I have been having an amazing relationship with this girl. I feel i have done everything right. I am the prize i am the prize. She chased me, pursued me and i chose her out of the other plates i was spinning at the time.
So things in my life have been rocky. During the relationship, unfortunatly i lost my job. Due to me losing my job and not finding a job of equal pay i had to downgrade from a nice ranch style town house to a little studio apartment in a questionable end of town. Through all this she has been with me. Kissing me on the forhead telling me its gonna be ok. Then my car died and i had to get a beater. Overall she wasnt in it for the money. In fact shes the one that landed a great job and her career is finally taking off.
We had some minor problems. She wanted to go out and party. I put my foot down about feeling disrespected due to her wanting to party with her girlfriends. I have no problem but hanging out at bars/clubs with other drunk guys wasnt very acceptable. She understood. In fact she loved it. "Your the only guy that has ever put his foot down and put me in my place". She was all about me. We made a deal to party together. At least once twice a week so she could get it out of her system. And i would be there with her.
This was fine for months. But i grew sick of parties. Its just not my scene. I started to not become fun when we went out, because i wasnt having fun. She hung out with me alot rencetly due to lack of work. I would keep busy by working out at the gym 6 days a week. Ive become close to her family and they have almost accepted me as one of there own.
No signs of trouble. I had a little problem of always being late to places. Hanging out with her, late from the gym whatever, i got lazy. Its just my nature. I take my sweet as time. Recently i had my birthday and it was a horrible day. It just kept getting worse. Leading up to me getting so drunk that i said alot of things around her i wish i could take back. I almost told her i loved her, i was rude and overall a huge di-ck. I regret it and i apologized and we both havent spoke much of it. We choose to pretend it didnt happen.
Well while drunk i talked about my past. My mother use to abuse me. I hate my mother. She would beat me till i passed out. Then when i was 18 she kicked me out of the house. I lived in my car for months alone and managed to get a job and work to where i am today. Im proud of that. Unfortunatly i have no education. My girlfriend is working on her Masters (then plans to get her phd). She is the bread winner and she knows it. Shes fine with it. She says if we ever got married or lived together she would support me so that i could go back to school and get an educaiton. For that alone i love her. (but i never said I Love you.) I feel if i do her Interest lvl will drop even more even though i know she cares so much could be another problem im unsure of.
But since i got drunk on my birthday, and said some nasty stuff things have been weird. I noticed as well once i started getting lovy dovy with her, her interest levels have dropped. But if i ignore her shes all over me. To the point i have to push her off me. Why cant i be lovy dovy as well? Its annoying.
Anways. This week has been horrible. I was really late from the gym and didnt call so she went out to party with her girlfriends. Told me to call and i pretty much got blown off. She partied with just the girls at one of there houses. Thats fine. I was upset and flipped. Saying she disrespected me by ignoring me and not seeing me on one of her days off. I got needy. By this i threatend not to do anything on her birthday wich is monday. I even took it as far as if it continues i dont know if i can be with her. Trying to show to her that i could walk anytime if she gets out of line. She belives im "punishing her" now.
She hung out with another one of her friends till 4:30am. So not like her at all. Her friend obviously poisioned her mind. Compared me to an x boyfriend that the friend dated that was controlling, and abusive. Now my girlfriend confronted me. Says im controlling, i have trust issues. She also said have issues due to my mother wich are un fixable. That im trying to control her. Shes done, doing her own thing. She cant handle it and almost broke up with me online (lame). I wanted to call her but she wouldnt pick up and didnt wanna get into it at 5am. She wanted to get her stuff and just end it. Wich is insane over a phone call. Things got really blown out of proportion and shes been ignoring me. I would love to call her or talk to her but i know it will only make matters worse.
She was suppose to come over and get her crap today but hasnt. No contact nothing. Tomorrow she may come over because she works the following day. Im slightly devistated. Its not like this is my first break up. In fact at this point i should be getting use to it and moving on fast But i mean what the hell am i doing wrong. I have never had a LTR last more then 9 months to a year. 3 years with one woman at this point feels like an eternity. Im controlling yet before she was so turned on by me putting my foot down. Her interest lvl was insantly high.
I try to get her off my mind i cant. I decided to enroll in boot camp the same day she said shes cant date me anymore. I tried to go sarging just to get her off my mind. I went out and it just felt so wrong. I was so sad. I went to the mall to sarge and make eye contact and just say "Hello" to women. I couldnt even get one "hello" out. I went to the bookstore, the grocery store. Then the video store (wich is packed because its a saturdaynight, lonly girls renting movies). I spent 2 hours out and it was the biggest waste of time. She infected my mind bad. I just quit went to my car feeling like a failure.
I almost cried but i wont let myself. I cant get her out of my head this oneits is bad. I want to cry so bad but im a man. Is this relationship fixable without me cutting my balls. Hell i dont even know if i should continue with how much power it feels like she has over me if she breaks up. I just feel like ****. Im going to try and go out at all costs just so i dont sit at home because i know shes out having a good time. Its not officially over shes going to come over at some point to get her crap and talk for a few. But if she belives i dont trust her and im controlling her. I know from the past that its over, completely dead and shes going to just be a vindictive bi_tch at this point. I dont even wanna get back into the dating scene. Its a viscious cycle. Even though my grandfather told me the best way to get over a girl is to get under a new one. Im so tired of it. I cant be open and honest with a girl because once she gets to know me and my past things fall apart. Do i have to live a lie to have a decent relationship? I feel so drained.
