Im in decent shape but gf isnt

[thissean]

So its been a long time since i have posted here or even visited. But I come back with much needed advice.

Long story short, I found the girl I'd like to have a long term relationship with three years ago. Over time, shes gained some pounds. I dont want to say that i m shallow, because i still love her, but i am concerned for her overall health in the long term. What I do to stay in shape is martial arts which i have been doing now for almost 3 years.

I looked around and some tips I read were:
1) suggest sporty type dates (ie tennis, volleyball...)
2) suggest to exercise with me (running, going to the gym)
3) something similar to the last two...

But the problems with those tips for my situation is that she has bad depth perception and doesnt really like sports with a ball involved. She also refuses to run or exercise with me because she says she feels stupid because im so much more in shape than her.

One sign of hope though is that she is showing interest in taking JiuJitsu with me. She even did tried it once and enjoyed it. Though she was shy in doing the warmup, and im hoping she doesnt shy away from it completely. I encourage her to stick with it and am hoping for the best.

 

[speed dawg]

Sounds like she's just lazy.

If she doesn't want to exercise with you, try eating healthy with her. If she won't do that, you may just have to face the fact that she doesn't care about her weight and will always be pudgey. Women are delusional like that, they really do think they look good but they are actually pretty gross looking. Or, she may not care what you think, which could be indicative of low IL.

Either way, I've gotten good results from the healthy eating. Most girls I've been with like to work out with me anyway, at least walking around the neighborhood.

 

[mrRuckus]

You won't like this answer but you shouldn't have a girlfriend at 19. Especially not one like that that will undoubtedly get fatter.

I'd say pretty much every girlfriend i've ever had got fatter after we broke up.

 

[I-tallionStallion]

Dude...are you really going to tell you GF she is fat? Do you want to die?

 

[Zaraza]

Dude...are you really going to tell you GF she is fat? Do you want to die?

i dont see a big problem there. I think i know what is going through your head. The fact that you stay in shape and that you respect not only your mental health but also your physical health. Its understandable that you worry about her health, but like others have suggested she does seem lazy. Personally I dont know what your relationship with her is like, but i would find someone else if she doesnt improve herself. Does this sound a little selfish... sure... I have just started hangin out with a girl who loves to work out and stay in shape, we are going to a water fall to get to the top and enjoy outside, it is a whole different feeling when somebody shares your beliefs and is able to motivate you. She may be happy to in that shape. Has she always been pudgy? how pudgy? sometimes pudgy aint too bad. If she holds you back from enjoying life or makes you feel guilty about being in shape and her not... you have to talk to her. Tell her you are worried for her health. Now if you do that, yes she will blow up on you... but if you word it right it just might trigger something. It all matters on how emotionally attached she is to you. If she is afraid of losing you, or afraid of health risks she will join you.

 

[Triple T]

Go swimming?
Swimming is great cardio and tones the whole body.

you can also get some kino in the hot tub

 

[thissean]

I responded to the posts in the other forum as well, and i am pretty pleased with the answers i got here as well.

Speed Dawg: She isnt delusional about it because shes admitted to it. I havent been quite fair because she has taken steps to eat healthier. Maybe a walk in the park like someone mentioned earlier can help too.

mrruckus i thank you for your honesty and your opinion and respect it, but i have to say its not mine. we did break up for a short period of time and i tried seeing other women (thats how i found this site) but wasnt quite satisfied.

I-tallionStallion: lmao

Zaraza: I see what you are saying, and yes a little pudgy isnt bad, but im also afraid for her health in the future as well.I dont think this is a subject i would break up with her over, but its something im concerned about. She has started taking jiujitsu with me, so ive been thinking of ways to exercise with her utilizing that.

triple-t: Actually thats a good idea. When we first started dating she was a varsity swimmer in highschool for awhile, maybe i can get her to teach me how to swim better and we can swim laps at the pool.

Again thanks for the responses, i knew i could count on you guys

 

[mrRuckus]

mrruckus i thank you for your honesty and your opinion and respect it, but i have to say its not mine. we did break up for a short period of time and i tried seeing other women (thats how i found this site) but wasnt quite satisfied.

Classic teenage mistakes.

1. Breaking up and getting back together.
2. Trying to change others.
3. "The One" fallacy
4. Wasting youth on one girl and not gaining useful experience
5. Living the scarcity dilemma


Then there's the problem of society and certain users of this forum enforcing erroneous beliefs.

 

[Zaraza]

Hey just thought abuot something.

