I'm sick of this ridiculous "power" crap

[Mr. Latte]

So many guys, especially the younger ones, are all caught up in this so-called "power" struggle. Read some posts, and see what comes up...

"If I call her, I give away the power"
"If she knows I'm interested, she has the power"
"If I pay for her on a date, she has the power"
etc, etc, etc.

This concept of "power" is ridiculous...it has nothing to do with being a DJ. It has EVERYTHING to do with playing immature high school mind games. Being a DJ is about one thing, and one thing only...enjoying yourself. When you're enjoying yourself, you're confident. When you're enjoying yourself, you don't care what other people think. When you're enjoying yourself, it doesn't matter if the HB you're eyeing doesn't like you, because it's not about HER. It's about YOU. I'll say it again...being a DJ is about YOU. You're out to have fun...don't worry about making sure she's having a good time. When you're enjoying yourself, it "spills over". Think about it...when you walk into a party, and you don't know anyone, where do you head? To the group huddled together awkwardly over by the food? To the little cliques on the couch? Or to the group that's having a good time? EVERYONE'S attracted to someone who looks like they're having fun. Enjoy yourself, and have a good time, and you won't have to chase girls, they'll be drawn to YOU.

Don't worry about whether or not she likes you. It's not worth wasting time or mental energy over, because you're too busy enjoying life. Stop buying into this "keeping the power" crap, and go out, be a man, and live your life to the fullest. Laugh it up. Have a good time. Enjoy yourself, and everything else will fall into place.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

Thats certainly right. I spend the day competing at business and college, and I don't want to waste time having more power plays with a girl whom I'm supposed to relax with.

A lot of guys, however, have turned this whole concept of fun into some sort of ultra-serious business.

 

[marqZAL]

power struggles occur in every relationship, some are just more balanced than others. In one relationsip the women may wear the pants in the family, while looking in the house next door it will be the man, and if we were to move down the street the next couple will have a balance. Everyone has an idea of how they want thier relationships to be...some people dont mind not having control, while others need it. So, going after your idea of how thing are suppose to be in is the right way to go, but by all means you should be having fun every step along the way!!!!!

 

[Chemistry]

I posted my thoughts on this in the other thread...

I'd quote em and put em up in here again but mty PC is runnin sluggish as, as things stand...

 

[Starman]

Your confidence and sense of self worth is YOUR power.

If you have to struggle with this..you really dont have much power in any aspect of your life and it spills into your personal relationships with friends, partners, family, career

 

[Mr. Latte]

Power struggles exist only where you let them. I could care less about fighting for the power. It's a take it or leave it deal. I'm not out to fight you (the girl) for power, I'm out to enjoy my life. That means that I'M in charge of my life. Not you, but ME. When your actions don't involve me, I could care less what you do. But when your actions involve me, they become a part of my life. They directly affect me. And in that instance, I'M in charge. I won't fight for the power, I'll merely continue to enjoy myself, without her company.

When do I call a girl? Same day? Next day? 3 days? None of the above...I call her when it pleases me to do so.

Do I show my interest? Do I hide it? The answer is, I do what comes naturally, because I'm not out to "win her"...I'm out to enjoy myself.

In life, I'm the driver...she's merely along for the ride. I'M driving my own route. As long as she's going my route, and bring an enjoyable passenger, she's welcome along for the ride. The minute she expects me to take a different route, or starts being disagreeable, it's "adios." I have no need for her. Remember, YOU'RE in charge, you're the driver. She's just along for the ride.

 

[diplomatic_lies]

A word from the Libertarian Party....do anything you like, within "reasonable limits".

 

[nistelrooy]

While this forum has proven to be supremely useful and improved my once sad ways, I have to agree that some folks tend to overcomplicate things with the stuff posted here.

Too many games, tactics, techniques and what not...have you ever noticed that the most surprising things happen when you least expect it? When you weren't trying to impress a girl?

Thats because like mr.latte said, when you're not concerned with what she thinks, you're already doing all the dj stuff (not wanting, funny, aloofness etc) without even noticing it!

Of course the trick is to stay in that zone even when you're with a girl you'd lose your left nut for. But thats another story for another day.

 

[chlywly]

My friend I totaly agree, those who constantly strive for POWER and to be ONTOP of things do so because they LACK it

 

[PEACEDJ]

YES! This is 100% true Mr. Latte KNOWS what he's talking about, madd props!

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by PEACEDJ
YES! This is 100% true Mr. Latte KNOWS what he's talking about, madd props!

I second that....