Can i cry now? but im a man
So things in my life have been rocky. During the relationship, unfortunatly i lost my job. Due to me losing my job and not finding a job of equal pay i had to downgrade from a nice ranch style town house to a little studio apartment in a questionable end of town. Through all this she has been with me. Kissing me on the forhead telling me its gonna be ok. Then my car died and i had to get a beater. Overall she wasnt in it for the money. In fact shes the one that landed a great job and her career is finally taking off.
We had some minor problems. She wanted to go out and party. I put my foot down about feeling disrespected due to her wanting to party with her girlfriends. I have no problem but hanging out at bars/clubs with other drunk guys wasnt very acceptable. She understood. In fact she loved it. "Your the only guy that has ever put his foot down and put me in my place". She was all about me. We made a deal to party together. At least once twice a week so she could get it out of her system. And i would be there with her.
This was fine for months. But i grew sick of parties. Its just not my scene. I started to not become fun when we went out, because i wasnt having fun. She hung out with me alot rencetly due to lack of work. I would keep busy by working out at the gym 6 days a week. Ive become close to her family and they have almost accepted me as one of there own.
No signs of trouble. I had a little problem of always being late to places. Hanging out with her, late from the gym whatever, i got lazy. Its just my nature. I take my sweet as time. Recently i had my birthday and it was a horrible day. It just kept getting worse. Leading up to me getting so drunk that i said alot of things around her i wish i could take back. I almost told her i loved her, i was rude and overall a huge di-ck. I regret it and i apologized and we both havent spoke much of it. We choose to pretend it didnt happen.
Well while drunk i talked about my past. My mother use to abuse me. I hate my mother. She would beat me till i passed out. Then when i was 18 she kicked me out of the house. I lived in my car for months alone and managed to get a job and work to where i am today. Im proud of that. Unfortunatly i have no education. My girlfriend is working on her Masters (then plans to get her phd). She is the bread winner and she knows it. Shes fine with it. She says if we ever got married or lived together she would support me so that i could go back to school and get an educaiton. For that alone i love her. (but i never said I Love you.) I feel if i do her Interest lvl will drop even more even though i know she cares so much could be another problem im unsure of.
But since i got drunk on my birthday, and said some nasty stuff things have been weird. I noticed as well once i started getting lovy dovy with her, her interest levels have dropped. But if i ignore her shes all over me. To the point i have to push her off me. Why cant i be lovy dovy as well? Its annoying.
Anways. This week has been horrible. I was really late from the gym and didnt call so she went out to party with her girlfriends. Told me to call and i pretty much got blown off. She partied with just the girls at one of there houses. Thats fine. I was upset and flipped. Saying she disrespected me by ignoring me and not seeing me on one of her days off. I got needy. By this i threatend not to do anything on her birthday wich is monday. I even took it as far as if it continues i dont know if i can be with her. Trying to show to her that i could walk anytime if she gets out of line. She belives im "punishing her" now.
She hung out with another one of her friends till 4:30am. So not like her at all. Her friend obviously poisioned her mind. Compared me to an x boyfriend that the friend dated that was controlling, and abusive. Now my girlfriend confronted me. Says im controlling, i have trust issues. She also said have issues due to my mother wich are un fixable. That im trying to control her. Shes done, doing her own thing. She cant handle it and almost broke up with me online (lame). I wanted to call her but she wouldnt pick up and didnt wanna get into it at 5am. She wanted to get her stuff and just end it. Wich is insane over a phone call. Things got really blown out of proportion and shes been ignoring me. I would love to call her or talk to her but i know it will only make matters worse.
She was suppose to come over and get her crap today but hasnt. No contact nothing. Tomorrow she may come over because she works the following day. Im slightly devistated. Its not like this is my first break up. In fact at this point i should be getting use to it and moving on fast But i mean what the hell am i doing wrong. I have never had a LTR last more then 9 months to a year. 3 years with one woman at this point feels like an eternity. Im controlling yet before she was so turned on by me putting my foot down. Her interest lvl was insantly high.
I try to get her off my mind i cant. I decided to enroll in boot camp the same day she said shes cant date me anymore. I tried to go sarging just to get her off my mind. I went out and it just felt so wrong. I was so sad. I went to the mall to sarge and make eye contact and just say "Hello" to women. I couldnt even get one "hello" out. I went to the bookstore, the grocery store. Then the video store (wich is packed because its a saturdaynight, lonly girls renting movies). I spent 2 hours out and it was the biggest waste of time. She infected my mind bad. I just quit went to my car feeling like a failure.
I almost cried but i wont let myself. I cant get her out of my head this oneits is bad. I want to cry so bad but im a man. Is this relationship fixable without me cutting my balls. Hell i dont even know if i should continue with how much power it feels like she has over me if she breaks up. I just feel like ****. Im going to try and go out at all costs just so i dont sit at home because i know shes out having a good time. Its not officially over shes going to come over at some point to get her crap and talk for a few. But if she belives i dont trust her and im controlling her. I know from the past that its over, completely dead and shes going to just be a vindictive bi_tch at this point. I dont even wanna get back into the dating scene. Its a viscious cycle. Even though my grandfather told me the best way to get over a girl is to get under a new one. Im so tired of it. I cant be open and honest with a girl because once she gets to know me and my past things fall apart. Do i have to live a lie to have a decent relationship? I feel so drained.
Can i cry now? but im a man