kidding around and got the real answer

[SoldMySoul]

It has been quite awhile since I have been on here. Been dating and career things. Which leads to this: I had been dating this women whom has some financial troubles. She asked for me to remain loyal to her and refrain from sexual encounters with other women, which I agreed, no problem. She also requested we be in a relationship, again agreed.

The other day I saw on her facebook she was talking to one of her friends about going in a few weeks to a concert. I jokingly said to her, well if you are in such a financial bind and can afford that you can pick up the check sometimes. She replied back, " A man always pays! If you cannot afford me, date someone else." Wrong answer to a question I hit her with just kidding around. Needless to say it was all downhill from there!

Her sister and her got into a fight a few nights before this because they were drunk.Before the fight started, the sister was airing all her dirty laundry out and said she was a user.


Funny how sometimes when we are kidding and say something we find out exactly what we need to know about someone.

Since her and I were in a committed relationship, I saw nothing wrong with her paying every once in a blue moon. I told her I did not have atm stamped on my forehead. Of course I backed up what her sister said about her being a user. Unfortunately, she pushed my buttons with her nasty a$$ response. What a shame as I really liked her!

 

[VladPatton]

She pretty much confirmed what the sister said....on her own!! She got so passionate about her ways that she self destructed by ways of her own mouth.

Man, consider yourself lucky it went down like this and it didn't cost you thousands.

It's amazing how women demand equality between the sexes, and then you get "all men should always pay!" or "they should always hold the door for me!".

Yeah, I'll pay and hold the door for your aṣṣ, if you reciprocate, you fųckin cheap aṣṣ twӓt! lol

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

" A man always pays! If you cannot afford me, date someone else."

This reminds of a time back in high school, me and my then gf were having a "fight" which was basically her complaining that I wasn't acting the way she thought I should be acting.

She was going on and on about how whenever we were at a party or wherever, I "ignore" her.

I said something like, "Well, I like talking to my friends! They're my friends!"

To which she said, "Well, if you don't want to hang out with me, then take me home!"

to which I took her home.

But back to your girl. Her presupposition is that a man ALWAYS gets the BEST girl that he can afford.

Instead of focusing on an issue of "shared responsibility" or "accountability" she chose to "reframe" it in terms of affordability / inaffordability.

Or basically, when push came to shove, she hit you right where you thought it would hurt the most, man's biggest fear: Not having enough money.

You could have calmly hit the ball back into her court by saying something like:

"Well, it's not really whether or not I CAN afford you, it's whether or not I WANT to afford you. And right now I don't."

Unfortunately, she pushed my buttons with her nasty a$$ response. What a shame as I really liked her!

Yep. Financial issues are the root of most problems. One advice I read somewhere said to always have your first date at a coffee shop, always show up early, and always have purchased your own drink.

That way, you'd immediately disqualify all those with financial issues. (real or imagined).

 

[Night-hawk]

Solid reply above by t_o.

I would say her somewhat, insistent requesting, was a tee-bit insidious, to put it loosely.

 

[SoldMySoul]

She pretty much confirmed what the sister said....on her own!! She got so passionate about her ways that she self destructed by ways of her own mouth.

This one has big mouth especially when it is fueled with alcohol. Self destructed is about the best way to describe her!!!

T__O you are spot on as well. Women like this make men become the hitting and quitting type! I am still aggravated about it. Funny thing is her sister keeps on contacting me. She has a husband and lives 100 miles away, not really sure what her angle is or what she is trying to get from the communication. As far as I know the ex and sis are not talking because of the melee outside the bar. Maybe just being nosey to trash her sister more.

 

[Night-hawk]

One thing I came to know about women is they do NOT like to be called out on things about them that have the potential of making them look bad, or in the wrong in any way, especially to other women. They can't stand when their little illusionary world gets a mirror put up to it...even if it's just jokes.

Some women are not like this but it's usually the women who have some degree of respect or attraction for you.

