't want to risk leaving me for him for fear that she would be rejected. So naturally, when he opened up to her, she could easily leave my fat a55 behind.

Does anybody agree that this is plausible. What the hell does "I don't know if I like you" mean? Does it mean that she DID like me but wasn't sure, or does it mean that she didn't but she was watching out for my feelings?

 

[trevjr]

You told her you were interested. Big mistake.
Have you read the bible lately?

 

[I give Up]

Ya I know

Well, truth be told, I never wanted to tell her that I was interested. The only reason I did was my best friend stabbed me in the back and gave me an ultimatum.

At a party he told me that if I didn't ask her out in 2 hours, then he would go for her himself. So I felt pressured.

I hate him now, to say the least. Im still trying to figure out if I have any future chances with her.

By the way, this is the same best friend that is currently dating her.

 

[Templeton]

Haven't read your post but PLEASE change your ID!

 

[silverwex]

"You know, ive gotten to know you a lot this week, and we seem to both like eachother a lot. From what I can tell, you seem to be giving me signals, and quite frankly I'm interested in you. So basically what I am asking is, are you interested in me?"

This made me CRINGE! Man never tell a girl you like her! Ive made that mistake a load of times (in the past - never again!).

Learn from this mistake... please!

PS - NEXT her. I had oneitis for a girl for a while and then i went out and scored 4 girls. I still like her but try keep busy and just DONT think about her.

Oh yeah and read the bible.

 

[I give Up]

Why?

Why exactly is telling a girl you like her a bad thing?

I mean, it worked for my ex best friend did it not? She would not be going out with him now if he hadn't told her he liked her?

I've decided to play the risky and foolish game of being her friend fort he next few months and trying again. To be perfectly honest with you, the time between I met her and the day she told me I wasn't her type was only 9 days. I get the impression if she got to know me more she may come to like me, so ive decided to play the game. I think this chick is worth the trouble of trying again.

Sure, I have Oneitits, but she is REALLY REALLY special. I'm pretty sure that she DID like me, but I made the mistake of going to fast with her, and she found out that I suffer from a mental problem (mood swings).

Somehow I feel that if I just hang with her I can reverse her judgment of me and get her to start liking me again.

The question is though, how DO I play my cards right. I understand perfectly well that this is near impossible to do, but I think that it is possible if "I don't know" means in her head "I like you but Im just not sure"

Please note, in an internet conversation I had with her after I got her LJBF email, I asked her if her and I could start again at sqaure one. I told her that I would pretend that nothing happened, and in a few months later, if I liked her, and she liked me, then I could ask her out. She said "OK Deal"

Should I be optimistic if she said this. Is she REALLY unsure, or is she sparing my feelings.

Sorry for the long post, but this whole fiasco would literally take me 10 hours to explain to you.

 

[mitraz]

You dont have to say to the girl that you like her.

Show her you like her.

 

[silverwex]

Please note, in an internet conversation I had with her after I got her LJBF email, I asked her if her and I could start again at sqaure one. I told her that I would pretend that nothing happened, and in a few months later, if I liked her, and she liked me, then I could ask her out. She said "OK Deal"

Happened to me before man and basically, from what i know in regard to women and how they talk (think the word for it is ********...), this means:

"Ill say 'OK, deal' to you to get you off my back and to make you stop asking me to get with you".

Hate delivering bad news etc... but thats what i make of it. Anyone else think the same?

Did ya read the bible? Do so if not. I was kinda like you until i did but now ive a clearer understanding of women and how to treat em etc...

BUT if you still wanna get her back (which i understand you might and thats natural, but quite AFC-ish...) just lay off mailing/ringing her and dont be hanging around with her all the time. Keep busy basically. If she likes you she'll come round, if not move on! Wait for her to contact you first though man!

God, i could go on forever here, just please read the bible, even if you only read the sections aimed at your current situation! But please do it man! Hate seeing you guys torturing youselves!

Peace

 

[I give Up]

Ya

To tell you the truth, I interpreted "OK DEAL" the same way. "Get off my back"

What Im wondering though, is this a temporary or permanent comment. Does she want me to get off her back for good, or does she want space from me for a while so she can get to know me more.

I did go a little too fast for her. I met her, then 8 days later we snuggled on the couch. She says however she avoided that and was reluctant in snuggling.

I find this hard to believe, she enjoyed the KINO and 3 hour long backrub.........???????? Im confused

 

[I give Up]

And yes

Yes, by the way, I did read the bible. Kudos to the author. Unfortuanely however, this scenario of mine is really complicated, which is why im consulting you guys. I think shes holding something back from me, as she never tells me anything. Everytime I bring up the past she tells me to move on. She talks behind my back to all my friends though, and they are good enough to tell me what she says.

Anywayz, so far she has come off pretty indeifferent to my feelings and this whole disaster. One of my freinds told me yesterday however that she was crying her eyes out after I snuggled with her. I don't know how to interpret this. Was she confused over what to do with me. Was she unsure of her feelings? or did she know for a fact that she didn't like me?

again, so mysterious these beings. I guess I should have dated in high school and practice, Im 18 and this is my first attempt.

