judge their actions, not their words

[die4me]

this is a no brainer, yet many still don't have it engraved in their head. this has been said before, but im going to refresh some memories.

girls don't know what they want

they say one thing and do the other. not because they're hypocrites, but because they dont know what they want. men take words too seriously (at least afc's do) and believe everything they hear. so when they say something, dont come to conclusions just yet. check out how she's acting, but remember that sometimes there will be SOME resistance, but she will eventually give in if her IL is high enough.

believe nothing you hear, and some of what you see

the best tip that i first heard from my teacher. to break it down, everybody lies, some people even lie about things that dont need to be lied about because of their agendas to look better or make someone else come off as bad or good, depending on the situation. believe nothing you hear, and some of what you see. a pretty bad example (mind is clouded a bit) is mtv's show 'burned' where girls seduce the guy and get it all on tape in the attempts to make him look stupid. basically what i'm trying to say is that girls might just be playing along with you.

look out for the liars, i've learned it the hard way. a personal experience i had was an ex i had. the last month we were together, she would be so avoidant but tell me she still wanted to last until a marriage, and that she was just having personal problems. sometimes its true, but other times, they're trying to wait for the right moment to come out in the open and dump you. she eventually went for another man who she was seeing behind my back. these were the days when i was an afc. i don't consider myself a dj, because i know what to do now but i can't do it because of instinct. i have to think twice. but i am eager to keep improving to that point. good luck everybody.

 

[xblitz44x]

"girls don't know what they want"

This is not true. Most of them do know what they want. They just give mixed signals because they don't want to hurt anybody and dont' realize that it's causing even MORE problems. Plus a lot of guys can't take hints. If a girl says one thing and does another it's not that she doesn't know what she wants, it's that what she wants is probably not YOU and isn't what she's 'supposed' to want. So she lies and gives you the answer that society expects and does something else. Get it out of your head that girls don't know what they want. They do. And we should pay more attention sometimes.

-Blitz

 

[die4me]

That too, I didn't mean it as an "always, 100%" thing, because yes, women do say things because sometimes because they don't want to hurt any feelings. I left it out, it came out wrong. After a lot of testing around, I do realize that women get confused more when they do like a guy than when they DON'T like a guy. My post wasn't thorough enough, my mistake fellas.

 

[becker]

Originally posted by xblitz44x
"girls don't know what they want"

This is not true. Most of them do know what they want. They just give mixed signals because they don't want to hurt anybody and dont' realize that it's causing even MORE problems. Plus a lot of guys can't take hints. If a girl says one thing and does another it's not that she doesn't know what she wants, it's that what she wants is probably not YOU and isn't what she's 'supposed' to want. So she lies and gives you the answer that society expects and does something else.

-Blitz

Blitz, what experiences have you had with a girl who says one thing and does another? The reason why I ask is that my experience has been that a girl says one thing and does another, but usually what she says is not what you want to hear, but then she does stuff that turn out to be what you'd like her to do.

A girl that I'm into would seem like she has no time to hang with me, but then I tell her that I'm coming to visit her and she would cancel some other things she planned to do so that she would be around. Then, she would ask me to do things that she said no to before when I asked her. Odd stuff.

How do you tell if a girl is giving you hints that she doesn't want to be around you but is being nice, or that she's actually interested but acting like she isn't?

 

[die4me]

Originally posted by becker
How do you tell if a girl is giving you hints that she doesn't want to be around you but is being nice, or that she's actually interested but acting like she isn't?

1st question is answered with a question - Ever seen a girl who went out with a guy because she felt sorry for him or just wanted to give him a chance? Or she didn't want to be alone? Or said "you're sweet" when you handed her 10 love notes a day but just didn't want to make you feel bad? And yet when you two start dating for a while, she never calls? Or dumps you the next day? Classic example right there.

2nd question - I don't know how to explain it, but here's an experience I've had.

This girl had a boyfriend, and she wasn't very happy with him. Yet when she talks to me, she tells me he's the perfect guy, and all this crap. She was a shy girl, and you know how they are....

But she would always be physically putting moves on me, or backing me up against walls or sneaking in kisses. When I said "I think I should get going, I'm turning you into an animal" she laughed, and I cross my heart, hope to die, a second later she says "I love [boyfriend's name]" to sort of cover it up on me. She continued with the act, always talking about her boyfriend, but being physical with me. Eventually she dumped him and SHE suggested that we should go out the very same day. I rejected her, and you all know why...but that's an experience I had that hopefully helps you to understand a little bit better.

Like blitz said, most of them DO know what they want. In this example she wanted to be with me, but tried to cover up by constantly mentioning her boyfriend when she acted physical with me. She even said "You're like a brother" and this goes against what a lot of people preach. I guess it's because she's young, and not really too experienced...who knows.

 

[becker]

Actually, I can see from what you said that actions speak louder than words in your case. I mean, when the girl is kissing you, that's a little bit beyond what is normal with "just friends" cases.

I think that it's more difficult if the girl is not doing that stuff, but just spending time with you, spending time talking to you on the phone, and just in general making time for you. If she does this stuff, it's harder to tell, especially if she has a BF and doesn't always mention him but refers to him ambiguously.