Is she having doubts or is she just more comfortable?

[women haze]

You need to go out and start talking to other chicks man....Even if you are in a relationship this is important for males to continue to do. Let her see the fear in losing you then I bet she will start acting right.

The thing about women is this.....They say all men are dogs, but sadly they are the catalyst that creates a Dog in a man.

 

[Kailex]

Let me see if I'm doing the math correctly.

You have a message from the last week of September, asking about a girl who you had seen only 3 times.

Not even 2 months later, she's already your girlfriend?

So in two months time, she went from a relatively new person to being someone who "secured" you as a boyfriend?

And you're wondering why all of a sudden she's not acting like she used to?

I'm sorry, but you went from being the "challenge" to being "safe" in less than 8 weeks. It's no wonder why she isn't the "same" as she used to be. You decidedly gave yourself away WAY too quickly.

You are asking if all of this is a product of her being more comfortable.
The correct answer is she should NEVER feel comfortable. She should always feel like you could be the one that gets away, like you are the one who could end it TOMORROW... with two words... through a text.

If after 2 months, she is seeing you as less of a challenge, then that's on YOU and not her. Women are reactive. They will react to the situation created by the man... in this case... you. You became more available, you allowed yourself to become a boyfriend in a short amount of time, you always respond... so, where's the challenge for her?

Who cares what she thinks about you pulling away?

That's HER problem. NOT yours. It's time that you start saying that you have something else to do than to see her, every once in a while. You took a process that normally takes people 6 to 7 months and condensed it into 6 or 7 weeks. It's time to start ignoring her texts... for a WHOLE DAY. You're busy, you don't have time to be looking at your phone and cute texts all day.

And that's where a LOT of men fall. They believe that since the initial stages of dating are over,they can let their guard down a little, text a little more, see them a little more, not have to say "NO" at all... and then she's gone and you're left wondering why.

You owe it to yourself to stop all this whining about "What if she's posting on another forum"... because honestly, that's exactly what you want. You want her to be wondering, worrying, unsure... yes, you want to be a good boyfriend, but you don't want to go from Mr. C&F Bad Boy to Mr. Reliable in 2 months time.

Nut up soldier, you are steadily losing this war.

 

[Buddha_Mind]

Look man, at the end of the day you just have to be confident that *even if she was to cut things off* you would be fine and happy and live life confidently.

 

[pipe007]

listen to buddha

 

[bitteorca]

Look man, at the end of the day you just have to be confident that *even if she was to cut things off* you would be fine and happy and live life confidently.

This is great, I know this deep down, and it would actually solve all my problems, I wouldn't have to worry if she was going off me...that would turn in to her problem if I had full conviction in myself.

Kailex, thanks for your helpful post as always. But did I really give myself away too quickly? I didn't think I'd rushed in to anything, but maybe you are right.

She acts SLIGHTLY different in real person, but not much at all. Put it like this, I wouldn't have noticed it in isolation at all. I think this is mostly due to being comfortable. I probably act slightly differently as well. But all the positive signs are still there. Kissing, cuddles up to me, holding my hand, etc. I leaned up in bed the other night and she instantly cuddled me and asked whether I was ok. like I keep reiterating, she does show a lot of positive signs.

At the end of the day, I don't think I've lost her at all. She is still with me, and don't actually think she is withdrawing totally at all, maybe just a bit. There is actually a bit more to all this, she suffers from depression and has had issues with her childhood that I'd rather not go in to, that obviously cause issues with trusting males, so it might not even be anything to do with me. Maybe her intensity at the beginning was down to insecurity

But, I still need to make myself busy and become less available your right. Like a middle ground, do something with friends one night, and then ask her a few days after whether she wants to hang out sometime. Not text her for a whole day, then maybe send her a nice text the following day. A middle-ground, does that sound about right?

Speaking of which, I sent her a flirty text in response before, and got a really brief one back. She is at work, but that pissed me off. I sent her a text back with no kisses and don't intend to text her back until she initiates either

 

[FastMen]

I'm not But sometimes I think I am just over-analyzing everything, which I know I need to stop.Is she just more comfortable?

you must analyze ,if you care about her and yourself ,either way this will go wheteaver she wants to, and she a s a girl is what she wants, it happened to me she seem to be nice like saying "i like u lot" and all,by text msn etc..but in person i wasnt allowed to touch her lightly lead her by the arm etc..so i "analyzed" the situation and yes she turned out to be a FAKE also, when i tried my move i was instantly rejected,faster than lightning...i think girls are nowdays given more power over men, and thats against nature

 

[bitteorca]

you must analyze ,if you care about her and yourself ,either way this will go wheteaver she wants to, and she a s a girl is what she wants, it happened to me she seem to be nice like saying "i like u lot" and all,by text msn etc..but in person i wasnt allowed to touch her lightly lead her by the arm etc..so i "analyzed" the situation and yes she turned out to be a FAKE also, when i tried my move i was instantly rejected,faster than lightning...i think girls are nowdays given more power over men, and thats against nature

I get your drift, but not sure it quite applies to me. She is my girlfriend, she holds my hand, kisses me, etc. I even have sex with her believe it or not! haha.

