Keeping in contact with an ex

[armadon]

So few of us went out tonight and the conversation of keeping in contact with exes came up. Apparently I am the only one that doesn't keep in contact. Everyone else, both male and female friends, liked to keep in contact. I guess I didn't understand why. I guess I find it as an insult that someone that didn't want me wanted to still keep in touch. As soon as I tell a woman I don't want to see her anymore or vice versa to me I delete the phone number. They all found that strange.

So what do you guys do with exes? Keep in touch or just say later and move on.

 

[Knight's Cross]

What purpose does keeping in contact serve?
I too believe that once you spin off a relationship, it's best to be cordial in public, but there's no need to maintain a friendship. I got to practice that at lunch wednesday. Saw a former gal at a local restauraunt. My party was leaving, she and a coworker were arriving. So did the whole smile/ meet her coworker thing, she tells me to give her a call sometime, I smile and say,"take it easy". See? No muss/ no fuss.
If you can look at them, see the reason you left the relationship, and walk away smoothly, you are much better off.

KC

 

[02hero]

I treat them as if they were dead, if I do happen to run into their ghost, I'm always polite and civil to it. If they want to come back from the dead, and back into my life it has to be on my terms.

 

[DJDamage]

I treat them as if they were dead, if I do happen to run into their ghost, I'm always polite and civil to it. If they want to come back from the dead, and back into my life it has to be on my terms.

Good way of looking at it.

As for the OP, what were your male friends reasons for keeping in touch??!! (I don't care for "female friends" opinion because I know its mostly hogwash). If they use them as fvckbuddies then that's fine in my book but if they hang around their ex girlfriends and their new boyfriends (like a sh1t tv sitcome such as "Friends", which tends to be women's favourite show) after she dump them then they are pathetic.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Depends on th ex and her personality.

Sometimes its a great relationship and its just not the right time or place to seal the deal, so you stay in touch and play the "what ifs" game. That being said, I don't think its ever wise to string a woman along.

A couple of yrs ago Had a g/f on and off for two years. I broke it off because we hit ultimatum point - get married and have kids vs. move on, so I moved on for her sake.

1-2 months later she gets involved with an extreme AFC, she calls and wants to "hang out". I tell her fine, I just made it clear that no matter what she said or did I was not gonna get back together with her - so we did the fb routine, this went on for about a year - worked well for me b/c I could live my life and have a reliable source of beav.

Of course, I always let her chase me.

g/f before that - 6 months and DONE. On breakup day she told me she was all or nothing - and she had the personality to back it up too. Never heard from her again.

 

[DoubleA]

So few of us went out tonight and the conversation of keeping in contact with exes came up. Apparently I am the only one that doesn't keep in contact. Everyone else, both male and female friends, liked to keep in contact. I guess I didn't understand why. I guess I find it as an insult that someone that didn't want me wanted to still keep in touch. As soon as I tell a woman I don't want to see her anymore or vice versa to me I delete the phone number. They all found that strange.

So what do you guys do with exes? Keep in touch or just say later and move on.

Move on. (That's what she told me.)

She'll come back.

Depending on how long she stayed away, you might not want her.

The balls in your court at that point, BUT don't wait around regardless.

She might regret not having you in her life. That's HER FAULT.

REMEMBER...THE BEST WAY TO BEAT AN "EX" IS TOO LIVE WELL.

PEACE.

- AA

 

[KontrollerX]

No reason to keep a connection of any sort if there is no chance at reconcilliaton down the line if that is what you want or hope for.

To be friends with a woman in a scenario like that is just you agreeing to be her trophy that she gets to keep around for ego purposes.

Fvck that sh!t and keep doing what you are doing.

Delete the b!tch from your life.

The only time you pay attention to an ex is if you are horny and she offers up some sex to you on a lonely night and only if you have her be the one to drive over so as not to inconvenience you.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear All,
Well my personal experience is very different,in general I think it is childish to just cut and run,one may always salvage something from the reservoir of social capital you have built together...surprising but true,I know One Lady who still visits her Ex after 22 years,he also visits her regularly even though ostensibly happily married still leans on her and she still opens her legs for him...Don't be judgmental,everyone is different and you do get used to a partner and they know the little knobs that turn you on,lots to chat about...I was bushwalking with an Austrian bloke about a year ago he confided that he still visits his ex after about five years,every month or so he lunches with her then takes her off in his car for a spot of hows your Father,I asked him why she still needs him and he said that women in his experience often don't feel completely comfortable with new lovers...another woman I met recently at a social gathering asked me out of the blue if I still visited my Ex and put the hard word on her,I told her no,that I had until eighteen months ago when she put a restraining order on me,did her ex visit her?she just gave a knowing laugh,obviously this was something that was on her mind....

