is this acceptable behavior by gf?

[Nutz]

To give a little background: been w/ my gf for over 1.5 yrs, we live about an hour apart so we usually only see each other on weekends. We see each other on most weekends, and still have an active sex life (though it may be a little less often than we had in the first yr).

I'm not the jealous type, but it does bother me that she is spending a significant amount of time with somebody in one of her community groups, who is a single guy. She is upfront about when they spend time together. Often it consists of hanging out at a park or in a bar, and he'll even make dinner for her. I am quite certain it goes no further than that (we'll often speak on the phone on these same nights for an extended period after she has gone to her home). She also mentions his name often in our conversations.

My question is: Should a woman who is 30 years old and in a serious relationship be spending a significant amount of time with another single guy, and even spending time alone with him. Even if I am quite certain they are not cheating, is this behavior wrong? Keep in mind we are unable to see each other during the week, so she does like companionship.

Red flags at a minimum. I'd say it's unacceptable. If the situation were reversed you know as well as I do she'd be jealous and put a stop to it. You have every right to do the same in my book.

 

[STR8UP]

One date per year* 100 years= Compatible Contender

I can certainly empathize with your dilemma.

And the only other option is....

Three new ones every week!

If I had the energy and desire to slog through the deep end of the dating pool, I still wouldn't be wasting that much of my life trying to find something I don't really need in the first place.

 

[KontrollerX]

"My question is: How does this square with the idea that once you're in the friend zone, you can't get out? You're saying he's either gay or a possible fvck. What if he's in the friend zone?"

Well if a guy is in the friendzone its 100% because he's allowed himself to be there.

In the AFC sense the guy is there because the girl is hot and he is plotting a strategy where he believes if he orbits around her long enough he might be lucky enough to be around when the girl goes through an emotional hard time the AFC can be the shoulder to cry on and get some grief sex but more likely the AFC feels that if he shows the girl he is attracted to enough of his own goodness she too will see the goodness in him and then knowing him to be a great guy fall in love with him due to his goodness and then proceed to jump his bones.

The AFC makes the crucial mistake in assuming that moral behavior is what arouses a woman to drop her panties in the first place as well the AFC assumes that he is a moral and righteous man and that preying on a girl until her defenses are down so as to manipulate her into wanting his c0ck is alright and just a regular part of courting.

Being an amoral man I could give a fvck less what a guy does to arouse a woman's attraction or get her into the sack but what I'm saying is that those who would consider themselves moral are those that need to judge themselves by their own moral values.

An AFC is usually self deluded and does not understand the full picture of his behavior and how it contradicts the moral image he has of himself and an AFC with this particular method of operation (most of them conduct themselves this way) would be left in abject shock to have it spelled out for him that his own method of courting a woman are just as nefarious as any local lothario's he despises if not moreso since the AFC's deception is ever more sinister.

Moving on never say never as far as getting out of the friendzone...

What put you there in the first place was likely being a beta male and thus becoming her emotional tamp0n sopping up all the filth of the stories of lovers who've spurned her and who she's spurned and her emotional trials and tribulations and what a great friend and guy you are for being there for her all this time blah blah blah.

Also what puts a male in the friendzone is consciously or unconsciously acquiescing to a woman's frame who is bound and determined to put you into that frame.

Hmmm, bound and determined isn't the proper way to put it with women its moreso a sickening kind of unthinking arrogance to place you there automatically, a flippant casual callous arrogance that assumes you in the friend role before you even begin speaking to her.

What can possibly get a guy out of this frame is beginning to act in ways that do not re-inforce this undesireable frame.

-Such as going after her friends with solid DJ ****y and funny game (to elicit jealousy) or her, herself.

-No longer allowing her to tell you long monotonous stories of her exploits with Renaldo the Carpenter who pounds more than nails.

-No longer going on emasculating shopping outings with her or putting up with any disrespectful little comments from her meant to keep you in your place.

I'm not saying go thermo nuclear on her and tear her a new assh0le in Joe Rogan like fashion but be willing to trade barb for barb in neghit like humorous fashion and go cold no contact with her after her spell of being a disrespectful b!tch towards you.

If you want a woman or people in general to see you in a new light you must be that new light.

Some of the time though certain people and women will NEVER accept the new you at which point you cut them off for good.

And hey who knows a lot of time down the line you find these same women years later out of shape and suddenly attracted to you but you've got no time for them. You've got three seperate dates scheduled for the month with three far more attractive and younger 18 year olds.

 

[DavenJuan]

"My question is: How does this square with the idea that once you're in the friend zone, you can't get out? You're saying he's either gay or a possible fvck. What if he's in the friend zone?"

Well if a guy is in the friendzone its 100% because he's allowed himself to be there.

In the AFC sense the guy is there because the girl is hot and he is plotting a strategy where he believes if he orbits around her long enough he might be lucky enough to be around when the girl goes through an emotional hard time the AFC can be the shoulder to cry on and get some grief sex but more likely the AFC feels that if he shows the girl he is attracted to enough of his own goodness she too will see the goodness in him and then knowing him to be a great guy fall in love with him due to his goodness and then proceed to jump his bones.

The AFC makes the crucial mistake in assuming that moral behavior is what arouses a woman to drop her panties in the first place as well the AFC assumes that he is a moral and righteous man and that preying on a girl until her defenses are down so as to manipulate her into wanting his c0ck is alright and just a regular part of courting.

