Is all really fair in love and ...

[bmer-e46]

I always had a #1 rule in my dating book. However, reading and doing much research on this site I have come to think twice about this rule. My rule was to respect the boundaries of a girl who has bf meaning I would not interfere in anyway.

However, after much thinking I have come to this conclusion. If this girl gives you chance and day then could it be assumed that she is not satisfied with her current situation? Or should this still be respected? Looking for some DJ feedback. TIA
~BC

 

[drZaius09]

The reasons I never screw around with attached chicks:

1) Because of their willingness to mess around on their boyfriend they have proven themselves to be the foulest, filthiest, most untrustworthy of god's lowly creatures. This means they are dirty and possibly diseased. This also means they will make LOUSY girlfriends, or LOUSY friends, or LOUSY acquaintances. A woman with pride and dignity and respect for her fellow man will break-up with her boyfriend first, no matter what the situation may be.

2) An alcoholic is an alcoholic no matter how many years he's been on the wagon. My father hasn't had a drink in 12 years, but he's STILL AN ALCOHOLIC. Same goes with cheaters. A girl is 100x more likely to cheat on you if she's done it to past boyfriends. Just like having a heart attack, your chances increase exponentially if it's happened before. If this kind of thing bothers you, then stay away from cheaters.

3) Forget about respecting the boyfriend, but respect what the boyfriend is capable of. Most guys' fragile egos can't handle a cheating girlfriend, and they will release their emotional insecurities in the form of violence on the easiest, most accessible target: YOU. With all the psychos roaming free these days, you just never know what you could be getting yourself into. Is some cheap piece of ass really worth the risk?

4) There are millions upon millions of girls who do NOT have boyfriends! Go find one and make your job a lot easier.

 

[bmer-e46]

drZaius09,

great point! I would have never thought about it that way. I guess in a sense it kind of relates to that saying for guys "Once a a dog, always a dog." thnx again
~BC

 

[trajhenkhet]

Good diaganosis from the good Dr.

 

[Slickster]

What does it say about someone who is unhappy with their current situation but too cowardly to do anything about it.

So rather than break up with their bf they screw around behind their backs. They cause heartache and f*ck with people's heads so they never trust anyone anymore. Lame!

Any chick with a bf who is giving you reason to think you have a chance with her is most likely using you for attention she's not getting from her boyfriend.

You have no chance. If she really does like you then why the f*ck is she with him.

I know you're just asking about a hypothetical situation here but this question is asked time and time again.

There are single women everywhere! Forget about women with BF's. If they want you then its their problem. They can make themselves available to you! Why waste your time even thinking about it.

 

[Santos]

Read my post here:
http://www.sosuave.com/vBulletin/showthread.php?s=&threadid=33148

This girl has a BF (for 11 months), who she's not happy with. Her IL is high and I think if I play my cards right, I'll win her over.

I think you shouldn't pursue girls with BFs if they don't show any interest. I mean I ask this chick one day out of the blue "Want to go for coffee?" and then I was set she wanted to see me every day.

Also, I think if a girl has just met her BF, leave her. She's still in that "infatuation phase" where she doesn't even notice other dudes. Not even a DJ. Trying to pursue them just damages your ego unecessarily.

I want it known that I have not made moves on her, but have let her know I'm interested. I have not kissed her because she has BF, I have not insulted her BF or done anything to turn her against him. If she wants me, she'll come and get it! So don't call me "boyfriend stealer", I have shown her my worth. That is all.

Santos

 

[bmer-e46]

Yeah I've come across situation like that before where I didn't care much for it. The reason I ask is because I've talked to my friends about it and they've tried to get me to go for it. However, I knew better. I told them that it wasn't worth all the trouble because 9 out of 10 times you will end up frustrated.

One example, is this girl I met at a party who had a bf in California. I told my friend about it and he said I should try and break it up. To me, it is just not worth it. I don't need some angry bf and his buddies trying to kick my ass. Or another time with a potential girl who just loved the attention. When I stopped calling she asked my friend about me and he tried to get me to go after her again. I told him "No, she has my number ... she'll call if she interested, I'm way too busy with my own stuff" I always pass and I'm glad I do. Where there is a will, there is a way. If she really likes you, she'll find a way to be with you.
~BC

 

[STR8UP]

Originally posted by drZaius09
The reasons I never screw around with attached chicks:

1) Because of their willingness to mess around on their boyfriend they have proven themselves to be the foulest, filthiest, most untrustworthy of god's lowly creatures. This means they are dirty and possibly diseased. This also means they will make LOUSY girlfriends, or LOUSY friends, or LOUSY acquaintances. A woman with pride and dignity and respect for her fellow man will break-up with her boyfriend first, no matter what the situation may be.

I disagree.

Women are emotional, insecure creatures who derive most of not all of their self worth from having a man in their life. Most would rather be involved in a bad relationship than suffer the emotional torture of not having someone around.

There was a post awhile back on this that made a lot of sense. It talked about how many if not MOST women won't even consider breaking off one relationship until they have established another. I'm dealing with this with a girl as we speak.

When I first asked this girl out she turned me down with a b/s excuse. I told her that wasn't acceptable. She called me back to explain that she has a b/f, and asked if I still wanted to go out with her. If I were to have simply accepted her excuse and let it go, that would have been it. Doesn't make her a bad person, it simply proves she's FEMALE.

I don't like this fact any more than the next person, but me not liking it isn't going to change it.

Fact is, by limiting yourself to only 100% single girls you are passing up a plethora of opportunities. But hey, it's YOUR life, and if you wanna live it IDEALISTICALLY rather than REALISTICALLY, go right ahead.

