Inappropriate Behaviour

[eyedogg]

Dash - I like you advice. It's tough to do but the ACTIONS, such as distancing yourself speak very loudly.

 

[Mr.Positive]

She made a mistake, she disrespected herself and Slickster. When you are in a 2 year relationship, serious relationship, when one partner does something stupid, both people have to deal with the consequences. It's not a matter of control, but more of who you are with is a reflection of you.

But also, she made a mistake, she got drunk and had a stupid conversation with a couple of guys.

You know what, if that's the worst thing she has done in 2 YEARS...compared to the crappy things that 99% of the other low quality gals do on a daily basis it seems. He should be so lucky.

I'm not saying he shouldn't be pissed, I know I would be livid. But to throw 2 years away for a stupid mistake is just insane.

The thing is, she's not perfect. Slicker's not perfect, I'm not perfect...nobody is perfect. People make mistakes...that's what being human is.

What he needs to watch for now, is how she handles making up for the mistake. She know's she f*cked up, let her try and resolve this.

Slickster, give her a chance to redeem herself. Don't give up on her yet.

 

[hithard]

Slickster, give her a chance to redeem herself. Don't give up on her yet.

To throw a girl away over something this small would be crazy. It seems like a one off, until you get any further confirmation. Best to deal with the issue quickly and monitor her behavior for a while. The bigger deal you make out of this, the more insecure you would look in her eyes. And most probably she would be willing to test the boundaries to see how far she can push. Don’t convey too much weakness here.

Hey at least she got a funny nickname.

 

[STR8UP]

the same effects are seen in women. women actually are much worse than men. try flirting with other women in front of your gf and see what happens - they get MUCH angrier than men do!

I have beat to death the example of the chick I was casually seeing last year who flew off the handle more than once when I was seen socializing with other women, but this is the perfect example.

In my eyes I was doing nothing, and I mean NOTHING wrong. I was being social. I even confirmed it with a male friend who was also present, and he saw nothing in my actions that would give this chick a reason to lose it like that. Whats funny is that HER friend sided with her, later telling me that "when you are 'with' someone, you should be paying more attention to HER than other people". I tried to explain that when you are in a SOCIAL situaiton you have to be just that- SOCIAL. I was talking to guys AND girls. It wasn't even flirting. And I don't even think that either her or friend would refute that. It was the simple fact that I wasn't devoting 100% of the attention I gave to females to HER. Ridiculous.

Another thing is women pick up on even the most SUBTLE attraction.

I remember my last LTR got really bent out of shape when we were at a little VIP party I was hosting. Again, I was trying to be social. I was sitting with my girl and I scooted over to speak with another female who happened to be someone I was doing business with at the time. In the three or so minutes I was talking to this other chick my girl got upset. Later that night she asked me if I had a "thing" with her. Of course I didn't, but she must have picked up on something I missed cause just a short while later at 3am my phone rings. I didn't pick up, but it was that other chick calling. She left a message saying she had a great time and hoped I had gotten home safe, blah, blah.

Ok, I admit, that must have seemed shady cause my girl was laying right next to me in bed when i was listening to the message at 3am. And when i think back on it there probably was some attraction there, at least on her part, judging by the way she was when she was around me.

It really pisses me off sometimes to tell you the truth. Women feel that they have the green light to do a lot of sh!t when they are in a relationship with you, yet EVEN BEFORE you are committed to them YOU can do something completely innocent and she will blow it way out of proportion. And the worst thing is, you can explain it to her all day how she is being hypocritical, and there is no way to make her understand it.

If you're gonna do the time, you might as well do the crime is what I am starting to think. My ex would have sworn that I was cheating on her during our relationship, but I didn't so much as kiss another girl the entire two years we were together. If she was going to think it anyway maybe I should have? Chicks....

 

[Slickster]

She made a mistake, she disrespected herself and Slickster. When you are in a 2 year relationship, serious relationship, when one partner does something stupid, both people have to deal with the consequences. It's not a matter of control, but more of who you are with is a reflection of you.

But also, she made a mistake, she got drunk and had a stupid conversation with a couple of guys.

You know what, if that's the worst thing she has done in 2 YEARS...compared to the crappy things that 99% of the other low quality gals do on a daily basis it seems. He should be so lucky.

I'm not saying he shouldn't be pissed, I know I would be livid. But to throw 2 years away for a stupid mistake is just insane.

The thing is, she's not perfect. Slicker's not perfect, I'm not perfect...nobody is perfect. People make mistakes...that's what being human is.

What he needs to watch for now, is how she handles making up for the mistake. She know's she f*cked up, let her try and resolve this.

