Interesting convo with g/f. Read This!

[AStudent]

Well things have been on and off with my g/f. We were going out for a month or so and she needed some time to think about what she wanted. School and other activities were getting in the way so we knew we had to be more cooling. Tell me what you think of this convo online! Thanx.

me: hey i wanna talk to you bout something so maybe u can call me tomorrow if u have time...?
her: sure
her: what's it about
me: us
her: oook
her: can u tell me now?
me: well yeah heres the thing ok. i still like you cause i tried to like ignor it and all but that doesnt work much so im gonna have to talk about it.
her: ok
me: do you want to stay together or what b/c i miss you if you don't want to just say so i dont want you to feel uncomfortable k?
her: i'm not uncomfortable
me: ok
me: well you havent seemed the same i just wanna know whats going on like if you still like me or what
her: o sorry i know i've been kinda distancy lately sorry
: that's not a word but u knwo what i mean
her: truthfully i don't know there's just stuff
me: well i wanted to give you some time you know?
me: because i thought you were special ever since we met i just dont know if you wanted to continue
her: ugh why r u so sweet to me?!
me: because i like you and never felt this way bout a girl...pretty much sums it up haha
her: not that there's anything wrong with that i like it and all u're just too nice
me: i mean if im too nice is that why you wwant to break up with me??
me: i just cared for you thats all
her: no no no
her: i wish all guys were nice

*Pay Attention to this here*
her: u're "exceptional"

 

[TJ00]

Hmm. sounds like some of the female problems I've had in the past. I used to and still am sort of too nice to girls... I think they may get kind of freaked out if you are there for their every single need. Like when you said i thoguht you were special since i met you, never felt this way about a girl, ect... This is probably pretty overwhelming for her to hear, eventhough Im sure you mean ever word of it. I know I have in the past, it just wasnt something she needed to hear at the time. It is a tricky situation, but its just somehting you learn with experience I think. I'm going throguh it myself. I'm just trying to change how I act around woman more. Not being a jerk to them just being smart about what I say and when I say it. So best I can help you with is just use this as some kind of learning tool if you can...

 

[sara]

Maybe what she means is that you're so nice to her and treat her so well that she's bad about talking to you about something that on her mind involving you. Like maybe she doesn't want to continue the relationship for whatever reason, but you treat her so well and you're so nice that she feels bad about it, or she feels bad about breaking up with a such a nice, or she doens't understand why she wants to break up with such a nice guy, or she cheated on you and feels really terrible and then you treating her so well makes her feel worse.

Could be a number of things. I doubt she wants to break up with you because you're nice. Women don't talk like this: "oh sharon, he treats me so well, he's so sweet...I hate that! i want to dump him, I prefer men who treat me like shyt.".

Sometimes a woman can be turned off if a man acts like a happy little puppy dog around her all the time, but women don't prefer men who are jerks. Sometimes women end up with jerks, but unless she has low self esteem it's not the fact that he's a jerk that makes him attractive...it's usually that he's more exciting, or not taking things to seriously, or out to have a good time just like her.

Some men will disagree and swear up and down that women prefer jerks, but that is just no the case, it's foolish. Often, women just want to have fun and take it easy and the nice guys want to get serious, where as the guys who happen to be not so nice are all for a fun, exciting time.

That is what observe.
Sara

 

[NoMoreNiceGuy]

First off, DON'T listen to Sara. Women do like jerks and dump on Nice Guys and here's the reason. I've read literally tons of info on the matter and hundreds fo different reasons and then I finally came across this one posted by a girl in a huge thread of other reasons and it made a lot of sense.

"Women have a need to feel superior to men. A Nice Guy proves them to be wrong but a jerk validates this idea."

Remember that is was a WOMAN that made that statement.

Think about that for a while. Women are ALWAYS looking for an excuse to complain about men. If it's a jerk it's just easier. But even when it's a Nice Guy they still try. They say things like he wants to get to serious right away(and yet with the jerk they cry that he won't commit)Or that they're not exciting(yet with a jerk they complain that they just want to sit around and watch sports on T.V.-what's exciting about that?) But the idea is, with jerks they have more to complain about(he never calls, he doesn't listen, he drinks to much, he cheats on me, blah, blah, blah) therefore validating their need to feel that they're superior.

