Disconnect
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Aug 3, 2004
- Messages
- 524
- Reaction score
- 0
- Age
- 36
This seems like the right place to post this... Ahead I apologise for the long post, but please stay with me.
Something happened to me with puberty. I mean, besides the normal hormonal stuff. I lost drive. The passion of living. I stopped looking forward to the next day, stopped enjoying life. Things started seeming trivial and inconsequential. I am turning 18 years old in a few days, and I still do not have a driver's license. I can drive, both standard and automatic, but can't parallel park, and don't have the motivation to go out and learn it. Same with hobbies. I have virtually none that are of any real consequence in this world. School suffered too. Before, I used to strive for knowledge, learn on my own. Now, it's different.
This started happening 7 years ago, and I have been searching for that motivation, that drive, for the last 2. I mean, I honestly want to go out and live life to the fullest, since this is the time of my life that I am supposed to remember with a smile on my face when I'm 40. But I know I won't. I read most of the stuff on this site, bible and all, and some self-help books and ebooks, but it feels like nothing I see, hear, or read will change it. No matter that I may die tomorrow, I just don't care.
And I'm not depressed or anything. I'm pretty happy most of the time, except when I realise that life is passing me by and I have nothing to contribute.
I tried joining clubs and teams, but it felt that I was doing it for myself, to make new friends, and not because I cared about the cause. I didn't want to contribute to something greater than myself. It felt forced, so I didn't try hard. For some reason, I just couldn't find it within me.
I don't have many real friends. I think it's because I don't care that much about people. They sense that, and reciprocate. In other words, when I go out, it's not because I really wanna see 'so and so', but because I want to socialize and be seen as social.
I am in my first year of university, but carreer-wise, I want to be a model. People do tell me that I have the looks, so I know I can, but deep down, I admit to myself that modelling is something I want to do because it's the path of least resistance. I don't have to go to school for it (much), and can coast on what I was born with to make a living. And I'm vain.
Anyway, I'm really scared of what's been happening. I hope, almost pray, that it's only temporary, that as I age, it will pass and I will live as I always imagined I should, but I know that without me doing anything about it, it won't happen. I'm tired of everything in my life being about me. Maybe if I extend myself to the rest of the world, the world will be kind and similarly fill up my life?
So do you know anything that may spark the passion that died? Any books that changed you outlook on life? Maybe volunteering? Have you experienced something similar? Then share how you came out of it, if you have. If not, let's search together.
In the end, I really hope you won't take this as whining, because I'm not. I post because I seemingly exhausted every other means of finding the cure.
Something happened to me with puberty. I mean, besides the normal hormonal stuff. I lost drive. The passion of living. I stopped looking forward to the next day, stopped enjoying life. Things started seeming trivial and inconsequential. I am turning 18 years old in a few days, and I still do not have a driver's license. I can drive, both standard and automatic, but can't parallel park, and don't have the motivation to go out and learn it. Same with hobbies. I have virtually none that are of any real consequence in this world. School suffered too. Before, I used to strive for knowledge, learn on my own. Now, it's different.
This started happening 7 years ago, and I have been searching for that motivation, that drive, for the last 2. I mean, I honestly want to go out and live life to the fullest, since this is the time of my life that I am supposed to remember with a smile on my face when I'm 40. But I know I won't. I read most of the stuff on this site, bible and all, and some self-help books and ebooks, but it feels like nothing I see, hear, or read will change it. No matter that I may die tomorrow, I just don't care.
And I'm not depressed or anything. I'm pretty happy most of the time, except when I realise that life is passing me by and I have nothing to contribute.
I tried joining clubs and teams, but it felt that I was doing it for myself, to make new friends, and not because I cared about the cause. I didn't want to contribute to something greater than myself. It felt forced, so I didn't try hard. For some reason, I just couldn't find it within me.
I don't have many real friends. I think it's because I don't care that much about people. They sense that, and reciprocate. In other words, when I go out, it's not because I really wanna see 'so and so', but because I want to socialize and be seen as social.
I am in my first year of university, but carreer-wise, I want to be a model. People do tell me that I have the looks, so I know I can, but deep down, I admit to myself that modelling is something I want to do because it's the path of least resistance. I don't have to go to school for it (much), and can coast on what I was born with to make a living. And I'm vain.
Anyway, I'm really scared of what's been happening. I hope, almost pray, that it's only temporary, that as I age, it will pass and I will live as I always imagined I should, but I know that without me doing anything about it, it won't happen. I'm tired of everything in my life being about me. Maybe if I extend myself to the rest of the world, the world will be kind and similarly fill up my life?
So do you know anything that may spark the passion that died? Any books that changed you outlook on life? Maybe volunteering? Have you experienced something similar? Then share how you came out of it, if you have. If not, let's search together.
In the end, I really hope you won't take this as whining, because I'm not. I post because I seemingly exhausted every other means of finding the cure.
