Just a question about friendzone scenario

[BongDuy]

My hypothetical situation is imagine you are with a girl. you keep the kino up, there is a lot of comfort between you two, but you don't make too much effort in escalating. is it possible to get friendzoned in this situation?

Im talking to this girl, who kinos me a lot and I kino her back. I don't make too many sexual innuendos, but i do from time to time and she seems receptive. I make her laugh, but I really enjoy her company. We can hang out alone for hours and it wont be awkward, and there is a slight sexual tension. but as i said before, i don't escalate with a kiss or anything.

What do you guys think? I'm wondering if I keep this up, if she will one day ask me why I haven't made a move on her. Or do you think I will get friendzoned?

 

[Jeffst1980]

You are already in friendzone.

If the idea of "making a move" seems out of place, it means you haven't established a sexual frame.

It is YOUR job to escalate. Forget all the nonsense about creating sexual tension by acting aloof; that just makes things weird. You have to define from the GETGO that you have sexual interest in her. This doesn't mean say, "I really like you a lot"- it means saying, "damn, you are sexy...you are going to be trouble."

The basic biological differences between men and women make the notion of hiding sexual attraction downright ridiculous. If a woman is hot, we want to have sex with her. She KNOWS this! Even more obvious- if we are hanging out with a girl and enjoy being around her, we want to have sex with her. This is just how men ARE.

Now, hiding obvious sexual attraction means one of two things to her: Either you are gay, or you lack the confidence to TAKE what is in front of you. Either of those get you placed squarely in 'friendzone.'

You may think you are driving her wild with anticipation, but it doesn't work that way. You failed to define the relationship as a sexual one, so she's viewing it as purely platonic. Making a move now will result in some pretty heavy cognitive dissonance and will almost certainly warrant an LJBF--BUT, on the other hand, it's the only way to get her to see you as a sexual being in the future.

This was a sticking point for me for YEARS--turns out, the difference between getting viewed as a friend versus a lover lies in the way YOU frame the interaction. You are the architect of your own self-fulfilling prophecies--if you maintain an unwavering sexual frame (aka "It's on!"), you will get the desired results.

 

[Energy25]

This whole "friendzone" thing gets blown way out of proportion here. Unless you're talking to her about her relationship problems or other "girl topics", you are not in the friend zone automatically like people want you to believe for some reason. If a girl likes you for you, she isn't going to suddenly stop liking you because you fail to make a move. She may think you are not interested in her or that you have other girls you're interested in.

Also, I know many couples that started out as JUST FRIENDS. I don't understand the obsession with the "friendzone" here. Honestly, I don't even think it exists. Either a girl thinks of you as a friend or a potential lover from the start. You can't change that.

 

[DonJuan11]

- Im talking to this girl, who kinos me a lot and I kino her back.
- I make her laugh
- I really enjoy her company
- We can hang out alone for hours and it wont be awkward
- there is a slight sexual tension
- i don't escalate with a kiss or anything.
- What do you guys think? do you think I will get friendzoned?

You spend hours and hours with her and all you do is touch her arm? No good. Bro you HAVE TO make a move on her ASAP, if she doesn't respond, cut her off. By spending so much time with her without her giving you anything in return, you are pumping up her ego like crazy. It also gives her the ammo to never do anything sexual with you when you do step it up. "I value our friendship too much, I don't see you like that, blah, blah, blah."

Guys get so confused about this, they think girls are delicate creatures who only want to have sex at the proper time on proper day with 17 candles burning beside the seaside and Barry White playing in the background. Ridiculous. Girls WANT to have sex, you just have to make the ride from point A to point B very smooth and relatively short.

 

[DonJuanit0]

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=181433

 

[f283000]

You are already in friendzone.

If the idea of "making a move" seems out of place, it means you haven't established a sexual frame.

It is YOUR job to escalate. Forget all the nonsense about creating sexual tension by acting aloof; that just makes things weird. You have to define from the GETGO that you have sexual interest in her. This doesn't mean say, "I really like you a lot"- it means saying, "damn, you are sexy...you are going to be trouble."

The basic biological differences between men and women make the notion of hiding sexual attraction downright ridiculous. If a woman is hot, we want to have sex with her. She KNOWS this! Even more obvious- if we are hanging out with a girl and enjoy being around her, we want to have sex with her. This is just how men ARE.

Now, hiding obvious sexual attraction means one of two things to her: Either you are gay, or you lack the confidence to TAKE what is in front of you. Either of those get you placed squarely in 'friendzone.'

You may think you are driving her wild with anticipation, but it doesn't work that way. You failed to define the relationship as a sexual one, so she's viewing it as purely platonic. Making a move now will result in some pretty heavy cognitive dissonance and will almost certainly warrant an LJBF--BUT, on the other hand, it's the only way to get her to see you as a sexual being in the future.

