I'm losing my mind, i'm like a girl right now, WHO GOT ADVICE???

[Swagger]

I'm losing my mind right now. i need advice cause i can't think straight at
the moment.

5 weeks ago, i broke up with my girlfriend. we've been together for 2
years. 8 months ago, her sexual attraction towards me started declining. she
still showed me as much love as ever but she startet spending less time with
me, we hardly kissed the last couple of months even while having sex.

i told her that i didn't like the way our relationship was changing and that
we needed to get thinks back in order.

5 weeks ago it was too much. i broke up in order to wake her up and make her
realize that she'll lose me if she doesn't change something.

she was devastated. she cried for a week. finally, right before she left to
turkey for a 5 week internship, i promised her another chance once she gets
back.

yesterday was my birthday and the day of her return. i noticed while she was
gone, that she can't really be missing me too much. she hardly called and
only send me a few text messages. 5 days ago, i told her to think about us
and what she wants. yesterday she told me that she loves me, but not the way
she used to but more like a friend and that she didn't miss me the way one
should miss a boyfriend and she broke up with me now.

it's killing me. i'm no wimp but it's straight up killing me.

she wrote me a short message, saying she'd be so sorry for telling me on my
birgtday, she shouldn't have done that and so on.

i just answered by saying: "I don't know you. What do you want from me?"

i don't know what to do ya'll for the first time in my life i really don't, i'm losing my mind.

please give me your thoughts on this, i can't talk about that to anyone i
know.

 

[The Bad Ass Canadian]

Why would you do something like breakup with her, right before she leaves for 5 weeks....as a way of waking her up? There's an old saying that goes something like this: "Far from eyes, far from heart"

She cried for a week but then, once she got out of the country and was thrown into new surroundings, all thoughts of you disappeared. It's exactly what she needed to get over the breakup.

I'm sorry to say that there's nothing you can do. you shouldn't have done something like that as a means to "wake her up". How is she supposed to know that you only did it for that reason? To her, you dumped her and she knew she had to move on.... and she did.

I pulled something similar to this, a year ago... and the same thing happened to me. It backfired. Now, after much hurting, I've gotten over it and moved on. It sucks, but not every relationship will last; and in no way is there a correlation between the amount of time you've been together and how long you should stay together. Just cuz you've been togetehr for almost 3 yrs, doesn't mean it will last forever. Times change and people change.

Instead of whining about it, move and and look at it as a chance to meet another great girl. There's always a way of putting a positive twist on things.

Next time you want to breakup with someone, make sure you do it cuz you don't want to be with them.... not as a way of teaching them a lesson. When it backfires, it hurts more than being dumped.

 

[snobby]

Yeah I have some great advice alright - forget her and move on. Why? For two reasons:

1) You screwed it up with her acting needy and not exactly what you'd call the "right way"

and second and most importantly which is your biggest mistake that you haven't realized

2) You just CANNOT force a relation-chip go well when it actually doesn't. That is very wuss behavior if you ask me acting all upset about the whole situation. You can't choose to whom you will be attracted, because it simply isn't your decision. So if your gf no longer was attracted to you as her boyfriend, then you can expect to just tell her "you have one more chance to be attracted to me again or we're through." That just isn't the way dude.

Have you even read the DJ bible on this site? If you haven't then please do, you will learn a lot about women.

Obviously you were doing something right in the first hand (beginning of your relation chip) that triggered her attraction towards you...and then your relation chip began. But if a woman isn't attracted to you, then you need to make the right things in order for her to be attracted to you. There are tips everywhere. I am not going to get into too much detail right now, but my main point is that this girl wasn't attracted to you that way, and when there is no attraction, there is no successful relation-chip.

What you actually did, was FORCE her to love you and feel attraction for you and make the relation chip as it used to be. I'm sorry but it doesn't work like that. Now your chance is blown and there is very little chance you can make it as you used to be. Go read some tips and mechanics behind attraction, understand how it work etc, and then go meet new women and practice. You will be a lot happier. Now don't let this happening get to you. Life is life...it happened, now it is time to move on. Welcome...read a lot of the advice on the forums too!

