Im always on the oustside and it drives me nuts

[Fenderules]

Pretty much the last 6 years of my life i'v always felt on the outside or so and its driving me nuts.

In junior high i never had many friends and they hung out with me after school....well once in a while til one turned into a bulley and bugged me all the time......then grade 9, i did get one best friend but again i was a wimp and he 2 would pick on me. I tried to be part of a "group" in grade 9, did not work, grade 10 was worse.... my best friend at the time went to a new highschool and i was pretty much a loner. I wasn't even excepted by the band geeks....and i was in band! (but at least a played a cool instrument....guitar). I made a couple of friends but i never hung out with them after school, and i'd be alone sometimes during lunch hours with nothing to do. I was never achknowledged and bugged 2
Grade 12, not bugged anymore since ppl matured, and one guy did and i jumped in the hall so everybody stopped after taht. Same **** though except for the fact that i "could" have been acknowleged. The problem was i was self-deafeating myself because i thought if i tried to make friends and hang out with often, they think i was a geek and tell me to **** off like b4, even though i was a differnt person. Well its a self-fulfilling prophecy, wut you think you shall become...and for me that was a looser.

now school is done University is a whole differnt seen and i'v made a couple friends but i still feel im chasing my own ass.

As for girlz.... i approach more often which is good but im still scared from the past and am afraid to get to know any girlz close....cause of course...the nice guy a long time ago got burnt, even though my attitude has changed and i dont put up with ****, its still there

arrrrrg.
its making me depressed. but im going out tonight....even though its a school night......cause i dont care

 

[Tha Realnezz]

i have the opposite problem...people won't leave me the **** alone.

 

[spider_007]

I know what you meen, after a while you even forget haw to talk to people. Thing that really helped me whas that I concentrated on other things in my life, school, carriere, money, health... Once you improve otherthings in your life, you start feeling better, and worth while. And that's when people start relating to you in a different way.

Also, there is a thred down the list, that you might wana read (social insecurity), and another one that I can't find right now.

I don't know what else to say, Im still in the biggining stages of working on that problem my self.

 

[Fenderules]

yeah its a *****, and i always make these stupid assumptions in my head and tehn work around them and take everything negatively....like if i did something wrong....and somebody got mad. i take the worse case scenario. it pisses me off

 

[Azariah]

You're off to a good start. You can admit that your life isn't where you want it. Sounds like most of your problem is with "self-talk". Basically, you're too hard on yourself.

If you're comfortable with the notion of self-help books, I'd really recommend this one:

http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0671708821/104-1667964-4194315

Either go buy it (it's cheap) or find it at the library. With a little time and practice, you'll be in a much better state of mind to develop that social life you've been after.

 

[Fenderules]

thanks, i tried teh tony robbins stuff 2

 

[Azariah]

Good! Keep it up!

Turning around your mental state takes time and persistance. Work on it every day for an hour or two...

It takes time to make big changes in your life. I should know... it took me years. It's very akin to learning a foreign language. You'll spend a lot of time studying and working and not feeling like you're getting anywhere. Then, out of nowhere, you'll make a big jump in progress. Then it will plateau again.

 

[DJStudent]

I believe I can relate to how you feel and it's a tough place to be in. Lonliness can overwhelm the best of us but there are measure that you can do to take control. You really have to break down what makes you happy and go really one step at a time.

Before when I had little friends I would always want to be someone else, more popular, more of a ladies man. But I know that wasn't going to happend the next day. I had to take what I want into tiny little steps that I can manage and slow move on too the next goal.

I first concentrated on my health. I worked out a lot, gained a few pounds of muscle and made some great friends at the gym. Then I went into dancing after my friend suggested it to me because it was really a challenge to learn these steps and to pull it off smoothly. There I met TONS of girls that wants to be with me because I got really good. Now I'm at my next stage. My career. I'm trying to find what I can do when I get out of college. It's tougher than you think.

 

[Fenderules]

Originally posted by Azariah
Good! Keep it up!

Turning around your mental state takes time and persistance. Work on it every day for an hour or two...

