If you're a recovering AFC and don't really have "other girls" waiting, make 'em up?

[squirrels]

For example, if you call a girl and try to set a date and she rejects you or hesitates/tries to weasel out of it, and you really don't have any other girls you can call just yet, can you still say, "I'll just get someone else to go"?

And if she asks later on how it went, do you bluff and say, "Yeah, we had a great time!" and make up some story, even if you DIDN'T end up doing what you wanted to do with her with someone else?

When you're trying to recover from AFCdom and set those first couple girls up, sometimes you don't have a go-to girl on the other line. Is it OK to fabricate stories about other women to keep women interested? Or is that just lame?

 

[Shiftkey]

It's lame. They'll know you're BSing unless you're a really good actor.

In the situation you described when she rejects you, you shouldn't be talking to her anymore anyway. NEXT means NEXT and never look back. When she tries to get out of a date just say "OK, bye!" *click* - and throw her number in the trash.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Shiftkey
It's lame. They'll know you're BSing unless you're a really good actor.

In the situation you described when she rejects you, you shouldn't be talking to her anymore anyway. NEXT means NEXT and never look back. When she tries to get out of a date just say "OK, bye!" *click* - and throw her number in the trash.

I see what you're saying, but when I think about "NEXT", I haven't thought about it in absolute terms. To me, NEXT has always been, "Go to the back of the line and I'll get to you if I have time," instead of an absolute "NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

I mean, what if NEXTing a girl makes her IL skyrocket and she's suddenly crawling all over you...you don't try to at least get some?

To me that's like if you're reeling the bait in to go fish elsewhere, and suddenly the "big one" bites...you're saying I should just cut the line?

I'm not doubting your wisdom...just so you don't get the wrong impression. I'm just trying to see whether my own perceptions of the DJ way of life are correct, can be resolved with reality, or need to be cast out.

 

[needsomehelp]

my advice would just be forget her. she might come back for you, if you do. the ignoring method sometimes works.

 

[a_client]

I did that lying stuff before and it only made me feel like a chump. If you're cool with lying and it doesn't have any adverse effects on you then cool but to each his own. Some chick you're not sure about doesn't sound worth the trouble anyway.

 

[Shiftkey]

I see what you're saying, but when I think about "NEXT", I haven't thought about it in absolute terms. To me, NEXT has always been, "Go to the back of the line and I'll get to you if I have time," instead of an absolute "NO SOUP FOR YOU!"

The back of the line of what...2 girls? Maybe not even that? You said youself that you don't have other girls you can call, so how can this girl just go to the back of the line?

In your situation, NEXT should be absolute.

To me that's like if you're reeling the bait in to go fish elsewhere, and suddenly the "big one" bites...you're saying I should just cut the line?

Sounds like you're getting oneitis to me. There is no "big one" as much as you want to believe.

 

[jakethasnake]

Tough Love. Sock it to him, Shiftkey.

 

[junglist]

As a general life rule minimise lying... it comes back to haunt you.

 

[squirrels]

Originally posted by Shiftkey
The back of the line of what...2 girls? Maybe not even that? You said youself that you don't have other girls you can call, so how can this girl just go to the back of the line?

In your situation, NEXT should be absolute.



Sounds like you're getting oneitis to me. There is no "big one" as much as you want to believe.

Fair enough. However, the "line" for my attention doesn't consist solely of romantic interests. A girl doesn't do me any harm if she's in line for my attention...the only time it hurts me is if I GIVE her attention, that is, that for some reason she becomes the priority in my life, gets bumped up to the front of the line and gets in the way of other things.

THE big one was probably the wrong way to put it, I should've said A big one. But then that was a Freudian slip...you're right, I am giving a bit too much attention to someone/something that doesn't deserve it. But it doesn't mean I'm not looking for options at the same time.

I dunno...I'm going to see if I can digest this. What bugs me is that how every time somebody makes a mistake or doesn't succeed right away, NEXTing is the inevitable course of action. I don't know how much I believe that mistakes can't be corrected and that experiences can't be salvaged. NEXTing seems like the easy and cowardly way out sometimes.

 

[anakin]

Originally posted by squirrels:
What bugs me is that how every time somebody makes a mistake or doesn't succeed right away, NEXTing is the inevitable course of action. I don't know how much I believe that mistakes can't be corrected and that experiences can't be salvaged. NEXTing seems like the easy and cowardly way out sometimes.

Good! You are thinking...

Listen, the spirit of the NEXTING rules were established in order for newbies to the site to protect their hearts to a greater degree. If a girl rejected you, it is safe to NEXT, simply because it works in protecting you from longer term pain.

Nevertheless, reforming AFCs, i.e. when becoming less of a puss may choose to opt for a little more "patient persistance" when they have the experience and ability to work a little more in attracting/pursuing a woman...

I also believe that some people may NEXT left, right and centre, just by sticking too rigidly to the 'rules', that are, in effect, there to help you. So for now, ShiftKey is correct...since I see you are relatively new to the site and picking up the ways of transforming into a confident young DJ.