Basically as a Nice Guy to have to learn to be not so nice. It would probably be impossible for you to become a jerk in the complete sense of the word but you can learn to do a few things that may help in the future. Don't call all the time or even when expected to, don't listen to her every problem especially if it involves another guy, don't buy girls gifts or take them on expensive dates(cheap dates are best) and most of all remember that YOUR FEELINGS AND WHAT YOU WANT MATTER.

And again, don't listen to Sara when she responds to this post all pissed off because I let you know the TRUTH about the matter which so far she hasn't been able to stand guys knowing.

 

[AStudent]

Yeah thanx for the advice guys. Wow I am starting to understand this nice guy concept here. Anyways toward the end of the convo she was talking about me being nice and all and then said
u're "exceptional".
do you think after the whole convo she doesnt want to break up and want's to work it out? thanks.

 

[NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER]

Astudent,
Keep your dignity, dont waste your time on her anymore. She doesnt want u.

Her responses are so LOUD AND CLEAR, it is almost unbelievable. I mean damn, i can pick those responses apart half asleep.

 

[Ralfus]

Astudent, damn!! Do you watch soap operas or what?? That stuff you were saying just makes me want to barf!!!! You want to know what the hell is her trip right? You don't go about it hogging the convo with how you "care" so much about her and all of that romance novel crap! She is playing a game and sucked you right in. So next time, get the hell off the comp and talk to her in person.

This is something that is pissing me off and I see it quite often. School is not an excuse to break up with someone!! Nor is "activities"!! So guys, if some skirt gives you these lines of shiit, realize that's all they are........lines of shiit! Don't think that if some other guy she really likes comes along, that she will still have the same problems with "school" that she had with you. They always seem to get better when YOU are out of the picture. And quit trying to reason her lame ass excuses away or justify them. It is just an excuse!

A baseball coach told our team once:

"Excuses are like azzholes. Everyones got one, and they all stink!"

Plus a girl that is truly interested, doesn't need time to think about what they want after a month with a guy. If you hear that, you best be lookin at your next move. Someone else.

Student, I'm going to say dump her ass now!!! Why? You ask? I will show you.

her: u're just too nice

Ralfus

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Ralfus' Home Page - Better than hopping on one leg!

 

[NoMoreNiceGuy]

NEANDERTHAL, take it easy on the Guy. He's obviously very young and hasn't learned yet. Hell, it took me forever to learn and I start have to work at it every day.

AStudent, I guess we haven't made it clear but from the moment she said you were" too nice" it was over. There's only one thing you can try and it may be impossible for you to do. But it works for me when I have a wishy washy girl that brings up that "maybe we should breakup thing" when there's no reason for it.

YOU MUST DO IT EXACTLY THE WAY I SAY FOR IT TO WORK. Nothing else will work and you may as well accept the fact that's it's over.

First of all, you can't do this over the phone or anything you must be face to face with her. YOU MUST firmly and even with a slight bit of anger behind it(no not yelling or screaming just FIRMLY- with conviction)say this

"If you want to break up just say so straight out. If you want it then we'll do it"

Believe it or not this is probably the only thing that will stop the break up. The reason why is this.

If you keep doing the Nice Guy thing it's definietly over. That's clear. But doing it this way it's a bit of a jerk thing and women perfer the way a jerk stands up for themselves and challenge her in some way. And the truth is, she doesn't really want to break up with you. If you force her to think about it this way and to make a clear decision she's going to chicken out. What's she'll say is "No, I guess not" Then you'll still be together. And also, she'll respect you more for not begging to stay together which would make you look desperate and that would actually make it easier for her to dump you. If the two of you do stay together you are going to have to stop being so nice to her or she'll pull this on you again soon.

Another thing, this will only work if she wishy washy and unsure about the whole thing. If she's definietly made up her mind there's not much you can do about it.