Slickster, give her a chance to redeem herself. Don't give up on her yet.

Thanks for being positive, Mr. Positive.

Well my gf returned home last night and we had the inevitable talk about last weekends events. I never had a real good explanation on EXACTLY what happened that night and I decided to keep my cool until I found out. Knowing full well that she would try and sugar coat the story so she didn't look so bad. It seemed like a good place to start.

I told her that I was doing my best to forgive her but I was really angry when I heard my friend telling the story to everyone the other night. I didn't tell her that my friend stopped telling the story. I implied that he spilled the beans and I wanted to hear HER version of the story.

She was VERY upset and I could tell that she felt terrible about what happened. She explained the details and although she admits to starting the conversation she also said that it was my buddy doing most of the talking. (Which is quite believable if you know my friend) After hearing all the details I told her that she better be telling me everything and it better be the truth. I also informed her that I would do my best to forgive her but if I find out later that the story is different than what she told me I would not be able to forgive her ever.

We talked alot about why she started the conversation and I explained that the message it sends is not a good one to be sending. I told her that I wouldn't accept any male attention seeking behaviour like that. I gave her a few examples of other women we both know who do the same thing (ie. my friends wife) and she seemed sickened that I would consider her to be in their category.

The reasons she gave for starting the conversation were:

1. She was drunk
2. She is interested in trying anal sex and wanted to know if other people are doing it with their girlfriends.

She fully agrees that it was extremely stupid and the people she chose to discuss it with were wrong. She feels terrible that she disrespected herself and our relationship.

I'm fully aware that she was seeking male attention whether her reasons are true or not. I'm not going to dump her or make her feel guilt forever. It was a mistake and I can tell she is suffering because of it.

I will however have my radar tuned to any behaviour I see like this in the future and if it happens again I will act accordingly.

She has been a great gf and our relationship has been really good for the last two years. She has been really good about forgiving me in the past for some of the screw ups I've made and I would really like to try and do the same.

Thank you to all who took the time share your thoughts on this matter. Its been very helpful.

Always good to have a few bros who really know their shyt to keep your head on straight when the emotions are flaring.

Thanks again

Slick

 

[Phyzzle]

She is interested in trying anal sex and wanted to know if other people are doing it with their girlfriends.

Wait a minute, she's never tried it?

Well, now that you've had the "anal sex talk", you can have the "anal sex" as well. I'd say things are going pretty sweet. So this is the bicycle girl?

 

[joekerr31]

The reasons she gave for starting the conversation were:

1. She was drunk
2. She is interested in trying anal sex and wanted to know if other people are doing it with their girlfriends.

She fully agrees that it was extremely stupid and the people she chose to discuss it with were wrong. She feels terrible that she disrespected herself and our relationship.

first things first - bravo! you handled this situation perfectly and its smooth sailing from here on in. you're in the drivers seat, you are the prize, she knows the boundaries, you handled it like a man, reinforcing your alpha status - perfect all the way around and you will reap the rewards for it moving forward.

that said, your post made me laugh pretty hard. your woman is a smart one. she gets caught behaving inappropriately, then has to think how to get out of the jam shes in. and she found the perfect excuse - 'i was only asking because im curious about trying it.'

hahahahahaha.

im calling MAJOR bullsh*t on that one!!!

if she was curious she would have asked you. she would have googled it. she would have talked about it with her girlfriends. she would not have brought it up to two drunk guys.

but its the perfect excuse because it deflects all attention away from the event and turns the whole situation in to 'honey i'm sorry, can you try f*cking me in the *ss sometime?"

hahahaha. you know, i gotta tip my hat to women sometimes, they can be DAMN crafty. they truly can be masters at diversion, covert communication and manipulation.

that said, all things considered you got what you wanted. she KNOWS, no ifs ands or buts, that she crosses the line with you and there are serious consequences to consider. so she's going to be VERY careful about crossing that line in the future.

and she's just cranked up the kinkiness factor in the bedroom for you.

so all in all, even though her excuse is MAJOR bullsh*t (in my opinion), let it ride because you got what you wanted in the end.

 

[Slickster]

So this is the bicycle girl?

Yes.

 

[eyedogg]

Great job Slick!

So now that she dropped that line - your pretty much are obligated as a DJ to call her on her curiousity and give it a whirl with you right?

 

[Nighthawk]

I don't think talking about anal sex is a big deal.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Slickster, quit rationalizing her ill behavior!!! There is no excuse for her horish speech and thinking!! This is part of who she is - you are a fool if you marry her!!! Your credibility amongst your friends is lost if you stay with her - she disrespected you severely!!

