I'm going to make it. My story.

[LearningSlowly]

Hm. I feel like you should have just done that anyway, honestly - it seems like an interesting enough topic to be able to bring up. I feel like maybe if the bracelet didn't mean anything in particular you could use a joke like that, as long as its congruent with your character (I probably couldn't get away with it) but as long as something you can talk about attached to it, which is pretty unique, I would.

Good advice. Also that would have held onto the set outside WaHo that on time a lot longer.

Last night was awesome.

Before I started this thread, but after I started trying out zen and pick up, I had one of the best parties of my life to that point. It was with people from another school, I knew just enough of them to have social proof, but there were no judgements about me yet. I had meditated beforehand and remained focused through the car ride over, and things went great. Met everyone, got a number that unfortunately flaked last minute on a day 2, but most of all, big social proof. People remembered me and were talking about me.

So last night, I went to party with the same group (plus some extras from the periphery). Dressed flashily, but I managed not to be overdone. My clothes were easily the most interesting for guys there (another trick I use is to always mix something unique for myself. Last night I had an orange fanta that I carried around.) Two girls plus the hostess were there to start, and two guys they had already paired up with. Talked with the guys about my school's sports, had a basic friendship easily, girls were distant and more focused in touching their people, no worries.

People showed up gradually, and especially at the start, I was a little cut out of conversations. I just tried to ride through it, stay focused on what was going on. I participated in a small rap battle though. I can rap, so it was great as a DHV for the guys, but when girls were around later, I couldn't get it on point. Might come in handy later though, there was one guy dominating the beats, and it seems like he's made this a regular practice for guys at their school.

But let's talk about girls. I greeted people as they came in, the apartment was fairly small. Saw one, Erica, who I apparently met at the first party (I don't remember her) but had talked to through facebook and saw at the concert. She's gorgeous, a 9, but is a bit of a player. She joked a lot about using two of her ex's to pay for the cab to take us to parties at a nearby college. The girl supposed to take us to those parties, Ali, another 9, seemed very interested in me. Lots of kino, hugs, close talks. Game flowed really easily out of social proof, all I had to do really was be amused by things and I don't think I made any substantial mistakes.Took them both out to my car at one point to get a jacket and a blanket (I have a fuzzy Finding Nemo one) and it seemed like we were really going to go to these parties. At the last minute she said she probably couldn't get a guy in, and I couldn't pay my way home, so I stayed.

Other girls included a girl named Caity. I had met her spontaneously after a concert about two years ago. I was briefly into pick up around that time, she may have been one of my only actual approaches. It was warm, though, I recognized her from facebook pictures and approached her with her name. It was friendly, I ejected quickly, and we never talked again. I wasn't sure how to approach that last night, I started with "Have we met?" She said no at first, and I was positive she remembered. I turned away, body rocked out, and she goes "Wait! Hahaha yeah we did once, on marta." I barely did anything for this girl, except be the most interesting person in the group during a card game. It was a small group sitting in a circle, I cut between a guy and Caroline to sit down on a pillow and joined the game. I was just friendly, made jokes, and I could tell I could have closed Caroline based on social proof alone. I had my eyes on bigger fish though.

Ali was the strongest option for a while. We went outside to my car, and someone unexpected showed up. This girl, Julia, drove up. Julia used to go to my school, and freshman year we inhabited the same loser group. We went to a female-invite dance together, as friends. We were never that close though, and we easily drifted. She's a perfect 10, as best as I can describe it. Girls talked about rating their class, and said she was at the top of every list. I said hi, she first saw me with these two beautiful girls, so that helped, I'm sure. We were friendly, and went inside. Julia really surprised me. Especially with how strongly she could create attraction. Push/pull, but based on giving absolute, interested, genuine attention, then removing it in favor of more interesting things. She won't put you down and it's impossible to get mad at her, but interested/uninterested creates a powerful contrast. We sat outside and talked for a while, and it was amazing how closely we fit. We both had gotten absorbed into art, and were using our senior year as a chance to be more social. She dances, and we talked about our dancing. I've made lists describing my perfect girl recently, to be sure I don't settle for less than my potential, but the lists always include being a good dancer.

I know, this has the danger of being oneitis, and I didn't make any strong moves last night. In a zen way, it felt right not to, she has a thing going with a very cool guy at her school (I've met him and am friendly with him too), I expect its hard to risk that. Even so, I made a good impression. Within the next week, I have an option. I want to either make a direct move and invite her on a date, or just leave it for the next party, which I'm sure won't take too long. Any suggestions for a date?

