J. Darko said:
Good day ladies and gentlemen,
Today was another bad day, a day of hitting rock bottom again, or even worse: realising I've never climbed out of it in the first place. And in these days I'm looking for opportunities, for motivation and for answers in order to improve myself, yet I find myself in this position of failure again. It is starting to consume me, I can't take it anymore, there's a problem with me and I just can't seem to fix it.
Background
This is the story. I'm 21 years old, I have no family, no friends, I've never had a girlfriend, nor did I have sex, but what I do have is a lot of bad experience. Now I'm approaching the final year of studying at a university and that means I'm approaching the edges of the window of opportunity, I'm at the verge of having wasted my youth.
I've come to realise that I'm the cause of all of this, so I started a search for a solution and found some so called ''PUA-material'', including this site. Of all these theories about women and social interaction I found the Book Of Pook the most inspiring, but adopting a new mindset didn't get me anywhere.
Lack of social skills
What is holding me back? Well, to start with, there's a whole difference between the way I think when I'm alone and the way I am when I find myself in the presence of others. When I'm not interacting with other people I see myself as an awesome guy and I have all these things I want to talk about, all these stories I'd like to tell to other people, all these dreams, philosophies, ambitions, hobby's and most of all, I'd like to hear their stories, their dreams and their perspectives. On that top of that, I just want to have fun, but when I'm having a conversation all this starts to fall apart.
A conversation really takes my energy. It's supposed to be fun and relaxing and it can be, but most of the time I experience it as a chore. Talking and listening are hard to do for me, even harder than the Squat, it wears me out. But the worst of it is that I have all these incredible thoughts, but I can't put them to incredible words, so I never transmit that feeling, I can never pull people into my world and fascinate them that way. So I either don't speak about them in the first place or talk about it but without that touch, the fascination and the dreamy feeling put into it so it sounds really...unattractive.
So in short, talking is like a chore for me and I can't put my thoughts into words the way I want.
The major problem in this social freakshow is the inability to formulate sentences. I can easily strike up a conversation but while I'm talking I'm constantly losing track of what I want to say, like mid-sentence I suddenly get a black out and stop. Then I need the time to think about what I was going to say. For example:
Yeah I can really understand why it's so difficult for you to make that choice because of theee....well...ehm...you know...you're parents and stuff...
I have this all the freakin' time! It doesn't help to think about what I'm going to say before I strike up the conversation, because that makes me nervous, while spontanious talking is easier and far more natural for me, but then I'm constantly stuck in sentences. How can I overcome this?
And one last thing: I never have a quick and ready response for everything. People always catch me off guard. When I'm alone, I can just laugh off the negative stuff, but the exact moment I get a negative comment I'm always clueless, while I know hoe to react al too well, it just doesn't come out at the right time at the right place. What can I do about this as well?
Appearence
First of all, I think I'm a great looking guy. I'm 1.78 meters tall and appear to be younger than I actually am. I have small frame, even despite of years of weightlifting and weighting almost 100 Kilo. No, it's not my self-image distorting the fact that I am a huge intimidating looking guy like Pook describes himself weighting as much in his chapter about ''what every skinny guy should know''. People can't tell that I lift weights till they see me in the gym and than they start to think I'm using steroids because of the weight I'm using. Having trouble progressing lately on Madcow 5x5, so any tips about weightlifting are welcome.
On the downside, I have a feeling I don't have the features girls are looking for. I'm relatively short and small build, appear young, almost no jawline, have a real friendly looking face. Multiple girls have commented me on this in a negative way. One girl in particular, a girl that was sort of a friend once, tried to help me out by giving advice and going out with me. I know some people here on Sosuave are not so positive about girls given advice and I will write about the gap between PUA-world and reality later, but for now let me say she teached me a lot of things that I read on this site later. She even demonstrated me the concept of social proof, because she went out with me and made all the girls in the club stare at us, I never experienced that before and sadly, not again either.
So anyway she pointed out that I'm neither a nerd nor a tough guy, I'm something in the middle and that's a bad place to be in since I do not represent a typical image that girls fantasize about. She pointed out that my body language sucked. Especially the way I sit, walk and my facial expression. She didn't like my clothes either and thought I should get a millimeter haircut to look manlier. However, I never saw her again, because at some point I was tired of her being the know it all.
Yet, I still need advice on clothes, haircut and possibly bodylanguage, because it might alter the way I am perceived, aside from how my body looks like. Things I wonder about is if I should wear clothes that make me look older like trenchcoats and button shirts and adjust my haircut to very short like Pook would advice to compensate for the lack of less clear manly features. Or, would it look totally out of place? And bodylanguage...I've always walked straight up and stuff and gain lots of confidence over the last few years that might have changed the way I look, but she said it was mostly the walk itself, the movement...I don't know.
Gap between PUA-world and reality
Pretty self evident. Lots of PUA stuff just doen't seem to match with the real world we live in. For example, most people just talk about boring daily life stuff. No fun conversations, no C&F, no witty comments nothing sexual and yet they seem to do pretty well. I just say C&F things just because I feel like it, but girls soon start to think I'm weird, insecure or desperate. Therefore, I really had it with all this bull****. The only thing there's to it is talkin with girls, it's that simple. Therefore, I really need a new light on womn and girls from social intelligent people with lots of experience.
Social circle, vicious circle
I'm alone, literally. There's no birthday cake for me, or a happy Christmas and I sleep on New Years Eve. It would be fun to change that. One problem: how to make friends? Most people I meet assume I have a social circle in the first place and we always go our seperate ways in the end, even though we get a long.
So how do I crawl out of the pits of hell? How do I overcome my social problems in conversating and making (girl)friends? How can I change my appearence to support a new, succesful me? And f*ck all these theories, I am a back