And one last thing, if she says "let's just be Friends" look her straight the eye and say "No Way" and don't say anything else. This is the only way she keep any respect for you. you see, she has no intention of still being friends with you when she says that. It's just her way of not feeling guilty because she knows she's doing something wrong(dumping on a nice guy)And, although VERY rare, I've actually heard of women changing their mind when a guy says that.

 

[marknola]

As usual Ralfus, hits the nail on the head. One other thing, girls never want to be the bad guy in the breakup. If you are not getting yes, yes, yes all the rest of the sh*t she says means no, no, no,no I don't want to go out with you anymore. When was the last time you let something come between you and someone you really wanted to be with. I didn't think so. It just don't happen. When the next guy comes along she will dump you like yesterdays news paper.

 

[AStudent]

If I don't talk to her she probably won't contact me, so could I let this fade. I mean just move on with out going up to her and saying we are broken up? I can pretend that I never went out with her, and focus more on my school work etc. Or another option is instead of talking to her tomorrow, maybe waiting a while to talk and just ignoring it for maybe a few days, then come back to it and confront her. NOT online. Thanx guys. Later.

[This message has been edited by AStudent (edited 04-17-2001).]

 

[Jdog]

I've learned a valuable, yet very simple lesson lately: The moment you think that by not calling her, she will lose interest and your relationship will "fade" away, it's already over. Don't look back. You were Wayyyyyyyyyyyyy to fukkin nice to this girl. You sound like a pathetic, desperate A-typical nice guy. She said it herself. Let me translate her last comment to you:

her: i wish all guys were nice.

Translation: I wish the "jerks" that I was lusting over in the past were nice. In fact I wish they were here right now.

Dude, one month is way too fukkin early to
say "hey i wanna talk to you bout something". Especially if that something pertains to your undying love for her.

 

[NoMoreNiceGuy]

No Don't wait. If you can confront her tommorrow, do it. And say exactly what I said to say, the way I said to say it. Look at it again. You're not going to say that you're broken up and you're not going to ask her if you are. You're going to challenge her to make the final decision. If you do, she'll back down.

Do you really want to wait and have it nagging at your mind? It's just a annoyance that you deserve a clear answer to. Even if she ays that yes you are broken up then it's better because it's a clean break and you can concentrate on moving on.

 

[AStudent]

Yeah good idea. The last thing I need is this nagging at me any longer. I just wonder why she ended the conversation after saying how much its bad to be too nice and then said that "I'm exceptional". I wonder where she is getting at?

 

[blacksun]

>me: because i thought you were special ever since we met i just dont know if you wanted to continue
>her: ugh why r u so sweet to me?!

I'm bull****ting and you are so sweet ??? You're a doormat.

>me: because i like you and never felt this way bout a girl...pretty much sums it up haha
>her: not that there's anything wrong with that i like it and all u're just too nice

I want a real man and not a nice doormat

>her: i wish all guys were nice

I wish those jerks who I would love to ****, were that nice, too.

>her: u're "exceptional"

you're the nicest doormat I've ever had, I'll keep you until I find a real man.

never do such a talk online.
read some posts about "nice guys vs. jerks"
find out what is a challenge for a woman.

 

[sara]

I was not denying that women gravitate to jerks. Sure, that happens sometimes but it's not because they crave to be cheated on, beaten up, lied to and disrepected. Really, that is a bunch of bull.

There is always something else about the jerk that attracts the woman, not that fact that he physically and verbally abuses her, cheats on her and or never compliments her or takes her places. Only women with low self esteem or emotional problems are attracted to men who treat them badly. They think it's all they deserve and it's what they're used to. So theydon't know any better.

You can treat women badly all you want, but the women you get with will be women with problems of their own. I"m actually appalled by all the men here who plan on getting dates and girlfriends by treating women badly. That is just too extreme. It will work for some of you, but try it on a confident, intelligent, self-respecting woman and it will fail. That is my challenge, go find a truly nice woman with self esteem who doesn't need a man to be happy. Then take her on a date, but don't compliment her, don't call her back, don't be romantic, act like a complete jerk and see how far it gets you.

Enough of this, I'm probably wasting my time with most of the bozos in here.

