Iron Rule #4: NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to

[piranha45]

This onion video just came out today, and I thought it touched wonderfully well on the subject:
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/nations_girlfriends_unveil_new?utm_source=a-section

for review:

Iron Rule of Tomassi #4

NEVER under any circumstance live with a woman you aren't married to or are not planning to marry in within 6 months.

You are utterly powerless in this situation. NEVER buy a home with a girlfriend, NEVER sign a rental lease with a girlfriend. NEVER agree to move into her home and absolutely NEVER move a woman into your own established living arrangement. I'm adamantly opposed to the "shacking up" dynamic, it is a trap that far too many men allow themselves to fall into. My fervor agianst this isn't based on some moral issue, it it simple pragmatism. I know a fellow right now who is in the pit of misery with a girl he signed an apartment lease with for a year and has had to basically live with his ex for the past 5 months and wont get out of the lease until May. If you live with a woman you may as well be married because upon doing so every liability and accountability of marriage is then in effect. You not only lose any freedom of annonymity you commit to, legally, being responsible for the continuation of your living arrangements regardless of how your relationship decays.

I should also emphasize the point that when you commit (and it is a financial committment) to cohabiting with a GF you will notice a marked decrease in her sexual availability and desire, trust me on this. All of that competitive anxiety and it's resulting sexual tension that made your single sex life so great is removed from her shoulders and she can comfortably relax in the knowledge that she is your ONLY source of sexual intimacy. Putting your name on that lease with her (even if it's just your name) is akin to signing an insurance polcy for her - "I the undersigned promise not to fukk any woman but this girl for a one year term." She thinks, "if he wasn't serious about me, he wouldn't have signed the lease." Now all of that impetus and energy that made having marathon sex with you an outright necessity is relaxed. She controls the frame and she's got it in writing that it is for at least a year.

Just don't do it. Relationships last best when you spin more plates or at the very least keep each other at arm's distance. Look how this applies to your situation here.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

funny, thanks. My favorites:



"Give up the cat"

and the end tie in to the next story:

"most americans retirement plan is to find a briefcase full of money..."

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear All,
Seems to me very difficult to improve upon Tommassis Rule...Very sound advice.

 

[squirrels]

For all Rollo's verbosity, I agree with him 110% on this point.

 

[Colossus]

For all Rollo's verbosity, I agree with him 110% on this point.

Hahaha...verbose, yes, but it is common Man-sense. It kills me how many guys I meet who still think moving in with their girlfriend is a good idea.

 

[squirrels]

Hahaha...verbose, yes, but it is common Man-sense. It kills me how many guys I meet who still think moving in with their girlfriend is a good idea.

The only way I would ever, EVER consider moving in with a girl is if I put a ring on her finger. And no, I would never put a ring on a girl's finger JUST to move in with her.

If you can't afford rent, move in with a family member, friend, or rent a room to a total stranger. Living with someone you're romantically involved with but not SURE you want to be with FOREVER AND EVER is setting yourself up for an emotional cataclysm.

If it's your place, you will NEVER be able to get rid of her.

If it's HER place, you're putting yourself at the absolute mercy of a woman, which is the one thing you should NEVER, EVER do.

What amazes me more than anything is how many guys think that moving in with their girlfriend will keep them FAITHFUL. This is the 21st century. MARRIAGE doesn't even keep women faithful any more. A woman will move in with a man just to avoid "rocking the boat" sometimes. That doesn't mean that she's ready to settle down...just that the man has brow-beaten her enough that she doesn't feel like fighting any more and she figures she can get a break on her rent while she's at it. First d!ck with a charming smile she meets while "out with the girls" and she'll be "working late", getting calls from strange numbers that she won't take when you're around, etc, etc...

If she's not wife-material, she's not live-with material, either.

But men keep chasing the carrot being dangled in front of them. Gotta have a college degree! Gotta have a job! Gotta have a girlfriend/wife/"signifcant other" (that term still makes me queasy).

This is slowly turning into an epic rant. It just makes me angry, because women come to EXPECT the nonsense that lesser men give FREELY, the coddling, the ass-kissery, the living together, the "serious relationship" all become REQUIREMENTS created by women for eligible men. And then when the good men scoff at those requirements, all the women keep wondering why the men in their lives are asses.

 

[The Bat]

But but but....wait....I want to move in with my gf to see how compatible our lifestyles and living arrangements are if we ever got married....you know, it's a preview of what our married life will be like. And isn't it a good idea to "test drive" living together before buying the real deal (i.e. marriage)? I think it's a great idea...plus we can have sex all the time...!!

^^ That's the summarized explanation I got from my buddy who is thinking about moving in with his gf....he is 24, she is 22. He is thinking about buying a house under his name, and having her move in...

Onion is always hysterical though. I think some of our members here are part of the production crew/writers at The Onion....:crackup:

 

[Colossus]

Very true.

I really believe the reason many women (and men) pine for the move-in is because of perceived "convenience". There's this illusion that moving in together will somehow make life easier; financially and logistically. The male reasoning goes like "well, I'll have sex available 24/7, we can save on rent, she cooks, and we're always together anyway, so why not!!"