At the end of the party, the hostess was literally begging me to sleep with her, pulled me toward her on the bed while watching tv, etc. She's a 4-5 though, and Julia was still around. I chose not to, I think it's a DLV to need to sleep with someone. Still, what a way to know you had a good night! These leads are going places, guys.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

The basic to hooking up in hs is: Treat it casually, take responsibility for it and be fun about it.

Your main problem is you don't treat sex casually and thus don't have fun because you make it so serious. It is a fun exchange which both of you want, you treat it like some sort of trial. You seem like the type who focuses on looking dominant' how you look isn't as important as how you FEEL to others. It just helps that in the end.

This has a side effect of you coming off as very pickup, like you're trying to hard to follow some sort of script. I'm assuming you're smart because of the vocabulary you use and the way you interact. Like most smart people, you seem to live in your head. Focus your attention outwards. Instead of 'what should I say about what she is wearing.' try 'what is she wearing??' it's not about blurting out whatever you're thinking, it's about other people. You vibe, you like people, they like you. Because you're so in your head you seem really judgemental... And mean.

Secondly, girls test you. A lot. For congruency. You fail, because you're so in your head and you think of each challenge as it comes along, not the overall mutual goal (of scoring), as such you have your success rate based on attraction applied not to the overall interaction, but EVERY stage.

About being skinny and tall, I used to be both. Now I'm just tall. My solution was weights, they really helped with my confidence as well. For clothes, wear tighter fits. Baggy clothes make skinny people look like brooms.

Ima **** dancer. Really bad, unless the song is really slow or fast. Buuut, this makes me smile really hard and my grin shows off more than my dancing. It matters a lot more and is more universal.
Because I give off this vibe, most girls will dance with me and I can start 'raise the roof' at parties. I just get really into the music and focus on that, sometimes a girl will pull me out of that with a seductive look, or once a girl said 'you can't dance.' My response to that? 'I know, I'm white ' then a black girl came up to me and tried to teach me how to move my hips. Because I was congruent.

Finally, I'm not sure about reserved cultures but other cultures in general (Spanish and Italian) generally respond better to physicality. See, that's the thing about girls. They're not stupid, passive participants. They're not looking for the perfect man. They're looking for a guy who is sexy to them and who doesn't embarass them in front of their friends. If the guy is awkward (some awkwardness is sexual tension) in a social way, unconfident, somehow against the girls values, very bad looking, try hard, etc. At the moment you are thinking so hard about what to say next, it shows. Only girls who are hyper attracted will persist with you. And you don't persist with them. Girls don't expect to much, if there is a barrier they will make an exception. A language barrier as an example.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Zen doesnt mean lazy.
Direct move doesn't mean an invite.

 

[LearningSlowly]

The basic to hooking up in hs is: Treat it casually, take responsibility for it and be fun about it.

Your main problem is you don't treat sex casually and thus don't have fun because you make it so serious. It is a fun exchange which both of you want, you treat it like some sort of trial. You seem like the type who focuses on looking dominant' how you look isn't as important as how you FEEL to others. It just helps that in the end.

This has a side effect of you coming off as very pickup, like you're trying to hard to follow some sort of script. I'm assuming you're smart because of the vocabulary you use and the way you interact. Like most smart people, you seem to live in your head. Focus your attention outwards. Instead of 'what should I say about what she is wearing.' try 'what is she wearing??' it's not about blurting out whatever you're thinking, it's about other people. You vibe, you like people, they like you. Because you're so in your head you seem really judgemental... And mean.

Secondly, girls test you. A lot. For congruency. You fail, because you're so in your head and you think of each challenge as it comes along, not the overall mutual goal (of scoring), as such you have your success rate based on attraction applied not to the overall interaction, but EVERY stage.

About being skinny and tall, I used to be both. Now I'm just tall. My solution was weights, they really helped with my confidence as well. For clothes, wear tighter fits. Baggy clothes make skinny people look like brooms.

Ima **** dancer. Really bad, unless the song is really slow or fast. Buuut, this makes me smile really hard and my grin shows off more than my dancing. It matters a lot more and is more universal.
Because I give off this vibe, most girls will dance with me and I can start 'raise the roof' at parties. I just get really into the music and focus on that, sometimes a girl will pull me out of that with a seductive look, or once a girl said 'you can't dance.' My response to that? 'I know, I'm white ' then a black girl came up to me and tried to teach me how to move my hips. Because I was congruent.

