Jerks

[CherryBreaker]

I've posted this a few times but never got any real answers from anyone here. I guess everyone is here is a DJ wannabe unless you can prove otherwise.

So the question is what the heck, a guy beats, scolds, disrespects, trashes his girl and she comes running back. Where's you guys pshychoanalysis with this. I'm trying to find real answers because I think jerks somehow can hit sweet spots with women when they act like this. Throw all that gentlemen stuff out the door.

E.g. My friend and I were driving through the mall at night to the atm and out comes this cute chick screaming and hollering for help. We then stopped and helped her. She's was crying and all bruised up from her bf beating the crap out of her. So then we asked where she wanted us to take her to. You'll think she'll direct us to her parents or friends house but what do you know, she directed us to a car with her boyfriend inside.

I just can never figure this out and so far I haven't seen anyone do it yet either.

 

[Derek Flint]

1) These chicks have low self-esteem.

2) The attraction to dominant, alpha-males is hard-wired into chicks DNA, to the point where it overtakes logic.

 

[joekerr31]

1) chic is afraid to be alone in life
2) chic probably grew up in low class setting and feels comfortable around those types of males
3) chic sees tough guy as alpha male type

1+2+3 = chic goes out with guy

guy treats chic nicely, protects her, supports her emotionally and makes her feel special. Once chic is totally dependent on him for feeling like someone in the world cares about her, dude starts abusing her. she's too illogical to do whats in her best interest and leave.

its often the case that what attracts us to someone in the short term is the exact opposite of what we are looking for in the long term.
J

 

[Mike24ct]

It's a complicated question that I've pondered myself. I think it's a combination of things:

1. Jerks are NOT jerks ALL the time. As abusive as the guy might be, I can guarantee that he is decent to her SOMETIMES. So some women have this delusion that "Maybe deep down he's really a good guy, but no one understands him. It's my fault for making him angry." Jerks have a way of blaming their uncontrolled anger and abuse on everybody else. Clueless low self esteem women fall for that.

2. As the other poster noted, she sees him as aggressive and dominant, which turns her on sexually. Deep down, she might even HATE him for the way he is, but her emotional side wants to f*ck his brains out. Then, by having sex with him, she emotionally bonds with him even further. She becomes addicted to the drama (emotional highs and lows) and the mindblowing sex. Thus, as much as her logical mind tells her to leave him, her emotional side wants her to say.

Humans (especially women) really don't make decisions based on logic. We make decisions based on our feelings (emotions) and then later backwards rationalize it with "logic" to make it sound good.

Mike

 

[GirlCrazy]

Some women are taught to be victims early in life, usually from an abusive family relationship between mom and dad, or other trauma such as molestation. It's a role they play because their low self esteem tells them that it's what they deserve.

Same thing with men, except they are taught to be abusers.

It's a co-dependency; they need each other in their own twisted way.

Victims see the beatings as their own fault, and the abusers see those they abuse as the ones at fault. They're both on the same page, so to speak.

As proof, just ask one of these women about the relationship they have with their father. They will speak of abuse 99% of the time.

Never date these women. Most of them will never be cured, and most of them will run back to their abuser once they experience the happiness they feel they don't deserve.

 

[nosexbox]

A lot of that self-esteem issue comes from the fact that these girls are usually hot and know full well that being hot is the only thing they have going for themselves. It's really terrible.

There's a couple that comes into my store all the time, he's usually drunk and *****es at her the whole time. She's gorgeous, and looks at me sometimes like "please take me away". It's just awful.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Have a look here:

Jerk vs, Nice Guy conundrum

 

[Hound_of_Love]

Psychoanalysts usually put this behaviour down (as some have mentioned here) to treatment as a child.

The explanation is that whatever we considered as normal in childhood becomes our default, or perhaps comfort-zone. People seek that sense of normality in adulthood even if it is what the rest of us would construe as abnormal or uncomfortable.