keep 'em coming back?

[thirtyzDude]

a bit of my history:
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?p=1925339#post1925339

So, maybe the gods have decided to smile on me for moving on from this past experience, or maybe something clicked inside me and I'm doing things differently...I think it's a bit of both.

Anyway, I f-closed this latest girl after two dates:

1st date: teased, kino'd, etc...and determined not to supplicate. She started touching me back - IOI. At the end of the date I told her she could kiss me on the cheek.

2nd date: I really just expected to kiss her; that's all I was looking for. She was kinda cool, and a solid 8-9. Kept up the teasing and kino; we went bowling and she kept coming back to me and hugging me, sitting on my lap....all good. Then, we went back to her place and that's where it got crazy. Things began escalating faster than I expected. Side-question: should one withhold when sex is a given? Anyway, I thought the deal was dead when she asked if I was seeing anyone else. I told her nothing serious. She asked if I was getting laid. I said yes. She told me I wasn't getting laid after that, but she didn't exactly get up off me either. I asked her if she wanted me to leave; she said no. I pushed her on the couch and we started up again. She took me into the bedroom, but at the last minute said she didn't want to be another notch on my bedpost. I put my clothes back on and made like I was going to leave. She came back out; we started making out and she asked me what I wanted to do, to which I replied "something I probably shouldn't do...", then she took me back in her bedroom and I fvcked her.

The thing is, I'm wondering now if I slept with her too soon; like I wrote earlier I was kinda digging her and I could stand to see her again. She's a giver. So, the question is: how does a man of value communicate to a woman that he wants to see her again without coming off as AFC...conversely, how does that same man get the girl to keep coming back of her own accord? In other words, if I have sex after two f-ing dates, is it even possible to spark her interest so much that she pursues me? After all, that's what should happen for men who have value, right?

 

[thirtyzDude]

hah - after some more thought I realized I was pedestalizing this girl 'cause she was the hottest girl I've been with in a while...ugh this is tough, to unlearn all this beta bullsh*t.

 

[drak_ool]

the two most important factors at this point are 1. how good did you bang her? how many times did she come? and 2. what are her other options?

as for 1, if it was more than 2 times, she had convulsions, or some other fake-proof signs that she REALLY enjoyed it, you're gold. As for 2, that is a little harder to account for, so not much you can do on that front.

I would just hold off on contacting her until she contacts you. I know sometimes this game of cat and mouse becomes hard to play, especially if you like spending time with a chick or are really horny. Realize though that if you do not do this and instead start talking to her first, you will lower your value in her eyes and you will not fvck her again!

This is where plate spinning comes into play: instead of focusing all your sexual and mental energy on this girl, go for the next one. This way you won't come off as needy.

 

[thirtyzDude]

So, by your rationale then, she wouldn't call if a) the sex was so-so, or b) she has other options. What about c) she thinks I see her as just another conquest, and doesn't want to embarrass herself by making the first move, even if she does want to see me again?

Appreciate the feedback, btw...that's why I was kinda conflicted here. I do have other plates going, but at the same time don't want to let any quality chicks go....oops, I have to be ok with letting them go, don't I?

 

[sodbuster]

So instead of putting a woman on a pedestal, you are putting SEX on a pedestal? DON'T change ANYTHING! Call her when you want,date her when you want. Tease her when you want. If YOU act like sex is no big deal, she will take your lead.

Like the old football coach once said, " I don't want to see big endzone celebrations...act like you've been there before" And I'll add "and like you'll be getting there again"

 

[thirtyzDude]

how did you get that I was putting sex on a pedestal? I can get sex if I want - the issue here is that I'm still unlearning all of my old AFC behaviors. I'm trying to get higher quality chicks, and keep them coming back for more. To do that, I need to show high quality, which means I don't call/text too early.

Update: she texted me last night, just to say hi. I responded, but did not ask her out. My thinking was that she needed to initiate something, since she had contacted me. Didn't happen. However, she did contact me first, so I'll casually suggest we do something later. I know I'm overthinking this. My brain is all f-ed up sometimes, but I am really trying to do something different with dating. Plus, this is my first time ever dating a bunch of women at once. So stressful, but I feel I can't go back either. Must see where the rabbit hole goes...

 

[Bible_Belt]

She asked if I was getting laid. I said yes. She told me I wasn't getting laid after that

lol, hindsight is 20/20, but now you know how not to answer next time. Playful ambiguity would have been the way to go. She wanted you to look at her and say, "do you mean tonight?" and then make out with her some more.

 

[thirtyzDude]

uh, did you read my post? I closed the deal anyway.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I see that. Good for you. I'm just saying you could have sidestepped that moment of her bullsh!t that you had to listen to.

 

[sodbuster]

My POINT was treat her just like any other girl you are dating . IF you go too cold on her, she will think it was only about the sex. If you get too clingy, she will dump your azz for being needy. Yet here you are thinking about how soon is too soon? Worrying about if you should call her or make her call you first? Admitting you may be over thinking this?

You have put sex with THIS girl on a pedestal, maybe not with the lower level girls you are banging,but we didn't see you here posting for advice on the other ones either.

 

[thirtyzDude]

I don't think so - I'm really just trying to keep hand; I'm liking this girl so far and I don't want to go AFC...that's all.

 

[thirtyzDude]

anyway, thanks for the feedback all - I had a revelation today: this is just as a result of baggage from the past surfacing up and screwing my brain up. The good news is that once I realize that this is just a part of the change process, I can recognize it and deal with it. Change is often painful, but we only have two choices: quit or move forward.