 

[Wyldfire]

Your relationship with her just fell into the comfort zone...and you probably freaked out over nothing. There's really not much you can do at this point. You chose to break up with her and you really have no right to expect her to want you back after that. Your decision to break up with her over your own insecurity with the way your relationship was settling in to the comfort zone hurt her...and it really damaged her feelings for you. She had those 5 weeks to get over you. Basically, you blew it.

Even if you do eventually get back together it will never be the same. She won't ever trust you not to break up with her again. You're far better off just letting her go, chalking this one up to an error in judgement on your part, learning some lessons and seeing other people. You WILL get over her, too...and the easiest way to do that is to start dating other people. Sorry...but that's really all you can do now.

 

[Tomatoes]

This is why I heavily protect my emotions and dont let women near them.

And people call me a heartless bastard. :rockon:


You tried the breaking up tactic with her and....it didnt work. Prob wasnt best when she was going away. She doesnt want to be with you anymore. She is messing you about. If i were you I would say the only thing you can deal with is all or nothing as emotions dont fall somewhere in the middle....

If she says yes then great get back with her.

If not....Dry your eyes. Get over her and move on. Because if you dont....you will stay stuck in this rut where it just drives you insane.

 

[Abcd]

There's only about one line of advice you need, and you WILL follow it, we all do in the end. So just read it over and over if you have to:

Move on. You're better than this.

 

[Swagger]

Thanks for the advice

Thanks a lot for all the good advice people. i appreciate that.

i you're totally right. i just freaked out once the relationship fell into the comfort zone.

i did have bad timing on the breaking up tactic but she begged me for another chance BEFORE she left and i promised that i would give it to her. she told me she'll wait for me forever even if i started dating other girls and stuff like that. so we basically sort of made up before she left.

during the first year, she would have sex with me anywhere. we did it in the largest class-room on campus, at the movies, in the car, while driving, she would give me head while i was watching tv or whatever. she was crazy about me.

and she cared really a lot. but suddendly, everything started to change. she didn't want to have sex with me and nothing was the same. i probably got too comfortable. but only 10 days ago she sent me short messages writing how much she'd love me and that we'll start-over etc.

now she says she misses me but only as a friend. her female friends are 100 % sure that she hasn't met someone new. and that she's miserable right now because she thinks that i hate her and that i won't ever talk to her again.

so there's gotta be a way to get back with her. i have game when it comes to women i don't care about. i went out yesterday and at the end of the night i had 4 phone numbers, one email-address, and one msn messenger screen-name of girls i don't give a **** about.

but i lose my game because i'm too emotional when it comes to her.

somebody gotta tell me what i can do to get her back.

it's easy for me to get someone new. i don't need advice on that. and i can live without my ex. but i don't want to and that's driving me crazy.

sorry for writing these loooong posts but you know i'm buggin :box:

 

[xblitz44x]

Bad Ass Canadian gave some great analysis and advice. This was spot on:

"Next time you want to breakup with someone, make sure you do it cuz you don't want to be with them.... not as a way of teaching them a lesson. When it backfires, it hurts more than being dumped."

There were other ways you could have went about handling your situation. The spark was dying in your girl's eyes. And you decided to dump HER right before she leaves the country? You did the dirty work for her. Now she can move on and not feel bad because you're the "A-hole" who dumped her. Do you see now why this was such a terrible move (aside from the obvious moral issue)?

But unfortunately none of that is going to matter to you right now. You're going through some serious emotional torture and the only thing you're interested in right now is "How can I get her back?" You can't. Only she can decide when and if she wants to come back. Move on. Live your life. It's what she's doing.

 

[Wyldfire]

Okay...this isn't going to be a very popular piece of advice...but it's the ONLY thing you can do to have any chance of getting a second chance with her.

Tell her you never wanted to break up with her, that you felt she was losing interest in you and didn't want to be with you anymore and that you got scared she was going to leave you and acted like a complete idiot out of feeling afraid and insecure. If you love her...now would be the time to tell her.

Basically...you have to tell her the truth if you want any chance at all...and even then...there is no guarantee she will forgive you and take you back.

