There are three types of people I connect with:
A) People I am not attracted to (which includes all males and some females)
B) Women I am attracted to but don't see as an option (mostly happily-married women)
C) Women I am attracted to who are also not afraid to show their attraction to me, or are at least friendly and outgoing
I don't meet enough Cs. And there is another group that I have been noticing I have very little connection with:
D) Women I am attracted to that I hide my attraction from
I used to do much, much better with women, and for the last couple years I've been trying to figure out what I was doing then that I'm not doing now. Tonight it hit me like a brick.
Fair warning: A lot of what I've learned comes from observing how straight women interact with gay men. I work in the theater, and us hetero men are a minority in some productions. In fact, in my current production there are three male actors, three female actors, and two male directors. And I'm the only one who likes pu$$y. Well, I'm not sure about one of the women. Anyway, I know a lot of guys think there is nothing to be learned from seeing how gay men get along with women. That may be mostly true, but not in this case. Allow me to share.
There's a woman in my play who I've known for close to a year, and she's very pretty, somewhat shy. I decided early on that showing too much interest would turn her off, so I played it like a friend. So that's what we are, friends. But more like acquaintances. We're nice to each other and share a few laughs, but that's about it.
Then there's this gay dude who's very outgoing, not shy around anybody as far as I can tell. He met this woman two weeks ago. Tonight I watched him talk to her as if he's known her forever. He talks to all women with ease, says whatever he wants to say. Why? There's no sexual interest. He doesn't care about the impression he makes. Meanwhile, I have almost no relationship with her after a year because I do care about my impression.
Something just went off like a bomb in my head when I was observing them. No, I don't want what they have, because there's no chance for sex between them. But it made me finally realize why I was getting laid so much more years ago. Whenever I got laid, it came down to one of three reasons:
E) I was not shy about showing her my sexual interest from the start
F) I thought she was not an option (see category B above), so even though I was attracted, I was at ease with her
G) I wanted her but treated her as if she was a category-B woman, and interacted with her frequently while showing no sexual interest
All three of these methods produced results, mostly E, but also F and G. The biggest reason they all worked is that I did not remain aloof and distant. I interacted with them frequently and comfortably and they got a chance to see the real me. Except in the case of some E-women, who I hit with some super-charged game and literally charmed their pants off in less than an hour. In that case you obviously need to be present in the moment, and show your interest.
H) Be interested, but pretend you're not, and only interact with her on occasion, but be all business about it.
Don't do H. I've been doing that a lot the last couple years. I don't know what made me think that was going to lead to sex. I think I was worried about seeming creepy. But a healthy sexual interest is not creepy. What's creepy is being ambiguous about it. In other words, seeming at first to have no interest, then later acting lustful. This is because when you started out showing no interest, you allowed them to put you in the friendzone, or the not-an-option zone. You allowed them to completely rule you out. Then suddenly you're interested? Too late. How would you feel if suddenly your grandma came on to you? Well, this is what you allowed to happen. You showed little or no initial interest, and became Grampa, or Uncle Ted, and now you're going for the pu$$y. How do you expect her to react?
The other kind of creep is the one who comes out strong right out of the gate, which is good, but doesn't back off when she makes it clear she's not interested. Take your ego out of the equation. Some women just will not be interested. Period. Learn to recognize that and move on. Otherwise you're just wasting everyone's time and roaming around in AFC-land. And it just goes downhill from there. Cut your losses immediately.
So anyway, getting back to my initial point, I realized that I was allowing my attraction to kill my game. Attraction is good, but it depends what you do with it. Based on past experience, I believe there are occasions where you want to hide it, but even then you have to spend time interacting with the woman. However, in most cases you should make your interest clear from the start. This will establish a relationship based on your attraction to her. Even if she's not interested, you have been honest about your intentions. It will free your mind and make it easier to game the next girl.
The hardest part of this epiphany is realizing there are a lot of women I see on a regular basis with whom I have destroyed any chance of sex. The best part is that I finally had it, so I can start doing things the right way.
So now I will have to put all these women in another category:
I) Women I wanted, but screwed up my chances with
That's okay, because there's still that other category:
J) Women I'm fvcking
I welcome all constructive comments and criticisms. Key word being constructive.