This was a sticking point for me for YEARS--turns out, the difference between getting viewed as a friend versus a lover lies in the way YOU frame the interaction. You are the architect of your own self-fulfilling prophecies--if you maintain an unwavering sexual frame (aka "It's on!"), you will get the desired results.

This was a really good post. Quoted for truth.

 

[Julius_Seizeher]

The friendzone doesn't exist in your universe.

 

[DonJuanit0]

You are already in friendzone.

If the idea of "making a move" seems out of place, it means you haven't established a sexual frame.

It is YOUR job to escalate. Forget all the nonsense about creating sexual tension by acting aloof; that just makes things weird. You have to define from the GETGO that you have sexual interest in her. This doesn't mean say, "I really like you a lot"- it means saying, "damn, you are sexy...you are going to be trouble."

The basic biological differences between men and women make the notion of hiding sexual attraction downright ridiculous. If a woman is hot, we want to have sex with her. She KNOWS this! Even more obvious- if we are hanging out with a girl and enjoy being around her, we want to have sex with her. This is just how men ARE.

Now, hiding obvious sexual attraction means one of two things to her: Either you are gay, or you lack the confidence to TAKE what is in front of you. Either of those get you placed squarely in 'friendzone.'

You may think you are driving her wild with anticipation, but it doesn't work that way. You failed to define the relationship as a sexual one, so she's viewing it as purely platonic. Making a move now will result in some pretty heavy cognitive dissonance and will almost certainly warrant an LJBF--BUT, on the other hand, it's the only way to get her to see you as a sexual being in the future.

This was a sticking point for me for YEARS--turns out, the difference between getting viewed as a friend versus a lover lies in the way YOU frame the interaction. You are the architect of your own self-fulfilling prophecies--if you maintain an unwavering sexual frame (aka "It's on!"), you will get the desired results.

Actually I didn't read this before posting the link to my post! Yes it is what I am saying there! You shouldn't get trapped in this zone! A good idea is what I did and you are able to read it! Nice post here too though!

 

[Energy25]

Another example of people making something out of nothing. The friend zone does not exist. If a girl says "I see you as a friend." or "Let's just be friends", it doesn't mean you got placed in some "friendzone". It simply means she is not interested in you. Stop complicating everything. People go from friends to lovers all the time.

 

[f283000]

If a girl says "I see you as a friend." or "Let's just be friends", it doesn't mean you got placed in some "friendzone". It simply means she is not interested in you.

Well duh! hence the term friendzone

 

[Jeffst1980]

Another example of people making something out of nothing. The friend zone does not exist. If a girl says "I see you as a friend." or "Let's just be friends", it doesn't mean you got placed in some "friendzone". It simply means she is not interested in you. Stop complicating everything. People go from friends to lovers all the time.

While it is true that people go from friends to lovers quite often, this usually happens to ACQUAINTANCES- rather than friends that are consistently hanging out alone with each other without incident.

Friendzone essentially means that a girl views you as asexual--which is different than simply "not being interested." A girl will NOT hang out one on one with a SEXUAL guy that she has no interest in, but she WILL with an ASEXUAL one. It is very difficult to change a woman's opinion of you once she views you this way, although it certainly can be accomplished.

It sounds like it's overcomplicating things, but attraction for women is not the most intuitive thing for us to understand. It's less about WHO WE ARE and more about HOW SHE FEELS about us. This is why you can be a good looking, successful, intelligent man and STILL get rejected.

 

[Energy25]

Well duh! hence the term friendzone

The point was that she is either interested or not right after she meets you. You don't suddenly get placed in a "friendzone" because you hang around her too often. If she is interested in you from the start, you will not be placed in the friendzone. She may "lose interest", but that does not mean she will only see you as a friend from now on. Idiot.

 

[betterthandead]

Depends on the girl's personality and background.

I'm in disagreement with the guys who suggest being aggressive. What if the girl had a bad relationship before? What if she's been raped? Far too often the advice given on here is rather one sided and cookie cut. Another real question is that you have to wonder what type of person is behind giving the answers because for all I know he could be one of those lame bar/club fools that believe all women behave the same.

 

[terran2k]

oh I see, you want her to take charge and lead you to where she wants things to go?
you might as well wear a skirt and go shopping with her. you need to act like the man she wants you to be.

what are you waiting for? for some other guy to come and fvck her then you can type a long b!tchy post about it?

 

[Jack-Torrance]

Most of the girls who fancy me, I have never ever "kino"d. So I wouldn't worry too much, kino and making moves isn't the be all and end all in my experience. (Though admittedly I do remember grabbing some of my female friends by the ankles, spreading their legs really wide and pushing their feet up by their head and various things like that at random times...)

But I haven't hung out for hours and hours in a one-on-one kind of way with them, so yeah, maybe that changes things.