Finally, I'm not sure about reserved cultures but other cultures in general (Spanish and Italian) generally respond better to physicality. See, that's the thing about girls. They're not stupid, passive participants. They're not looking for the perfect man. They're looking for a guy who is sexy to them and who doesn't embarass them in front of their friends. If the guy is awkward (some awkwardness is sexual tension) in a social way, unconfident, somehow against the girls values, very bad looking, try hard, etc. At the moment you are thinking so hard about what to say next, it shows. Only girls who are hyper attracted will persist with you. And you don't persist with them. Girls don't expect to much, if there is a barrier they will make an exception. A language barrier as an example.

I got the feeling in this post that you don't like me. Obviously you're just giving advice, trying to help, and I appreciate that, but don't judge who I am based on my writing. You're right that I am smart, and I am often inside my head, and I read and write coherently, but none of that means that I can really express myself in these posts. I don't think I can.

I've already realized many of the statements you posted here, especially about vibe, not trying to come up with things to say, etc. Much of that comes from zen, and I am often most present in a party situation. When I say that I did well with a girl, please trust that I'm telling you that I had a powerful focus at that time, and really understood the value that they can offer. When I describe those situations, I am not always in the same state, and I can't communicate well how things felt.

This is the second time I've gotten a comment on testing. Can I get some elaboration on this? I'd really love to see where in my writing you're getting that from, I think there's a lot for me to learn on that point.

My skinniness is an inconvenience, but yeah I'm starting to work against it. I exercise more and more frequently as time goes, I will find motivation and strength in that somehow.

About dancing, being a bad dancer is nothing to be proud of. Being fun and inviting to people as you dance certainly is. I do my best to do both well, and it's really great with people who can also dance well, many of whom are very attractive.

The language barrier in Berlin was certainly an experience. It's behind me now though. I do look forward to taking it on again in a new context.

And finally, thank you for replying so quickly, I appreciate any advice. You're right, planning my move in either direction may be the wrong strategy. Maybe the better choice is to remain present and see how things happen, but I'm nervous that I'll make the wrong move when I'm very much "in my head" as you suggest.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Jaedon is very blunt is his writing, but dont get offended by it.

I don't really feel like going into tests right now.. Im sure there are some very good posts I can find. I'll edit later possibly.

Post exercise and diet.

Try to numb yourself by doing something TOTALLY out of your comfort-zone at the beginning of the night. I'm gonna start doing this. Example: Try to get yourself blown out HARD. Like, going straight in for her, face to face, either going straight for a kiss or saying something seemingly rediculous like, "Nice shoes, wanna fvck?" or something as simple as "You're fvcking gorgeous." I think it should be outrageous though, like real high fcking risk. I haven't tried this yet, so we'll see.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Nah mate, I'm blunt because I like you and I'm treating you the way I treat people I respect: with and honesty.

On being numb in pickup: it works so long as you don't abuse it. If you do the numbness can last for a long while, I'm not sure if it ever goes away yet.

My problem with you saying you're doing things in a zen way is that you've read one (albeit good) book on the subject and you seem to use it as an excuse to not do things. If you're saying she makes a better pivot, fine, but that seems to be EVERY girl who is attracted to you.

 

[LearningSlowly]

NorwegianDJ, good advice. I will hold off doing it with the group at this particular school, because I'm most concerned with my reputation there, but I see what you mean.

Exercise and diet isn't completely regimented, I know it should be for best results. I work out with dumbbells/body weight 3-4 times a week, generally chest/arms, back/shoulders, quads/calves then core, started doing that maybe a month ago. I've only started paying attention to my diet in the past 2 weeks, I eat 4 meals a day, protein in every one. I snack too much, probably, and should consolidate that into one more meal. I play basketball about 5 days a week, generally 1-2 hours at a time and I've been doing that for months. I'm beginning to see changes in my body.

Nah mate, I'm blunt because I like you and I'm treating you the way I treat people I respect: with and honesty.

On being numb in pickup: it works so long as you don't abuse it. If you do the numbness can last for a long while, I'm not sure if it ever goes away yet.

My problem with you saying you're doing things in a zen way is that you've read one (albeit good) book on the subject and you seem to use it as an excuse to not do things. If you're saying she makes a better pivot, fine, but that seems to be EVERY girl who is attracted to you.

Than I appreciate it. And maybe I should present it as this: I have some natural social skill, zen has been the only way for me to turn it on. I have found zen to create motivation in a way nothing else has for me. And so I focus a lot on it, especially since I feel like too much of my focus in the past has been on the elements of pick up, without the practice. Maybe it's the right time to return to those fundamentals with more real-life under my belt.

