I want to be more outgoing,yet....

[CapedCrusader08]

I stay home too much,or work too much. I don't trust most people. I like bars,but can't drink,and was never really into the bar scene. I have been in social situations where I shut off and go into my own world,and hate everyone around me for having fun. Weird I know. I am jealous and persecutory of others,I don't say it,but I do feel that way. It always seemed to me you could only get away with things if you were cool enough. Is that true?

 

[Kerpal]

Why can't you drink? Around here, if you don't drink it's impossible to have a social life. The first time I went to a club/bar was a couple of months ago, and it really opened my eyes.

 

[Jaggs]

All your posts reek of similarity to one another.

You are just focussing all on the negatives of yourself over and over and over.

Do you even want to improve? Have you actually tried improving? It isn't easy, and if you continually wuss out then you will never get anywhere. If you want to do this you have to face this mother fvcking head on.

First of all stop making whiny posts on this board.

The only person who is limiting yourself is you.

You are making pathetic excuses as to why you cannot do it. If you REALLY wanted to do this, then you would get off yo ass and reverse these things

I
"Work too much"
and
"stay at home too much"

This doesn't even make sense. You are staying home by choice. Everyone has to work, so when you are finished (Aka your "Staying home" time) get the hell out there and meet people!

I haven't been on this message board for long, and by no means am I an expert on woman (Getting quite better though), but I see a couple of people on here who just continually post about their problems without even taking in any information from others. There is a wealth of information on here if you look for it.

You have to put yourself %100 into this, or you will get nowhere.

It is your choice. If you want to stay on here and complain about how socially retarted you are and then doing nothing about it so be it.

if not,

GET THE FVCK OUT THERE AND LEARN HOW THINGS WORK.

 

[schttrj]

I'm not a baby sitter!

Get your life handled and after that if you need some advice on how to be the epic lover DON JUAN, we will help you out.

go see some counsellor, that would be best.

 

[Daydream Engineer]

I stay home too much,or work too much. I don't trust most people. I like bars,but can't drink,and was never really into the bar scene. I have been in social situations where I shut off and go into my own world,and hate everyone around me for having fun. Weird I know. I am jealous and persecutory of others,I don't say it,but I do feel that way. It always seemed to me you could only get away with things if you were cool enough. Is that true?

This is not true. You can't just mope around and call it quits. Let me ask you a question...

What are you going to do about it?



...go read the dj bible and dj bootcamp again, and work on your confidence and self esteem. Start getting in shape if you havent. I used to think like this, and this is not healthy. You need t o get out of your fantasy world, i recommend you read Weapons of Mass Seduction by Senor Fingers (dj bible section), he talks about how to stop living in you own world.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

No. I haven't tried improving. This cycle started along time ago to where I was able to only focus on the negatives,due to some sense of inferiority, this led to constant feelings of bitterness and anger,that are deeply ingrained and I have a hard time letting go. It always feels like when someone is more succesful than me,I hit this emotional low. I have a hard time meeting people,plus I have some severe trust issues. Due to an incident that happened last year where things went from bad to worse.

I realize only I can fix this,I just haven't found the way out. I mean,I don't know why this keeps happening. I want all things to fall into place,but nothing has happened yet,so it makes me feel behind everyone else. I haven't figured out how things work,and everyone else has. So it is confusing for me. I have always felt like a loner since I was a kid. Always on the fringe of sorts,the whole not fitting in way. In some ways this has been both good and bad for me. Plus my own inexperience,it seems today,people are only interested how experienced you are with sex and dating than with who you are as a person,and you have to be this keep up with everyone else type of person,which is not who I am. People are of course more sexually active at an earlier age,which bothers me in many ways. I mean,not being as socially active is what's been a problem for me as well. I mean,this is what has been really depressing me the most. Not just the lack of it,but the whole experience with it and knowing how to handle it. I feel like my experience is limited to porn,which isn't the most realistic thing I know. I mean,it seems all other guys,at whatever age, have more experience. Or,they have already been with someone like at my age,23,with someone for 2 plus years,this is what scares me.

 

[Interceptor]

CC,
youare definitely displaying OCD traits. As you are way too much in your head, and obsessed in left brain analytical thinking.
YOu need action to start you in the path...not more whining and moping, and 'Why me?"


CC, I will be blunt.
You need professional help.

Please get some help.

Men are often too embarassed to admit when they suffer from depression and need help.

Please get some help.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

Oh no,I no I have depression and know I need help, Idk if finding this site has helped or hurt me more to tell you the truth. I don't feel embarassed,but I don't exactly go around telling everyone either. I want help,but not sympathy,I know it's up to me to fix this.

I am trying to not mope and be as why me,but it has become this pattern,this habit of sorts even. How do I break it? How do I let go of this? How do I become the person I want to be? I have been diagnosed with a learning disability,so I don't know how much that factors it. How do I get out of my head,stop thinking and start doing? I am so used to this current pattern of things,that to tell you the truth,changing to certain ways either seems hard or off putting.

 

[orly]

Alcohol got me over some of my social issues. Initially it let me become more talkative. Eventually, I "learned" what it felt to be talkative, and I was able to reproduce that ability even when sober without alcohol.

I've actually cut back my alcohol intake significantly because of that, because I don't need it anymore to be social.

