I'm confused

[DJ_Traveler]

Hi guys,

I've started dating a girl for about a month now.

We have hung out five times total.
On the fourth date she came over and we slept together.
However, on the 5th date she really confused me. She seemed a bit distant and in thoughts. She said that maybe we have moved too fast with her referring to sleeping with me and that we should slow down so that we get to know each other better. In addition, she mentioned that is still having some difficulties getting completely over her marriage failing a year ago(she has been separated for a year).

What do you guys think it means?

A side of me thinks that taking our time can be a good thing as I think its good to know the other person well before rushing in any relationship. The other side of me is concerned about being manipulated or being played?(I've been burned in the past).

Thanks.

 

[jophil28]

I have heard that old " lets' slow down" plea several times .
I just ignored it and continued on as if she had not said it.

Sometimes women speak from that mess of wriggling insecuries in their heads.
Trying to understand what and why she said what she did will drive you bananas.

Just plow on.

 

[squirrels]

It means she's a typical female head-case that can't have a good time without having an emotional crisis afterward.

With some girls, it's minor, it's like, "I didn't expect THAT to happen...it was fun, but was a little more than I wanted to do". With some girls, it's like, "OMFG I CAN'T BELIEVE I DID THAT!! WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?? I CAN'T HANDLE THIS!! DOUBLE RAINBOW OMIGOD!!!"

Jophil is right. Write it off as "chick stuff" and ignore it. If it starts getting in the way of you enjoying her company, then she's obviously wound too tight for living and you need to cut her off.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

Proceed with caution. If she is not totally over what happened to/with her previous relationship as she did tell you. It must be bothering her else she is just not that into you.

Make sure you are spinning other plates so you can forget about this one easily if you have to.

I met this girl twice earlier in the year and on the second meeting she slept with me at my place. The next day, she said we moved too fast and she can't do this anymore. I didn't really care but I get where she's coming from.

Don't give her too much attention. Think of it this way... The more interest you show she will push you further away.

Usually to get a girl in bed that fast you need to show high interest/playfullness which can show you are extremely interested.

You'll get what you want but you could be giving off the wrong idea to her.

Show less interest and she'll come if she's interested.

 

[vatoloco]

Good advice here. Got a couple of questions for you: how long was she with the guy? Why only separated and not divorced? Just wondering...

 

[DJ_Traveler]

I wasn't able to sleep last night as my mind would not stop thinking...

Last week, after we slept together she said: You are not going to hurt me? and I said that it's not my intention. After that she said that she had a major crush on me. That's part of the reason I could not make sense why she would want to slow things down now.

to vatoloco, she was married for four years. I did not ask her yet why she didn't go all the way and divorce.

Some of my conclusion from last night was to wait and let her call/text me. If she is really into me like she said, she will come back.

By the way, I am recently divorced myself. If you guys look for my all thread that I posted a few years back. The guys that posted on my discussion were on the money with my ex wife. She eventually cheated on me, so I divorced her.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

"maybe we have moved too fast" = buyers remorse

Women who are into you wont confuse you. If she's been married for 4 years, odds are she's unfamiliar with the freedom of sexual variety and sees sex AS committing to a guy. In addition, she's probably got more irons in the fire than just you. Move her to the bench and find another couple of starters. If she pursues, then you might want to put her back into rotation, but at 32, and after a recent divorce, the last thing you need is a half-hearted lay from a lack-luster head case.

 

[samspade]

Some of my conclusion from last night was to wait and let her call/text me. If she is really into me like she said, she will come back.

You are on the right track. You didn't write much about your own behavior, so I'm assuming you didn't press her on anything (exclusivity or being a couple, etc.).

Just don't take it too seriously. Good job on the lay. Keep it simple and see if she contacts you.

 

[DJ SO STEVE]

DJ Traveler

You are letting this get to you because you are ONLY dating one chick. You met her only 5 times so you barely know her! Sometimes it takes a full year or more to actually get to know someone.

She's not divorced yet and you don't know why. There is more to this than meets the eye.

It's good that you are waiting for her to contact you... BUT, its not good that you are "WAITING". This just means that if you are waiting for longer than you expected this will start to bother you.

If you were dating 3-5 women you wouldn't be losing sleep over this.
Get with the program and start dating other women NOW!!!!

2-3 weeks ago when I was dating just one chick and we were into each other I was letting things get to me and it really bothered me. BECAUSE I WAS ONLY DATING ONE CHICK!!!

Don't put all your eggs in one basket, if you are you're a FOOL! (just like I was 2-3 weeks ago)

 

[Colossus]

She's not divorced yet and you don't know why. There is more to this than meets the eye.

That's what I'm sayin'. She is still an attached woman, at least in my book. If you link up with her you just bought baggage. Find some other girls to start up.

For your own mental health, do not engage attached women. 'Separated' is still attached. It is not worth the effort.

 

[SoldMySoul]

$hit... as long as you are getting what you want out of the relationship, why should you care? Funny thing is what does she want to do, wish it away? I like Jophill's reply. If she wants to slow down, fine. Slow down your thrusts!!!

What Rollo said could be some of it too. I always look at first time as throw always and hopefully you get another chance. I recall some miserable first time performances and good thing I got another shot.

I just re read your post OP. Saw the marriage thing. Sounds like trouble to come if she is throwing that I am not over my marriage vibe.

 

[jophil28]

"maybe we have moved too fast" = buyers remorse

This ^^, and her remorse is being driven by a high level of anxiety about whether you will treat her well or do a Charlie Sheen impersonation .
Whenever I encounter this apres sex wobble in a new woman I ignore it. Her feelings are entirely her's, they are not mine to fix, and they should not be yours either.

 

[vatoloco]

Like it has already been mentioned, I hope you're not getting any ideas of getting into a relationship with a married women (since she's not yet divorced and seems not be looking into getting divorced.)

In my opinion, she probably is still attracted to the guy and will eventually go back to him, you know, "to give it another shot" (hence the reason for not actually divorcing him.) If I were you, I'd just keep tapping that ass but this woman, IMO, is not relationship material...

YMMV

 

[DJ_Traveler]

Thanks for all the feedback guys! It really helped me put things in perspective.

At this point, I am just going to chill and observe her actions and not her words. If she screws up, it will be her loss.

By the way, I am a single dad and my kids are priority number one which is one of the reasons I just don't have time to date multiple women.