 

[Swagger]

allright.... thanks again fellas. you're right, i'm beeing a girl right now.

i'll just wait a couple of days, I'll call her and meet her and talk to her. I'll give it a shot. and if it ain't work, i go clubbing and get some material for some field reports.. .

maaan, life sucks. lol

 

[Abcd]

Okay...this isn't going to be a very popular piece of advice...but it's the ONLY thing you can do to have any chance of getting a second chance with her.

Tell her you never wanted to break up with her, that you felt she was losing interest in you and didn't want to be with you anymore and that you got scared she was going to leave you and acted like a complete idiot out of feeling afraid and insecure. If you love her...now would be the time to tell her.

Basically...you have to tell her the truth if you want any chance at all...and even then...there is no guarantee she will forgive you and take you back.

Alert, alert. Advice from a woman, disregard. Like almost all chicks offering advice, this one is putting herself in the girl's shoes, not in yours, and telling you what she would wish you would do if she were in the girl's position. Even if you wanted to get back with this chick (which you shouldn't) this would be the wrong way to go.

Now, you're two years and change deep into a relationship which was obviously petering out a year ago. You're not actually in love with this girl and you're not gonna marry her, so just forget about it and move on.

 

[saki]

Alright man, heres what to do; When you talk to her, tell her you were sorry for what you did, and that you did it because you wanted to be with only her and that you wanted to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work, so you tried this not to break up but as a testiment of your love for her.You have to be AFC this time, and this is fine, because the same rules do not apply when you are in LTR. Tell her, "I will do whatever it takes to get you back, and that you really love her" Once you have her back you can be more in control, but right now, if you want her-it is time to plea for her forgiveness. Trust me I know, I have been in LTR for along time. You screwed this up and you have to fess up to it. Now since this happened there may have been some fooling around on her part, are you willing to forgive this? Be persistent or this love will be gone forever. Remind her of all the good times you two have shared together. Rekindle that flame with her before it is gone, you may still be able to redeem yourself. Let us know what happens

 

[Wyldfire]

Alert, alert. Advice from a woman, disregard. Like almost all chicks offering advice, this one is putting herself in the girl's shoes, not in yours, and telling you what she would wish you would do if she were in the girl's position. Even if you wanted to get back with this chick (which you shouldn't) this would be the wrong way to go.

Now, you're two years and change deep into a relationship which was obviously petering out a year ago. You're not actually in love with this girl and you're not gonna marry her, so just forget about it and move on.

I'm stating the cold hard facts. IF he wants to get her back he's going to have to tell her the truth and grovel a bit. She loves him and he devastated her. She doesn't trust him anymore and the only way he can get enough trust back to have any chance to get her back is if he's honest and lets himself be vulnerable with her.

Personally...I think he screwed up and should move on because it will never be the same again...and that's what I initially told him. He asked what he could do to get her back and I told him what that is...and that even that might not work. I knew it would be unpopular...but it is also the only thing he can do if he's hell bent on getting her back.

Again...I think he should move on, as I told him in my first post. Although that's what I think he should do, I'm not going to ignore his question about what he can do to get the results he wants...regardless of whether I think he should use that advice or not.

 

[NHY]

I'm going to re - iterate the advice the other guys here have given;

FORGET HER AND MOVE ON

I've haven't really read the LTR section of the bible yet, so maybe I should but I reckon you should just forget about her and move before you develop a sevre case of oneitis, now you don't want that do you? Your already showing early signs of it!

It is YOUR fault you got yourself in this mess, you do not go dumping someone as a a wake up call / revenge for not loving you enough just before they leave for a friggin 5 week trip! The chick leaves the situation with no guilt whatsoever, while its like your world has ended! Accept that you made a fatal mistake and then get up and move on.

Another thing, your sarging correctly and yes, you will most likely not care about most of the girls you kiss close, number close or even F close! These techniques are mainly used by us guys for fun, especailly when we first start out or just after we ended an relationship ( especailly an LTR ) , you should NOT expect to go into another LTR so soon after the break up, these things take time, man, don't rush it!

So, go out and have some fun in the big old world man, it looks like you really need it!

