gimmeyofonenumba said:
Last weekend we were at a party and She asked her bisexual friend to smack her ass while she leaned over. We had an arguement. She balled her eyes out. Now tonight she is taking pics and caressing another guys face and his facial hair. I pretty much dumped her as soon as we left the party. Am I overreacting?
I believe only you can decide if you're overreacting. What is your motivation for breaking up with her? Does it feel right to you?
I will say this sounds controlling on your part. I believe that what she does at a party with her friends is none of your business. And caressing a guy's face and facial hair is a beautiful thing. I don't see anything wrong with that - if she is happy doing something, why not celebrate? They're enjoying spanking, face-rubbing, I don't see why you're not celebrating with her if she's happy. Don't you want her to be happy?
The question I would suggest for you to ask yourself is: so what? So what. Why does this matter? I would say ask yourself a few simple questions:
Do I believe this woman likes me.
Do I like this woman.
Why is this a problem for me.
Is there some way she can continue doing these things AND I can resolve this problem for me.
I believe we are built to love more than one person at once. If a woman has a second child she doesn't stop loving the first. You're acting like an older sibling who believes that because your mommy is caressing your younger brother she doesn't love you at all anymore. Maybe she hates you. Sure, that's a possibility: maybe this girl doesn't like you. What does your heart say?
Or maybe, she's into you and she wants to caress a guy's face. I just don't see a problem with that. If that makes her happy, and she's truly into me, I would say go for it.
I suggest against trying to control other people's behavior. And I suggest against flying off the handle into drama land every time someone you're with touches someone else.
Most of all, I recommend against jumping to crazy conclusions about people's motivations based on things like this. I see people, who just by reading a few words on an internet page, are convinced this lady feels zero attraction to you. WTF?
I want the women I see to have profound connections with other people because I believe no one can make another human being happy alone. Her having friends she feels close to and comfortable touching is a PRECONDITION, in my opinion, to a healthy relationship with YOU. We all need a network of people to be happy. I feel profoundly concerned that instead of celebrating her sharing her life with people she cares about, you are attempting to break her connections. I don't think you are EVER going to have a healthy relationship with someone if they're not allowed to have fun on their own, in their own way with people.
I think if you were 100% sure she was into you, you wouldn't care what she does at parties or whose face she's caressing.
I do open relationships. My girlfriends sleep with other guys regularly. And they love me profoundly, regularly. They love me even more because of receiving love from other people. It makes my life better. If one of my girlfriends told me that I would say "great, glad you're having fun" and I would mean it. Because all that love she received, she's going to share with me in turn. I think your worrying is destroying your own happiness.
My first intuition is that you are projecting your fears onto her - trying to blame her for you being scared. But it's not her fault that you're scared. Your feelings are your responsibility.
We have so many taboos and boundaries around physical touch but it's one of the most important and beautiful things we can share as humans. I'll tell you: if I was with someone who created a ton of drama every time I touched someone else, I would break up with you in a heartbeat. I hate drama and I hate it when people feel threatened easily and try to blame me for it.
