Incompetent Bartender Ruined my Chances with Girl!

[ffm86]

God damn it, I'm still pissed off!

Last night, I was at a bar. I had come by myself. I ordered 2 beers just to loosen up and work up the courage to approach a girl. I'm trying to build "bar-game." I eventually started chatting to this amazingly hot, short, dark skinned, black haired girl. We were really hitting it off.

She followed me to the bar when I went to order my third and final drink. I tell the bartender I wanted 1 more beer and to close my tab. Hes brings me my beer and my tab, but on the tab, there's charges for 5 beers and a vodka shot.

I call him over and told him how I had only ordered 3 drinks, and he started to contest it. He said the people "in my group" had ordered 2 more beers and a vodka shot, but I hadn't come in a group, I came on my own. He then said "look, stop being an ******* to me, I'll stop being an ******* to you, or I'm going to have to call security."

I didn't blow my lid or flip out, but I had to raise my voice simply because there were a ton of people and blaring music, and I was still trying to explain to hi, that I had only purchased 3 beers, and that I wasn't going to pay for 3 other drinks that I hadn't ordered.

Eventually, the girl I was chatting to leaned in and said "It's alright I got it," and slipped the bartender a couple of bills. I told her, "it's alright, don't pay for their mistake," but she insisted.

I thought this would be a good sign, but after she paid the guy and he went away, she just immediately said "I have to go." I said "So soon?" She said "Yeah, but it was really nice talking to you."

I told her, "Look, thank you again. Really, you shouldn't have had to pay for their mistake. But how about I make it up to you sometime? Let me get that number."

But she said "Umm... maybe I'll run into here again next time." I said "I don't think I'll be coming back here again. You got facebook?" She said yes, but that she'll facebook me. Today, no facebook request yet.

So I feel pretty disappointed and pissed off. Has anyone been in this situation? What should I have done?

 

[scottfall]

I would have payed but not tipped him. IMO its not worth the trouble if its obvious that the bartender isnt going to take the drinks off your tab.

 

[Brighty]

Shyt happens.

My only suggestion was that perhaps you unintentionally came off more aggressive than you thought you did and maybe if you just took the bartender aside calmly you guys could've worked it out.

Sounds like she got turned off on how you handled the situation, but thats just pure luck of the draw. Don't beat yourself up about it too much, sounds like you had her. So find another girl tonight and this time you won't get interrupted by a ****block.

 

[macallik]

you handled the situation poorly and it reflected poorly on you

 

[ffm86]

you handled the situation poorly and it reflected poorly on you

Okay, so how you'd you have so masterfully handled the situation ?

 

[TheGameMaster]

if things are going smoothely with the girl, id politely, with a smile inform the barman of the problem. if my charisma didnt win him over and show him that im not lying, then id pay the extra few quid, to be still in with a chance with the girl

 

[rushing dude 123]

So basically u didn't pay for no beers, whats the problem lol, girls come and go but beer pollutes ur liver forever lol. I am jk, i think u should try to handle it bit more kooly if possible and say that u was with no one and that the bar tab was only for me and that u never said to put there beers on my tab. But u will pay for the beers u bought np. If still no go just ask to speack to the manager.

basically i think he was trying to get u out of the club has quickly has possible via security or make u pay before the mistake he made was recognised and probablly taken out of his pay check.

 

[Nutz]

Okay, so how you'd you have so masterfully handled the situation ?

With stellar diplomacy and social grace. Getting all reactive and upset is a major turnoff, hence her blowing you off after all that went down.

 

[Duffdog]

Okay, so how you'd you have so masterfully handled the situation ?

I would have paid it and not even cared in the least if I felt that I was going home with the girl. It could be the bartender just taxing you because he knew you actually were going home with her and he was banking on the fact that you wouldn't notice or care. In my mind, if you are worried about money at a bar, you should not be going out. Or--you could learn your lesson and make sure to always go with a female bartender! Better yet, don't open a tab and carry cash.

 

[Monster]

Yeah man I don't ever open a tab anymore after seeing couple of my friends get their bill messed up. Just pay cash.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I read so many posts on here when the guy often mis-reads a situation, thinking a girl was on his nutz, when he reality they weren't. If you guys were really hitting it off and she was jocking you, she would've gave you her number regardless. The fact that she didn't, should be your sign that she wasn't that interested.

Don't waste your time trying to find her on Facebook now, that's desperation. Move on...




PIMP

 

[JJMcLure]

The bartender could have been trying to rip you off because he figured you wouldn't argue in front of the chick. On the other hand, did you open a bunch of sets because he could have added some of those people's drinks to your tab. It seems odd this chick decided to pay so I'm wondering if she had some friends and maybe they added something to your tab (and she knew about it)?

I wouldn't have paid for the drinks I didn't order. If it couldn't be resolved with the bartender I'd ask for the manager. You were right to stand your ground, being ripped off is AFC. But given the bartender's comment to you, I'm wondering if he felt you were being aggressive. He suggested you were being an "a**hole" to him, which is a bit strong for a normal discussion. If it was heated then your reaction could have turned the chick off.

The necessary approach is to maintain a calm, polite but firm disposition throughout such a situation. The mindset to have is that you are right and so the confidence that you won't be paying what you don't owe - this will help you assume that frame.

