Hey all, so I met a girl speed dating yesterday, and she is new to this area. Now during our three minutes I was pretty aggressive with the ****y funny and asked for her number on the spot. She was a bit surprised, then she asked me if I was a player. I was not expecting that, and my time was running out, so I said "just a little bit of a player." It was the only think I could think of at the time. Now today I texted her and said I'd give her a call after work. She replied "alright playa." Okay, normally I take the player comment as a complement, but I'm wondering if i should address is when we talk or just ignore it. I have a feeling she'll call me out again. The AFC part of me wants to explain "haha, well it takes a playa to recognize a playa right?" or "haha, i'm actually a really sincere guy, but would you rather me be boring?" thoughts?
I'm a player?
- Thread starter DJNiceGuy
- Start date
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
No. You shouldn't address it.DJNiceGuy said:
If she's gonna ask. Let her ask. When I'm in that situation, I'll just say, "Oh you think I'm a player? Why?" Then she'll say whatever. And I'll say, "Oh. Interesting." And switch topics.
But don't bring it up. And don't explain yourself. If anything, make her explain her stance and then leave it at that.
A girl will walk away from you for being a nice guy faster than she'd walk away from you for being a "player"
Thanks for the responses guys. I know it was a terrible response. I was put on the spot and honestly, I was blown away by this girl's attractiveness. I'm even hesitating to call her right now because I'm nervous. I've pretty much already assured failure by putting her up on this pedestal. And I'm relatively experienced as well. A sad state of affairs indeed...
backbreaker
Master Don Juan
sigh,
the correct answer here guys is
"if i were a player, why would I tell you anyway? that just ruins the fun"
It's ****y, answers the question without really answering it, in reality just peaks her interest more and you haven't confirmed or denied anything.
Asking are you a player is a **** test. Don't fall for the bait to ever have to quality yourself to a woman. She calls you a player just roll with it. If she doesn't just roll with it. let her think what she wants to think. Alot of guys don't think the player thing through. if that is the irst thing a woman says, that tells me one thing already, she's a bopper. Bopper for you uninformed, is slang for a woman who likes to have alot of sex. That means, in translation, that she gets taken alot by guys and gets ran through. She's asking you in turn, if you are going to do the same thing, in which you say yes.
She is giving you the playbook on how to treat her. This is a woman who expects you to try to **** her because that's what all guys do to her.
the correct answer here guys is
"if i were a player, why would I tell you anyway? that just ruins the fun"
It's ****y, answers the question without really answering it, in reality just peaks her interest more and you haven't confirmed or denied anything.
Asking are you a player is a **** test. Don't fall for the bait to ever have to quality yourself to a woman. She calls you a player just roll with it. If she doesn't just roll with it. let her think what she wants to think. Alot of guys don't think the player thing through. if that is the irst thing a woman says, that tells me one thing already, she's a bopper. Bopper for you uninformed, is slang for a woman who likes to have alot of sex. That means, in translation, that she gets taken alot by guys and gets ran through. She's asking you in turn, if you are going to do the same thing, in which you say yes.
She is giving you the playbook on how to treat her. This is a woman who expects you to try to **** her because that's what all guys do to her.
Packers2010
Master Don Juan
and thats the sad truthIceberg said:
Chickfight
Senior Don Juan
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Wasn't the best line, but it wasn't horrible either. You probably passed the sh!t test, but just barely, meaning there will be more where that came from.
Lucky for you sh!t tests are one of the easiest things to beat. You just blow it off with a joke or something flirty like "I just know what I want". When you pass with flying colors their attraction skyrockets.
You should know that being known as a player is a GOOD thing for attracting women. It's social proof, non-neediness and fun rolled up into one. Plus they always think they're so special that they'll be able to change your womanizing ways. This is a belief you should feed, be it true or not.
Lucky for you sh!t tests are one of the easiest things to beat. You just blow it off with a joke or something flirty like "I just know what I want". When you pass with flying colors their attraction skyrockets.
You should know that being known as a player is a GOOD thing for attracting women. It's social proof, non-neediness and fun rolled up into one. Plus they always think they're so special that they'll be able to change your womanizing ways. This is a belief you should feed, be it true or not.
Thanks guys, meeting up with her for drinks tonight. I will bust through all shi!t tests and suppress that inner AFC. At speed dating, given this girl's looks, my heart was literally pounding and words were so hard to get out. I basically went on autopilot with the ****y funny because I couldn't think at all. But I know I can do this. I've done it so many times before. I just have to suppress that inner chode who will try to sabotage it because he think he's not good enough for her.
Quick update for any interested. Went on the date and it went pretty well. We definitely had some easy chemistry. I wasn't able to get a kiss in at the end, but I think it will happen next date. What's really interesting is that the more I stared at her, the less I was enthralled. I started noticing the flaws (frizzy hair because of the rain). She's attractive, no doubt, but I'm no longer tongue tied which is a very good thing. Perhaps I'm finally reaching a good place where I don't keep any girl on a pedestel for very long. Thanks for the advice fellas
dude, even Doc Love says there has to be a kiss on a first date for there to be a second. And that's Doc Love. Zarky says if there's no sex (or at the very least hand up shirt on tits) on the first date then there's no second date.