 

[silverwex]

18!!! Man you're lucky id love to be that age again. I got my first kiss when i was 18...

Anyway, just ignore her for a while and see how that goes. Im currently doing that with a girl i had bad oneitis for (but thankfully its wearing off now ). I dont expect the girl im into to get back with me so im getting with other girls and having a laugh.

You know a good tip to forget her and its been mentioned here before... ?

- FATW (or something like that!) which means FIND ANOTHER TEN WOMEN or FVCK ANOTHER TEN WOMEN!

Itll help, trust me man!

 

[icepick]

Re: And yes

Originally posted by I give Up
Yes, by the way, I did read the bible. Kudos to the author.

You mean authors? If you don't, scroll down and read the REAL bible.

Nick Hill, Mr. Bible dude, if you hear me, it seems like you need to make the bible a little more obvious and differentiate it from the other stuff on that page. This isn't the first time someone has read only the Book of Don Juan or whatever and thought he has read the bible.

I really wouldn't care, except that for ME the bible was what I found FIRST (as opposed to the forum), and after reading a couple of articles in it (old format, was last summer) I realized that the solution to my problems was within the posts and discussions included in it.

I honestly do not know where I would be right now in my life had I NOT read the DJ bible by some twist of providence.

Anyway,

Mr. IgiveUp,

Here is an analogy that I use that symbolizes the vast difference in communication strategies that we use when dealing with women:

Telling a girl that you like her (in the manner you did) is like saying something along the lines of: "I like you." while simultaneously flipping her off and scowling at her at the same time.

Try to learn to NOT articulate ALL your emotions and let your body do a little bit more of the talking.

Don't think I am insulting you here, but I think that you "asked her out" in the worst possible way here:

ME: "You know, ive gotten to know you a lot this week, and we seem to both like eachother a lot. From what I can tell, you seem to be giving me signals, and quite frankly I'm interested in you. So basically what I am asking is, are you interested in me?"

HER: "Um......I don't know."

ME: "Oh, well, you seem to be giving me signals, so I was wondering why you were showing me signs that you like me."

HER "Just ignore me, Im crazy. I don't know."

You sound like that one guy on A Beautiful Mind or something. You don't have to be so rational/cold hearted. Whether or not you actually ARE cold-hearted is not the point, the point is you CAME OFF that way, and that was probably why she got flustered.

I guess I should have dated in high school and practice, Im 18 and this is my first attempt.

Hey, don't EVER let that get you down. Experience with women is not THAT much different than regular social experience (besides the sex part, of course.) Just work on becoming social. You need to remove the barriers between your soul and the rest of the world, and ALL social experience will help you do that and break out of your shell.

It is all biological, and built into our genes. The only thing that you need experience in is having sex when you ain't drunk!

 

[Kodiac]

Im still recovering from oneitis too, i couldn't understand that chick i was with either... which is the problem. I tried to hard, assumed too much and kept reading into everything way too much - i forgot to enjoy myself!

Ask yourself, are you happy ?
Is she treating you how you want to be treated ?
Are you getting what you want ?

I would suggest ignoring her, wait for her to come to you. She expects you to be the chaser by the sounds of it, if you cut off all contact and start ignoring her... she should start thinking "What happened to I Don't Give Up" or "Why isn't he interested in me anymore".

Women are wierd creatures.
Oh, and kick your friends arse.

 

[legolas]

don't give up:

I read your post and as I was reading it I was thinking, "Whoa, that was direct!!!" When you tell a girl things plainly like that, when you make it too mechanic, it seems to kill the spontaneity of the moment and kills the mystery of the moment and the tension that is so important in getting a girl interested even just a tad bit.

It's not about you telling her that you liked her, it'a about you TELLING it to her rather than SHOWING it. WHen translated your communication means something like "I like you. You're 5'6, have blue eyes, weigh 110 lb and you fit my requirements. I think I'll add you to my collection. How much would you like to value yourself? "

Next time learn to talk more genrally and maybe learn to hint at things rather than go the direct route.

 

[Howie Farkes]

Re: Why?

Originally posted by I give Up
Sure, I have Oneitits, but she is REALLY REALLY special.

I'm gonna say something here you may not initially agree with, heck, you may not agree with it for months to come (oneitis can take while to recover from). So here goes.

SHE IS NOT REALLY REALLY SPECIAL!!!!

She is just a girl who showed you a little bit of interest. Interest that you managed to extinguish and is now gone. She is not much different and no better than any other girl and when you eventually realise this you be free from oneitis.

Look around you, if you walk through a mall you will see girls who are more attractive than her. I can guarantee this. So if there are girls who look better than her then it probably stands to reason that there are girls who are smarter than her, nicer than her and there will even be ones who combine some or all of those qualities with the absolute deal maker. They will be girls who are interested in you. So go out and find them.

