I'm a girl, and I need your quick advice...

[SunnyD]

Sorry to intrude boys, I've been reading this site a long while basically just trying to figure out how the mind of the male works and why they play the games they play. lol. I must say, that a lot of the tactics mentioned on these boards sure do the trick.

I just need some desperate advice and real quick.

In a nutshell....I've been messing with this guy who has a gf for over 9 months now, and I also have a bf. I know I know....bad. But please no lectures. It's a long ass story.

Anyway, I've really fallen for "new" guy and have wondered for a while how he feels about me. (if it's just for the sex, if he really cares but is scared to ask me to leave my bf, etc...) He's with his gf, but yet he talks to me everyday and says all the right things, we hook up when we can and it's wonderful, etc....and I have never asked him to leave his gf for me because we basically agreed to a "no strings attached" relationship so that no one gets hurt.

Well we know how that always turns out.

So, tonight he asks me over email if I have fallen in love with him yet.

I want to know why he wants to know before I answer. I know I should be honest, and I will be....but would he ask me this because he's fallen for me and wants to see if I feel the same? Or is he asking me because he's hoping I haven't fallen for him and that this whole thing is still "no strings attached?"

HELP!

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Sorry, I refuse to help a woman that wants to cheat on her man!

 

[DEKKA]

alas, another poor human being of flesh and blood that wants what he cannot have.

 

[DEKKA]

alas, another poor human being of flesh and blood that wants what she cannot have.

 

[DEKKA]

gotta love trying to be sly and eloquent and then double posting

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

So your question is basically what does the guy you are cheating on your man with and helping him cheat on his woman, want to hear from you when he asks if you've fallen in love yet?

And all this coming form a gal who's reading this site to find out why guys play so many games? Ooooooohhhh.

He wants to hear that you are, but I wouild posit you're getting played anyway.

First thing you have to do is break up with your guy.

Second thing you need to do is force a decision on the other guys part.

There is no reason to unreasonably string a person along when you know you don't want to be with them anymore. You owe them at least that must respect.

I know you don't want to hear that. You're what I call a monkey-brancher. So emotionally insecure and needy for emotional justification from another human being that you won't break off one relationship before you have another one already secured to define yourself by.

You need to cowgirl up and have some respect for you and your soon to be ex-boyfriend. All this intrigue is only going to destroy the both of you, and the moreso the longer it continues.

-Cyrano

 

[Ice Cold]

HOLY FUKK MAN! GOTTA LOVE THOSE JUJITSU TROPHIES!

 

[SunnyD]

I know I am a poor excuse for a human being by doing what I am doing. I have no justification, other than to say that my relationship has been **** for awhile now and when I met "new" guy I had no intentions of ever falling for him but I did.

Everytime we got together it felt right, then I'd go home and cry because I felt bad about what I had done. I do love the guy I'm with now but I've been so goddamn confused by all the emotions I've been having for two different people. (YES it IS possible to have feelings for two people!) I haven't been stringing anyone along, I was just trying to make sense of what I was feeling and for who.

Anyway, after time away from both, I realized who I want to be with and I am going to be ending things with the bf. You have no idea how hard it is to do that after being with him for 5 years and thinking he was the one I'd be with forever. It's not about "emotional security." I'd rather be alone than feeling all the mixed feelings I'm having right now. Believe me.

I don't know about men, but WOMEN cannot just shut off their feelings. They are what they are. If I HAD the choice, I would turn off my feelings for "new" guy and spend forever with my BF.

Unfortunately it doesn't work that way, and I'm about to do the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

So please spare me a little! I'm sure atleast SOME of you have been in this position before.

I know I'm still a shcmuck and deserve to be alone for all I've done...but atleast I can admit it.

 

[CyranoDeBergerac]

I don't think you're being completely honest with us or yourself.

Your question was essentially about what 'new guy' wanted to hear.

You're still hoping that NG is in love with you. Here's another question though...

Why do you want him?

Obviously he makes you feel special, but that's a hell of a lot easier than you'd think. I'm telling you as a guy, I've enslaved women's emotions both intentionally and unintentionally by listening intently and telling them they were worth more than they thought and were settling for. I don't tell a girl this because I know they want to hear it, I tell it to them because its the truth and I hate seeing a person degrade themselves like that.