 

[Aka]

I am exactly like you CC, and my problems started when I broke up with my girlfriend. This was 4 months ago and since then it seems that it's getting worse. Luckily my refuge was in healthy eating, gym and sports in general, so my benefit was weight loss and health. There are times when I feel desperation, like I'm trapped, and I really have no escape. Sometimes it feels so bad that I want to scream. It's ****ed up what the mind can do to ruin you if you let it to. I'm seriously contemplating on getting professional help because in my opinion this isn't living.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

My refuge is work. It is a relaxing although sometimes hectic place, where I can just go and take my mind off of things. Physical activity has been a problem for me. So I don't know how to make things work for me without having had much.

I feel trapped all the time. This was a cycle that started a long time ago for which it has seemed like there is no way out. It is very frustrating. how do I stop the mind from ruining me? No,this is not living. Also, I feel that when and if I ever do actually start going into the field, I will be more caught up in using the right tactics,something they say you shouldn't do on here. Like in this thread: http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=97359

I mean,how do you do that w/o coming off as awkward or creepy and being genuine?

 

[mfd1830]

You just have to do it. You will be awkward at first and it will be hard, but you can't expect to be good at something without working at it. You make your own standards, so as long as you try, you can't fail. If you keep working at something you'll get better by default. Every time I start something new, no matter what it is, I find little ways to do it better and more effeciantly; that's human nature and probably the one thing that's always guaranteed.

 

[Warrior74]

Be brave.

Brave = being afraid but doing it anyway. It's what a man does.

Just decide right now to go and start a conversation with a girl and speak to everyone you run into with decent eye contact today. That's it. No more pressure than that. Your brave enough to do that much right?

The first step is opening your mouth and saying something. You can go thru all the therapy in the world (and I'm not knocking therapy), but at the end of the day you have to actually do something. Reading isn't enough, thinking isn't enough. Gotta take some action man. Small steps and build on those and move forward. Good Luck

 

[CFERD]

I agree with Warrior's advice. Take some small steps, really small is ok, just acknodgle that your making them. You have to allow yourself to feel good about them. Even rejection is better than no action, you'll feel better for trying. Like he said, it's as easy as opening your mouth and just say something. Getting out of one's own head isn't an overnight proccess. I know firsthand. It took me awhile to get over some serious mindfvcking from my bpd ex. I survived. It would have never have happened had I not stopped being an outgoing person as I had been in the past . Life throws sh*t at us sometimes, how we deal with it really is entirely up to us. Nothing is ever going to just fall into place, it's up to you. That can be really encouraging or really disheartening, all you have to do is choose.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

That's what I can't get over, feeling like I didn't get over it and fix it sooner and how it has consumed me while everyone else has been enjoying and suceeding in life. I mean, I can't make the small steps cause I feel like I should have made the big ones already. It's like I get off track. I mean,all these other people have started to work for the better,why haven't I? Why did I end up like this?

I mean,I really often feel like things are over before I even started. I wake up every day,and it feels that way,and I can't feel good and pump myself up to go for it. I mean,I will try the advice given on here and see what happens. I mean, I have been in school for 2 months now,and no real progress has happened. It is confusing.

 

[fourblueballs]

I stay home too much,or work too much. I don't trust most people. I like bars,but can't drink,and was never really into the bar scene. I have been in social situations where I shut off and go into my own world,and hate everyone around me for having fun. Weird I know. I am jealous and persecutory of others,I don't say it,but I do feel that way. It always seemed to me you could only get away with things if you were cool enough. Is that true?

With the right attitude, you'd be surprised what you could get away with. All the balsy assed stuff I've done.. and said. I have yet to be slapped.

I'm almost... kind of curious as to what it would be like. Any tips? lol

For real, I NEVER been slapped! Do people get slapped these days.. I've never seen it happen.. only talked about.

If anyone reads this, and has been slapped.. Tell me how it went down. I'm really curious. My theory is, that you do a strong sexual move w/ out enough comfort and you show weakness or hesitation which gives her the power and the courage to slap you.

 

[CapedCrusader08]

hmm.could be her and how she reacts to you. esp if she is caught up on all this women's lib feminism crap. Or, she just isn't feeling you. Which is what worries me. Also,I feel like I don't know whether to do the pursuing,or I sit back,ignore them,and make it happen.

 

[Interceptor]

What are you doing to make your life better?

What have you done/are doing so that you don't live in regret in say, 5 or 10 years from now?


Look at yourself...
look at the decisions you are making...

Imagine yourself 5 years from now...

.......considering your current lifestyle and the decisions you are making now , do you see your Self as more happy, fulfilled, and masculine in 5 years from now or less?
Do you see yourself happy and ALIVE, or unhappy, and dead inside?

 

[CapedCrusader08]

I honestly don't know. I have felt very dead inside for a long time, and I think it has hindered me in quite a few ways. As for making my life better, I don't know. I don't know what that feels like. I already have a deep sense of regret. I mean,I feel like I have been waisting away the past few years,late teens early 20's,which is supposed to be the time of you're life right? college? All the girls,etc. You know what I mean.

 

[JesterX]

What you have to do is forget about the past and forget about all the expectations you've placed on yourself and forget about what other people have and just think about YOURSELF, NOW, IN THE MOMENT, WHAT DO YOU WANT RIGHT NOW? maybe its only an ice cream or something but take that small step and see what it feels like to get what you want in the very moment and continue to follow that feeling even if it's something a lot harder than getting yourself and ice cream from the shop. You'll eventually get it if you're continually thinking about what you want IN THE MOMENT.