Guoy Darko
Senior Don Juan
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2006
- Messages
- 298
- Reaction score
- 3
- Age
- 41
OK, I was thinking about posting this for a very long time, but today I passed a threshold I guess.
My boss came to me today and told me they’re not going to renew my contract when it’s over (January 2011). I have a contract for a year and only have been working there since January 2010. Well I was frigging shocked a upset. Turns out they don’t see the progression they were hoping for and therefore not going to renew it. After asking and asking it turns out that if I run through some major, major progressions they, of course, will renew it. :S But he was pretty sure I was not able to do that. And my coach and mentor is now on holiday for about 3,5 weeks. So everything’s f*cked.
OK, I want to prove them wrong and show them I’m able to do a proper job. A good friend of mine is working at the same department so I asked him for coaching/help/feedback/whatever already (I knew him already years before I came working there last January). But still, all the doubts.
I wish this was the only problem. To sum everything up:
- Apparently I have a lot of issues concerning self doubt, lack of self confidence etcetera. It pretty much rules everything. How I think about myself. How I will think others will see me;
- I have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) which makes everything pretty complicated. My psychologist says the only reason of my OCD is because I lack this self confidence. He predicts that once that issue is solved my OCD will vanish. Therefore he doesn’t think I need medication (maybe I’m not a basket case after all);
- I have major issues with my younger brother (2,5 years younger. He’s 25, I’m 27). In pretty much everything he does, he is better than me: his job, he is smarter, he has a very positive outlook on life (mine is pretty negative), he’s, in my opinion, better looking than me, he’s a musical genius, etcetera, etcetera. Besides that he completely overtook my group of friends. I started inviting him years ago to my group of friends, and now he’s a better friend with my former best friend, than I am. That is again a major dent in my already not so great armor of self confidence;
OK, those are the major ones. Looks like I’m pretty AFC eh? But for some reason I think I’ve always been like that and didn’t made myself that way. When I was 2 I was very shy and holding my father’s leg whenever I needed it. When my brother was 2 he was trying to run away from home in his diaper.
But now. every morning I wake up feeling anxious and I don’t know why. Like something is going to **** me up during the day, and the best I can do is stay in bed. But I go to work, five days a week.
I like the subject of my job a lot, but my supervisors are flakey and my boss is just a major ass for telling me this when my mentor is out for 3,5 weeks and I’m now pretty much in limbo.
In the weekends I have these issues with my brother, who is my best friend, my greatest source of jealousy and who is somewhat stealing all my friends.
On the upside: I have a wonderful girlfriend for almost 3 years now, who keeps on surprising me every day (in very positive ways).
But I want to have more wonderful things in life! I want to feel good and happy! Be good at my job! Solving my OCD. Be careless concerning the issues with my brother and friends. Just feel good about life.
I’ve read the book of pook a few times and listen to RSD’s Tyler Durden’s DVD set “the Blueprint Decoded” once and a bit. They inspire me, and the help me think like that for a short while, but already an hour after reading or listening to tyler or pook, the self-doubt comes creeping up and before I know I’m my old self again.
So I need to make some major, major progressions. Not only with my work, but also with my inner self. I think it is possible to combine those.
Anybody here knows what to do concerning whatever issue I just described? Books, seminars, mantra’s, whatever. Anything. Feel free to post it.
Thanks,
Guoy Darko
My boss came to me today and told me they’re not going to renew my contract when it’s over (January 2011). I have a contract for a year and only have been working there since January 2010. Well I was frigging shocked a upset. Turns out they don’t see the progression they were hoping for and therefore not going to renew it. After asking and asking it turns out that if I run through some major, major progressions they, of course, will renew it. :S But he was pretty sure I was not able to do that. And my coach and mentor is now on holiday for about 3,5 weeks. So everything’s f*cked.
OK, I want to prove them wrong and show them I’m able to do a proper job. A good friend of mine is working at the same department so I asked him for coaching/help/feedback/whatever already (I knew him already years before I came working there last January). But still, all the doubts.
I wish this was the only problem. To sum everything up:
- Apparently I have a lot of issues concerning self doubt, lack of self confidence etcetera. It pretty much rules everything. How I think about myself. How I will think others will see me;
- I have OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) which makes everything pretty complicated. My psychologist says the only reason of my OCD is because I lack this self confidence. He predicts that once that issue is solved my OCD will vanish. Therefore he doesn’t think I need medication (maybe I’m not a basket case after all);
- I have major issues with my younger brother (2,5 years younger. He’s 25, I’m 27). In pretty much everything he does, he is better than me: his job, he is smarter, he has a very positive outlook on life (mine is pretty negative), he’s, in my opinion, better looking than me, he’s a musical genius, etcetera, etcetera. Besides that he completely overtook my group of friends. I started inviting him years ago to my group of friends, and now he’s a better friend with my former best friend, than I am. That is again a major dent in my already not so great armor of self confidence;
OK, those are the major ones. Looks like I’m pretty AFC eh? But for some reason I think I’ve always been like that and didn’t made myself that way. When I was 2 I was very shy and holding my father’s leg whenever I needed it. When my brother was 2 he was trying to run away from home in his diaper.
But now. every morning I wake up feeling anxious and I don’t know why. Like something is going to **** me up during the day, and the best I can do is stay in bed. But I go to work, five days a week.
I like the subject of my job a lot, but my supervisors are flakey and my boss is just a major ass for telling me this when my mentor is out for 3,5 weeks and I’m now pretty much in limbo.
In the weekends I have these issues with my brother, who is my best friend, my greatest source of jealousy and who is somewhat stealing all my friends.
On the upside: I have a wonderful girlfriend for almost 3 years now, who keeps on surprising me every day (in very positive ways).
But I want to have more wonderful things in life! I want to feel good and happy! Be good at my job! Solving my OCD. Be careless concerning the issues with my brother and friends. Just feel good about life.
I’ve read the book of pook a few times and listen to RSD’s Tyler Durden’s DVD set “the Blueprint Decoded” once and a bit. They inspire me, and the help me think like that for a short while, but already an hour after reading or listening to tyler or pook, the self-doubt comes creeping up and before I know I’m my old self again.
So I need to make some major, major progressions. Not only with my work, but also with my inner self. I think it is possible to combine those.
Anybody here knows what to do concerning whatever issue I just described? Books, seminars, mantra’s, whatever. Anything. Feel free to post it.
Thanks,
Guoy Darko