However, this is something we must do to them, i.e it is a necessary strategy of screening. Now, there are more efficient ways of doing it, and guys will use their own methods, but it is all about the strong frame.

 

[SoldMySoul]

One thing I came to know about women is they do NOT like to be called out on things about them that have the potential of making them look bad, or in the wrong in any way, especially to other women. They can't stand when their little illusionary world gets a mirror put up to it...even if it's just jokes.

Some women are not like this but it's usually the women who have some degree of respect or attraction for you.

However, this is something we must do to them, i.e it is a necessary strategy of screening. Now, there are more efficient ways of doing it, and guys will use their own methods, but it is all about the strong frame.

Nighthawk you are exactly right!!! I came unglued and I don not mind saying so. I am not some users ATM! I do think when her sister called her out on it, it struck a nerve because truth hurts. I am just not going to be with any woman that thinks I owe her $hit! The ex had enough nerve to say, "Even when guy friends go out with me, they pay." That had nothing to do with the argument, but had everything to with her using excuses/ past experiences as justification.

I said some nasty things to her when I should have politely excused myself from the convo and disappeared for a bit. I should have kept her around to just hit it...if she is going to use somebody then she is opened to being used her damn self. The more I think about it....this type of women that drinks too much; drives drunk; hits her sister; plays rough with me; has a big mouth and her sister said has fought other women at bars over her past boyfriends leads to nothing but trouble. Trouble I certainly do not need.

 

[SSBS]

:crackup:

What on earth made you think that you could have a relationship with a woman like that?

An immature, irresponsible, big mouthed drunk.

Good catch.

 

[SoldMySoul]

:crackup:

What on earth made you think that you could have a relationship with a woman like that?

An immature, irresponsible, big mouthed drunk.

Good catch.

Well the easiest way to respond to you is this: didn't know what I had until a month had passed. I try to give people a chance....not over doing their chance, but nonetheless a chsnce. If my brother aired all my $hit out to a girl I really like I'd be quite pissed. Of course after giving her benefit of doubt, she proved just how useless and classless she is and was. Didn't see what kind of trash she was, but time always does show us.

 

[Jitterbug]

Next time do this deliberately instead of an accidental kidding around thing.

And you can label that a male sh1t test.

 

[SoldMySoul]

Next time do this deliberately instead of an accidental kidding around thing.

And you can label that a male sh1t test.

Jitter, in a sense it was done deliberately as I was trying to tell her to be mindful of her money. I was doing it in a subtle way and the way I worded it allowed her to open up and say what she felt deep inside. It was a good move on my part as I exposed her operations from being covert to overt. I may change tatics and start doing the hitting and quitting routine as I have fun. Trying to find a good one is becoming too much work and trouble. Zero problems meeting, attracting and getting horizontal with women, but finding the right one.... damn near impossible. So I will embrace the Don Juan attitude until the right one shows up.

 

[Harvey_Poon]

What some guys will go through just to say they have a girlfriend.

Well, this relationship looked like a disaster right from the start

I had been dating this women whom has some financial troubles.

This is your own fault. You should never date a woman who has or says she has financial problems. She will end up using you for the money and will dump you when you question her or when you refuse to pay her way. A classic case of it right here. This is what happened to you.

A) A woman who has financial problems will use a guy or find a sucker to live off of and will continue to milk it for all it's worth.

B) A woman who says she has financial problems will use a guy so he can pay her way for dates and free entertainment while she uses her money on herself and not on him.

Both types are users and moochers. They should be avoided at all cost.

A woman that has financial problems has it for a reason. They are either an alcoholic, drug addict, gambler, foolish with their money, lazy, doesn't have their life together, or expects another man to pay their way and to live off of. These women should be avoided at all cost.

Yes, there are some cases where a woman lost her job or something unexpected happened that hurt her financially. Those are acceptable and that is why you shouldn't agree to be in a relationship until you know that this woman isn't a moocher or an user.

She asked for me to remain loyal to her and refrain from sexual encounters with other women, which I agreed, no problem. She also requested we be in a relationship, again agreed.

