I'm at the end of my rope... screwed up bad last night

[tsmith2334]

Met a girl last night. Pretty cute and with beer goggles on, a definite keeper. We were talking the whole night. She was giving of tons off IOIs with her body language. I got her number, did lots of kino. She asked if I was dating anyone. In other words, this was a "go".

I actually got to the point of isolation. It was just me and her upstairs, and the whole party was downstairs. We were very messed up (drugs and alcohol), and she said she wanted to call it a night.

And I chickened out. Didn't suggest walking back with her, didn't suggest chilling back at her place. NOTHING. As much attraction as she was showing (and believe me it was there), she didn't overtly invite me back so I didn't make the first move. She hinted at it, saying she'd have the room to herself etc. but I was hoping she would be more outright. Ugh. I was afraid of rejection, too stoned and too nervous to capitalize.

She ended up walking back by herself and wished me good night.

Totally screwed up. I'll probably never get that chance with her again.

The only good thing that came out of this is I know how I would close now (offer to walk with her so she's not alone), so I'll be better off in the future.

However, right now I'm pretty angry I couldn't close, and it's my fault too. Can someone offer any advice?

 

[daygameguy]

Well, I sympathize. But at least you know what you did wrong, so that next time you'll be better prepared. The only bad thing about pickup is that if it goes wrong, you gotta start it all over again oh man, I understand how you feel.. good luck next time!

 

[LoneSilver]

I think you messed up more using drugs then you missing the mark with this girl to me thats your biggest failure at the moment.

LoneSilver

We were very messed up (drugs and alcohol), and she said she wanted to call it a night.

 

[tsmith2334]

I think you messed up more using drugs then you missing the mark with this girl to me thats your biggest failure at the moment.

LoneSilver

I think you're right. We smoked way too much. It made me kinda apathetic and timid.

 

[tsmith2334]

Does anyone have any advice to help me close better?

Kino, got the number, isolation, did all that. Couldn't seal the deal. Any tips?

 

[MikeYikes122]

You've just got to be more aggressive, no specific tactics or anything. You were alone with her in a room upstairs, isolated from the rest of the party. If you're holding yourself back because you're timid or hesitant, just use logic. She is upstairs alone with you for a reason, and it's definitely not to play board games and drink milk and cookies. At that point, she wants it, and 90 percent of the females your age won't escalate the situation any further than she did. Her going upstairs with you alone is like in invitation for you to escalate. You should think of it like that, at least.

Personally, I would have escalated and tried to hook up with her right there. No inviting her back to my place, and no need for innuendos because they might have triggered her ASDs. I have a good feeling she was down to hook-up right there.

Don't play Sunday morning quarterback and dwell over the night. There will be other chicks, and if you see her at a party again, you have an easy in with her.

 

[daygameguy]

You should have moved her outside. You should have taken out to eat or gone back to her/your place. You know you screwed up there.

You failed to - Escalate into heavy kino and move her to a seduction location.

Maybe she was wondering what your intentions were, so you should an SOI sometimes - Statement of Intent - "I am so drawn to you. Let's get outta here"

 

[tsmith2334]

You should have moved her outside. You should have taken out to eat or gone back to her/your place. You know you screwed up there.

You failed to - Escalate into heavy kino and move her to a seduction location.

Maybe she was wondering what your intentions were, so you should an SOI sometimes - Statement of Intent - "I am so drawn to you. Let's get outta here"

You're completely right. It's a bummer dude. All I had to do was offer to walk her home (it was late), or ask her if she wanted to chill a little longer at her place. It was a freakin' lay-up.

Thanks everyone for the input. I just have to get over my fear of escalating sexually.

 

[Atom Smasher]

tsmith,

Have you seen this thread on "failure"? Check it out.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=151873

 

[Night Owl]

Does anyone have any advice to help me close better?

Kino, got the number, isolation, did all that. Couldn't seal the deal. Any tips?

Learn from your mistakes, move on and keep trying. Sometimes you have to stick you neck out and take a chance. Adopt the motto of the British Elite troops the SAS - 'He who dares wins'

Move in for the kiss, but stop short of her lips. Stay there for a few seconds, if she real wants you, she will move towards you to kiss you. If she doesn't, move on.

 

[Groovy]

Why didn't you try the kiss test?

Whenever I am in this kind of situations I think to myself... This is practice! I'll take a shot and see how it goes, just for the fun of it. :yes: Remember that you're just practicing, so that way you just don't get nervous. You don't think "Oh my does she like me, am I doing this right", because you sort off let your ego untouched, and you don't fear failure that much anyway, so give it a shot, in the worse case scenario you'll learn something for next time, and you'll feel great about yourself too, knowing you're the man and all.

And take this into consideration- you have sort of a clue what you're doing. (In theory at least). You no longer are in the matrix of thinking something completley stupid like a chump, you know that women LIKE and WANT men who just dominate and make moves... JUST DO IT!

Plus this specific time you have no excuse. You knew she was attracted. You need to be smart enough and a good judge of the situation. If you're THAT insecure, don't chicken out, just try the kiss test, or do some lighter escalation or something you think it's worth experimenting... Even the gut works. But all of the signals said GO and you still didn't have the guts to pull it off - why?


Eheh, don't take my hammering on you personally, I'm just writing this for myself, so....

 

[Groovy]

Move in for the kiss, but stop short of her lips. Stay there for a few seconds, if she real wants you, she will move towards you to kiss you. If she doesn't, move on.

Hmmmm NO!!

You want it, YOU go for it.

You want it and still you expect that she, the submissive one, goes for it? Myy!! Hahahaha! That didn't make sence, amirite?