Introvert

[Hockey Playa]

I read this definition of an introvert
http://giftedkids.about.com/od/glossary/g/introvert.htm

sounds alot like me. I am not shy, but being around people too long really drains me, definately like time to think by myself. How many of you guys consider yourself an introvert? Is this bad?

 

[Tortendieb]

Some person explained to me some time ago that introvert/extrovert doesn't mean social/asocial. Introvert basically means that you don't need and want to be around people all the time.

I would say I'm an introvert and it's true, I need alot of time to myself. I'm happy to spend half the day alone at home. Then I like to meet friends and go on dates, and I have fun with other people for a couple of hours.

Then, if I'm hanging around with others for too long (like several days nonstop) I feel uneasy and run away or go home because I need the freedom to myself.

That's about it. Don't try to change yourself into an extrovert... just work with what you have. It actually works for you: if you date, you won't be clingy. Don't see her often, but when you see her have loads of fun. Rest of the time, enjoy yourself on your own.

 

[Veridin]

Yep, it was Carl Jung who wrote the definitions for extroversion and introversion. Basically:

-An extrovert is a reflection of the people around him.
-An introvert is guided by his own thoughts.


An extrovert goes with the herd, an introvert can think for himself. So of course the introvert needs some time for himself away from the crowd. You can only stand the talk about nothing for so long. The extrovert on the other hand loves the crowd's talk, doesn't matter about what, because its main purpose is to confirm that she is part of the group and thereby protected.

Since the majority of people don't like the E/N definition, since it isn't flattering to them, it is usually twisted to that the extrovert is charismatic and nice to be around, while the introvert is shy and boring. Typically it will be said that good leaders are extroverts, because they can lead people, while in fact that simply means they are charismatic introverts.

Note from the link above:

Introverts make up about 60% of the gifted population but only about 25-40% of the general population.

 

[FairShake]

I think most people fall somewhere on the introvert/extrovert pendulum.

For example I am very extroverted with people I know or with a group of only myself and one or two other people. However with strangers or in larger groups I fall back.

And honestly it depends on the day. Or how much sleep I've had. How much I've talked that day so far. There are so many factors. I just don't buy the idea we're born one or the other. So much goes into how we are at any moment.

 

[Veridin]

I think most people fall somewhere on the introvert/extrovert pendulum.

For example I am very extroverted with people I know or with a group of only myself and one or two other people. However with strangers or in larger groups I fall back.

And honestly it depends on the day. Or how much sleep I've had. How much I've talked that day so far. There are so many factors. I just don't buy the idea we're born one or the other. So much goes into how we are at any moment.

How fast you can run also differs from day to day and depending on how much sleep you have had. That doesn't mean there aren't people who are faster than others. Think about it and you'll understand.

 

[FairShake]

How fast you can run also differs from day to day and depending on how much sleep you have had. That doesn't mean there aren't people who are faster than others. Think about it and you'll understand.

I agree. I think there is a spectrum and we all fall at different places at different times. And some fall nearer to extrovert more often (or all the time) while others don't.

 

[Rogue]

Veridin:

Yep, it was Carl Jung who wrote the definitions for extroversion and introversion. Basically:

An extrovert is a reflection of the people around him.
An introvert is guided by his own thoughts.

An extrovert goes with the herd, an introvert can think for himself. So of course the introvert needs some time for himself away from the crowd. You can only stand the meaningless talk about nothing for so long.

But since people hate this definition, it has been twisted to that the extrovert is charismatic and nice to be around, while the introvert is shy and boring. Typically it will be said that good leaders are extroverts, because they can lead people, while in fact that means they are charismatic introverts.

Sorry, but Carl Jung was full of bullshït. He drew from mythologies and his confusing body of work was unscientific. He eschewed statistics, conducted only one statistical study in his career (on astrology of all matters), and relied heavily upon anecdotes (source: Skeptic's Dictionary). Anecdotes are useful for developing hypotheses but no amount of anecdotes add up to proven empirical findings. So, Jung scientifically proved not one damn thing in his entire life.