Right, I follow. In fact last night I went and saw another girl that I don't expect anything with. Both of these girls weigh significantly more than me, and I would be a little embarrassed if people knew that I had slept with them (which generally determines whether or not I do it).

All of this for me has the overarching feeling of practice. I'll be going to college next year, and I want to be sure I have the social skills to handle it. But that's not going to get me anywhere with the girls I want now, I actually need to want it. Maybe I masturbate too much, I'm going to stop and see how my perceptions change.

One question for everyone reading (thank you to Jack, NorwegianDJ, Rhino, phatboi)
What material should I be reading? I have a strongly positive, self-improving attitude in my life (which I know is a big DJ thing) so where do I go from here? What skills should I develop?

 

[NorwegianDJ]

# of meals per day doesnt matter.
# of carbs/proteins/fat per day matters. Try to stay about 500-700 above your maintenance.

http://thepiratebay.org/torrent/6540127/Awaken_the_Giant_Within

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Eat at least two- one before a workout and one after. The others offer no significant hormonal benefit or change to overall protein synthesis.

I found for me that going up to lone girls gunwitch style was better at building skill and confidence then groups, because it was more applicable to hooking up.

http://www38.zippyshare.com/v/21899908/file.html
Dynamic Sex Life, only thing worth readong by him and only the beginner section is.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Eat at least two- one before a workout and one after. The others offer no significant hormonal benefit or change to overall protein synthesis.

I found for me that going up to lone girls gunwitch style was better at building skill and confidence then groups, because it was more applicable to hooking up.

http://www38.zippyshare.com/v/21899908/file.html
Dynamic Sex Life, only thing worth readong by him and only the beginner section is.

Just to further elaborate this post:
Pre-workout should be within 30-90 minutes of working out.
Post-workout should be within 60 minutes. Personally I immediately get an energade and then pretty soon a huge meal.
Those are the only 2 that matter.

Also want to mention that Gunwitch is questionable, as I believe he was a fat drunk that comitted suicide last year or early this year. However, I definately agree on the 1on1.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Just to further elaborate this post:
Pre-workout should be within 30-90 minutes of working out.
Post-workout should be within 60 minutes. Personally I immediately get an energade and then pretty soon a huge meal.
Those are the only 2 that matter.

Also want to mention that Gunwitch is questionable, as I believe he was a fat drunk that comitted suicide last year or early this year. However, I definately agree on the 1on1.

Preciate the exercise advice, but definitely more grateful for the Gunwitch read.

I've done competitive rowing (like crew, Olympic-style) for several years and just stopped this year to work on my sociability. I know how to get in shape, it's just a matter of doing it, and that's much more difficult.

Today I made some big realizations on what you guys have been telling me. Why didn't I hook up with a girl at that party where I was otherwise doing so well? I always planned to kiss someone later, trying to clean up a lay without any intimacy to set up for it. Why couldn't I have kissed a gorgeous girl and relaxed as the king for the rest of the night?

They were important realizations to make, but no use living in the past. Next weekend I will be approaching with the intent to close.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

NDJ is write about gunwitch, but I personally don't discount the book. He wrote that and something else in a five year stretch of lucidity, then became an alchoholic with a chip on his shoulder. Listening to him as a life lesson is a terrible idea. However, regardless of his physical appearance he managed to hook up fairly often via daygame. Later in his book though his ideas stop being fun and start being rapey, they would wreck anyones rep in public and are amorale. Skip the rest.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Guys, just had the strangest realization. I feel like a blind man suddenly realizing he's known how to read all along.

Tonight I was texting this girl. There's a little background to it, so I'll explain:

She went to camp with two of my very best friends. She came to my town to visit last year, and visited my boy Apple (I'll probably talk about him often), and he was trying to hook up with her. She was not only uninterested by the time she met me, she hated him constantly tentatively hitting on her. I was in a focused state at the time, and pulled off not managing any kino because he protected her the whole time. Missed one facebook message that night that would have led to sex, missed an OBVIOUS opportunity that morning (we sat together alone on a couch for 30 minutes at least) then finally managed to man up and close, which went to third. Apple doesn't officially know any of this, though I'm sure he suspected. My other friend who knew her, Smokey, had dated her the summer before and there had been some expectation that they'd get together during her visit but they didn't. He also suspects what happened. Despite this, she is pressing her parents to pay for her to visit one of them, to see ME (I didn't go to camp, and am therefore not a valid reason).