 

[Mr. Latte]

Thanks guys, glad to hear my advice is helpful. Make me thankful that I was such an AFC...trust me, I've been BURNED. And if I hadn't been, I wouldn't be where I am today. Just remember, even the BEST DJ in the world....his crap stinks just like yours. He's no better than you, he just stumbled onto something a bit earlier than you did. So read up, don't take anyone's advice too seriously, and go out and have fun

 

[One on One]

Man, I can't believe I've created a firestorm. I was so misunderstood.

When I say POWER, I'm not talking about some epic inhumane struggle between myself and the lady. I'm just talking about the fact that the ball is then in her court if she wants to call back or not.

This fact cannot be denied - it's a fact of the dating game. Sure, you should have many women and not worry about it, but it doesn't always work like that.

 

[Mr. Latte]

I'm not sure which post was yours, but my answer is still the same. I see where you're coming from, and I agree that the ball is in her court. But that has absolutely nothing to do with power. All it means is that you've decided that perhaps she might be invited along while you enjoy yourself. If she calls back, that's great. If not, that's great too. You should be too busy enjoying yourself to care. After all, she should never BE your life, just be there to enhance it. When you're on a ship, and the seas get high, you toss everything overboard. As long as she's not diverting your course, she's welcomed to tag along. But when the sky gets dark and the sea gets bumpy, you've arrived at her stop.

I'm gonna go a step further and say that there shouldn't be any such thing as a "date", the way most guys see it. You don't ask a girl out, and then go through the motions of impressing her, and taking here somewhere she's going to enjoy, and making sure she's comfortable, and being the perfect gentleman, and spending time worrying about her. I'll tell you what a date is. "I'm going out to have fun, and if you'd like to be around me when I do so, you're welcomed to come." You don't hold open the door so that she thinks you're a gentleman. You do it because it pleases you to see a lady being treated well. You don't try and converse with her because you want to keep her interested. You converse with her because you enjoy meeting new people. You don't pay for her dinner so that she'll be impressed by the size of your bank account. You do it because you enjoy treating others.

99% of the posts on this board can be summed up simply by answering "The only rule is to enjoy yourself." By doing this, you'll be more confident, a better man, and you won't have to chase women, because they'll be fighting for your time.

 

[One on One]

Originally posted by Mr. Latte
I'm not sure which post was yours, but my answer is still the same. I see where you're coming from, and I agree that the ball is in her court. But that has absolutely nothing to do with power. All it means is that you've decided that perhaps she might be invited along while you enjoy yourself. If she calls back, that's great. If not, that's great too. You should be too busy enjoying yourself to care. After all, she should never BE your life, just be there to enhance it. When you're on a ship, and the seas get high, you toss everything overboard. As long as she's not diverting your course, she's welcomed to tag along. But when the sky gets dark and the sea gets bumpy, you've arrived at her stop.

I'm glad you understand what I was referring to now when I talk about power. I agree with what you're saying here. Yes, you should go out and enjoy yourself and, yes, you shouldn't care if she comes or not. She's simply a bonus. That is how you should feel, but you can't simply deny you have any interest in her. You are calling her because you are attracted to her so you are fooling yourself if you really don't care if she comes at all. Again, though, you have a great point. Have fun and the women will be there.

I'm gonna go a step further and say that there shouldn't be any such thing as a "date", the way most guys see it. You don't ask a girl out, and then go through the motions of impressing her, and taking here somewhere she's going to enjoy, and making sure she's comfortable, and being the perfect gentleman, and spending time worrying about her. I'll tell you what a date is. "I'm going out to have fun, and if you'd like to be around me when I do so, you're welcomed to come." You don't hold open the door so that she thinks you're a gentleman. You do it because it pleases you to see a lady being treated well. You don't try and converse with her because you want to keep her interested. You converse with her because you enjoy meeting new people. You don't pay for her dinner so that she'll be impressed by the size of your bank account. You do it because you enjoy treating others.

99% of the posts on this board can be summed up simply by answering "The only rule is to enjoy yourself." By doing this, you'll be more confident, a better man, and you won't have to chase women, because they'll be fighting for your time.

Now, I agree with what you say here 100%. I have all but sworn off formal dates...at least pre-relationship formal dating. Dates are fun, nothing more (well maybe more, hehe), nothing less. Whether it's fun at a party or fun getting to know someone over coffee.

The more I read that second paragraph I see what great advice that is...hard to always remember it, though, and hard to always follow it unless you really do have your life together. My life isn't completely together yet, but it's getting there.

Good advice.