 

[drZaius09]

STR8UP, that is the most asinine rationale I've ever heard. Because it is in their nature to be scandalous does not make their actions any less reprehensible.

A pit-bull is bred to be a vicious attack dog. I wouldn't doubt that any one of us would be especially vigilant if we ever came across a strange pit-bull, or even one we knew very well. Should such a beast be excused for mauling a small child simply because it is natural for them to be violent?

I agree that it is in our best interests to accept the inherent behaviors of women without questioning the how's, why's, or when's. I've written several posts that espouse the exact same ideals. Regardless of that, it would be a great injustice to automatically pardon such behavior as a matter of course.

 

[princelydeeds]

Dr, your analysis is a bit harsh. There is a reason you get a ticket or a warning when you run through a red light. As with everything in life there are different levels I think you should temper your condemnation, the punishment should fit the crime.

Because someone cheats once, does that mean they will always cheat? Everyone goes through things. Sometimes people arent happy and at those times we make decisions we may not have made at other times. Its bad that people cheat but we all sin and we all do "bad", things. I don't believe in absolutes when it comes to people. The chick may just be curious about you, like what you have to say, or simply finds you deliciously attractive. Her man might be none of those things, abusive or they may simply be on the outs. Perhaps she cheats on him with you and you two end up happily married for the rest of your lives. Does that make her a bad person?

Someone a lot smarter than me once said "you are never who you were." Im 29 and I assure you my thinking is so completely different now than it was at 19 it is almost as though im a whole new person. If you stole something in a store when you were 10 does that make you a thief at 30? Everyone makes mistakes, im pretty harsh when it comes to women, because she cheats that doesn't mean she always will.

 

[trevjr]

I think DrZ makes a lot of sense but I have to agree a little with STR8.
DrZ's emphasis is more of the 'make a mistake and you're nexted' because there are a billion other women.
Being involved with a woman who is in the process of breaking up, I would not consider her cheating.
I agree there are different levels of crimes and that we have a choice, much like the police officer, to give a warning or a ticket(NEXT!).
The woman I know has told me that she has learned a lesson. For me to give up on her because she is on the rebound, or has quasi-cheated with me is harsh. If I feel like the emotional tampon or if she acts up I can still next her.
Lots of women have problems breaking up with a guy who is a jerk. This does show her tendency for being mistreated but if she can recover and move on why should I next her because of a rule etched in stone?
I am going in with my eyes wide open and will not be sending in a post about how she broke my heart.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by STR8UP
Fact is, by limiting yourself to only 100% single girls you are passing up a plethora of opportunities. But hey, it's YOUR life, and if you wanna live it IDEALISTICALLY rather than REALISTICALLY, go right ahead.

Okay those of you who spend time wondering how to get that attached girl go ahead. While you're doing things to raise her IL she'll be going home and f*cking her bf and you'll be home jerking off. This is great cuz while you're trying to wheel her there will be more single women out there for the rest of us.

You're kidding yourselves boys. Women should be pursuing you. When you pursue women you're a chump. When you pursue women with boyfriends, well that's just sad.

So even if you succeed what do you have/ You have a chick who cheats on her boyfriends. Great catch boys.

That's REALISTIC.

 

[trajhenkhet]

Yes, everyone, has hang ups, but I think its just plain sad how people seem to think its alright to use hang ups as an excuse for behavior. And then for the encore decide to not change and feel trapped and think they have to be this way for that is what they think they are. We are human, and as such it is within our inherit nature to change.

I'm not getting on anyones case here. Just stating why put with such behavior? A few people get it, most don't. Date, have fun, and when you find the lady that is on this level congrats.

 

[becker]

I agree with both sides here, and as much as I hate to sit on the fence, this is an issue that is never going to be truly resolved either way, so it's best just to argue both ways.

I think that first of all, going after a girl with a BF isn't necessarily a "sad" thing, because as much as we all hate it, we don't control who we are attracted to, and that includes girls with BFs sometimes. They don't all have "BF" stamped on their foreheads, and if you don't know until after that attraction has developed, then you are stuck in a bit of a predicament. Are you going to just tell yourself to stop being attracted to this girl? Again, it's not something we can just flip on and off like a light switch. The attraction will likely be there, but whether you act on it is another story. It's difficult to just pack your bags and move on so easily because as many HBs out there, every one you meet there is a possibility that they're attached. As far as I'm concerned, I refuse to go to a bar to meet women, because I'm not looking for that type.

Another seemingly overlooked point on this board is that it's always easy to look at another person's life and say you'd do this and that, but once you're in that position, you see that it's easier said than done.

I have been attracted to girls with BFs, and I think it's ok as long as you limit it to flirting and social proof while they're attached (no harm, no foul here). If they find themselves attracted to you enough to dump their BFs, then it's ok to make a move. Spending all your time looking for unattached girls that meet your criteria isn't as easy as it seems, and if you've found a great girl who is attached, don't just next her, keep her around while you're searching. No harm here. I mean, you can know a girl for quite a while and never know she has a BF until you've known her for a long time. I knew this girl for 3 years before she even mentioned her BF, and I never really saw her as more than a friend.

As for the flip side, if a girl cheats on her BF with you, that's a problem and you should bail out immediately. Make sure she dumps the chump before you do anything with her. Sometimes a girl comes along, and she's absolutely perfect for you, and if she's attached, it's very hard to just never see her again, especially if you've known her for a long time.

 

[BobbDobbs]

Ha ha. Here we go again, supposed DJ's who are trying to date multiple women cursing women who date multiple men. ha ha

 

[Santos]

Originally posted by Slickster
Women should be pursuing you.

What if the woman with the BF is pursuing me? I'm in that situation now, I'm not going to next her.