Being an amoral man I could give a fvck less what a guy does to arouse a woman's attraction or get her into the sack but what I'm saying is that those who would consider themselves moral are those that need to judge themselves by their own moral values.

An AFC is usually self deluded and does not understand the full picture of his behavior and how it contradicts the moral image he has of himself and an AFC with this particular method of operation (most of them conduct themselves this way) would be left in abject shock to have it spelled out for him that his own method of courting a woman are just as nefarious as any local lothario's he despises if not moreso since the AFC's deception is ever more sinister.

Moving on never say never as far as getting out of the friendzone...

What put you there in the first place was likely being a beta male and thus becoming her emotional tamp0n sopping up all the filth of the stories of lovers who've spurned her and who she's spurned and her emotional trials and tribulations and what a great friend and guy you are for being there for her all this time blah blah blah.

Also what puts a male in the friendzone is consciously or unconsciously acquiescing to a woman's frame who is bound and determined to put you into that frame.

Hmmm, bound and determined isn't the proper way to put it with women its moreso a sickening kind of unthinking arrogance to place you there automatically, a flippant casual callous arrogance that assumes you in the friend role before you even begin speaking to her.

What can possibly get a guy out of this frame is beginning to act in ways that do not re-inforce this undesireable frame.

-Such as going after her friends with solid DJ ****y and funny game (to elicit jealousy) or her, herself.

-No longer allowing her to tell you long monotonous stories of her exploits with Renaldo the Carpenter who pounds more than nails.

-No longer going on emasculating shopping outings with her or putting up with any disrespectful little comments from her meant to keep you in your place.

I'm not saying go thermo nuclear on her and tear her a new assh0le in Joe Rogan like fashion but be willing to trade barb for barb in neghit like humorous fashion and go cold no contact with her after her spell of being a disrespectful b!tch towards you.

If you want a woman or people in general to see you in a new light you must be that new light.

Some of the time though certain people and women will NEVER accept the new you at which point you cut them off for good.

And hey who knows a lot of time down the line you find these same women years later out of shape and suddenly attracted to you but you've got no time for them. You've got three seperate dates scheduled for the month with three far more attractive and younger 18 year olds.

simply...



re-read...

Also what puts a male in the friendzone is consciously or unconsciously acquiescing to a woman's frame who is bound and determined to put you into that frame.

Hmmm, bound and determined isn't the proper way to put it with women its moreso a sickening kind of unthinking arrogance to place you there automatically, a flippant casual callous arrogance that assumes you in the friend role before you even begin speaking to her.

 

[Mr. Me]

" CHeating begins when one party turns OUTSIDE the primary relationship to a third person in order to fill emotional or physical needs ."

That's right, because the DECISION to step outside has already been made in their heart or mind (whichever floats your boat). Therein lies the point of betrayal. And in fact, this decision has been acted on by her seeing the guy. Anything more that occurs down the line, such as getting physical, is a byproduct at this point. Like next, because of the time she spends with him, she'll emotionally bond with him and then you'll hear the old, "It just... happened..."

And because that's when the point of betrayal (I don't mean to sound dramatic but for lack of a better term) occurs, there's no point in hanging around wondering what's going on, how far it's gone, etc. It's a done deal. It doesn't get better.

You have to wonder WHY she feels the NEED to mention this guy to you. See, there's a reason his name is on her mind and just HAS to come out of her lips. If you went on and on favorably speaking about some chick you were hanging with, what would be the reason why?

One hour's distance isn't enough to make it a "long distance relationship" unless you're walking there. After a year and a half, if you only see her on "most weekends", you're not giving her enough time, IMO. Needed to bump that up to two times a week to keep her satiated but not filled. So I think there's more to why she's seeking the company of another man then just the distance.

 

[Zonder]

Mate, you have a problem. Not untypical of your lot over there in the "West Island", you are one little smartarse aussie prat who thinks he is the A-Bomb on women, all with a touchy feely "moral" outlook.

Mate you make me wanna puke - or "chunder" as you sons of convicts like to call it with all the froth that spew forth on this forum.

You already had a crack at me today, in reality you didn't read my post properly.

And having read this latest drivel from you - I have had enough.
Your the type of bloke I used to beat up in school, who would then go tell the teacher.

This post may get me banned - so be it. I will still come on here and read Rollo's, Str8ups, and others posts.
If I want a laughing session - I will read yours.

By the way - what kind of a wimp nation bowls underarm in cricket? (Only Aussies and Kiwis will understand that one).

Get a life, old man.
Oh, I forgot -you do. Ball Room dancing. Meet lots of nice boys doing that?

You are the second person on this forum whose nick is clearly an imitation of mine. I can tell because I post here once or twice a year, and your screen names keep popping up a few weeks after my spurt of posts. Just so people don't confuse us, I don't approve of anything you've written and you don't sound like a person over 20.

 

[Zunder]

You are the second person on this forum whose nick is clearly an imitation of mine. I can tell because I post here once or twice a year, and your screen names keep popping up a few weeks after my spurt of posts. Just so people don't confuse us, I don't approve of anything you've written and you don't sound like a person over 20.

Pure coincidence mate. When I joined a few months ago I chose the nick ZUNDER, which is a combo of the first letter of my christian name, combined with me living "Downunder" (New Zealand). It didn't cross my mind that someone else might have a similar nick.

And frankly mate, I couldn't give a fvck what you think.