jokes

[jonwon]

I love telling jokes to women, they love it.

Lets keep this thread going with good jokes to make a women laugh her panties off.


Joke 1.
Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, 'You are
charged
with beating your wife to death with a spanner.'

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You b*stard!'

The judge continued, 'You are also charged with beating your daughter to
death with a spanner.'

Again the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You Fu*king
b*stard!!!'


The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the court room, and
said, 'Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this
crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I
shall
charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?'



Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, 'For fifteen
years
I've lived next door to that b*stard and every time I asked
to borrow a fu*king spanner, he said he didn't have one!'


Joke 2
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint.
Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them: 'It is illegal
to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four'

'Quattro is just the name of the automobile,' the Englishman retorts
disbelievingly. 'Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry
five persons.'




'You cannot pull that one on me,' replies Paddy 'Quattro means four.
You
have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.'

The Englishmen replies angrily, 'You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
want
to speak to someone with more intelligence!'



'Sorry,' responds Paddy, 'Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.'

 

[ChrizZ]

What is worse than two blondes in a shopping mall with daddy's credit card?


























































































The Holocaust :trouble:

 

[Frenchconnection]

I love telling jokes to women, they love it.

Lets keep this thread going with good jokes to make a women laugh her panties off.


Joke 1.
Mick was in court for a double murder and the judge said, 'You are
charged
with beating your wife to death with a spanner.'

A voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You b*stard!'

The judge continued, 'You are also charged with beating your daughter to
death with a spanner.'

Again the voice at the back of the courtroom yelled out, 'You Fu*king
b*stard!!!'


The judge stopped, looked at the man in the back of the court room, and
said, 'Paddy, I can understand your anger and frustration at this
crime, but I will not have any more of these outbursts from you or I
shall
charge you with contempt! Now what is the problem?'



Paddy, at the back of the court stood up and responded, 'For fifteen
years
I've lived next door to that b*stard and every time I asked
to borrow a fu*king spanner, he said he didn't have one!'


Joke 2
Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border
checkpoint.
Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them: 'It is illegal
to put 5 people in a Quattro, Quattro means four'

'Quattro is just the name of the automobile,' the Englishman retorts
disbelievingly. 'Look at the papers, this car is designed to carry
five persons.'




'You cannot pull that one on me,' replies Paddy 'Quattro means four.
You
have five people in your car and you are therefore breaking the law.'

The Englishmen replies angrily, 'You idiot! Call your supervisor over I
want
to speak to someone with more intelligence!'



'Sorry,' responds Paddy, 'Murphy is busy with 2 guys in a Fiat Uno.'

I like the first one it's funny!

 

[redspicyflag]

A blonde enters a sex shop and asks for a vibrator.

The man says "Choose from our range on the wall."

She says "I'll take the red one."

The man replies "That's a fire extinguisher."

 

[jonwon]

joke 1
10pm News

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10:00 PM news was coming on.

The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.
The blonde looked a t Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"
Bob says, "You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."
Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"
Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.
The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob saying, “Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money......


joke 2
Three Blondes walking in the country.

They come across a set of tracks

First blonde says

“ohh cute, cute likkle wabbit tracks”

Second blonde says

“don’t be silly, there fox tracks”

third blonde says

“your both wrong, there horse tracks.

A few Seconds later the train runs them over.



joke 3
Tom is walking down the canal.
He see’s his mate Paddy on the other side.

He shouts to his mate;

“YEH HOW DO I GET TO THE OTHER SIDE”

His mate shouts

“You are on the other side”.




What’s pink and hangs out your pants?

Your Mum.


joke 4
A man walks into the doctors.

He says to the doctor.

“doctor there is something wrong with my member, I am not sure what it is, but could you please take a look at it”

The doctor replies, that he will check it out.

The man lets out a smile of relief and begins to pull out a HUGE 12inch Coc*.

The doctor starts looking around the member, examining it all over, below around it, top of it, he spends 10mins examining this 12inch coc*.

The doctor eventually stops looking and stands up and says to the man.

“ you know I cant find anything wrong with it at all “

The man lets out a smile and says

“I know its fuc*ing lovely aint it”

 

[Cableguy]

Q. What do you call a naked bleach blond doing a headstand?



A. A brunette with bad breath




Q. Why did God give women belly buttons?



A. So you have a place to put your gum on the way down





Q. Why do women yawn in the morning?



A. Because they don't have balls to scratch





Q. What do you call a 300 pound woman with a yeast infection?



A. A Whopper with cheese