I'm also telling you as a guy that I know I'm not the only guy who knows the power of that sentiment and how to weild it. Fortunately I'm not most guys and will not sacrifice my principle for my pleasure. It really sounds like you're getting played and you're playing into it.

You're more than just the sum of your emotion. You're better than such trashy engagements. You're better than just some piece-on-the-side and a warm body when the other person needs it. You say you agree but you're words do not back up you actions and you reveal crippling insecurities besides.

I'll tell you the same thing I tell all the guys on this site who are so enthralled with the promise of a new relationship that they delude themselves into an emotional reality that doesn't exist. Sometimes, especially when they're young can become so drunk off the feeling of loving another person and feeling love that they don't care if its a lie. Concentrate on you. Find happiness and fulfillment in yourself and get some self-respect.

-CyranoDeBergerac

 

[jbbrain]

eghhhhh!

Stop feeling so bad for yourself. I dont get suprised or 'riled' up by yet another story of a gf cheating on her man, you know what you've been doing, you've done it consciously (over and over again) and now it seems you're finally mature enough to know what you must do.

Realize a couple things (not to sound patronizing)

-If your ltr was so 'shyt', why are u still with this guy? Better yet, why, in a perfect world, would you choose to still be with your regular and fall even more 'in love' with him and neglect other prospects if your ltr is supposedly so bad? I dare ask the question-Is your relationship really that bad? Or are u the type to just be unable to settle down with one, regardless of the status of the relationship? You claim you still love him, then why the infedilty? Are u even capable of monogamy?

-Yes, you are stringing your boyfriend along. How can u say youre not? The dude comes home every night thinking to himself that after 5 years, he's so happy because he's still in love with his chick and his chick is just as happy with him and the ltr. Poor sucker. It especially hits me hard when I read these things behind a 5 (or any long relationship) year ltr context.

-"I know I'm still a shcmuck and deserve to be alone for all I've done...but atleast I can admit it." Ahhhh, so she can admit it. I love it when ppl know theyve made a mistake, but it all of a sudden becomes more forgiveable because they're able to "admit it". Congrats girl. Admitting and convincing something to yourself is one thing, what I find most girls are UNABLE to do however, is take the correct ACTION and appropriate responsibility needed to ensure an end to their errs and thus make things right and legitimate for all parties involved. But again...it's all just way too typical. I get the vibe that deep down, you dont think what youve done was soooo bad after all. Moreover, it was at that precise moment that you should have come to the relaization that, in fact, you didnt really care about your now ex boyfriend and taken the appropriate action to end things.

-Spare you? Why ask complete strangers for their sympathies and condolences? We don't REALLY care. I cared enough to write this reply, but thats it. This situation will very likely crumble into a depth of nothingness so fast, that nothing about it is even really relevent anymore. You'll continue your life with this experience under your belt, and so will your ex boyfriend. Its cliched to say, but I really hope for everybody sake youll grow from this and realize what you should always do when a situation like this pops up again in the future. Its more than just being honest with other people. Its time for you to wake up and start bein honest with yourself.

Peace ho

 

[NewMan]

I have no justification, other than to say that my relationship has been **** for awhile now and when I met "new" guy I had no intentions of ever falling for him but I did.

This is such a Bullsh#t statement....

Your fvcking around on your BF and wonder why your relationship has been sh#tty for a while? No intentions of falling for someone? just this new guy's piece of a##.

What do you expect from a relaitionship?

You've got zero respect for yourself - fvcking around on a guy - so how do you expect someone else to have respect with you? or that you will forge a lasting relationship with someone you can't be honest with?

New guy see's you as a piece of a## - and he not going to leave his vurrent gf for you. If he does it will not last long - and he will probably end up fvcking around on you - or in the least he will constantly wonder if you are fvcking arounf on him - since it's so easy for you to lie and cheat. You've been doing it for 9 months.

Everytime we got together it felt right, then I'd go home and cry because I felt bad about what I had done. I do love the guy I'm with now but I've been so goddamn confused by all the emotions I've been having for two different people. (YES it IS possible to have feelings for two people!) I haven't been stringing anyone along, I was just trying to make sense of what I was feeling and for who.

