involved with an older woman--PART TWO---Pleeze Help guys--I'M LOSIN' IT

[vs3]

hi! again
thanx for the replies! n sorry i jus forgot to write in the details. i'm almost 23 and she's 32+. as i said bfore she was the one who was desperate for me. but she soon made me realize that the whole thing wudn't have any future. also me being a student she said didn't want to ruin my studies or career so she insisted that we wud jus b friends, although this was not what she wanted. but that was too late for me. so i somehow managed to drag her back into all this. Copperfield said something about the tell tale signs. well, for now she seems to be in control may b coz we r not involved physically rite now. things may turn around if she does fall for me. and as far as the Interest Level thing goes, how can i increase it; keeping in mind how frequently we meet (once a week). coz i wud definitely like to increase the IL hence the frequency. any suggestions? anyone?

 

[AmericanOutlaw]

Wow, you describe one of my situations to a T, though my decade older woman had a 5-yr old son and was never married, so take what you will.
I dated this girl for over a year off an on, and I learned a LOT about women and being a DJ. Copperfield was right, she went from sophisticated and sexy to needy and insecure, and very emotional... towards the end she was all over the place. Why did I hang on to her for so long? I thought there was a future, I thought I could pull her through it all. But you learn quick not to hang on if it's sinking. If I could do it over again, I'd realize from the start there was NO future with us, and not get so attached to her and her kool little kindegarder.

You want suggestions? Break it off. Keep looking for someone more available and more able to meet your needs... but nobody follows that advice. I'm serious though, SEE OTHER WOMEN at least. You can raise her IL, but I'll tell you now it is a lot of wasted effort. If I were you, I'd act on the basis of pulling her toward me, not pushing. She probably says you're a nice guy, mature for your age. What she sees you as is independence, freedom and adventure... being with you makes her feel young and burdenless. This isn't a very good thing however, because that's a lot of expectations on you. Think of it like she doesn't care for parts of her reality, and you are the drug of choice. But like every drug, each infusion wears off over time, requiring higher doses... reailty bites back every time, and the only direction you can go is down.

You want to prolong this? Get what you can out of it? Make her come to you. Maybe once/week is too pushy at first. The next time she asks for you, you're busy that night, but suggest another time. Spend less time on the phone. Take the control back. Make yourself less available and more mysterious. On days you don't speak she'll wonder what fun times you're having, which raises her IL. I'd let her know in tactful words and gestures that I would want to become physical, but make her think she initiates it (women like sex too, and sometimes decide on it if you tease/starve them). The key to most of this is to not think to hard about any of it, pour your energy elsewhere. I'm sorry to say that if she hasn't 'fallen' for you yet, it's a safe bet that she probably won't. BUT she's got to choose you, come back to you, not the other way around.

And if she does? Great. Just remember the more attached you get, the more it will hurt when things bottom out. Sorry for the ominous outlook, again I don't know the girl, I could be way off... just be careful.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

You need to focus on all of the reasons she gave as to why she doesn't want to go forward. You mention her not wanting to ruin your studies or career. You need to find out how she thinks she would do that and show her that you are "man" enough to balance your priorities.

She may still be concerned about the age difference in that you are still establishing yourself and she feels that she needs someone more stable. Show her that stability in regards to her specific needs. What are those needs? You need to find out from her.

Trust me, it can be done if the two of you can establish that you fulfill each others expectations. This can only happen if both of you can put those expectations on the table in full view.

 

[poonologist]

i like both of the posts above me.excellent advice

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Ok, let me burst your bubble here. She doesn't wasn't to ruin your studies? Come on. She's a grown up, a woman, she has no problem about going after what she wants . She already went through those games in her 20's. She's giving you all kinds of resons to protect your 'Male Ego', they always feel that we are too sensitive for the truth; sometimes they're right. Don't ask her to explain her reasons, that is not an attractive thing to do. The more she breaks it down, the more convinced she'll be that she made the right decision.

You took too long to comit, came across as indecisive, and I don't know if you've gotten physical already, but if you didn't, it killed your chances, so you've been put in the exclusive "friends" club. It is not because you are 10 years younger; its because you acted, maturity wise, 10 years younger. She will never tell you the exact reasons, but I care, so I am telling you. So don't even ask and/or demand explanations; it comes off as clingy and needy, and will just re-inforce her decision.

You might have taken too much time analyzing the whole situation, like a lot of younger women, and clueless men do, and let it cool off. I bet you'll be much more decisive next time, and move things along from the start. Most likely its too late. And btw, you are missing out on what a 'Woman' can do. My current 10 year older fling, well, she rocks me all nite long, much more fun in bed than my 10 year younger girl (at least now).

My only advice is to not be too available, and go after women your age, or younger, and make sure she knows about it. That is every older woman's fear, to loose a man to someone younger and/or more attractive because of age.

Go take it man!

 

[Player_Supreme]

try acting like a man instead of a boy! A woman her age needs a real man who will excite her and make her crave his attention. it's just the way they are made.

your sympish behavior isn't making her crave you. she came on strong because she wanted to:

1. get laid
2. have all the power for a change.

Now it's back fired on her.

1. you've fallen for her

2. she has no real feelings of attraction for you.

What is she to do to get rid of you:

1. Ride it out until maybe you might go away

2. Tell you that she only wants to be friends and that your schooling is more important or some story like that.

women are master game players kid. don't worry about it.

like I said on your other post if this is the kind of life you enjoy then go for it.

hand her your nutz and beg her to have you. you've already lost her respect so there is nothing left. You have already been reduced to begging for help on this board.

So enjoy bon apetite

or you can be a man and go out and find other older women to play with...and forget about being a spineless jelly fish supplicating to her daughter in hopes of increasing her attraction.

make your choice kid