I SOMEWHAT ROYALLY F***** up --> EMOTINAL HELP NEEDED. PLEASE

[Mjolnir21]

A FELLOW MAN IN DESPERATE NEED OF HELP.

Before you continue reading my post, please know I'm not an AFC. In all honesty, I was just outsmarted.
I have read TRM, participated in this forum and have had my fair share of trysts.

I'll try to keep it short; background: I'm a 22 y/o straight male currently enrolled in uni and working part-time as a bartender. I have a friend M20 who i met, him and i then met a girl who is 19 y/o. I never had an interest in her, she is attractive, but I didn't feel like it, plus I had a few plates.

So my homeboy jumped in. He secured and they dated strongly for a year, however, he would get caught doing stupid stuff (Sliding into DMs, kissing 1 girl ) he is sort of a sub that likes being reprimanded and babied (only child + spoilt). He is also kind of a *****.

She and i grew close as friends but never did anything out of respect for my friend. Towards the end of 2023 this guy started going behind my back to bad mouth me to her and others. He was always insecure of my friendship with her, but i went out of my way to make him feel secure by keeping my distance, making him look good in front of her and encouraging her to stay with him.

As time went on, my mental health began to deteriorate. I couldn't exactly distance myself; we all go to the same school, I work with the F19, and we live in a small city; we are all minorities(basketball people), and we have the same circles. Looking back on it, I could've just gone MIA, but I enjoy being social.

So after my mental health began to go down, i felt betrayed because he began talking **** about me to her and our mutuals. This is where it gets interesting and you might begin to get frustrated.

Im a bit of a sadist and machiavellian. Im not an *******, but i have the ability to inflict mental and physical harm if need be. So i learnt what turns her on by accidentally grazing by and bumping into her at work. When they separated as they always do and get back together. I slid in and smashed. HARD. And because we were homies i knew what he did in bed.( sort of vanilla/sub stuff). He was her first. I introduced her to **** and tunred her into a nympho.

He left the country for 2 months. This F19 and i continued and she left him for good. I slipped up and opened my heart and fell in love with her, im even laughing as i type this. I opened up to 2 of our close friends who were pleased i did that because they felt like i was taking his bad friendship too much, but as fellow kings they were against me falling in love. We stayed together for a month then broke up.The relationship was great, financially, emotionally, she was a really good girlfriend.I basically loved her too much and was not toxic enough. I had my fair share of fun, so im not into toxic relationships anymore. I learned from my mistakes and showed my toxicity a bit, and the sex continued. Mind you, because my city is small, I was running low on plates. I had zero hoes, that could fufil my sexual desires.

We continued, she got back together with him and i told myself i was not going to continue smashing. We continued, I really wish the sex wasn't this good. I was hopeful that she would change, mind you for the duration of this whole thing, she lived in his house for 1 month (jan) while he was away and 1 month (feb) when he returned, and they continued to be in love (the affair has been going on for 4 months). I've never been able to last long without sex, in a relationship I have sex 5 or 6 days of a week at least 5 times a day. But i was now down to 2 days a week, 3 rounds a day to avoid getting caught with her. NO ONE CAN EVER FIND OUT. Recently i haven't slept with her in 8 days, i did get head but it doesn't count coz i didn't ***.

Im going back to my self improvement journey as i had lost all my good habits, just either consumed by sex or heartbreak. NGL she got me good. For the last 1 month, I've not used my heart as I entertain her when I need to smash. But deep down I have love for her because through all this she has and continues to be an amazing friend. But I'm doing a limited no-contact rn as we both work together etc. She wanted to get back together but i refused, until i saw serious change. She moved out into her own apartment. Im just fighting the urge to go **** her.

I am also distancing myself from that guy as i will be resuming classes after the sem break. I wont be drinking at his place or with him unless mutual frieds invite us out. Among some other things. Im getting back on my self-improvement pill. I'm also slowly learning to unlove her. Going back to the gym when i get some money. Maintaining minimal contact with her by avoiding calls and texts here and there. NGL I fell deep. No contact isn't an option btw, apart from the sex she does add value to my life and i to hers - as friends.

What's your take? What should I do moving forward?
Any advice and questions are welcome. DO NOT HOLD BACK!

