JCballin88 said:
You sound a little bit like me man...although I haven't had to go through a big weight-loss period or anything really tough that could be a major confidence issue.
Anyways like you I've pretty much done everything you can with a chick while still being "technically" a virgin. First, second, third base totally conquered multiple times, but never actually sealed the deal. Even just last night I was making out with a girl on her bed...and while she moaned underneath me I lost my erection while I rubbed up against her inner thigh. Coincidentally right as that was happening I started thinking about it and was like "am I hard enough?" "can she tell?"
It's really a mind thing - frustrating I know! I'll be anxious to see what the vets have to say...but just wanted to let you know you're not the only one a little shy in the heat of battle haha.
Yeah it really sucks to be in this boat, while everyone else is enjoying having sex, this little block is preventing it. Good luck to you man.
backseatjuan said:
Gotta get rid of anxiety. A little blue pill Viagra can help you. Get 1 capsule 100 mg, and cut it in 3, for 3 different uses. You don't have to take it every time, after several uses it will cure you - provided you don't jerk off.
Until very recently I've practiced on prostitutes, and I would pay them for an hour, and my d1ck wouldn't get hard and I wouldn't cvm. Problem was jerking off, have to stop doing it for like at least 1 week before sex. Even with that though, there was a problem, especially with prostitutes. I need emotional closeness, and I just wasn't getting it from them.
Then bam, I meet a girl through online, and we get emotionally close, and within 1.5 hours I am fvcking her on the back seat of my car. Yes, I was on viagra. But the next time I wasn't.
You can get over getting undressed by fvcking some prostitutes. I never tried, but I bet adultfriendfinder has lots of them. I tend to pick thin once, with thin legs, cuz d1ck small.
Yeah that was my whole plan that's why I went to the doctor. Just to get like 1 or 2 pills and cut them up to just get over this hump and get comfortable, but he told me that I should wait til marriage. I might have to look into online dating because it has that anonymity factor to it.
OnTheWayUp said:
I feel your pain OP, this is a problem I suffered from for a long time.
I posted something similar on here about not being able to pull the trigger when I get girls naked about 3 months ago. The advice given to me went something like this. Can you get hard when you watch porn/ when you jerk off? If the answer is yes, you might consider cutting back on both. I recently went a month without masturbating and the effects were mindblowing (I'm 21). Spontaneous erections all the time, both alone and with girls. It's nature at its best
I'm now trying to only masturbate once every two weeks to clean the pipes. It's hard, and I've slipped up a few times. But my erectile dysfunction is less of an issue because of it. Give it a try.
Best of luck.
Damn so you went through this too huh? I actually went a period without porn and jacking off, it was brutal, but although I was more energetic and outgoing and was constantly looking at woman 24/7, I still had that huge block that didn't want me to actually sexually pursue them again you know? But I'm glad you got over it, i'll probably have to try it again and keep trying. thanks.
Albatross953 said:
Well this might be crude, but if you are soft try just putting the tip in. I think the little guy will come around, and she will even love it. Most of her nerves are in the first inch anyway.
Yeah I guess I might as well try. I'm a grower not a shower per se, so when I didn't have an erection, I was even scared to take my boxers off. So I mean, even soft I donno how this will reach or it might be kinda awkward lol. It's worth a shot though.
garruk said:
ive been in your position before.
its perfectly normal and almost every guy faces this at some level (though your case is a little more extreme).
it'll go away slowly. keep hooking up with girls, go as far as you can. when you get uncomfortable, just stop. every time itll be easier to go further and further.
its like swimming when its cold. it'll be easier to wade out slowly.
if you're a sink or swim kind of guy though, you can always get a hooker to get rid of that anxiety.
cool cool thanks man. Yeah I guess i'll keep trying at it.
PrettyBoyAJ said:
Stop masturbating. Will cure all your problems.
DId for a while, and though I was insanely horny and looking at women every second I could, I was still afraid to pursue sexually. I guess from the 2 times I had ED, I was I guess scared of doing that again. I'll give it another shot.
PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
This is a big one.
OP, I can relate big time except for the moobs part. It helps to take the women you are making out with off their pedestal and sort of hyper-sexualize/objectify them the way you do with porn. Takes all the pressure off.
No psychiatrist will ever tell you to do that, lol. Basically, if your sexual self esteem is not high enough, lower the value of that girl down to your level for the moment haha. Should not be hard since most women are very low-quality and there are so many slvts out there these days.
Simply put, you are used to mb'ing with no performance expectations from the other party("pressure") and are not used to being "on stage". Just remember that most women, especially the first time, want to be "taken" which means you do what you want when you want to. Treat them no differently than what you fantasize about, be the man.
Hmm I get what you're saying. I think I've made out with a lot of girls, I can get into that aggressive mode that they like, it's just In my mind I'm thinking about if I should be getting hard or not. There was a girl that was a full on slvt that wanted me at work, but I just couldn't pull the trigger because if I couldn't get hard again, every girl would know and I was just afraid of that, so I didn't pursue and now she's probably banging some other guy.
How exactly would I lower them in that moment? What do I say that could make it easier?
Lexington said:
It's performance anxiety. You have to build more comfort and lose your insecurity. In some cases it may be best to wait til you get to know a girl better before you pull the trigger. When you're more comfortable around her, your junk will work better. Just keep doing what you're doing until you build up your confidence. You have to learn to focus on just having fun and not impressing her. That'll come in time. Eventually, you'll lose the nervousness.
Yeah I'll try that. It's just when I've gotten closer to some girls and liked them, obviously I want to have sex with them more than any other girl. But since I know them so well, I feel like it's just THAT much more pressure to do better. How ****ty would it be when we get down to it fvck it up again. But I hear you, gotta change my mindset on that
PairPlusRoyalFlush said:
If you're a virgin at a late age, its a problem. Sex means masturbation and anything else seems as foreign as masturbation did when you first started. If he stops masturbating(and more importantly watching porn) he will get so horny that he cant possibly not get hard, be more aggressive, and get rid of the mental overstimulation of porn. Real sex is about the physical stimulation not that weird ADD mental crap that porn gives.
Yeah man I stopped for a while, but I think my 2 biggest problems are:
1) Afraid of literal skin to skin contact from moobs (even tho I lost a lot of weight and work out regularly, i'm still working on it)
2) and not getting an erection
Even tho I stopped for a while to cure this, these 2 factors were my biggest fear. I know I sound like a huge gigantic pus$y for having these problems but it fvcking sucks when everyone I know is enjoying this simple thing and I can't.
I gotta say, thanks to everyone who posted for your replies. This has really been helpful, and it's a little relieving to see that other guys have been in this position too. Thanks again to everyone, and I'll read this more often to hopefully help me easily get over it.
