"I'm too nice"

[Someone Much cooler]

got a quick question, i have been talking with this 20 year old, better than average looking girl with a great personality, for a while, she says all this crap like she wants a romantic guy, who will treat her nicely, who is doing something with his life, ambition, blah blah, blah. She is originally from the bronx, but now lives in upstate ny, so she isn't hood, ghetto or tough, best comparison is like think Will Smith vs DMX as far as toughness goes. She said she was scared to iniate convo wit me cause she felt she wouldn't measure up to my standards. We usually talk at night, normal getting to know each other convo, but the other day we had some deep convo and we started talking about what the other likes sexually and looks for in a relationship. 2 days later she states "your too nice, i dunno maybe i'm just not used to it." Of course it threw up a red flag (lil heffa called me and afc on the low) and I asked her what she mean't by "Too nice", she gave a confusing answer that i don't remember. The weird part is that im not really all that nice, yeah im civil and give basic human kindness but nothing all that fantastic, actually i crack and joke on her alot? Maybe she is self sabatoging or maybe she is really that used to thug dudes so much that she percives an average person as soft or afc. dunno. I ain't gonna call her tonight, but what yall think-move on or see what happens?

 

[Someone Much cooler]

66 views and no help, guess im on my own

 

[saber]

ill offer my 2 cents but remember im super bored at work so proceed with caution...lol

shes was scared to iniate convo with you? --seems like there is more here than meets the eye but I cant be certain

im assuming you have been sleeping with her? if so you guys probably don't have that spark? maybee...too be honest ur sorta vague

try not calling her or a jealously plotline...I think you "technically fit what she is seeking but missing a detail or two?

if you gaven't tapped that then it's obvious way too much talk and not enough baby mak'n

without details advice is hard to give

 

[Someone Much cooler]

nope i haven't screwed her yet, actually i met her a while back and we speak every now and again.

 

[Someone Much cooler]

ahhh if no one response that must mean its not really a serious problem

 

[Interceptor]

OK, you got me, I'll bite.

It means she's either testing you to see if you can act sexually to her and escalate, or the chick has serious issues that you cannot fulfill no matter what you do.

Stay away from chicks who say things like "But I like Bad Boys!"

If a girl says you are too nice, she might be saying "You have no sexuality about you. There is no sexuial pasison in you that I can see."

 

[marinetti]

i agree with Interceptor. I think you're a "nice guy" to her. talking about sexual stuff in a platonic, 'friend' sense is generally a dead end.

 

[Nighthawk]

Correct response - 'Heh, tell that to all those prostitutes I murdered! Oops, just joking (note to self - knows too much)'

 

[Lexie]

If she said it like it was a deal-breaker or it was an excuse as to why she didn't want to continue the relationship (rather than just something she said in casual conversation), then she doesn't like you for whatever reason and she can't think of a better way to "let you down easy".

"You're too nice" is a really lame way of saying "I want out of this". Move on.

 

[xdreamz]

yea in a way it could mean that you actually are too nice. i've had girls say to me "you're a good guy" but it's actually a rejection lines of being too nice.

but then again it could be a really harsh indicator of disinterest perhaps a shizzle testizzle to see how strong you really are....

"if i was too nice i'd be sending you flowers and paying for all your dinners, but if you expect to get in these pants you better start being yourself...or have a huge bank account "

 

[The Sperminator]

Too nice can mean a lot of stuff. Too boring. Too plain. No personality. No fun. And so on. Just a nice way to let you down. But yeah sometimes some girls just like bad boys but you don't want those girls anyways.

 

[dav22]

Correct response - 'Heh, tell that to all those prostitutes I murdered! Oops, just joking (note to self - knows too much)'

I'm gonna have to remember that one

 

[young_gun]

I don't know man, I was talking to this really hot girl about it this weekend, and she told me "well, you can never be too nice." and I said to her "well, what if I was calling you every day, buying you presents all the time, and trying to spend all my free time with you?" and she said "I would get creeped out" haha. Sounds like some contradictory messages there.

I don't think you can really be "too nice" so to speak, I think it's good to be nice to women, but at the same token you respect yourself and don't put up with any sh*t. When a woman tells you you're "too nice", that usually her polite way of saying "I'm not interested in anything else but friends".

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

ahhh if no one response that must mean its not really a serious problem

You're just another one of her girlfriends; what's the problem?

 

[Ostepop]

Dont have deep convo's with girls about sex and other stuff, unless your screwing them.

Deep conversations with girls your not having a sexual relationship with, is a one way ticket to the FRIENDZONE.

 

[milrenkb]

Nice guys that have trouble in this department always have ONE THING in common. Zero escalation from personal to sexual.

See most nice guys that end up in the 'girlfriend' situation usually look a lot better than they think they do, which makes them that much more endearing (Yes being humble is sexy, you don't have to be ****y funny to get girls).

IME all the nice guys in this situation (including yours truly) have above average looks. I think secretly thats why girls spend so much time with them. Because the truth is they're looking for you to make the first move so maybe if they spend enough time with you you'll escalate.

They also love the fact that you connect with them on a personal level. However the fact remains that nice guys don't escalate properly. A random hand hold attempt is NOT proper escalation. Flirting with the use of inuendos and sexual tension along with kino is proper escalation.

My guess is that right now you're about to start reading a bunch of ****y funny stuff to kill your inner nice guy. You probably think "hey if I can be more alpha then chicks will start to dig me." Dude, girls don't dig guys that dream up ways to become more alpha (save Mystery types but thats a different story). My point is you have a lot more tools to work with then you think. If you finish that final piece of the puzzle (looks, converstation, escalation) then you'll be money. Don't try to be something your not.

 

[SayWord?]

oh no son
your'e her emotional tampon
step back away slowly

 

[MooseGod]

Have you at least kissed her? When the conversation goes dry, move in for the kill. Or if she's blabbing on and on just lean in like you're interested and after a minute be like "shut up and kiss me..." I've never had it fail on me.

 

[Someone Much cooler]

actually guys i don't need any help as far as being a AFC, im not one. I just bagged this blonde chick in class today =). So naw guys its not this serious, i was just curious, cause im actually NOT a nice guy, i was a bully in H.school, I box and kick box lol ask MMA Juan! Its just than when i go to suburbia it seems like im regarded as a bully or 2 hood and in the city all the girls classify me as a nice guy or weak, i was just curiuous if anyone had this experince? I was curious about the median between what the city girls think is nice and the suburbs think is tough. lol Its weird I think it might be a cultural thing, cause ive never had a white girl say i was too nice, but alot of black girls do, they think im snuggles soft? Ive been called a good person @ heart, but never a nice guy. My momma even asks my why am i so mean? As far as me and her, we really haven't done anything and we talk every now and again. She called me last night, we talked for a few and then i tore her a new one about her behavior. Then of course the convo turned to all what she wanted to do with me, this other chick i sleep with called me a few times and she got jealous.