Does she ride bikes? if so try going moutain biking, start with some easy trails and then progress upwards. Its a great way to get cardio, plus depending on where you live there might be some very nice scenery. I live in Oregon and we have a lot of green in the mountains so when i go mountain biking its relaxing and beautiful at the same time. Swimming could work, but she did stop... why did she stop? Morning jogs together?

do you live together?

the one thing that keeps bothering me is that, are you really trully concerned for her health? or is there something inside that wants you to be in shape so you both look good next to each other

 

[bigshot]

have more sex

 

[Throttle]

Classic teenage mistakes.

1. Breaking up and getting back together.
2. Trying to change others.
3. "The One" fallacy
4. Wasting youth on one girl and not gaining useful experience
5. Living the scarcity dilemma


Then there's the problem of society and certain users of this forum enforcing erroneous beliefs.

Amen amen.

Also, go back to the original post, Sean: you never actually asked us a question. You say you have much needed advice (by which you clearly mean that you have a great need for advice) but don't say what you want advice about.

You want us to make this woman skinny for you? Make her suddenly enjoy being active? Hide her Twinkies for you? Give you permission to break up with her because she's a fat ass and getting fatter (look at her mom, unless mom's skinny, she's almost certainly got a one-way genetic ticket to lardville), even though you think that sounds shallow? (wait, i forgot, you love her).

You don't love her. You're 19. You're addicted to her, but the candy isn't as sweet now that it sweats. You're losing interest in her because she doesn't want to be active. Lose her and find some women who do want to be active. They're easy to find, and you're way to young to be wasting your time with this bird. Not that I expect you to take our advice, not until you have a better reason to get rid of her. After all, you don't want to appear 'shallow'.

An ex of mine was always 'worried about my health'. Bull****. I'd let myself go, and she was losing interest. That was her way of saying 'lose it or lose me.' Thank God I did both.

 

[Fuglydude]

My gf has pretty solid genetics, and got away with a lot even when she wasn't working out. When she wasn't training, I told her blatantly that I couldn't be with someone who didn't workout and have the same sort of lifestyle as me.

Today she trains 4 days a week and loves the effects it has on her body...

If you want your gf to workout and be in shape...tell her outright what your expectations are. If she doesn't comply its not exactly hard to find someone else.

 

[JohnnyIrish]

MrRuckus and Throttle:

I agree with both of your perspectives.. only problem is hes still 19. I know when I was 19 I wouldn't have listened to what you guys just said.. societal influence was too strong. It would be nice if it weren't so for him.. but he'll probabily have to learn the hard way like the rest of us.

 

[Zaraza]

one question.... is she worried about your health? I mean we are all focused on giving you advice or opinions, but what about questions.... Does she care about your health? It doesnt matter if your working out. do you drink? smoke? marijuana or hookah or cigarettes? sleep enough? drink enough water? eat a decent diet? does she give a crap about what you do?. It is nice to care about someone but make sure they care about you.. because true relationships (as you put that you want to have) require a road with two lanes going opposite directions.

 

[thissean]

She does actually. I dont smoke or anything. I drink socially so its not a problem. When i dont sleep she gets mad at me and tells me to go to bed earlier and not play videogames all night. she encourages me to do well in school. When im sick she takes care of me etc.

 

[Zaraza]

Then you gotta just talk to her. She seems like an old fashion quiet nice girl. Tell her your concerned for her health. Tell her youve been needing a runnin buddy or swimming teacher, or something. See how she responds.

keep us posted.

 

[Throttle]

When i dont sleep she gets mad at me and tells me to go to bed earlier and not play videogames all night. she encourages me to do well in school. When im sick she takes care of me etc.

dear God, she's your mother, too.

sadness. i was still playing this bull**** at 23, so there's still hope that you'll grow out of it, but as johnny says, probably only the hard way.....

fuglydude has the money advice...

 

[Zaraza]

i agree with throttle, hard way is the only way to learn actually. If we tell you what to do and what not to do its not natural for you. We can give you ideas, but its all about how you express it. You spend more time worrying than actually making something happen.

if all else fails.... pay her to work out lol

 

[The Inside Man]

OPEN WEIGHT CLASS! thats what my buddy that does jj calls it when he hooks up with a chunker. All joking aside, scramble out of her full mount immediately or try for the arm bar but don't let her slam you. Find a hot little athletic chick to hang out with. It isn't shallow, ruckus is right on all counts. It is more satisfying, exciting, and rewarding to be with an attractive in shape woman. Alot of them are caring and have cool personalities too. Well, some. Anyway go for what you really want and continue to improve along the way

 

[Zaraza]

To tell you the truth, one of my closer girl friends asked me out but i said no lol cuz she is pudgy. She has been going to the gym for like 1 - 2 years but seriously hasnt made much progress. And that turned me off for some reason.

+ 1 for hangin out with someone who is in better shape. Might make your girl jealous, but it will sure make you feel better. Someone who has your interests! someone who cares about themselves!