The ONLY ostensible benefit to living with a girl is maybe saving some money, but any money saved in rent or living expenses is nominal in comparison to the freedom and FRAME you lose in these situations.

Here's what I would tell a friend who is thinking about cohabiting with his gf:

-ALL your comings and goings are subject to review

-"Getting more sex" is a myth. By moving in together you take away any existing competition anxiety and effectively say to her she is your only source of lovin'. Additionally, the sex gets boring faster.

-If you move in with her, you may as well hand her your sack. She owns the frame because she controls YOUR LIVING SITUATION!!

-If she moves in with you, you might not lose the frame, but your stuff becomes hers, and her stuff stays hers. You will have a hell of a time getting her out because of the comfort and security you have given her.

-Spinning other plates? Forget it.

-Privacy? Bahahahah!!!! You now have none. Your cell, your computer, your weed stash she doesnt know about....public domain now.

-Man time? "I dunno man, I gotta check with my girlfriend".

Not to mention her gross girly hairs will be all over your shower and sink every morning.


Of course the response to all this is always "Naaah man, she aint like that."

 

[mrRuckus]

Isn't there some statistic that couples that live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate?

 

[Luthor Rex]

Isn't there some statistic that couples that live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate?

There is some debate to the how and why of it, but yeah that has been around for a while.

Opponents of cohabitation commonly cite statistics that indicate that couples who have lived together before marriage are more likely to divorce, and that unhappiness, ill health, poverty, and domestic violence are more common in unmarried couples than in married ones.[2] Cohabitation advocates, in turn, cite limited research that either disproves these claims or indicates that the statistical differences are due to other factors than the fact of cohabitation itself.[3]

From Wikipedia on "Cohabitation"

When I was in college, one psychology professor explained it this way:

"I had a married couple come in for counseling. The husband complained that his wife was very controlling and tracked his every move. He said that when they lived together before they got married she wasn't like that. She told him 'that's because you weren't my husband then'."

So the live in boyfriend is treated differently than the husband. Which means, living together before marriage is not an accurate picture of what being married will be like since she will treat you differently.

 

[SXS]

Where do I see the others "iron rules of tomassi" ?

 

[piranha45]

by browsing through his old posts. there are reportedly like 30 total, as i recall him saying once. I don't think all of them, or even close to all of them, have been witnessed on this forum though.

 

[squirrels]

. And isn't it a good idea to "test drive" living together before buying the real deal (i.e. marriage)? I think it's a great idea...plus we can have sex all the time...!!

If you test-drive a car and smash it into a guardrail, you still have to pay for it.

The "test-drive" theory MIGHT work...except as soon as they move in together, they start buying stuff together. Furniture, pets, etc...

Moving in together isn't a test-drive. It's putting down a non-refundable deposit.

 

[mrRuckus]

There is some debate to the how and why of it, but yeah that has been around for a while.

From Wikipedia on "Cohabitation"

When I was in college, one psychology professor explained it this way:

"I had a married couple come in for counseling. The husband complained that his wife was very controlling and tracked his every move. He said that when they lived together before they got married she wasn't like that. She told him 'that's because you weren't my husband then'."

So the live in boyfriend is treated differently than the husband. Which means, living together before marriage is not an accurate picture of what being married will be like since she will treat you differently.

So basically neither way is really better if you're planning to marry, but for some reason idiots want to make a decision based on nothing other than what they "feel" should be true.

Might as well go with that. That's how all other decisions are made.

 

[Luveno]

I don't understand cohabitation in any circumstance other than child rearing.

Really, why does any man need a woman to live with him? Do we not value our independence? Do we not value the fact that by not living with a woman, we will see her only at her best?

It's completely ass-backwards to move in with a woman.

 

[Warrior74]

I don't understand cohabitation in any circumstance other than child rearing.

I only moved in with my ex because she was pregnant. I enjoy living alone. I like having company...but at some point I like for them to leave.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

- Only a sith deals in absolutes.
Obi Wan :crazy:

dude did obi wan really say that?

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Fuzzx,
Well you have struck it lucky believe me...Is this Girl an Anglo American?How old is she?...Any case don't let her go,she is a very rare and precious Stone...But Fuzz,Please,please,be a little tolerant.... don't be dismissive even scathing of these other guys attitudes....that really is theirs and my experience of Western Women.......And Tokyo,Yes Obi Wan did say that.

 

[piranha45]

I've lived with my GF for a year and a half now and I have to say its quite nice. I get breakfast, lunch and dinner cooked. We have sex twice a day (I'm having a hard time keeping up). Finally she helped me get my entertainment business going and was there for support when I seriously needed it. That 'Iron Rule' is absolute bullsh1t... chr1st you people are just as bad as feminists with your Rules and scientific supportable bull crap... I can make any statement and probably dig up some 'independent research' to support it. An upside to living with my ex was that in the first few months, I found out exactly the kind of girl she was 'going to be' rather than who she pretended to be.

- Only a sith deals in absolutes.
Obi Wan :crazy:

For every person that wins the lottery, how many lose?

 

[Colossus]

dude did obi wan really say that?

He did, in Attack of the Clones, I believe.