When you feel that you are a little more experienced of course, and your confidence and handling of rejection is improved, you may opt to work more in attracting a girl that initially rebuffed your advances.

Also, in time, one has to realise that, despite being well equipped with knowledge, creating instant feelings of attraction in a woman may not come after just one or two meetings and that it takes time for her to appreciate you for who you really are. Learning to find this balance comes down to experience too...so perhaps at the beginning it is safer to NEXT.

Hope that makes sense,

anakin

 

[Digital Mastermind1]

well i agree and then i disagree .


agree, yes becoming a more experienced DJ will teach you to lay off the silly stories since at this time you dont really care if she rejects you or not .


disagree, well women play this lying game all the time . they say that an ex is calling them or that she meet some one else and she doesnt know about you any more .

so im torn i would just like to beat her at her stupid game. for man's sake.


LATEZ!!! F LOVE , LOVE TO F...

 

[carbani]

I don't lie.

When you lie - it comes back to you. And when people begin to ask questions - you have to come up with another lies.

Life without lies is better. If a girls stoods me up and I didn't have another one in a queue I don't lie. I've got other interesting things in my life going on.

Only pathetic chumps need to lie. They don't like who they are and they feel sorry for themselves. If that wouldn't be true - they wouldn't be afraid to tell the thruth.

I don't make up other girls. I don't give **** about that if I have another girls or not. They're not the meaning of my life and I don't need to make up chicks to feel good about myself.

Regards,
Carbani

 

[PEACEDJ]

That can work and plus, as long as your don't add in stuff like, "oh we made out.. blah blah." She'll def. believe you. But don't get use to this habit.

 

[El brujo]

Originally posted by carbani
I've got other interesting things in my life going on.

yeah that's right. And when you tell her that you have to go do that interesting thing, she'll even get more jeaulous then if you should say you're going out with someone else. Sometimes such things hurt more than saying that you'll go out with another girl. if you show that normal things are more precious to you than that girl, it hurts.

 

[squirrels]

...

You're right of course.

This ONE girl has become an addiction to me. I was so hooked on her I was sick...then I finally gained some self-respect and self-actualization and managed to quit her...but now I think because of this I should be able to go back and enjoy her without being addicted. It's not true.

She has little, if anything, beyond her body, to offer me. This girl is a world of hurt and why I want back into it is beyond me. The cravings and relapses are starting to drive me nuts.

The only thing is that I feel like if I 'NEXT' her, she somehow "won." I know I'll find someone else even better for me than her, but I can't help feeling like she "beat" me like she beat the bunches of other guys that threw themselves at her feet. I want to rectify that by taking her. But that's giving her too much credit and I know it. This one is no better/worse than myself, in fact, SHE'S the one who is failing to meet MY standard.

But it bugs me that she looks at me and says, "He lost me. What a loser." and others look at me and say, "DAMN, he lost HER! What is he doing??"

Why do I care what they say? They can't tell me who I am.

But it doesn't make it any easier. It's not like I'll never see her again, she's friends with all of my friends. Should I care when they look at me and say, not out loud, but to themselves, "Damn, she 0wned you!"

I guess I still have some growing to do. I should be able to stand on my own two damned feet.

 

[lc]

you're right, you have growing to do.

on the plus side, it sounds like you're not one of those chumps who insist they were right in the year of our lord _____. You are actually conceding that this is a moment that you will grow out of and for that you should be proud.


far as her looking at you and thinking this and saying that....you can't control it. Epictetus (dead greek guy) knew this and said we create our own feelings by how we think of things. Decide how you want to think about her having an opinion of you that you dont' like.

You, mister, will survive (i won't sing cheesy gloria gaynor song) and you will be cool because you will look back at this and laugh later and say "for her? i got upset for her?"

You stay cool now.

thank you, thankyouverymuch.


lc

I've left the building.

 

[TheManiac]

hey guys, i know this isnt related but this is sort of short notice, I really need the article about reflecting back questions to the girl when she grills ya, it was on the Whats New section a few days ago, now its gone and i cant find it, does anyone know where the articles go when they leave the whats new section?
and no, its not in the articles section.

 

[Shiftkey]

But it doesn't make it any easier. It's not like I'll never see her again, she's friends with all of my friends. Should I care when they look at me and say, not out loud, but to themselves, "Damn, she 0wned you!"

Don't you see how good this situation is? When you introduce a new, prettier girl you're dating to your friends, you get the social proof of this girl showing a little jealousy AND your revenge! They'll forget about what happened between you this girl the day that you do this.

So go do it, and use this experience to fuel you.

 

[The Time Machine]

Pressing the blue button..
*bump!*
____________

 

[Prodigy746]

As far as NEXTING , it means you move on to the another girl and forget about the previous one.

As far as lying to be cool... it could potentially work but i personally would feel like crap saying "Ok ill just call another girl" when in fact i dont have another girl. That makes it even worse.

I think you should just ignore her as much as possible. Girls love attention and if you give too much they become bored. She might comeback to you on her own...you never know.