Interest level too low?

[DJNiceGuy]

Hey fellas, this is a pretty newbie question that I would normally not ask. But I feel the circumstances are different because this girl is 21 years old which is the youngest I've ever gone out with. I'm 27. So we went out last night to a lounge. We were together for 5 hours, and I was kino-ing throughout. I got some mild kino back. This girl got really disgusted when she saw a couple making out so I think she's extremely anti-PDA. But her words indicated that she was interested saying things like "6 years isn't that big of a deal, my parents have a 9 year age difference". We danced a bit, and she wouldn't really grind.

Normally I'd chalk this up to low interest level and move on, but she's definitely an 8.5 or 9 so I'd like to run this to the ground before moving on. At the end of the night she kissed me on the cheek, then we hugged, and I pulled back to go in for a real kiss, but she had turned her head. Not a great sign I know. But she said she had a really good time and asked if we could do it again.

Her actions don't indicated a high interest level, but she did stay out with me for 5 hours, and was having a good time and threw me some of those verbal hints. Though normally girls text me "thanks for the great night. drive home safe" or something to that effect. But no text from her and I decided not to text her that b/c I felt like I made my intentions clear.

Thoughts on how to proceed? Text her today? Call her today? Ask her to hangout? Not sure if the rules of engagement change b/c she's only 21.

 

[Falcon25]

Look man, just because a girl doesn't grind on your covk doesn't mean she isn't horny or doesn't like you. Take it slow, get her comfortable. She will put out. You guys rush in, and get screwed. Keep flirting. Some people just hate PDA. You gotta get this freak behind closed doors.

 

[Falcon25]

Send her a text sayng you had a good time and want to take her out again. Tell her you want to take her out for some drinks. Take control, young girls love that.

Alcohol equals sex,
Dinner equals sleep.

Remember that.

 

[DavenJuan]

first, the fact that shes 21, the rules only change in the OTHER DIRECTION. I would assume that she is more sexually active at 21 than she would be at 27. IMO

I would take what she "said" with a grrain of salt..

girl got really disgusted when she saw a couple making out

.. doesnt mean a thing. her ACTIONS are the only thing you should be concerned about.

if she didnt want to kiss you at the end of the night, and didnt provide a legitmate reason, then i think you already have your answer brother.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Yeah, I don't have a great feeling about this. I guess I'll go ahead and ask her out again over a text later today.

 

[Jeffst1980]

A girl with lots of options is going to make you all the work. Get used to that. If she doesn't outright say LJBF, always ASSUME she is still interested, even if you didn't get a kiss or text the first night.

Invite her out again, and this time, take her somewhere where you two have a bit more privacy. You need to build more comfort, and doing stuff together, just the two of you, is the way to do it.

It's summer here in the US, so there should be PLENTY of outdoor stuff to do! It's always good to prepare some good "first kiss" locations ahead of time--any place with a view will suffice. You want to create some special moments; this is what will get her to start investing some effort.

 

[Bluntmaster]

I guess I'll go ahead and ask her out again over a text later today.

What are you doing?

Who asks a girl out the day after a first date? A man with no options that's who.

You should go silent for 2 days at least ESPECIALLY if she isn't showing high interest.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Thanks guys. That's a good point Bluntmaster. Jeff do you agree go silent for 2 days, then text her for the followup date.

 

[scorpio1138]

yes wait 2 days then text her.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

Let's break this situation down in a little more detail to know exactly how it went.

You mentioned there was some kino on both sides, which is always a good sign.

But how was the conversation?

How was her body language?

Did you think she was really having a good time or did you get the vibe that it was whatever?

-----------------------------

My initial thoughts:


- 5 hours is a hell of a long time to spend on a first date unless you were going on a mini road trip or an amusement park where you were doing something rather than just sitting drinking and talking.

-Venue changes are always a good idea when you spend a long time together, builds rapport and makes the girl feel like she knows you better for whatever reason.

-You definitely did not build up enough sexual attraction otherwise she would not have rejected you.

- DJ 101: Just like people will always tell you to not go out to dinner and a movie on a first date, don't wait til the end of the night to go for the kiss!! If the vibe was good at some point in the beginning or middle, you should have gone for it right then and there.

-Get this girl off the pedestal, I know your not chumpin' it or anything, but just because she's 21 doesn't mean anything... your only 27, so its not a big deal.

-People may disagree on this and I use to be a STRONG advocate of waiting a couple days to call or set up a date and I still think it has its place because every situation is different, BUT don't use any hard set rules with this.... if she's really into you, she won't care if you call the next day. In this situation though I agree that you should wait a couple days before setting up another date.