The intrinsic failure of personality inventories is how people display contradictory behaviors which can be used to justify any side of the fence. "No matter what your preferences, your behavior will still sometimes indicate contrasting behavior. Thus, no behavior can ever be used to falsify the type, and any behavior can be used to verify it" (ibid).

Even in judging something as subjective as personality, psychologists have found that we see what we are looking for in a person. In a series of studies subjects were asked to assess the personality of someone they were about to meet, some given a profile of an introvert (shy, timid, quiet), others given a profile of an extrovert (sociable, talkative, outgoing). When asked to make a personality assessment, those told that the person would be an extrovert asked questions that would lead to that conclusion; the group given the introvert profile did the same. They both found in the person the personality they were seeking to find (Snyder 1981). Of course, the confirmation bias works both ways in this experiment. It turns out that the subjects whose personalities were being evaluated tended to give answers that would confirm whatever hypothesis the interrogator was holding.

(source: Why People Believe Weird Things).

Is there any empirical proof that introverts are more independent thinkers and extraverts are more brainless? No, of course not. You can find examples but all examples are anecdotal and anecdotes are meaningless.

 

[backbreaker]

I think most people fall somewhere on the introvert/extrovert pendulum.

For example I am very extroverted with people I know or with a group of only myself and one or two other people. However with strangers or in larger groups I fall back.

And honestly it depends on the day. Or how much sleep I've had. How much I've talked that day so far. There are so many factors. I just don't buy the idea we're born one or the other. So much goes into how we are at any moment.

I agree with this. I am pretty damn introverted But I wasn't always like that. Now I was an only child for 17 years, at least on my mom's side for all intents and purposes I was raised without any siblings and my mom worked out of town like half the week so I dealt with myself alot. But in school i was more of a class clown than an introvert.

I don't think it's anything wrong with it, it's just a personality trait. I don't particularly care for just dealing with people unless I am getting something directly out of it, like sex lol.

 

[user43770]

I've known that I was an introvert for over a decade. When I first realized that I was introverted, I was ashamed of it. I didn't want to be considered shy. Most people - in my experience - seem to liken shyness to inferiority. The funny thing is, if somebody had to judge me based on their initial impression, they would probably say that I was extroverted; I'm good with people in small doses. It's only ever been a problem when I've been forced to be around people for extended lengths of time. I can become a d1ck really quickly. My patience for other people seems to disappear, whether I like or not.

 

[Tortendieb]

I think introvert/extrovert is more a general style of life, and not something that changes over night.

If you can only "be extrovert" when you've had enough sleep, that means you need energy to talk to people, and it drains you. Which probably means you're introvert.

I know some people who regularly hang out at parties until 5am, even if there's noone/nothing exciting around, sleep only 4 hours and are all happy chatty in the morning. That is, I think, extrovert.

 

[speed dawg]

I'm am 125% introverted. I recommend a book called "The Introvert Advantage". Outlines exactly what introversion is and how you can make it work to your advantage in a world where extroversion is often rewarded and introversion is often misunderstood.

 

[ArcBound]

And honestly it depends on the day. Or how much sleep I've had. How much I've talked that day so far. There are so many factors. I just don't buy the idea we're born one or the other. So much goes into how we are at any moment.

This. Depends who I'm with, what I'm doing my stress level etc... I was an extrovert when a young but became an introvert for a long time when my parent's forced me to during middle/highschool. I had the introvert mindset for many years until I broke out of it again, and I realize why introverts are drained in social situations. I used to always be wary of what I said, of how others perceived, unconfident and etc.. While this isn't true for all introverts, most I've seen in my life have issues relating to/ problems empathizing with other other people.

 

[element0]

I'm definitely an introvert, I can be around people in small doses, but after a while it grows tiresome. I just always needed time to get my stuff done, reading, working out, just time to unwind alone.

In small groups I've always been outgoing, but in larger groups especially with people I don't know, I have a tendency to fall into the background. Which I know is a bad quality, and one of the reasons I joined this site, but I can't help it all the time, especially when I'm with people I have no interest in, which has been frequent in the past year or so.

 

[user43770]

In small groups I've always been outgoing, but in larger groups especially with people I don't know, I have a tendency to fall into the background. Which I know is a bad quality, and one of the reasons I joined this site, but I can't help it all the time, especially when I'm with people I have no interest in, which has been frequent in the past year or so.