 

[maranathaman]

For what it'z worth, I think Sara is right.
Woman want an "exciting" fella, not a sappy-sweet "niceguy"/doormat. Unfortunately, the jerx tend to seem more exciting, so oftentimes the girls get sucked-into an unhealthy relationship with a jerk.
I say, the best thing to do, is tell girl that you deserve to be treated better than she is treating you, and YOU want to breakup with her! There's a chance that she will realize that she's loosing a good thing and repent from her ways. But if she says, fine, "see-ya"! then guess-what? you truely are better-off without her treating you like crap. Learn from your mistakes and resolve to demand to be treated with respect from now on. This does not mean you have be act like a jerk. It just means you know you've got alot to offer, and you want a woman who appreciates that. DO NOT lick her boots the way you've been doing anymore! If the woman is not willing to give, as well as receive, she's not worth your time!
~Andy



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“Patience is a virtue I do not have time for.”

 

[NoMoreNiceGuy]

"I was not denying that women gravitate to jerks. Sure, that happens sometimes"

SOMETIMES?!! It happens ALL the time! And quit denying it. You're not doing any guy here any favors. I've lived it my whole life and done more research on it then some people had to do to get their college degree.

"Enough of this, I'm probably wasting my time..."

No, it's our time you're wasting.

 

[ACTION]

Originally posted by NoMoreNiceGuy:
"I was not denying that women gravitate to jerks. Sure, that happens sometimes"

SOMETIMES?!! It happens ALL the time! And quit denying it. You're not doing any guy here any favors.

"Enough of this, I'm probably wasting my time..."

No, it's our time you're wasting.

I agree with NoMoreNiceGuy. Sorry Sara, but from mine and many of these guys' experiences, the OPPOSITE of what you say is what works. It's unfortunate that we MEN have to go through fukkin hoops just to get with a girl. Or have you quickly forgotten my post on the COSMO thread which you DID NOT reply to?

(You) But then again, is this site any better?

(Me) I don't know. Ask all your homegirls why they like playing these games, and we'll tell you why we HAVE to play along. Do you think I actually WANT to play these bullshyt games? No fukkin' way, but I HAVE to if I want to stay in the "game."

Holla at me!

PS: I think SOME of your input is valuable, but try to remember that you're speaking to a VERY WIDE cross-section of men from the WHOLE planet, not just your state or age group.



[This message has been edited by ACTION (edited 04-17-2001).]

 

[sara]

Thank you maran...!


action, there are so many posts directed at me within the discussion that I don't have time to go back and respond to all of them. I didn't even see that post.

you guys don't have to listen to me. I'm just giving my opinion. I'm a unique person and what works on me will not work on every woman. Actually, if you're trying to get an easy lay, or get adate with the type of girl that drinks herself drunk, parties, sleeps around, doesn't care about her education, etc. then don't listen to my advice at all.

There's a post in another thread by a guy who is sleeping with this easy, wild girl, but really he wants a relationship with the more proper, presentable british woman. Seems to me those women are very different and it seems to me that he's using different techniques with each of them. (if I remember correctly).

 

[NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER]

Guys, will u please be a little more considerate when addressing sara.

At least she is not one of those girls that comes to this site selfishly asking a question or 2 and not contributing back. Yes i know she asked us to participate in her kissing survey and asked about the guy in the gym.

She probably would like some of us to gravitate to her site but she isnt spamming it and u dont need to go to her site. I can see why she thinks some of us r "bozos".

Not saying u have to agree with her advice. And for the record, her advice isnt as bad as i think u guys make it out to be. She does preface a lot of her advice, so take that into consideration. Although i will say some of her advice is wishful thinking.

Sara,
How a lot of girls r, forces us to change how we go about getting them. The strong(and adaptable) survive, the weak fall by the wayside.
***********
edit: also i think i was quite tame with astudent. and i would have to disagree with confronting her because what will happen is she will be able to string u along as she is now. I would place money on that. CUT HER OFF.


[This message has been edited by NEANDERTHAL SUPERSOLDIER (edited 04-17-2001).]