I smell oneitis here. Men have to band together to lower the price of sex. Going out with a girl when she doesn't put out doesn't help our cause. Take one for the team and dump this broad. I would.
I smell oneitis here. Men have to band together to lower the price of sex. Going out with a girl when she doesn't put out doesn't help our cause. Take one for the team and dump this broad. I would.
Masculinity
Master Don Juan
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Let us know if there's a second. In the event there is a second date, you better go beyond just kissing of I'll come over and smack you in the forehead, seriously. Good luck!DJNiceGuy said:
Thanks Robyn for the words of encouragement! So there was a second date last night. She turned down my invitation for Saturday and told me she could only meet between 4-7pm on Sunday. Then when I suggested I pick her up from her place since she's new in town, she insisted we meet somewhere and then drive together. She's obviously still very cautious. I was a little annoyed and setup a date for 7pm with another girl I met at speed dating to try and break up this one-itis. So I met her and took her to see some monuments then we went to a well-known pie place in the city.
The whole time we were both having a great time, no doubt. Vibing and all. She was amazed at how similar we are. But she brought up how other Indian girls have become so slutty and how disgusting it is (we are both of Indian descent). I had shaved my neck, but cut myself and it looked like a hickie so she commented on that a few times. She seems determined to either prove to me or prove to herself that she's not slutty. But I really feel like there is attraction, or she wouldn't even be trying to convince me of this. And she's extremely cautious of me being a player. Of course having to call the other girl in the car on the way back to explain why I was late didn't really help things. Though I've made it quite clear to her that I'm interested, so I feel like having options while she's playing games can only be a good thing. I'm playing a balancing act between not coming across too AFCish, and not coming across as a player.
Now here's where it gets confusing. At the end of the date, I parked next to her, and in the car I hugged her, and then leaned in for a kiss. She wouldn't lean in and meet me half way, so I went for it anyway, but she literally didn't kiss back so I ended up giving her a peck on the lips. Not good I know.
So I left my car to meet the other girl, and when I came back a few hours later, on my windshield was a note "Thank you for the pie!" She could have sent this over text, so again I'd be inclined to think of this as a good sign. I don't like being in this position. I feel more chemistry with her than I've felt for any girl in almost a year, but I don't want to reveal this or be friendzoned. I'm alright with waiting a while to be intimate, but the friendzone must be avoided at all costs. Very confusing signals...
The whole time we were both having a great time, no doubt. Vibing and all. She was amazed at how similar we are. But she brought up how other Indian girls have become so slutty and how disgusting it is (we are both of Indian descent). I had shaved my neck, but cut myself and it looked like a hickie so she commented on that a few times. She seems determined to either prove to me or prove to herself that she's not slutty. But I really feel like there is attraction, or she wouldn't even be trying to convince me of this. And she's extremely cautious of me being a player. Of course having to call the other girl in the car on the way back to explain why I was late didn't really help things. Though I've made it quite clear to her that I'm interested, so I feel like having options while she's playing games can only be a good thing. I'm playing a balancing act between not coming across too AFCish, and not coming across as a player.
Now here's where it gets confusing. At the end of the date, I parked next to her, and in the car I hugged her, and then leaned in for a kiss. She wouldn't lean in and meet me half way, so I went for it anyway, but she literally didn't kiss back so I ended up giving her a peck on the lips. Not good I know.
So I left my car to meet the other girl, and when I came back a few hours later, on my windshield was a note "Thank you for the pie!" She could have sent this over text, so again I'd be inclined to think of this as a good sign. I don't like being in this position. I feel more chemistry with her than I've felt for any girl in almost a year, but I don't want to reveal this or be friendzoned. I'm alright with waiting a while to be intimate, but the friendzone must be avoided at all costs. Very confusing signals...
Iceberg
Master Don Juan
Correct. You should not reveal that. Not ever. For anyone. You love a girl? Treat her like it. Don't go around verbally revealing emotions. A girl will not leave a man who's treating her right just because he's not verbalizing his emotions enough. We're men. They know what they're getting themselves into.DJNiceGuy said:
I wouldn't be alright with it. Because how do you avoid the friendzone without the relationship being intimate? Without sex, all you have is two people talking a lot.
Hey, you know this girl. I don't. So take my feelings with a grain of salt. But I just don't like this situation. She's in constant fear of you being a player. And she's worried about other girls being sluts. It just sounds like a recipe for prudishness. I have visions of sex being dangled out in front of you like some sort of reward. Like her vag is some sort of goldmine, and you're the poor hillbilly prospector who has to work his way to getting into it.
I could totally be wrong. She might give it up the next time you hang out. But in my experience with these situations, it ends badly. I guess we'll both find out.
Those are good points Iceberg. Yeah I mean at some point I'm going to need some better feedback from her, or I will get bored and discouraged and stop talking to her. I figure I'd concentrate on one thing at a time, atleast a good first makeout to begin with.
Once she's fully attracted I'm hoping it won't be that golden carrot she dangles in front of me.
Once she's fully attracted I'm hoping it won't be that golden carrot she dangles in front of me.