 

[honeyshark]

5 weeks ago, i broke up with my girlfriend. we've been together for 2
years. 8 months ago, her sexual attraction towards me started declining. she
still showed me as much love as ever but she startet spending less time with
me, we hardly kissed the last couple of months even while having sex.

It is my understanding, from what people have told me and from my own personal experience, that this is a NATURAL PROGRESSION in a LTR. Basically, after two years or so, you stop having so much sex and you kinda get bored with one another. Yet, at the same time, you have a strong bond of affection between you and can't bare to be apart. So you have to work harder to spice things up.

Peace.

 

[TxCowboy]

Hmmm ... makes ya wonder just what she was up 2 !!! ... pick up those little hints (no sex, pulling away from you, LJBF stuff) ... the sooner you pick this up, the sooner you will know to ditch the h0 and move on ...

She may be a good future fvck buddy depending on what happens .... It just depends on what mofo she's banging now ....

Game On ...

 

[Swagger]

i know that you guys are right telling me to move on.
but i'm close to having a clear head again. the emotions messed up my thinking.

i love her but that's not even the point. right now it's pick up personal lol

i know i can get her back. and I'll try. even if i crash and burn. i don't think so. it's always the same. once you start falling for a girl, you start acting like a chump.

i think honeyshark is right. i talked to some friends of mine who went through the same phase in their LTRs and got back outta that.

and i know she still cares. she wrote me sms telling me how much she loves me and how she'd be looking forward to start everything over just 10 days ago. I know she ain't seeing anyone else. her closest friends told me that's 100 % not the case.

i don't even think me breaking up with her was the wrong move. first it worked. for two weeks straight she was crying and begging me to give it another shot. my big mistake was actually to make up with her BEFORE the flight. because then she knew everything was ok again and she stopped thinking about how she could make me want her back.

she got comfortable again. that was my mistake.

i was beeing too secure and i got lazy. i didn't give her rocks for gold. so she stopped giving me gold. i got pissed about that and kept fighting with her over everything and started pulling too much. so, of coure, by pulling too much i pushed her away and startet acting needy once i realised I'm losing her.

i think right now she really is my oneitis BUT with the diffrence that i won't be too nervous around her to get her back. because i know i can't do without her but i chose to be with her. right now i just want it.

i went out to a couple of bars yesterday with a pivot. i didn't approach a single girl. right now, they all disgusting to me. i can't help it. so going out and banging a dozen other girls is not an option.

if i fail, ya'll can rip me but I'll mix game with honesty good as i can and see what happens.

I'd still appreciate any advice on how to get her back. i know what I'm gonna do but maybe there's something i haven't thought of

thanks ya'll

 

[cactus3178]

This is a textbook case of gunship diplomacy executed at the wrong time.

You have one-itis.

You need to do something about it, unless of course, you like this feeling.

It's not the end of the world.

 

[Swagger]

ok. i talked to her. i told her i could do without her but i chose to be with her and stuff like that. i made her laugh all the time. made her cry a lot. she told me she loves me and that I'm her favorite human-beeing on earth but her love for me is diffrent than it was and it's not the kind of love she needs in order to be able to have a relationship with me.

i messed up.

i got another question. you guys probably think i'm sick lol

but maybe some of you can relate.

I really want to sleep with her one last time. last time i slept with her i did horrible. i don't want that to be the last time we slept with each other. i want to do her right the way i used to and enjoy every single second of it, knowing that it'll be the last time.

i know you'll say its my oneitis and i should let her go. but there's gotta be someone who knows how to deal with a situation like that. picking up women is not a problem to most of us by now. but.. why does nobody in here know how to get a woman back after a break-up. we just say it's oneitis and give up.

but i want my oneitis. she's the most important one. what's the use of all pick-up routines and patterns and success if you can't get the one you really want.

at least, i want to sleep one last time with her. how do i tell her?

 

[Wyldfire]

Swagger...it sounds like you're thinking if you can only get her to have sex with you one more time it will fix everything and she'll take you back. It's not going to work even if you do get her in bed. You've got to accept the reality you've created for yourself and just move on instead of torturing yourself even longer.

Sorry, buddy...it's game, set, match. This one is over...