The answer is don't open a tab in future (particularly for only three beers). With the potential for random stuff to get added on it's not worth it.

 

[FireOnTheMountain]

As someone else suggested, the bartender could easily have been just making that stuff up to rip you off.

People do it all the time in situations when you are kind of at their mercy, I've come to find out.


As an example... My sister was checking out of her apartment on the last day of her lease. After she moved everything out and had given her key back to the manager, he says 'Your lease actually has one month left on it, and you'll need to be pay that before you go.' Thankfully, my sister didn't fall for it and just asked for the keys back. The guy gives a deer-in-the-headlights look and says 'Uh..let me double check the lease' and of course it didn't have another month on it.


I just wonder how much extra money that guy has made by pulling that trick on people.

And I wonder how much extra cash that bartender gets by saying people's "groups" ordered imaginary drinks on their tabs.

 

[SharinganUser]

You should've broke a bottle over his head.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Bartenders suck. I rarely get along with them in crowded bars.

Last month I was in a packed bar. The female bartender had nice t!ts that were half hanging out, but she was being a complete cvnt to everyone. My group ordered a round, then by the time she got back with our drinks, my own girlfriend had finished her drink and I wanted one more bottle of beer. She goes off on me "you had better tell me all your drinks at one time so I don't have to make two trips!!!"

I could tell that every other guy there was taking her sh!t because her boobs were hanging out, but I was not about to. "Wow, you're in a bad mood," I replied.

"No I'm not!!!" she snapped back.

"Yes, you are. You're been a b!tch to everyone all night."

Suddenly, her male barkeep counterpart, who happened to be a giant hulking bald guy twice my size and had a dozen of his own biker friends at the bar is in my face right away. "IS THERE A PROBLEM HERE?" he screams.

Obviously, he liked the girl, and this was his save-a-ho routine. I did not back down, but told him that his bar tender was mean and I was scared of her, trying to laugh it off. "Just keep her away...she's scary," I said and laughed, only halfway kidding. The people with me later told me that he said to leave, and I just ignored him. I was at the point of actually trying to get him to kick me out, which he probably would have succeeded at doing, since he was huge, but I wanted to chance the make him bleed in front of his girly-friend first.

Maybe your bartender was an outright thief, or maybe he himself liked the girl you were talking to. I have run into a lot of sh!tty bartenders.

 

[Julian]

You had a tab, so he had your credit card?

Rule number one NEVER give your plastic to barstaff. EVER. Its too much risk bro.

They are skeazy as fuk when it comes to sh1t like that, and 80 % of the time its not even intentional. They will be gettin fked up themselves and get cards mixed up, charge sh1t up, and if you are wasted the shady bartenders will rack you with charges you probably wont remember.

Thats why always just use cash when u hit the town. Buy a drink at a time, tip well the first drink, 3-5 dollars and you will be getting good service all night.


And as far as this girl goes...well however you handled the situation was a turn off for her. What her impression was I could only guess but it was definetly not an impression of alpha status. Especially the desperate attempt at getting her contact info even going so far as to supply your own full name for facebook...I mean damn son if that doesnt reek clingy loser I dont know what does. If a b1tch wanna walk then let that b1tch walk.

As for handling the bartender. Man its a tricky situation, on one hand if you like the spot you should build rapport with the staff. But I wouldnt want to visit an establishment where a mutha fukka tries to charge me for 6 drinks when I had 2. Thats just bogus. I personally never had a fked up charge after opening my tab, always had good experiences but still wouldnt do it anymore.

 

[Peterpack]

I never start a tab, always use cash

I think you intentionally came accross as a cheap jerk

She didnt know you that well, she didn't know who was in the right and wrong, she was just going by what she saw and to her, it obviously didn't look very appealing

I would have paid the tab, did a number close, go back and **** up the bartender

 

[Bass-Turd]

That's a crazy situation. why she paid for you is even more confusing

but i also say... no loss
if a chick blew you off that easily than she must've not been THAT interested in you in the first place

I can't judge how you handled the situation, lol you did the same thing i prolly woulda done. but perhaps with less noise and disturbance next time. the chick was probably embarrassed to be part of a bar scene

Sticking up for yourself was not the problem, but how you went about it was

 

[Canadian Catnip]

I never run a tab. Stupid move.

Use cash when going out to the bar. It keeps your spending in line. Go to the ATM and take out $20 or $40 and only spend that amount. Once the cash is gone, the drinking is over.

To me, seeing a guy pull out a credit card to pay for a few dollars worth of stuff comes across as wimpy. It's happening more and more these days.

I used to see only women doing this. They take out their purse and they have no cash and just a credit card.

Now I see men doing this as well. I'll see a guy open his wallet and he has no cash on him at all. I think, what the hell is wrong with this guy that he has no cash.

 

[Social Calibration]

That sucks man and it seems like she got scared off because you seemed easily hot-headed over the situation.

I think the better way to have handled the situation is just slip him the money you legitimately owed and said, "Look, here's the money that I owe you, nothing more nothing less and that's the way it's gonna be. Call security if you want and cause we're on our way out anyway."

Then say to the girl, "C'mon we're not gonna let something like this ruin our night, let's continue our little adventure elsewhere"

That way, you handled the situation maturely, didn't make it a big deal and confidently moved on from it like it was just a little jump over a obstacle. She'll see that your cool-headed and don't let little **** like that bother you