Another few things that I may as well mention while I am here:

She has said she will go on birth control for us, which indicates near breakup isn't inevitable (as well as the Xmas thing)

Something else which the more I think about, may be quite significant, is that she joked about wearing the pants. I joked back saying that I wear the pants in relationships (I usually do, when I don't....well, you know the effect it's having on me!). We concluded it was pretty equal, but she was probably being serious when she said it on reflection. Also, after a discussion recently, she said she didn't want to feel like she was the one who was submissive in a relationship. And another related thing, she hit me on the leg jokingly once, and said 'that's me trying to get some control'

 

[Kailex]

Just by this whole thread, I think everyone can tell she wears the pants.

Just because she tells you that she is taking birth control, it means... get this... NOTHING. I don't care if it was my g/f of 5 years telling me: Oh hey, I'm gonna start birth control...

To me, that is much akin to "It was cold today."

It means absolutely nothing. Stop overthinking every detail so much.
She's only been in your life for about 3 months and you're treating her like she's the most untouchable and sacred object in this world even when you've put up a few red flags about her on this forum.


You need... to... chill... DOWN.

 

[bitteorca]

Just by this whole thread, I think everyone can tell she wears the pants.

Just because she tells you that she is taking birth control, it means... get this... NOTHING. I don't care if it was my g/f of 5 years telling me: Oh hey, I'm gonna start birth control...

To me, that is much akin to "It was cold today."

It means absolutely nothing. Stop overthinking every detail so much.
She's only been in your life for about 3 months and you're treating her like she's the most untouchable and sacred object in this world even when you've put up a few red flags about her on this forum.


You need... to... chill... DOWN.

You know you are completely right.

This is obviously a problem with myself and probably has nothing to do with the relationship. Its just manifesting itself in that way. And could potentially destroy it

Thanks for your harsh but effective words!

Thread closed

 

[JLW]

Seriously dude, take a deep breath and just calm down. You're over-thinking this.

This example comes up a lot in these forums: Imagine you are Clint Eastwood in "The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly" or something similar (Samuel L. Jackson in Pulp Fiction or James Bond or Rambo or Chuck Norris or whatever).

Do you think Clint Eastwood worries about sending cute texts to his girlfriend? NO! So why are YOU worrying about it?

You're a busy man running around doing manly things. James Bond doesn't suddenly step out of his Aston Martin after a life-threatening mission thinking, "Oh man, if I don't send my girlfriend a cute text she's gonna be real mad!" The mere thought of James Bond doing such a thing is absolutely ridiculous!

Be James Bond.

I'm not saying to be too cold and distant. She is your girlfriend after all. Be a good boyfriend. I'm just saying cut down on the superfluous texts. Only text if you have an actual question. And calling is always preferred. And you really should only be doing it if you want to hang out with her.

Oh and I think you should do everything you can to stay busy with other things right now. GO FIND THINGS TO DO. Pick up a new hobby. AND TALK TO OTHER GIRLS. I'm not saying cheat on your girlfriend. I'm not a total misogynist woman-hater like a lot of people on this forum. But talk to other girls and flirt with them. It will help.

And I am giving you this advice because I speak from experience and I have been where you are before. Just trust me.

 

[bitteorca]

Yeah I need to chill-the-f*ck-ax. I am over analysing things too much, I need to keep myself busy tomorrow. I think half of the problem has been having too much time on my hands recently, like I have said previously, my life seems to be busy sometimes and then not so busy at other times. I need to take things at face value and focus on the positives. I can't mind read so why try.

Also, I talked to someone about this tonight, which actually really helped. She basically said the same things as you, especially what Buddha said - what does it matter if it doesn't work out? Be yourself, if it doesn't work out then it is for a reason. If it does then great. I can't control life/people/outcomes. She did differ in what she thought I should do though - she thinks I should carry on asking her whether she wants to hang out, maybe word it differently though. But agrees that I should chillax, stop reading into texts so much (they're only f*ckin texts!!!!), focus on the positives (I remembered in this convo that recently she put a picture of me up in her bedroom, yet another positive I should focus on), just roll with it and focus on what IIII want in the relationship. What do I see in her?! Do I like her? F*ck what she's feeling, only she knows that.

I appreciate all your help guys, it has been useful and beneficial

 

[WhitePimp]

Listen to these guys. Worrying like this is a sh!tty thing to do to yourself.

And this might sound crazy, but you keep saying you've been cool around her and she hasn't seen this side of you since you've been hiding it. I swear to God, somehow the girl can sense you're being a b!tch even without contact. I've had this happen numerous times. It's like some weird cosmic c0ckblock thing that happens where your worrying is translated via otherworldly channels to her and she loses interest without you even being in contact. Self-fulfilling prophecy might be a better term for it.