 

[Money & Muscle]

What's your take?

I mean, its bro code to not fvck your friend's girl, but he's not much of a friend after all. Just know that you will be the bad guy, no matter what. They're 1 bad breakup away from her throwing your name into the mix, and he already kinda hates you.

In hindsight, he had every reason to not trust you, because you moved in on his girl after they broke up. Sure, she didn't cheat on him with you (initially), but you both wanted to - and he sensed that.

What should I do moving forward?

Go find another piece to lay some pipe in; you'll stop the feels quick.
Oh, and stop believing in all these dark triad and personality disorder things. No one cares.

No contact isn't an option btw, apart from the sex she does add value to my life and i to hers - as friends.

Bullsh*t. Friends have never - and will never put their cawks in one another. Y'all ain't friends, and you never will be.

Case and point: would you be cool with a girlfriend hanging out with her "friend" whom she used to have sex with? Right.

 

[Mjolnir21]

I mean, its bro code to not fvck your friend's girl, but he's not much of a friend after all. Just know that you will be the bad guy, no matter what. They're 1 bad breakup away from her throwing your name into the mix, and he already kinda hates you.

In hindsight, he had every reason to not trust you, because you moved in on his girl after they broke up. Sure, she didn't cheat on him with you (initially), but you both wanted to - and he sensed that.


Go find another piece to lay some pipe in; you'll stop the feels quick.
Oh, and stop believing in all these dark triad and personality disorder things. No one cares.


Bullsh*t. Friends have never - and will never put their cawks in one another. Y'all ain't friends, and you never will be.

Case and point: would you be cool with a girlfriend hanging out with her "friend" whom she used to have sex with? Right.

Okay facts. I get bro code, but in all honesty he turned on me first. But you're right I could've handled it differently.

I will also stop with the dark triad nonsense.

Big facts, 1 bad breakup and she'll def throw me under the bus to hurt him and I will definitely be the villian.

Currently working on securing someone else to sink in, so I can properly move on.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

intrasexual competition

 

[Michael Chief]

Your so-called friend was talking sh!t behind your back and you're still trying to do right by him by staying away from F19? What are you, Jesus turning the other cheek?

I'm not saying that you should continue pursuing F19 out of some twisted sense of vengeance, but you said you fell in love with her. Bro, there's nothing wrong with love. It's the real reason we're all here. Trying to learn to "unlove" someone is the dumbest sh!t I've heard.

It's one thing if it's oneitis and she thinks of you as "just a friend," but this clearly isn't the case.

 

[All_Kindz_Of_Gainz]

A FELLOW MAN IN DESPERATE NEED OF HELP.

Before you continue reading my post, please know I'm not an AFC. In all honesty, I was just outsmarted.
I have read TRM, participated in this forum and have had my fair share of trysts.

I'll try to keep it short; background: I'm a 22 y/o straight male currently enrolled in uni and working part-time as a bartender. I have a friend M20 who i met, him and i then met a girl who is 19 y/o. I never had an interest in her, she is attractive, but I didn't feel like it, plus I had a few plates.

So my homeboy jumped in. He secured and they dated strongly for a year, however, he would get caught doing stupid stuff (Sliding into DMs, kissing 1 girl ) he is sort of a sub that likes being reprimanded and babied (only child + spoilt). He is also kind of a *****.

She and i grew close as friends but never did anything out of respect for my friend. Towards the end of 2023 this guy started going behind my back to bad mouth me to her and others. He was always insecure of my friendship with her, but i went out of my way to make him feel secure by keeping my distance, making him look good in front of her and encouraging her to stay with him.

As time went on, my mental health began to deteriorate. I couldn't exactly distance myself; we all go to the same school, I work with the F19, and we live in a small city; we are all minorities(basketball people), and we have the same circles. Looking back on it, I could've just gone MIA, but I enjoy being social.

So after my mental health began to go down, i felt betrayed because he began talking **** about me to her and our mutuals. This is where it gets interesting and you might begin to get frustrated.