 

[samspade]

For me it depends on the woman, and the length of time we spent together. There is one girl with whom I had a fling of a few months. It never progressed into anything serious, nor did it get to the point of damaged egos or ugly breakups. We didn't talk for a few weeks after ending it, but eventually established a rapport, although I don't really "hang out" with her or anything like that. She's fairly mature and intelligent and so I don't mind talking to her from time to time. We hooked up a couple of times after we stopped "seeing" each other (or whatever).

On the other hand, there is a girl I dated more recently and for longer, and I have stopped communicating with her. I noticed while dating her that she kept her exes around as friends, which was fine, but I felt like it fed her ego and decided I wasn't going to do that. That may have something to do with my own ego, but so be it.

I suppose I don't often venture into serious LTRs, so it's easier to maintain a civil line of communication with most girls with whom I've slept/dated. For serious LTRs I'd recommend no contact.

 

[Sandow]

I always try to keep in contact with my ex's. I see it as being mature, civil and professional. Get over your ego, who cares who got rid of who, it's a part of life and you're just being immature by never talking to her. Don't take that the wrong way, it's just my own personal view. However I can side with some of you in the case where she really fvcked up and did something devastating. Like cooking your pet rabbit. Also in other cases, I know it helps some people get over their ex's by cutting off all contacts. I can understand that, but at some point you should eventually contact her. Anyways all i'm saying is that you should at least try and be friends, its not about revenge or any crap like that.

 

[Juando]

I contacted miss C after a year of no contact. She cut it off a year ago, taking zero responsibility for the conflict and breakup. Fukking her was a dream come true after lusting after her for a long time, but she was the ultimate drama queen.
So after a year I figured the statute of limitations was in effect, I send her an email basically saying hello, hope you're well.
Two days later I get an email response beginning with "Did you get a lobotomy?" I have a sense of humor but this was toxic shiit.
I love how angry people have no sense of humor or irony; she ends it with "I don't have the energy to carry a grudge". Right.

I used to pride myself in being the nice guy who made niiice wih exes; I suppose it's a testament to how crappy I am at picking women: I don't want any of these biitches near me.

I made niice with my most recent LTR ex; she took what I had to give and when my mom faced fatal cancer she did not pick up the phone once, to this day she has no idea if my mom (who she was "close" to) is dead or alive.

I am amazed. It's as if when people leave you they have an operation to remove their heart and substitute a block of ice. I don't get it.

Am I bitter? Not really, I think I am finally waking up to the reality of how duplicitous people can be. Not everyone, but I am about finding and keeping quality people, especially women.

I think I was naive and a Pollyana in my life, thinking everybody was good deep down and all I had to do was love them.

After these more recent experiences with exes my belief is that there are some incredibly damaged people walking around, pretending to be whole people, acting like they are loyal, dependable, committed to communication.

I take responsibility for attracting them and hooking up with them.
No more. And thank you guys for helping remove the scales from my eyes- now I see them coming from a much greater distance, and I have begun seriously qualifying women.

 

[STR8UP]

I am amazed. It's as if when people leave you they have an operation to remove their heart and substitute a block of ice. I don't get it.

People? From my experience doctors will only perform this on women...

I'm not aware of any studies to corroborate my theory, but I would bet that this has something to do with the fact that women NEED a mechanism that allows them to shut off emotion at the drop of a hat. If they are swinging branches (always looking for greener pastures) it's a pretty handy little trick to help them move on quickly.

In other words, it's a survival/prosperity mechanism.

 

[KontrollerX]

I always try to keep in contact with my ex's. I see it as being mature, civil and professional. Get over your ego, who cares who got rid of who, it's a part of life and you're just being immature by never talking to her. Don't take that the wrong way, it's just my own personal view. However I can side with some of you in the case where she really fvcked up and did something devastating. Like cooking your pet rabbit. Also in other cases, I know it helps some people get over their ex's by cutting off all contacts. I can understand that, but at some point you should eventually contact her. Anyways all i'm saying is that you should at least try and be friends, its not about revenge or any crap like that.

Its not a mature or immature issue.

Its an issue of what is useful to your life to make you a self sufficient DJ.

What possible reason could a DJ have for keeping an ex around in his life?

Laughs, jokes, someone to hang out with, someone to get high with, someone to get drunk with, someone to talk to?

We can all do that with our fellow man.

No, no the only reason any guy keeps an ex around in his life is in hopes that some situation might arise where he can fvck her in the future or parasite off of her for something that he should be out getting for himself like meeting other hotter chicks through her for example.