Not stringing anyone along? BS - you've been stringing you current guy along - plus yourself. Your not being rational if you think you've fallen for this guy or that you want to be with him. He has as much integrity as you do - which is less than zero.

You've obviously got problems - but do you think running to this new guy is going to make everything fine? nope - you will have the same issues after a few years - and will either end up very unhappy or end up in a fvcked up relationship where both of you are screwing around on each other.

I don't know about men, but WOMEN cannot just shut off their feelings. They are what they are. If I HAD the choice, I would turn off my feelings for "new" guy and spend forever with my BF

Shut off your feelings? thats your problem. Do you even understand what your doing to this current guy? If you don't want to be with him leave him. Shut off your feelings - yes you have shut off your feelings since you feel no REMORSE or GUILT. You've shut your feelings off to your current guy - otherwise you'd have cut him off and would have understood what your doing to him.

Women who make BS statements like this drive me crazy. At least have the balls to admit what you are - your a cheater fvcking around on a guy who;s been with you for 5 yrs. No decency. No guilt (because otherwise you would have acted on it) no remorse.

Break up with your current guy TODAY.

Figure your sh#t out. That means not running into another fvcked up relationship until you figure out YOU.

Are you a quality woman or not? do you have standards and morals or not?


Finally - Who knows what he wants to here from you? If it's taken him 9 months to ask you about your feelings = I'd say he's not going to break up with his girl. If you and him get together it will not last - cannot last. Take it for what it is.

 

[AFK Protector]

Originally posted by DEKKA
gotta love trying to be sly and eloquent and then double posting

hey guess what I found out today. if I post wh0re, i can click the delete button and delete my post. wow. im smart eh?

 

[SunnyD]

Ok, well thanks. Although I didn't come here for "sympathy and condolences."

I know I need to figure out "me", and yes I know what I'm doing is wrong and I totally understand what you're all saying.

For the record though, I do have incredible guilt.

I guess I just proved to all you "Don Juan's" that women are indeed, f^cked up.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by SunnyD
I guess I just proved to all you "Don Juan's" that women are indeed, f^cked up.

Thanks for the insight!

 

[SunnyD]

I was kidding.

Man you guys are harsh here. I'll leave you back to your discussions.

Sorry once again, to intrude.

 

[danziger]

I read it like this....you cheated on your b/f to get him, he cheated on his g/f for you...great basis to start a relationship on! Trust is just thrown out the window in this case...history always repeats.

Got any real life friends you can talk to about this? Coming to an internet board like this of course you are going to get hammered by the people here. What did you expect?

Take time out from both these guys and sort your **** out...sounds like you need it.

 

[Trance]

1st - Leave your boyfriend. If you have feelings for other guy and you are getting together with him, you dont really love your boyfriend, so no reason at all to be together with him, and its time to stop fooling yourself and him. You're only with him for the typical safety. Leave him and be honest with yourself.

2nd - Now that you are free, either the new guy is gona do the same and get together with you, or if he doesnt, in that case you are free to persue a new relationship that fully satisfies you.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Wow, talk about fvcked up.

 

[elvis aint dead yet]

I hate when people, male or female, try to lay guilt trips or play the freaking sympathy card. Sunny whatever your name is included.

Nobody on this board did anything to you. What did you expect by asking advice from an internet site filled with mostly teenage guys who either, A-can't get too many girls or B-have been scorned by girls before?

I mean come on now.

Back to your relationship.

You say your having trouble in your existing relationship. WHo knows what trouble, you never really said what it was.

SO you go out and bang some other guy who you think you've fallen for.


OF COURSE YOU'VE FALLEN FOR THIS NEW GUY.

He has his own GF to fight, argue and spend time with.
You have your own BF to fight, argue, and spend time with.

So you two get together and have a great time and great sex.

COMMON FREAKING SENSE. Relationships take work.

You and the NEW CHEATING GUY are no different then anybody else who hates to work for something.

WHAM BAM THANK YOU MAM for a quick BANG is what your relationship is.

You get together, probably bang each other, then go your seperate ways.

If he's with a GF and your with a BF, I doubt you two ever really hang out at places that you'd be seen.

Do whatever the hell you want. It's your life. But don't come onto some site and try to get sympathy.

 

[Don Juanabbe]

Yeah, we're not her to be your emotional tampons, beeyotch.