I've ruined so many great things by worrying like this over NOTHING

 

[JLW]

I swear to God, somehow the girl can sense you're being a b!tch even without contact. I've had this happen numerous times. It's like some weird cosmic c0ckblock thing that happens where your worrying is translated via otherworldly channels to her and she loses interest without you even being in contact. Self-fulfilling prophecy might be a better term for it.

I've ruined so many great things by worrying like this over NOTHING

This is so true. It has happened to me.

 

[bitteorca]

I've ruined so many great things by worrying like this over NOTHING

Too true man, it probably is nothing. Even if it isn't, its obviously not that important else she would of said.

I feel better about it today, feel like I'm in a bit more control of my head! We said we were doing something tonight, but unless she asks me about it, I'm leaving it

 

[f283000]

Listen to these guys. Worrying like this is a sh!tty thing to do to yourself.

And this might sound crazy, but you keep saying you've been cool around her and she hasn't seen this side of you since you've been hiding it. I swear to God, somehow the girl can sense you're being a b!tch even without contact. I've had this happen numerous times. It's like some weird cosmic c0ckblock thing that happens where your worrying is translated via otherworldly channels to her and she loses interest without you even being in contact. Self-fulfilling prophecy might be a better term for it.

I've ruined so many great things by worrying like this over NOTHING

Actually this might be scientifically proven I think it might be due to scents.

You know they say dogs can smell fear? My theory is that when you experience certain emotions your body emits different types of cents and women pick them up subconsciously (they don't know it just hits them).

For example the theory of pre-selection and how women are attracted to men that are taken/been with lots of women.

My feeling is that women emit a scent when attracted to you and it stays with you. Then other women and their subconscious picks up the scent and it makes them attracted to you.

 

[Kailex]

Also, I talked to someone about this tonight, which actually really helped. She basically said the same things as you, especially what Buddha said - what does it matter if it doesn't work out? Be yourself, if it doesn't work out then it is for a reason. If it does then great. I can't control life/people/outcomes. She did differ in what she thought I should do though - she thinks I should carry on asking her whether she wants to hang out, maybe word it differently though. But agrees that I should chillax, stop reading into texts so much (they're only f*ckin texts!!!!), focus on the positives (I remembered in this convo that recently she put a picture of me up in her bedroom, yet another positive I should focus on), just roll with it and focus on what IIII want in the relationship. What do I see in her?! Do I like her? F*ck what she's feeling, only she knows that.

If she is your girlfriend, you don't ASK her to hang out, you TELL HER.
You take the lead.

Remember that.

And, just out of curiousity... who is this "SHE" that you asked about the situation? I hope it was someone really close like... a family member.

Be VERY weary about who you ask about your relationships, I'd NEVER take advice from women about women, unless it's my mother or sister... and even in that case, I'd take what they said with a grain of salt.

 

[FastMen]

Texting Is Overrated

 

[bitteorca]

It was a family member yes.

P.S. She's just basically dumped me by text. I got really drunk one night and said that I still loved my ex. Since said I was sorry, but she has just said that she didn't think the relationship was going any further and that it had a lot to do with the fact that its always in her head that I have feelings for my ex.

I text her back saying that I've told her that I don't and that I shouldn't have said that. Asked her whether that was the real reason. And also said that I don't deserve this by text and that we should at least talk about it tonight

I feel ****

 

[JLW]

...oh man.

Sorry to hear that buddy. use this as an opportunity to start fresh.

I would discourage the prospect of talking to her tonight. You already got the answer: she is not interested.

It's also very possible that this "ex girlfriend" thing is not the reason why she is breaking up with you. You will probably never know the real reason why. I bet even she doesn't even know. Women are strange creatures.

By the way, if a girl texted me and told me we were breaking up, I would either completely ignore her from then on, or immediately call her. This would depend on how long we had been dating. 2-3 month relationship? Ignore her. 2-3 YEAR relationship? Definitely call asking her what the **** her problem is dumping me via text.

Bitterorca, send me a PM because I had a somewhat similar situation happen to me literally a week ago. There's actually a thread on it.

 

[bitteorca]

I'm not as bad as I thought I would be. I'm obviously gutted and think I am mostly dealing with emotions concerning rejection.

But I think I was more attracted to the idea of this girl, not the actual girl. I saw many red flags/didn't like things about her. My 'family member' also asked me whether I saw myself spending the rest of my life with her, and I said no.

What also makes me worry is the fact that it has taken about 1.5 years since my last long-term girlfriend (3.5years) to find a girl who has been worth getting into a relationship with/reciprocates that feeling. I've been with various girls in this time, but never been in a proper relationship since this one that has just ended!

Also, after a few txts going back and forth, she said she does like me and doesn't regret a thing. She has admitted she has many problems that she has to deal with on her own, and thanked me for my support with them. She also said I deserve much better, better than what she could offer