A) People I am not attracted to (which includes all males and some females)
B) Women I am attracted to but don't see as an option (mostly happily-married women)
C) Women I am attracted to who are also not afraid to show their attraction to me, or are at least friendly and outgoing
I don't meet enough Cs. And there is another group that I have been noticing I have very little connection with:
D) Women I am attracted to that I hide my attraction from
I used to do much, much better with women, and for the last couple years I've been trying to figure out what I was doing then that I'm not doing now. Tonight it hit me like a brick.
Fair warning: A lot of what I've learned comes from observing how straight women interact with gay men. I work in the theater, and us hetero men are a minority in some productions. In fact, in my current production there are three male actors, three female actors, and two male directors. And I'm the only one who likes pu$$y. Well, I'm not sure about one of the women. Anyway, I know a lot of guys think there is nothing to be learned from seeing how gay men get along with women. That may be mostly true, but not in this case. Allow me to share.
There's a woman in my play who I've known for close to a year, and she's very pretty, somewhat shy. I decided early on that showing too much interest would turn her off, so I played it like a friend. So that's what we are, friends. But more like acquaintances. We're nice to each other and share a few laughs, but that's about it.
Then there's this gay dude who's very outgoing, not shy around anybody as far as I can tell. He met this woman two weeks ago. Tonight I watched him talk to her as if he's known her forever. He talks to all women with ease, says whatever he wants to say. Why? There's no sexual interest. He doesn't care about the impression he makes. Meanwhile, I have almost no relationship with her after a year because I do care about my impression.
Something just went off like a bomb in my head when I was observing them. No, I don't want what they have, because there's no chance for sex between them. But it made me finally realize why I was getting laid so much more years ago. Whenever I got laid, it came down to one of three reasons:
E) I was not shy about showing her my sexual interest from the start
F) I thought she was not an option (see category B above), so even though I was attracted, I was at ease with her
G) I wanted her but treated her as if she was a category-B woman, and interacted with her frequently while showing no sexual interest
All three of these methods produced results, mostly E, but also F and G. The biggest reason they all worked is that I did not remain aloof and distant. I interacted with them frequently and comfortably and they got a chance to see the real me. Except in the case of some E-women, who I hit with some super-charged game and literally charmed their pants off in less than an hour. In that case you obviously need to be present in the moment, and show your interest.
H) Be interested, but pretend you're not, and only interact with her on occasion, but be all business about it.
Don't do H. I've been doing that a lot the last couple years. I don't know what made me think that was going to lead to sex. I think I was worried about seeming creepy. But a healthy sexual interest is not creepy. What's creepy is being ambiguous about it. In other words, seeming at first to have no interest, then later acting lustful. This is because when you started out showing no interest, you allowed them to put you in the friendzone, or the not-an-option zone. You allowed them to completely rule you out. Then suddenly you're interested? Too late. How would you feel if suddenly your grandma came on to you? Well, this is what you allowed to happen. You showed little or no initial interest, and became Grampa, or Uncle Ted, and now you're going for the pu$$y. How do you expect her to react?
The other kind of creep is the one who comes out strong right out of the gate, which is good, but doesn't back off when she makes it clear she's not interested. Take your ego out of the equation. Some women just will not be interested. Period. Learn to recognize that and move on. Otherwise you're just wasting everyone's time and roaming around in AFC-land. And it just goes downhill from there. Cut your losses immediately.
So anyway, getting back to my initial point, I realized that I was allowing my attraction to kill my game. Attraction is good, but it depends what you do with it. Based on past experience, I believe there are occasions where you want to hide it, but even then you have to spend time interacting with the woman. However, in most cases you should make your interest clear from the start. This will establish a relationship based on your attraction to her. Even if she's not interested, you have been honest about your intentions. It will free your mind and make it easier to game the next girl.
The hardest part of this epiphany is realizing there are a lot of women I see on a regular basis with whom I have destroyed any chance of sex. The best part is that I finally had it, so I can start doing things the right way.
So now I will have to put all these women in another category:
I) Women I wanted, but screwed up my chances with
That's okay, because there's still that other category:
J) Women I'm fvcking
I welcome all constructive comments and criticisms. Key word being constructive.