To me being a DJ is about standing on your own, being self sufficient and succeeding on your own not being a parasite or an orbiter hoping to score with an ex during an emotionally vulnerable time or create new hot chick contacts through her by leeching off of her social network.

Thats pathetic.

Whats in the past is in the past. You've already watched that movie so why play it again when you already know how it ends?

Move forward to new and greater horizons.

Even keeping an ex around who you had a mutual breakup with where you both decided it wasn't working out isn't beneficial to you as far as self sufficiency goes as one day you both might want to relive the doomed relationship again wasting the time of both of you as the same things that brought it to an end the first time will creep right back up which is why we stress on this site so often for an AFC to completely move on and stop associating with an ex.

 

[jophil28]

After these more recent experiences with exes my belief is that there are some incredibly damaged people walking around, pretending to be whole people, acting like they are loyal, dependable, committed to communication.

You are seeing the reality of how women are after you are no longer "useful" to them.
Better you be the cold hearted bastard than trying to love a baitch dressed in lace..
This is why it is essential to walk away at the first sign of significant disrespect, because if you do not, you are guaranteed of a campaign of more shyte from her until you get crazy.

 

[jophil28]

Even keeping an ex around who you had a mutual breakup with where you both decided it wasn't working out isn't beneficial to you as far as self sufficiency goes as one day you both might want to relive the doomed relationship again wasting the time of both of you as the same things that brought it to an end the first time will creep right back up which is why we stress on this site so often for an AFC to completely move on and stop associating with an ex.

This is great advice from KX...

Keeping an ex in your life because you want to think of yourself as " mature, cool, professional and sophisticated " is delusional. Misguided thinking at best.

 

[jophil28]

In other words, it's a survival/prosperity mechanism.

Dogshyte -more "evolutionary psychodrivel" . Their excessive and unneccessary heartless cruelty is a character defect, and it is especially destructive when women practice this callousness towards their ex husband when there are children involved.

 

[Juando]

You are seeing the reality of how women are after you are no longer "useful" to them.

Is this programming in their DNA?

Or learned from their moms?

Or a rite of passage in the middle school yard?

What's the source?

 

[NewMan]

What possible reason could a DJ have for keeping an ex around in his life?

Laughs, jokes, someone to hang out with, someone to get high with, someone to get drunk with, someone to talk to?

We can all do that with our fellow man.

No, no the only reason any guy keeps an ex around in his life is in hopes that some situation might arise where he can fvck her in the future or parasite off of her for something that he should be out getting for himself like meeting other hotter chicks through her for example.

To me being a DJ is about standing on your own, being self sufficient and succeeding on your own not being a parasite or an orbiter hoping to score with an ex during an emotionally vulnerable time or create new hot chick contacts through her by leeching off of her social network.

Thats pathetic.

Whats in the past is in the past. You've already watched that movie so why play it again when you already know how it ends?

Move forward to new and greater horizons.

your assuming that she is done with you - this is not always the case.

not everything is a lose lose situation. As long as you are self aware - that you know what you are giving (up) and what you are getting i.e. you are in control, then it's definitely +ve DJ

 

[Warrior74]

My ex told me straight up...she couldn't be friends with me. It made her sad and depressed to see me and see I could be happy without her. We would go to our kid's PTA meetings and school functions and I would be civil and polite and nice to her family who hated me, the same as I always had. People would always assume we were a couple because we were so civil. She told me she couldn't take it anymore and stopped showing up to any event that I was going to attend.

Of course since I left her....I guess it was sorta like rubbing salt into a wound. But I was there for my kid, if it was just about the ex, i wouldn't bother to be there at all, much less be polite. But kids don't need to see their parents being *******s to each other. I can be civil for my kid.


I still speak to my former FBs every now and then just to check in and see if I can get some time alone with em. They know how I am and what I'm about so its not a big deal.

 

[jophil28]

Is this programming in their DNA?

Or learned from their moms?

Or a rite of passage in the middle school yard?

What's the source?

DNA - my azz !

IN part,it is just their way. IT is amplified by their current absorption of feminist propoganda which preaches that men are dogs, always the perpetrators and forever in the wrong ..Women believe that they are infallible and faultless, and therefor feel entitled to treat men like a wad of gorrilla snot when their usefulness has run it's course.
IN the past 40 years, women have been taught to treat men as liars and cheats and incompetent fools and, if that is not bad enough, we are also labeled "the enemy."
How do YOU treat your enemies ? I treat mine just like women currently treat men.

My mothers generation was not really like this to the same degree.
Women have always been somewhat mistrusting of men, but never so hateful and malevolent as they are today.

Feminist brainwashing reinforced by what some refer to as "the Matrix"