I don't think that's really a problem, though. Why should you be a dancing monkey for a bunch of people you don't even like? Personally, I have no interest in being the center of attention. That's a womanly trait.

 

[FairShake]

In small groups I've always been outgoing, but in larger groups especially with people I don't know, I have a tendency to fall into the background. Which I know is a bad quality, and one of the reasons I joined this site, but I can't help it all the time, especially when I'm with people I have no interest in, which has been frequent in the past year or so.

It's not really a bad quality. In large groups most people fall back, especially if they don't know everyone or are uncomfortable. To dry and dominate a new, large group you may very well end up WORSE off than by being quiet! People may IGNORE the quiet guy, but they generally don't dislike him. But it's very easy to dislike the loud, try-hard guy.

 

[element0]

It's not really a bad quality. In large groups most people fall back, especially if they don't know everyone or are uncomfortable. To dry and dominate a new, large group you may very well end up WORSE off than by being quiet! People may IGNORE the quiet guy, but they generally don't dislike him. But it's very easy to dislike the loud, try-hard guy.

Agree, but I always have the problem with loudmouths who are somehow offended by my quiet personality. Then they proceed to ask a bunch of "why are you so quiet" type questions.

This happened about a month ago, but first day of work, the loudmouth secretary that sits by me, declares me as "quiet" to everyone I meet in the office as she takes me around introducing me to people. That she is going to "break me, and make me start talking." That question really puts me in a bad frame of mind. But that is my problem of letting people define who I am, which is more along the lines of what I'm trying to improve upon.

 

[AAAgent]

don't worry about what people think of you man. People will always have their opinions and the less you let it get to you, the less people will actually believe it.

I'm actually super talkative, friendly and outgoing but i get tired out real quick. When i drink i tend to stay super quiet and like to keep to myself. I just enjoy it better that way. I tend to zone off into thinking about life, past, future, philosphy, etc.

I'm thinking the majority of the population are introverts.

 

[element0]

don't worry about what people think of you man. People will always have their opinions and the less you let it get to you, the less people will actually believe it.

I'm actually super talkative, friendly and outgoing but i get tired out real quick. When i drink i tend to stay super quiet and like to keep to myself. I just enjoy it better that way. I tend to zone off into thinking about life, past, future, philosphy, etc.

I'm thinking the majority of the population are introverts.

I'm trying to break myself of the habit, but it has been a struggle. I'm getting at separating times I don't want to contribute to a conversation, and times I'm holding myself back because of insecurity, and then attempting to make a contribution.

I'm more talkative when alcohol is involved, like most people.

 

[Warrior74]

As it relates to game, being an introvert can be a deadly double edged weapon. On one hand it seems alpha, as you are not socially needy. But on the other hand it can seem beta as you don't care to be overly social.

I've had women tell me that they felt like I didn't need them. My ex couldn't understand how I could go to the movies by myself. I told her, why not? I'm not there talking to someone, I'm sitting in the dark watching a movie?

Throw in the fact that I'm a classic Virgo (not that i believe in astrology, but I do fit the criteria of a classic virgo) and INTJ and well....it has hurt my game in the past.

 

[FairShake]

Agree, but I always have the problem with loudmouths who are somehow offended by my quiet personality. Then they proceed to ask a bunch of "why are you so quiet" type questions.

This happened about a month ago, but first day of work, the loudmouth secretary that sits by me, declares me as "quiet" to everyone I meet in the office as she takes me around introducing me to people. That she is going to "break me, and make me start talking." That question really puts me in a bad frame of mind. But that is my problem of letting people define who I am, which is more along the lines of what I'm trying to improve upon.

Some of the first advice we get while in pampers is "Be Yourself" and "Don't Worry About What Others Think." Personally I think the latter should be "Worry Less What Others Think" instead but the reasoning is sound. If you aren't yourself and allow others to define yourself you will always be playing catch up and trying to prove things.

It's not easy to be yourself sometimes. I'd say figure out who you are and who you want to be and try to work it. Eventually you will come close. If you want to be quiet by all means be quiet. If you want to be loud the same.