 

[I give Up]

well

Thank you for your suggestions.

But....In your guy's opinion, is a girl serious when they agree to start from square one and try again. Is she serious when she said she'd be willing to try something in the future if she gets to know me more a little and she finds out that she likes me.

I get the impression she only told me "I don't know" because:
A) I only knew her a week and I started moving too fast, so she couldn't decide whether or not she liked me.
B) She realized that the other guy was a little bit more special than me

By the way, any documented cases with girls going to another guy ONLY for the reason of keeping one away for a while? Sort of like a human sheild for the overly flirtatious guy after her (me)

And if she IS reallty serious about the "get to know me first" part, then how close YET distant do I make myself. I know I need to avoid being too close, but how close can I safely get without becoming her girlfriend/doormatt/or social proof.

And as for the DJ bible, the document I read was the Don Jaun Book. Regardless of wheteher or not this is the bible is irrelevant. I simply followed the download link at the top of the page.

Sorry if I offended any of the aother author(s)

 

[Kodiac]

There's way too many "if's" and "buts" and "when this" or "when that"...

A girl that has a high IL in you won't use any of those lines on you.

My advice would be, NEXT.

Go find yourself someone that DESERVES you.

If i am wrong, and she is playing all these stupid games because she does want to be with you - she isn't worth it.

Thats my 4 cents.

 

[Howie Farkes]

Re: well

Originally posted by I give Up
By the way, any documented cases with girls going to another guy ONLY for the reason of keeping one away for a while? Sort of like a human sheild for the overly flirtatious guy after her (me)

If you believe that then you are officially clutching at straws.

She said "I don't know" for 1 of 2 reasons.

a) You weren't man enough to just ask "Let's go out on a date". Instead you tiptoed around saying things like "I think you're interested in me, are you interested in me". In short - you came across as weak and any interest there was was lost.

OR

b) Girls rarely will give you a definite negative answer. She said "I don't know" to avoid saying directly to your face "No, I am not interested". But you will notice that her actions are actually quite clear. She is now dating your ex-friend which demonstrates that she is most definitely NOT interested in you.

In my experience, and you'll probably see it all over this site, when a girl has high interest in you then everything becomes easy. You ask her out she says "YES!!". When you call her on the phone she answers, or if you leave a message she returns the call. You have no doubts - because if you do have doubts... well then it's not just not working cause by then she has low interest and is sending mixed signals or you're just being insecure about it all which will lead to her having low interest and consequently sending mixed signals.

 

[bp1974]

In your guy's opinion, is a girl serious when they agree to start from square one and try again

No, never.

Here's a new perspective for you. Girls HATE conflict with guys. They will do almost anything to avoid upsetting, hurting or making a guy angry with them. They would much rather a guy who was making unwanted advances just took their hints and dropped off the face of the earth than actually have to say NO. I don't know why, but they all seem to believe that if we hear the word 'No', we'll go on a killing spree, collapse in a heap, or otherwise make a big scene that embarrasses her. They are HARDWIRED to protect a guy's ego (which is actually pretty patronising). So they AVOID any direct NO, and only give INDIRECT NOs.

This is why the "Am I confused about whether she likes me or not?" is such a good test. Look at your first convo:

ME: "You know, ive gotten to know you a lot this week, and we seem to both like eachother a lot. From what I can tell, you seem to be giving me signals, and quite frankly I'm interested in you. So basically what I am asking is, are you interested in me?"

HER: "Um......I don't know."

ME: "Oh, well, you seem to be giving me signals, so I was wondering why you were showing me signs that you like me."

HER "Just ignore me, Im crazy. I don't know."

Leaving aside the fact that I hated the way you asked her out (what were you thinking??), the fact is she had two easy opportunities to say No, and she didn't, she AVOIDED. Actually, kudos to her for taking the time and trouble to tell you later from afar that you're not her type, most girls would feel that they'd already said No by giving you the above avoiding answers.

The fact that she enjoyed a 3-hr backrub from you doesn't mean anything other than she enjoys being given free backrubs. Girls like backrubs, what can I say. I know it's confusing for you because it's quite intimate and seems like a signal that she's interested. Her only fault is that she was being a bit self-indulgent in letting you give her that backrub, but hey, you offered.

If she was really interested in you and worth having, you would not be getting all these conflicting messages (which no doubt in her mind are pretty clear Nos).

And next time you ask a girl out, don't say "I have computed from your pupil dilation size and physical contact that you are attracted to me. Is this correct?"

Try this instead: "I like you and I want to take you out. What are you doing Friday night?" Or something similar..

bp1974

 

[Jay26]

The cold, hard truth you're going to have to face sooner or later:

She's not interested.

So you must move on.

It's that simple (well of course in practice it's not, you really like this girl, so it's gonna hurt (there's a lesson in there, don't get emotionally attached to a girl your not going out with, will save you much heartache next time)).

...and for next time be direct when asking her out, she's just a girl she's not going to bite your head off