 

[Ever onward]

Guys,

This may be way off topic but I want to give a shout out to you all. For the longest time I've dealt with women that I'm with talking about sex in front of other guys and it has bothered me. I always thought that it was MY insecurity and I had to deal with it.

And it's awesome to know that my values aren't off but it's the women I've been dealing with who are.

It is not wrong to ask for respect in such matters and I will do so when appropriate. My standards for women has just gotten higher.

 

[Latinoman]

So a buddy of mine married the wrong girl. The red flags were all over the place (for me anyway) but he just couldn't see them. She was a single mom, attention *****, controlling as all hell, and low self-esteem despite her good looks.

They got married about 3 years ago. Had a baby right away and bought a house. For the first couple of years I never saw either of them. She wouldn't let him out of the house. Nowadays I see her all the time. Their relationship is on the rocks. Now that her their baby is a little older she is out all the time partying leaving my friend home to take care of the kids. Most times she's out until all hours of the night with a group of dudes.

There is widespread speculation that there is a possible affair in the works. She spends a lot of time with a certain guy. They claim that they are only friends. Funny but this certain guy and his long time gf just split. Turns out the gf couldn't take this new "friendship".

Whenever I see my buddies wife out partying she is such an attention wh0re. She makes all kinds of sexual comments and is extremely flirty with all the guys. Most of the guys just ignore it in respect of our friend. However, there are some who play her game and frankly it makes me a little sick!

I know she does it for attention but I find it completely inappropriate. I've had a few discussions with my girlfriend and other friends about her and we all agree that what she is doing is not good.

This past weekend we were all at a beach party. At one point I'm standing there with a couple male friends and this attention whoring beatch. Somehow she works the conversation into sex and starts describing to us all how she has been so horny lately. And also how wet her pVssy is because her and her husband haven't been having sex.

Now I'm thinking here we go again. What a fvcking cvnt. None of the other guys seem to really care but I just feel like telling her to shut up because she's married to one of my good friends. So anyway I walk away shaking my head.

Awhile later I'm stumbling around in the darkdrunk and stupid. I come across my own girlfriend with two other dudes. (The same dudes from earlier.) Turns out they are in the middle of a conversation about the intricate details of anal sex.

Now at the time I didn't really think a whole lot about it. (Too drunk) The next day though one of the guys who was there makes a smart ass crack at my girlfriend about the a$$fVcking conversation. She was really embarrassed and I just gave her a very unimpressed look. Now I know these two guys very well and there is NO WAY in hell that they started that conversation. They fVcking know better.

So a while later my gf comes to me and apologizes. She admits that it was her who started the conversation and agrees that it was totally inappropriate.
I must say I was a little shocked especially after all the discussion regarding the attention wh0re my friend is married to. My gf claims she was drunk (which makes it worse in my mind) and didn't know what she was doing. Yeah right. I've made it very clear to her that I won't accept that kind of behaviour.

The part that bugs me is also the two dudes involved in the conversation. I can't imagine having a discussion like that with their gf's. I wouldn't do it and I know they wouldn't either.

Anyhow I just wanted to throw this little story out there and get some of your thoughts on situations like this.

1- Tell your buddy to keep a secured log book. To keep track of the times he is left behind babysitting the kids and the times his wife goes to bars with males.

2- Tell him to eventually hire a private detective for pictures, etc.

3- Tell him to secure his finances.

4- Tell him to get a lawyer.

5- Tell him to divorce her and get FULL custody of the children.

In relation to your situation...I would have dumped my girlfriend on the SPOT. But now that she knows better...if she does it again...dump her. How can you trust a woman that gets drunk and PRIVATELY talks about anal sex with two males (your buddies too!)?

 

[Latinoman]

couple of quick thoughts before i run out the door here...

1) your friend married a wh*re. he should divorce her RIGHT away before his net worth grows. better to give her half now than half in 10 years. hopefully she remarries quickly and then he can stop paying support.

2) your girlfriend is an 'in the closet' wh*re. i'll tell you why... its one thing to talk about something like anal sex when you are sober. that;s actually MUCH better. because at least in that scenario she has her wits about her and can keep the conversation under control (its still not right, but its easier to address). the fact that she brought this up while drunk tells me that when her inhibition is lowered she LOVES getting guys riled up. women are NOT stupid - they KNOW that talking about sex with men tends to get them hot and bothered. she is letting them know that shes a 'bad girl who does bad things'.

was she trying to hook up with them? not at all. what she WAS doing though was attempting to raise the attention she receives from your social circle. she's trying to climb the social ladder by being the girl that likes to talka bout sex and who likes sex, even kinky sex. not only does this bring her more attention, it also prepares the social circle to offer her vines to jump to if you she wants to jump from yours.

lets face it, group of guys and girls hang out. one girl starts talking about anal sex etc. girl breaks up with boyfriend. are you telling me that one of the guys in the group is not going to try and bang her knowing she's in to kinky sex?