I have been texting her tonight, decided that I would get a naked picture (haven't yet from her). And all of a sudden I realized what I was actually texting! It is completely unlike what I've been using on other girls lately. I'm not scared of messing up with this girl, and "babe" or compliments are already established. Why have I not been establishing those things with other girls lately?

Fitting together the pieces slowly, these things are so obvious now.

 

[Jack Wealthy]

Could you elaborate please?

 

[LearningSlowly]

Could you elaborate please?

Yup. Have some texts from last night, starting halfway through the conversation, she said she was out of the house getting coffee:

Me: Mel do you drink coffee?
Her: Not like black.... but yes why do you ask?
Me: Woulda pegged you as a tea girl. Im sure all my other assumptions are right though.
Her: Like what?? Haha I'm curious to hear thesee
Me: Haha alright, we'll play it like this. What color bra are you wearing?
Her: Lacie black.... if you wanted to know details

Skip a bit, made a joke about a facebook picture where a guy looks like he's staring at her.

Her: yeah my ass looks greattt
Me: Even if youre being sarcastic you should know how unfair this is for me. You get to see your body any time you want
Her: aww I'm sorrrry. And yes I get to see minee, but not yours....
Me: Trade you? Im gonna take a quick shower but first I need to see your bra to make sure you werent lying

She was with friends, so no go, but I ended the conversation. Reopened later that night to no response. Got a text this morning saying "sorrrrryyy. loveee you"

I'll try again for the picture tonight, might as well.

The point is that I wouldn't have been so comfortable with any other girl. I follow all the "rules" about not appearing needy, being interesting, transitioning between topics smoothly, but I haven't had any balls for the past couple months. I wouldn't even think to call a girl cute, it's obvious why my texting wasn't working out how I wanted.

It's not like this is a complicated concept, and I'm not claiming I'm even very good at it, but I'm very glad I realized it. Now any wimpy, gay-best-friend texting is my own fault.

 

[LearningSlowly]

No pic, but she's still enthusiastic about texting. I got so close, but couldn't manage it. Also I broke my no mb thanks to that situation. Frustrating.

Here's some other news: Got an invite to the same house as last weekend, the one that went well. This time I'll be going into it sexually, looking to isolate and CLOSE. I will try to have the attitude toward girls that I want them to have toward me: open, forward and sexual. I would prefer to have kept my no mb streak until this evening but I'll work with what I've got.

I was just on facebook and psyched myself out a little bit, with thoughts that it may look as though I have no where else to be except coming to all the same parties. I'll stay off facebook until tomorrow. The most alpha guy from last time won't be there, he's up partying at a college. He was the driving force for the rapping, so I can relax on that front, maybe bring some dance into things since I didn't showcase that last time. You can never plan what talents to show off though, or its obvious you're showing off, so I'll let things come.

I feel really good that I've been going to parties almost every weekend since beginning to take my social life seriously. Things are WORKING, the bare fact that I'm getting these invites means something. I'll go in cool, confident and looking for a girl for the night.

 

[LearningSlowly]

Party cancelled, spent the night in with a buddy. Hoping for an event tomorrow.

 

[LearningSlowly]

So I've been failing to keep up with regular work outs, and I've begun an alternative (not really giving up on work outs, just started something else).

Whenever I feel like it, generally about ten times a day, I think or say to myself, "Alright, do ten push ups if you're not a b!tch."

This is my third day doing this, my push up numbers were 120 the first day, 80 the second, 70 so far today (I expect to get 2 or 3 more sets in).

Is there any detriment to continuing this pattern? I haven't felt any major soreness or discomfort, is this going to be unhealthy without taking many rest days?

The reason I've taken this on is big. I'm 6 ft tall and weigh 150, and much of that seems to come from my thighs. It gives me an unfortunately feminine look. When I see pictures of shirtless guys, I can see that it's really the pecs that make the difference, rather than a six pack or certain tone. No one mentions a guy's good pecs, but they are what define his shirtless appearance. Mine are nonexistent.

I want to be able to take my shirt off and have that help my game. I recognize that lifting may be a better way to build muscle mass quickly, but I don't have a lifting partner, and it would be nice to be able to bench a decent weight when I get one.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Muscle imbalances in chest/back causing you to hunch over, aka bad posture.

I don't have a lifting partner either and I gym.

 

[LearningSlowly]

I agree, and this isn't to exclusion of any other working out. If anything, my chest is the unconditioned part, my back has always been more developed than my chest from rowing. Just wanted to be sure I wouldn't hurt myself this way.