It takes time to make big changes in your life. I should know... it took me years. It's very akin to learning a foreign language. You'll spend a lot of time studying and working and not feeling like you're getting anywhere. Then, out of nowhere, you'll make a big jump in progress. Then it will plateau again.

haha well i'v been working very hard lately, pushing myself out of the cacoon........but its failing mostly except for a couple friends, so iguess im at the plateau right now......well i guess i'll keep trying and hopefully i'll eventually see the changes

 

[Fenderules]

Originally posted by DJStudent
I believe I can relate to how you feel and it's a tough place to be in. Lonliness can overwhelm the best of us but there are measure that you can do to take control. You really have to break down what makes you happy and go really one step at a time.

Before when I had little friends I would always want to be someone else, more popular, more of a ladies man. But I know that wasn't going to happend the next day. I had to take what I want into tiny little steps that I can manage and slow move on too the next goal.

I first concentrated on my health. I worked out a lot, gained a few pounds of muscle and made some great friends at the gym. Then I went into dancing after my friend suggested it to me because it was really a challenge to learn these steps and to pull it off smoothly. There I met TONS of girls that wants to be with me because I got really good. Now I'm at my next stage. My career. I'm trying to find what I can do when I get out of college. It's tougher than you think.

well thats one good thing....even though im 18, i know exactly what i want in a career and how im gonna get it. Im going for a music degree actually

but yeah dancing and stuff would prolly help me with coordination or something. I a musician but i also see myself as kind of an entertainer live. I like to put on a good show. i do all that crazy stuff, soloing with the toung teeth, jumping all over the place, i think imight wanna take it to the next level, get a little more flexible and maby try some hand stands and ****. I also thought about maby skaterboarding around or something (even though i dont skate board). Bands today have no stage presence, it drives me nuts, none of these bands today compare to how guys like Jimi hendrix and The who moved around. They were nuts

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

Listen man...........

If you want a lot of friends....read books and obtain information on how to attract people to you and once you UNDERSTAND that....you can start applying those principles to your life. See....

This is what life is, you ready..........

Life is nothing more, nothing less, than a god damn playstation, a nintendo, a sega motafvcking genesis!

Remember when you first played those games, you didnt have a damn clue on how to WIN and play like you WANTED, but you did probably within a couple of seconds, learn where the on and off buttons were, and how to move the character throughout the board, but you didnt know how to WIN. The information in the book that came with the game was probably just enough to allow you to move your character, how to make him jump, but that book did not reveal how to kill that enemy at the end....so what did you do?

EXACTLY!

You learned the codes, and cheats of the game!
Or you got so god damn good at playing it, that you developed your own damn codes and cheats!

But what I m saying is, that knowledge is the only power, that will get us what we want. Seek out knowledge, and you will find results.

 

[Fenderules]

yeah i was thinking in reading up on napoleon and hill and carnagie

 

[dearsappho]

If you want friends then you have to approach people, get to know them a little and ask them to do stuff with you. Ok, it can be uncomfortable in the first stages of getting to know new people, but after a while things blend in.

Its wierd how my friends have changed over the years. Mates from school introduced me to other friends they met, they become my friends and their friends become my friends too. Now I dont see any of my mates from school very much at all (married et al). People have come and gone with such regularity its odd.
I would never have envisiged myself hanging out with the people I do now even 2 years ago.

I hate the buzzword but you have to network.

If you meet one person you have in your hand the capacity to meet the whole world.

 

[Fenderules]

Originally posted by dearsappho
If you want friends then you have to approach people, get to know them a little and ask them to do stuff with you. Ok, it can be uncomfortable in the first stages of getting to know new people, but after a while things blend in.

Its wierd how my friends have changed over the years. Mates from school introduced me to other friends they met, they become my friends and their friends become my friends too. Now I dont see any of my mates from school very much at all (married et al). People have come and gone with such regularity its odd.
I would never have envisiged myself hanging out with the people I do now even 2 years ago.

I hate the buzzword but you have to network.

If you meet one person you have in your hand the capacity to meet the whole world.

yeah the problem is a lot of times i make freinds, and try to do stuff, but im always pushed on the side. Its like im "shutout" it took me forever in highschool to get friends. It was if the door was "shut" for me and everybody had enough friends.