"I'm bored......."

[Andy_Dufresne]

Have you heard this one...after sex? This has happened to me a couple of times in my past relationships. Interestingly enough its happened with the hottest 2 babes I've been with and after I thought I had pushed the sexual envelope to the extreme.

In both cases it was after several months of intimacy, and after the women both had told me they loved me, and were considering marriage (no ****). I ended both relationships for reasons other than this (kids, moving out of state, etc.) but them making the statement, even in passing, definitely had a factor in my decision to ultimately end things. In both cases their first husbands were "wild childs" and rich kid DJs so I was following tough act(s). I figured if they're bored with me throwing my best at them for six months...what is gonna happen after six years?

Candidly...anyone else have this experience with a lover, and what did it mean to you after you heard it? Was your woman trying to just spice things up in a postive way, or did you read into it a little deeper as I did. What is the meaning of this statement? If you heard it in the context I just described would it be a red flag?

 

[Bible_Belt]

I don't think it has anything to do with the bedroom. All that matters with a woman is how she feels, and a lot of how she feels in the bedroom is influenced by the rest of the relationship. If you are exciting in general, then it becomes much easier to have exciting sex.

"Boring" really means "predictable." So you just have to avoid being predictable. If she has to think and wonder, that keeps her mind busy, and that is exciting. I try to tell my girlfriend as little as possible about whatever I can, and make her wonder. When I pick her up to go out to eat, I never ask or even tell her where we are going. Sometimes she asks, sometimes not. I told her the other day that I had picked out her Halloween costume, and she was going to love it, but I won't tell her what it is. That alone is driving her nuts. If I order a gift for her, I might tell her I got her something, even give her a clue or two, but then not tell her for a week or so until it arrives. Even a very small gift, when delivered like that, gives her something to sit and wonder about all week, thinking of me and all the ways that I intrigue her. Believe it or not, things like that will make sex better more than anything you do with your d!ck. If you are exciting outside the bedroom, she will be excited in the bedroom.

I have read before that this has something to do with the survival mechanism that early humans developed where we discount that which is predictable in order to focus our senses on the unpredictable. That's why women think that predicable is boring.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Fantastic Post, Bible, and a good reminder in my case. Complacency is the number one thing, in my book, that trashes relationships. It's a given that I think in both instances I deviated from my game enough (both from inside and outside the bedroom) that the words came out. I look at it too, that it wasn't so much of a mistake for them saying it, it was more of a mistake of me not doing enough to keep them intrigued. I blame myself.

The question remains open though, as to how to read into this statement lest I hear it again, and what does it mean for the relationship. Is there an inner meaning, a "********" if you will, to be factored in?

 

[jophil28]

" wild child = bad ass = drug abuser or drinker or cheater "

Now here is the confusing part. ALL divorced women whom I have met ( a lot) reported that their Ex H was "bad Leroy Brown" in some way. They really mean that he was the cause of the divorce...ALL women love their victimhood and the inference that they were innocent and blameless martyrs. Blaming their Ex is part of being a "victim".

However there are enough of these women who have really been married to certified bad asses. THis is your Red Flag. Sane mature women do NOT agree to spend their lives and marry a practicing jerk. BPDs, HPDs , drama addicts and adrenaline junkies, codependents and rescuers marry those men. These marriages NEVER flourish because they are predicated on complementary pathology, not mutual contribution.

When you hear a divorced women talk trash about her ex, remember that she is soon going to be lining you up to be the next man to blame when some inconvenient event comes her way.


Two crazies who marry will create a crazy marriage. Every time.

SO we meet these crazy women and some of us believe their BS about how angelic they were, and how her EX was some kind of toxic brute... and blah blah..and so it goes around and around.

 

[Andy_Dufresne]

Good call, jophil. The latest utterance of "I'm bored' that I got - her ex (of over 20 years) ended up a meth addict and she ended it after he threw her through a window during an argument.

I guess if that's "exciting" I should take "I'm bored" as a compliment, hunh?

It just threw me because the woman (former model) was stable, intelligent, held three jobs to put her kids through college, only drank occasionally, and we got along great. I saw no signs of unstable behavior.

"Former model" in of itself was trouble, and I knew that.

But when she said "I'm bored" she may have been craving the intense fights and "shock and awe" alpha behavior that that type of guy brings, precipitating the "I'm bored..." I brought her enough "shock and awe" of my own, but certainly not on the level of the ex-husband.

Anybody who has ever been with a super hottie knows this is usually the case with the ex.

Who DOESN'T trash talk their ex? After 6 months or a year eventually the skeletons come out to dance. Holy ****, I would have to become a priest if that were the case, dude.