3) women today use sex talk openly as a means of drawing attention. i dont know why this has happened, but it is a big disturbing. i've been in many conversations where women are very blunt about sexual acts. its even worse when its all women and just one man (ie. me). personally i find its a total turn off. i feel like im talkign to a group of hookers.

4) this also goes to show that its really really hard to find a good woman. a lot of women, like your gf and your buds wife, have adopted the 'sex in the city' attitude towards life.

5) lastly, and perhaps most importantly, is NEVER EVER EVER until the day you take your last breath assess a situation based on what a woman says. ALWAYS judge the behavior. so who cares what your gf says was the reason she talked about anal sex with two other guys. its totally immaterial. whatever she says is ALWAYS going to cast her in the most positive light possible. all you have to ask yourself is whether a woman who does that is what you are looking for in a mate.

her behavior was not right nor wrong in the objective sense. all that matters is whether her behavior is compatible with what you want in your life. and if its not, then you need to take this as a serious sign of the tip of the iceburg.

trust me, this isn't a one time slip up. this is the tip of a personality trait that is a part of who she is. she may have hidden it from you, or you may not have wanted to see it - but if it disturbs you then you need to start paying close attention to who exactly your gf REALLY is as a person and whether that is who you want to spend more time with.

anyway, those are my initial thoughts. i might have more to say when later. gotta jet.

I totally agree with this post.

 

[joekerr31]

I don't think talking about anal sex is a big deal.

well if you have a gf, or next time you have a gf, try an experiment.

find two of her best friends and start talking to them about anal sex when your gf isn't there.

then let your gf's friends tell her about the convo and see how she reacts. i guarantee you it puts you in the dog house for quite some time (unless you are with a liberal chic or unless this is the kind of behavior you have always exhibited and she is accustom to it and doesn't mind it).

 

[Latinoman]

first things first - bravo! you handled this situation perfectly and its smooth sailing from here on in. you're in the drivers seat, you are the prize, she knows the boundaries, you handled it like a man, reinforcing your alpha status - perfect all the way around and you will reap the rewards for it moving forward.

that said, your post made me laugh pretty hard. your woman is a smart one. she gets caught behaving inappropriately, then has to think how to get out of the jam shes in. and she found the perfect excuse - 'i was only asking because im curious about trying it.'

hahahahahaha.

im calling MAJOR bullsh*t on that one!!!

if she was curious she would have asked you. she would have googled it. she would have talked about it with her girlfriends. she would not have brought it up to two drunk guys.

but its the perfect excuse because it deflects all attention away from the event and turns the whole situation in to 'honey i'm sorry, can you try f*cking me in the *ss sometime?"

hahahaha. you know, i gotta tip my hat to women sometimes, they can be DAMN crafty. they truly can be masters at diversion, covert communication and manipulation.

that said, all things considered you got what you wanted. she KNOWS, no ifs ands or buts, that she crosses the line with you and there are serious consequences to consider. so she's going to be VERY careful about crossing that line in the future.

and she's just cranked up the kinkiness factor in the bedroom for you.

so all in all, even though her excuse is MAJOR bullsh*t (in my opinion), let it ride because you got what you wanted in the end.

Hahahaha. I agree.

Now...he has to deal with two minor issues:

1 - Fvcking her in her azz

and

2- Talking to his buddy about running his mouth. This one he must do in a way that is not confrontational and that gets his respect intact. Furthermore, might further win her respect.

This is how I would deal with it...if it happens in front of others.

"Hey...I know she did something stupid by talking this kind of topic with you guys. She appologized and I am going to give her a chance. And the only reason I'm giving her a chance is because she has behaved in a respectful matter for the 2 years we have been together. I understand a woman running her mouth and making a mistake by disrespecting me. Hey...they are after all women and they don't know better. We men sometimes have to explain them what the deal is. My girlfriend NOW knows better and she clearly NOW understand the consequences. However, I don't understand how one of my buddies...a MALE buddy, believes he can go on disrespecting me. You are my bud and all...and I like you. But now you are going from being a bud into simply disrespecting me. She was drunk and stupid and ran her mouth. That is her excuse. And she dealt with the consequences. What is your excuse? Do I have the azzhole word stamped in my forehead? Do I have a sign that reads 'let disrespect Latinoman'?"