-Another DJ 101: watch her actions not her words. She said she's down to go out again, now lets see if she follows through. If she agrees then your still in the game. Be confident and don't let the rejection from last time bother you at all.

-Lastly take her someplace where the focus isn't based on conversation and you two. Go do something!!! Sports, something competitive, a fair, etc anything where you can have fun and take the focus off of you two. Also it wouldn't hurt if you pick something your good at so your on some home turf.






PIMP

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Pimp, her body language was decent, but I wish she would get more cozy. Conversation was good. Got pretty deep. She asked a lot of questions.

Okay, action date it is. Thanks everyone for your replies. I'm going to call her tomorrow (Friday) and ask her out for Sunday (or I guess Sat if she's free). I know this great indoor mini-golf place thats indoors above a bar, and then this pie place. She apparently loves apple pie, so I think this will be a good plan. There are a few other bars there too, so we'll hop around.

 

[Zarky]

This girl isn't going to work out for you. A lack of kiss is a deal-breaker. Even Doc Love, the most obvious advice guy on the 'net, says so. I can't believe you're not seeing the signs that either this chick is a total prude or she's way not into you. And now you're thinking of asking her out for a Saturday? Go back to bootcamp. She only gets Friday and especially Saturday dates ones she's your 'girlfriend' and you've boned her several times.

C'mon guys, this is sandlot stuff you're f*cking up here.

 

[kingsam]

ppl are writing her off too early...
give her the benefit of the doubt for being traditional/slow moving, some just are!
if every thing else was GOOD you may be ok, but we dont know how good you are at reading her so we will have to take your word for it !

This girl isn't going to work out for you. A lack of kiss is a deal-breaker. Even Doc Love, the most obvious advice guy on the 'net, says so. I can't believe you're not seeing the signs that either this chick is a total prude or she's way not into you. And now you're thinking of asking her out for a Saturday? Go back to bootcamp. She only gets Friday and especially Saturday dates ones she's your 'girlfriend' and you've boned her several times.

C'mon guys, this is sandlot stuff you're f*cking up here.

in probably the biggest Doc Love fan boy on SS, but DL says that some women are just "tradiational/slow moving" and dont kiss on first dates... NOW if she doesnt kiss on the second date THEN you are in more trouble...

OP take her out in the, NEVER on a Friday/Saturday...it shows you have nothing else going on in your life!
set the date for sunday afternoon thru thrusday...

keep the next date shorter, and do something the others said about

 

[tihash]

What I used to do: If a girl turns the cheek when I go to kiss her I nexted her.

What I do now: If a girl turns the cheek when I go to kiss her I stop, pull away, and say, "Awww... are you afraid to kiss me?" then go for the kiss a second time right then. If she kisses on lips, then she gets a second date. If she does not, next.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Just got off the phone with her, we're on for mini golf and a pie place on sunday. The one thing I want to avoid is becoming yet another male friend orbiter. So I'm going to go for a kiss again and see what happens. If she's still not comfortable, and offers no explanations, I'll drop it.

 

[MatureDJ]

I would go on the 2 declined dates with no follow up rule. Keep dating until she would decline you 2 times in a row. If she really has any interest, she will either suggest something when she declines the date, or once you would quit calling her after the 2nd decline, she would call you asking why you didn't call her (you tell her that she seemed to be too busy to get together - which will put her on notice to stop her sh!t.)

 

[kingsam]

I would go on the 2 declined dates with no follow up rule. Keep dating until she would decline you 2 times in a row. If she really has any interest, she will either suggest something when she declines the date, or once you would quit calling her after the 2nd decline, she would call you asking why you didn't call her (you tell her that she seemed to be too busy to get together - which will put her on notice to stop her sh!t.)

this is a very one dimensional angle - a woman who was low IL but still likes you "taking her out and spending money on her" (either has nothing better to do or is a proffesional dater) will not decline and you could get used ......

 

[jophil28]

Some women take longer than others to be "dialled up", however if a woman is interested she will send you some unmistakeable 'signals' on the second date at the latest - IOI's are women's ways of saying " It's on" .
However these signals vary widely both in style and intensity.
Be alert !

 

[squirrels]

Look man, just because a girl doesn't grind on your covk doesn't mean she isn't horny or doesn't like you. Take it slow, get her comfortable. She will put out. You guys rush in, and get screwed. Keep flirting. Some people just hate PDA. You gotta get this freak behind closed doors.

Pretty much. Don't feel bad for trying to escalate...that's what men do. But don't get discouraged as long as you're getting buying signs. I've met a couple of girls like that...they SEEM cold as hell, but they stick around, and when you get her all alone, eventually she melts.

 

[DJNiceGuy]

Thanks guys, I will look for these signs on the date. Some girls definitely take a little longer. If the moment feels right, I'll go for it.