Its over, need comments!

[bitteorca]

Hi all,

Well...after a pretty bad fling with this girl, its now over. I made mistakes, bad decisions, and acted like an AFC. I don't know what happened to me. I think it was because she was playing me. I also presume she had the guy she was dating before me on the backburner. She sent me a text before, it read:

'Hi. I've been thinking and I dont think we should go out again. In all honesty I'm really put off by a number of things so i think it's best we just leave it. No hard feelings anyway x'

I texted her back (I thought about not doing, but thought this would give the impression I was upset about it). It read:

'No its fine, to be honest, after taking a step back from it myself, the same applies to you. I presume you had that guy on the backburner as well, why would i get involved with someone like that! but yeah, theres still no hard feelings, take care of yourself x'

Do you think this was the right call. I kind of let her know that I was thinking the same thing about her, so she's not in complete control of all this, and that she should take of herself, and thus seeming like it was no big deal.

A note on the general situation, I am a bit gutted that I've lost this one. But im beginning to realise its more of an issue about what I wanted her to be, not what she actually was. She obviously wasn't right for me, I realise that, she was more trouble than it was worth. but it still doesn't stop me from feeling bad about it. I suppose thats more of an issue with myself though. I'm sure theres plenty more fish in the sea, I'm just sick of fishing, and catching duds

 

[WhitePimp]

Wow. I'm really impressed that a chick actually sent a text like that - it's very honest and avoids all that, 'but we can be friends!' BS.

Your reply was pointless. You were trying to game her one last time, but her feelings for you just don't exist anymore.

 

[Duracell_Bunny]

'No its fine, to be honest, after taking a step back from it myself, the same applies to you. I presume you had that guy on the backburner as well, why would i get involved with someone like that! but yeah, theres still no hard feelings, take care of yourself x'

A simple "ok, no worries. Take care" response would have been better, then cut all contact.

 

[thewickedm]

hey my man duracell, you're learning fast!

Yup, OP's reply sounded like he was trying to shift the blame of the fling ending onto the girl. No, we don't do that. She was pretty "nice" not to do any ljbf bull**** though.

 

[bitteorca]

Yeah I suppose, I just thought that I'd let her know that she wasn't all that, and that I was thinking the same about her. At least it gets me a slice of dignity back from this messy affair?

 

[Kailex]

'Hi. I've been thinking and I dont think we should go out again. In all honesty I'm really put off by a number of things so i think it's best we just leave it. No hard feelings anyway x'

No hard feelings anyway???????

I just keeled over and almost peed myself. She basically told you to stay away from her and then added that at the end???

Look, when a woman sends something like that to you, you just delete the text, her number and any other memory of her that you might have. It's time to move on and to realize that it is done and that this woman wasn't worth it.

I love the sense of empowerment a text gives women now. Now they don't have to even call to tell you that it's over... they'll take the coward's way out. So don't you dare, ever, again... to respond to something like this.

I texted her back (I thought about not doing, but thought this would give the impression I was upset about it). It read:

'No its fine, to be honest, after taking a step back from it myself, the same applies to you. I presume you had that guy on the backburner as well, why would i get involved with someone like that! but yeah, theres still no hard feelings, take care of yourself x'

The reason you can't text ANYTHING like this is that you are basically validating her beliefs. You showed her that you were affected by it. It doesn't matter to her HOW much you were affected by it, she just knows it did.

And then you added onto that that there was no hard feelings, basically telling her that her coward's way out was the best way to do it.

Next time, let them stew. Whenever a woman breaks up with a man, specially nowadays with the "text breakup", they want a response, some sort of way to see that you are okay with this situation. ANY sort of response is a confirmation to them of whatever they were believing. That's why in a situation like this... I simply won't reply.

Trust me, it'll drive them absolutely NUTS.

A note on the general situation, I am a bit gutted that I've lost this one. But im beginning to realise its more of an issue about what I wanted her to be, not what she actually was. She obviously wasn't right for me, I realise that, she was more trouble than it was worth. but it still doesn't stop me from feeling bad about it. I suppose thats more of an issue with myself though. I'm sure theres plenty more fish in the sea, I'm just sick of fishing, and catching duds

Don't ever feel "gutted" about someone who breaks up with you over text.
She's not worth your time and she doesn't deserve you. The sooner you realize this, the better off you will be.

 

[bitteorca]

Thanks Kailex.

I've made a series of bad decisions with this girl, and this is probably one for the list. She just actually text me back saying that she only got half the text, could i re-send it. I'm not going to. Its a waste of credit. But just another thing, if she does text back trying to initiate a blame game/argument about this, should I just leave it? Not text her back. I think i know the answer to that already actually!

And yeah she obviously wasnt for me. we don't all match. And the more i think about it, im not sure i would of been happy in a relationship with this girl anyway. she obviously wasn't what i was looking for, and nor was I to her. so be it eh. I still feel bad, but no doubt it will end soon

 

[DangNammit]

I know its childish, but I would have replied with a cryptic text like, "No problem, there is when"

I would then cut all contact going forward. This message rather than none, will drive her insane.

 

[bitteorca]

DangNammit, I didn't quite understand your reply? 'no problem, there is when'??? And also, do you mean reply to her text about the half message thing, rather than ignore her?

 

[bitteorca]

Hey again guys,

I want to go NC with this girl. Im sure it won't take me forever to get over her, it was only a quick one, but still think it would benefit me. However, I don't want to delete her off facebook, I think that is going a bit overboard for such a short 'relationship' if you can even call it that. How would I go about keeping her on, but avoiding the temptation to look at her profile? Will I just have to be strong? Not go on facebook as much? Any suggestions?

I want to keep her on because I've got a feeling I wont be that bothered about this after a bit of NC and self-reflecting. If i was to delete her, it'd almost send out the message (friends of friends etc) that I was realllyyy bothered about her, so I don't want to do that.

 

[vatoloco]

'Hi. I've been thinking and I dont think we should go out again. In all honesty I'm really put off by a number of things so i think it's best we just leave it. No hard feelings anyway x'

Should have replied with something like this:

"OMG! I was just thinking the same thing. I'm glad you brought it up, that way we don't have any unnecessary drama. We can still be friends, right?"

And then never contact her again!

 

[theunflushables]

Yeah I suppose, I just thought that I'd let her know that she wasn't all that, and that I was thinking the same about her. At least it gets me a slice of dignity back from this messy affair?

The best way to say that subtly is to just say "ok, whatever." This shows that you really don't care because you've got better options. Bringing up the fact that she may have been seeing an ex behind your back is just itching for drama.

As far as facebook and no contact go, if you're going to be tempted to look at her profile or comment on the relationship, delete her. If people ask, just say you have a policy of not keeping exes as friends on facebook then tell them some story about an ex that was stalking you through facebook.