Look here. She was dictating the relationship and the terms of it right from the start. She was telling you what to do. And you were just agreeing with her. Not a good way to start and to have a relationship. No wonder she took advantage of you. You were doing everything and saying YES to everything she said and wanted. Just like you said yes to and paid for all her stuff. She was testing you to see how far she could get with you.

The other day I saw on her facebook she was talking to one of her friends about going in a few weeks to a concert. I jokingly said to her, well if you are in such a financial bind and can afford that you can pick up the check sometimes. She replied back, " A man always pays! If you cannot afford me, date someone else." Wrong answer to a question I hit her with just kidding around. Needless to say it was all downhill from there!

Well... there you have it....a classic line and the attitude of a moocher. You questioned her about not paying money in this relationship. She got angry with you about it and then told you off. It happens every time. I'm sure it did go downhill. At least you found out sooner than later before she took more of your money. Now she will find another guy and do the same with him.

Her sister and her got into a fight a few nights before this because they were drunk.Before the fight started, the sister was airing all her dirty laundry out and said she was a user.

Funny how sometimes when we are kidding and say something we find out exactly what we need to know about someone.

Since her and I were in a committed relationship, I saw nothing wrong with her paying every once in a blue moon. I told her I did not have atm stamped on my forehead. Of course I backed up what her sister said about her being a user. Unfortunately, she pushed my buttons with her nasty a$$ response.

Why the hell did you even get involved with a woman who is a drunk and that has money problems? I'm mean there should of been signs even before you agreed to be in this relationship with her. Yes, she should of paid and you shouldn't have been paying her way.

Never give more than what you get back in a relationship because it will never work and then you won't be used.

Next time don't get involved with a woman who has financial problems or dictates the terms of the relationship.

May you days be filled with much greatness and plenty of poon

Dr. Harvey Poon

What a shame as I really liked her!

Why would you like a moocher and a drunk who was using you?

 

[samspade]

"If you cannot afford me, date someone else."

"I can afford you, but why spend money on trash?"

 

[SoldMySoul]

Harvey Poon, what part are you not getting? When I first hooked up with her I did not know she was a drunk and had no idea about her finances. None! Aftera month I found out. Her behavior came out as she truly was. Maybe she did dictate the relationship, but in a rship....it is a compromise. I was okay with being loyal to her as I expected the same. How in the hell is it my fault not knowing this???? It is not! Now, with that said, if I contiued dating her after all I finally found out, the I would truly be the fool. It was not like from go she said, Sold,'' I am drunk, broke like a joke and expect you to front all the funds for our or my fun.'' Meeting women, who you are initially interested in is a gamble.

 

[Harvey_Poon]

Harvey Poon, what part are you not getting? When I first hooked up with her I did not know she was a drunk and had no idea about her finances. None! Aftera month I found out. Her behavior came out as she truly was. Maybe she did dictate the relationship, but in a rship....it is a compromise. I was okay with being loyal to her as I expected the same. How in the hell is it my fault not knowing this???? It is not! Now, with that said, if I contiued dating her after all I finally found out, the I would truly be the fool. It was not like from go she said, Sold,'' I am drunk, broke like a joke and expect you to front all the funds for our or my fun.'' Meeting women, who you are initially interested in is a gamble.

Well, you should make yourself more clear when you are writing these threads. You said that you dated a woman who had financial problems. How was I supposed to know that you didn't find that out until later? You didn't state that.

Yes, she did dictate the relationship because you were paying and agreeing to do whatever she wanted. She didn't compromise at all. It was one sided and you were doing most of it.

Obviously, the fact that she wasn't paying in this relationship bothered you because you made the joke that "she wasn't paying for the check" when she was buying the tickets. So you must of known that she wasn't paying in this relationship for some reason. You made the joke about it so you must have known something and didn't feel right about it.

It was your fault for paying her way and agreeing with whatever she wanted.

Women that don't offer to pay or make a man pay for everything is a moocher and an user and that was your fault for putting up with it.