I'm in limbo still...

[thegoodstuff92]

This girl and I broke it off, we were "dating" for a few months but a few days ago I called her up because lately I felt like she was distancing herself. She was in a four year relationship before we started dating, and she broke up with that guy because he cheated on her. Prior to dating her, she told me she was not looking for a relationship anytime soon, and I guess I misinterpreted that.

Now I'm sitting here wondering why she wanted to break things off? We planned on doing a lot of things together this summer. Here's how the break up convo went.

Me: Hey listen, I've got to ask. What is going on between us?
Her: What do you mean?
Me: Like, where are we going? What are we doing?
Her: I thought we were friends?
Me: So you only like me as a friend?
Her: I guess.
Me: So why couldn't you be upfront about your feelings?
Her: I thought it would have been better to gradually become friends. Would it have been better if I was upfront?
Me: Yeah, I respect people that are upfront about things, and I thought that's how you felt.
Her: Well I don't want you to disappear from my life. Like I still want to see you.

This is when I told her I needed space to get over her, and then she apologizes for not being upfront.

I'm wondering if she broke it off because she wanted to stay single for the summer, or maybe because she thought she was holding me back? Or maybe because she just genuinely lost interest. I didn't know how to handle what we had, we were in between dating and friends...so I was really confused on how to handle that kind of relationship. I didn't give it my best. I was worried of getting too attached, because I knew that one day she might call it off, so I acted like I didn't really show interest in her. Prior to dating, she once said that she felt like being friends was inevitable because she was not looking for a relationship with me anytime soon. I think she was still hung over her ex, even if she broke it off. She would mention things her ex would do from time to time so I don't think she was over him completely. I mean four years is no joke...

Could you be friends with someone that wasn't upfront about their feelings?

TL;DR

How do I get some closure from a girl I was previously dating, but I haven't spoken to her in a few days because I told her I needed my space to get over her?

I feel like she kind of was a fake, due to her not being upfront

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Sorry to hear this man, but it's a good experience for you to learn.

Do not be so upfront and confrontational about feelings to the girl you are casually dating. If things go well, the whole boyfriend/bad relationship business is out the window.

You came off as sort of needy in this conversation too. having a partner is NOT a necessary part of life, it is an enjoyable experience. The one person you must focus on and be needy toward throughout your whole life is yourself and you will be rewarded my friend!

 

[mahoney]

I didn't know how to handle what we had, we were in between dating and friends...so I was really confused on how to handle that kind of relationship.

most things i have with girls are sorta like this - inbetween dating and friends - i actually really like it, it suits me to the ground - but if you are not that kind of person then maybe it is more difficult

i will say one thing - in general, dudes like to label things a lot earlier than girls do - and i think its at this point where a lot of dudes lose the girl. i tend to think - if i'm seeing things and its fun, i don't want to change the dynamic by "talking about it', labelling it, putting it in a box, or any other type of thing like that. i think dudes are usually in way too much of a hurry to do this and its at that point they lose the girl (its kind of effectively giving an ultimatum)

 

[Johnnyventana]

"maybe because she thought she was holding me back?" Magical thinking.