Is sour grapes a bad thing to do when a girl has rejected you?

[MascaraSnake]

Last night, I was out with a don juan fraternity brother of mine...he's got a serious girlfriend now and women are just drawn to him, which makes him one of the best wingmen I know today. He's always been great advice, since he doesn't think about girls...he just goes out and does it.

Last night, we were at a crowded dance bar - some attractive blonde walks up to us and starts talking to us. It turns out we have mutual friends. My friend says the usual "hi" and lets me talk to her. He later turns his back on her to get another drink, and I grab her number and say my goodbyes (we were meeting other people).

Later that night, he gets blunt and tells me "you realize that she walked up to us so she could hit on *me*, right? She touched me 7 times during your conversation, and I barely even said a word. You were drooling over her like a puppy and you didn't even have a chance, dude. And getting her number was completely unnecessary, since she knows friends of yours and she's going to your party next week."

at that point, I go into defense mode and say "well, whatever - she's not even that attractive anyway, and she has big ass horse teeth."

"Oh, come on, don't say that ****. that's a horrible way to think, man. Girls hate negativity."

See, though - is this a really bad way to think? Robert Greene says in his 48 Laws of Power that disparaging something you can't get is an ideal way to act.

 

[sylvester the cat]

your friend sounded quite butthurt. hence why he felt the need to amog you. THEN when you displayed cognitive dissonance aka sour grapes he attempts to put you down further by labelling you as negative further implanting reasons to fail with women in the future!

here's how that conversation could have gone:

Him: you realize that she walked up to us so she could hit on *me*, right?
You: i do. which is why i'm going to give you a lot of space right now so the next time a HB decides to approach you she won't get distracted by me. (then walk away and do your own thing).

 

[Mike32ct]

I'd lose this "friend" who talks down to you.

 

[MascaraSnake]

your friend sounded quite butthurt. hence why he felt the need to amog you. THEN when you displayed cognitive dissonance aka sour grapes he attempts to put you down further by labelling you as negative further implanting reasons to fail with women in the future!

just wondering - what would he have been butthurt over? He had no interest in sleeping with her, and the attention she gave me was completely non-sexual (or so he told me anyway).

are you telling me that she might have been into me, and he's trying to take me down a peg?

 

[The_411]

just wondering - what would he have been butthurt over? He had no interest in sleeping with her, and the attention she gave me was completely non-sexual (or so he told me anyway).

are you telling me that she might have been into me, and he's trying to take me down a peg?

He may have said he has no interest but if he's a player he's always got to practice his game and have women at the ready.

My guess is that he wanted make her subtly know that if things didn't work out that she could have a shot.

That being said he was being blunt because he was using tough love. The number you got is wood. You could call her but what would be the point. You weren't her first choice. She gave it out so that your friend think she was a total ***** and that to make him jealous.

 

[El Payaso]

Doesn't really sound like a friend. What a pr!ck.

 

[BMX]

Do some solo work every now and then.

 

[MascaraSnake]

from the sound of it, your boy felt at least a little threatened.

not to be Mr. Negative, but -

This male friend of mine is well-dressed, well-toned, and has women eyeing him up and down frequently...24/7. And he has social skills (and influence) that I'm still slowly developing.

I'm a decent looking guy who is finding his footing physically and cosmetically. Around women, I tend to be more narcissistic than confident...as in, I feel like I *deserve* her sex, but I don't have the confidence and swagger I want to eventually have.

However, I do have some insane reserves of "douchebag confidence", almost like Popeye eating his spinach. When I tap into it, I almost always bowl women over with it and end up getting laid.

However, though...that aside, this guy slaughters me on every possible front. What could he have possibly been threatened by?

 

[MascaraSnake]

touché, MidnightCity, touché.

 

[Cremasta]

Later that night, he gets blunt and tells me "you realize that she walked up to us so she could hit on *me*, right? She touched me 7 times during your conversation, and I barely even said a word. You were drooling over her like a puppy and you didn't even have a chance, dude. And getting her number was completely unnecessary, since she knows friends of yours and she's going to your party next week."

Think back, is what he said really true?

Sure, his delivery is pretty blunt, but if what he said nailed it, then you just got free lesson in seeing what's happening around you.

If what he said isn't true, then yeah, he's just a bit of a douche and that entire comment was unecessary.

Which one is it?

 

[MascaraSnake]

Think back, is what he said really true?

Sure, his delivery is pretty blunt, but if what he said nailed it, then you just got free lesson in seeing what's happening around you.

If what he said isn't true, then yeah, he's just a bit of a douche and that entire comment was unecessary.

Which one is it?

Well, dude - I'm not inept with women, and I have my moments with them, but a solid HB7 rarely walks up to me and starts talking to me. With this friend of mine - it happens all the time.

It was pretty obvious in retrospect that she walked up to the both of us to hit on him, and I was the less attractive friend that was her opening.

 

[VladPatton]

You friend's a complete and utter dıck.

 

[MattTheW]

Good wingman!!!

Like midnight says, maybe time to put this guy on the bench.
If he is indeed drawing them in but not helping you with your game then do you really need/want him around......as you are just creating competition for yourself

 

[MascaraSnake]

You friend's a complete and utter dıck.

like I said - former fraternity brother that graduated a while back, and still occasionally visits us unannounced.

I only barhop with him because he draws the girls in so well. (It's far better if we're in a large group.) but - is it even worth it if he's like this? Or are more girls always a good thing, despite the wingman generally being a POS?

 

[sylvester the cat]

wrong thread.

 

[Good Gao]

Am I the only one who finds it a bit suspect that OP, having been here since 2007, could not pick out that his friend was simply jealous and threatened?

 

[MascaraSnake]

Am I the only one who finds it a bit suspect that OP, having been here since 2007, could not pick out that his friend was simply jealous and threatened?

I think it's that I just find it so hard to believe. If I had as many girls chasing after him as he did, nobody and nothing would threaten me.

or does your ego just get more fragile the better looking you get?

 

[sylvester the cat]

I think it's that I just find it so hard to believe. If I had as many girls chasing after him as he did, nobody and nothing would threaten me.

or does your ego just get more fragile the better looking you get?

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view7/2825231/columbo-scratching-o.gif

 

[Dust 2 Dust]

Wingmen are only effective if they're your equal in looks and game. If he's as good looking as you say he is then it's probably counter productive for you to go sarging with him. Based on his attitude alone I think you're better off sarging alone.

 

[Flounder]

Two pieces of advice from some stranger on the internet, in response to your brief story:

1. I personally don't see the benefit in disparaging her looks/teeth. Instead of: "an attractive girl doesn't want me," you've turned it into: "this ugly girl doesn't even want me." Insulting her might feel good in the short term, but be aware of how it might affect your self image in the long term.

2. Your friend is a bit douchey, but I fail to see how it's a deal breaker on your relationship. Everything he said was factual and honest. I find it hard to be mad at anyone for honesty.