Im a bit of a sadist and machiavellian. Im not an *******, but i have the ability to inflict mental and physical harm if need be. So i learnt what turns her on by accidentally grazing by and bumping into her at work. When they separated as they always do and get back together. I slid in and smashed. HARD. And because we were homies i knew what he did in bed.( sort of vanilla/sub stuff). He was her first. I introduced her to **** and tunred her into a nympho.

He left the country for 2 months. This F19 and i continued and she left him for good. I slipped up and opened my heart and fell in love with her, im even laughing as i type this. I opened up to 2 of our close friends who were pleased i did that because they felt like i was taking his bad friendship too much, but as fellow kings they were against me falling in love. We stayed together for a month then broke up.The relationship was great, financially, emotionally, she was a really good girlfriend.I basically loved her too much and was not toxic enough. I had my fair share of fun, so im not into toxic relationships anymore. I learned from my mistakes and showed my toxicity a bit, and the sex continued. Mind you, because my city is small, I was running low on plates. I had zero hoes, that could fufil my sexual desires.

We continued, she got back together with him and i told myself i was not going to continue smashing. We continued, I really wish the sex wasn't this good. I was hopeful that she would change, mind you for the duration of this whole thing, she lived in his house for 1 month (jan) while he was away and 1 month (feb) when he returned, and they continued to be in love (the affair has been going on for 4 months). I've never been able to last long without sex, in a relationship I have sex 5 or 6 days of a week at least 5 times a day. But i was now down to 2 days a week, 3 rounds a day to avoid getting caught with her. NO ONE CAN EVER FIND OUT. Recently i haven't slept with her in 8 days, i did get head but it doesn't count coz i didn't ***.

Im going back to my self improvement journey as i had lost all my good habits, just either consumed by sex or heartbreak. NGL she got me good. For the last 1 month, I've not used my heart as I entertain her when I need to smash. But deep down I have love for her because through all this she has and continues to be an amazing friend. But I'm doing a limited no-contact rn as we both work together etc. She wanted to get back together but i refused, until i saw serious change. She moved out into her own apartment. Im just fighting the urge to go **** her.

I am also distancing myself from that guy as i will be resuming classes after the sem break. I wont be drinking at his place or with him unless mutual frieds invite us out. Among some other things. Im getting back on my self-improvement pill. I'm also slowly learning to unlove her. Going back to the gym when i get some money. Maintaining minimal contact with her by avoiding calls and texts here and there. NGL I fell deep. No contact isn't an option btw, apart from the sex she does add value to my life and i to hers - as friends.

What's your take? What should I do moving forward?
Any advice and questions are welcome. DO NOT HOLD BACK!

So your friend was talking $hit behind your back, still continue being his friend, then out of spite, you fvcked his girls after breaking up, then you fell for her hard.

There is a saying that goes like this "He who seeks revenge digs two graves"

 

[Desdinova]

If she's comfortable fvcking around on this guy with you, she's going to be comfortable fvcking around on him with some other dude. Use that piece of information however you wish.

 

[self_is_an_illusion]

Your so-called friend was talking sh!t behind your back and you're still trying to do right by him by staying away from F19? What are you, Jesus turning the other cheek?

I'm not saying that you should continue pursuing F19 out of some twisted sense of vengeance, but you said you fell in love with her. Bro, there's nothing wrong with love. It's the real reason we're all here. Trying to learn to "unlove" someone is the dumbest sh!t I've heard.

It's one thing if it's oneitis and she thinks of you as "just a friend," but this clearly isn't the case.

Jealousy and mate guarding

 

[Serenity]

If you know you can't stay just friends and you'll lose focus on yourself around her, then there really is just one solution. Distance yourself and let go of trying to stay friends with her.

Regarding your male friend, I can't understand why you kept being a friend to him for so long, he's not a good friend. Bad friends are worth nothing.

 

[LTG71]

Sounds like intersexual competition from the other guy talking you down and trying to discredit you in the social circle. Sounds insecure because he knew F19 was talking to you and you had good rapport with her. Who knows if what you feel is really love. Sounds more like a dopamine rush. Every time you smash this girl you’re gonna get a hit and become addicted. What gets over looked is F19 has no problem going back and forth between these guys. Confused about which d!ck she prefers. I’d distance myself from the guy since he is insecure and talks sh!t. Keep focusing on your self development and put F19 in the FWB category.