I really need advice. Consider this your good deed for the year.

[El Bambino]

Hey!

Right, first time I've done something like this. That is, ask other men for help in the dating sphere. I'm 20, from England, at a respected University, pursuing quite an esteemed career. I'm actually quite a reasonably confident man, have lots of friends, go out at least once a week. I'm not socially awkward or anything, even do public speaking now and again, though I do admittedly feel a bit anxious about doing that at times. However, guys, I have never had a girlfriend. Never had sex. Never kissed or felt the tender, meaningful embrace of a woman. Nada. I'm a nice person, respect people around me, have not wronged any body and think I deserve for this to change. I'm at University, and if I don't sort this out soon, well in a few years I'll be in a busy career and it could emerge that I'll never have the time to glean something of a clue about relationships with woman. I need help! Times are changing, peoples attitudes are different, there's a lot of individualism about and to achieve success in things is harder today than it ever was. I'm willing to put in the work but I just need some help, maybe some one can help me?

A lot of my friends are out going dudes like myself, and they don't really seem to have the problems I have. I'm not the most good looking, but I'm actually better looking than some of these guys. I'm working on getting a better physique, gym three times a week, cardio three times a week, good diet etc. Have been committed to the gym for about five months now and results are coming through. I'm being proactive as possible, but the fact that on nights out my friends have girls on their arms and are kissing etc whilst I'm there awkwardly dancing away is getting quite annoying. I'm starting to feel quite down about it. I'm feeling very self-concious lately. Like I said I'm not horrifically bad looking but I'm starting to feel like it. :/ What would you advise me to do? I'm going out Thursday night btw.

Help a guy out!

 

[sighsigh]

Read PUA theory => become DJ => solve problems. I'd start with the Book of Pook.

 

[oxford comma]

are you trying? are you out there failing? you seem to have all the areas of your life under control except this one which makes me believe you just arent trying because you're afraid of rejection and damaging your ego. read the stuff on this site and go out there and use it. expect a lot of awkwardness at first but just keep improving. set daily goals and reach them.

 

[El Bambino]

Sighsigh: Will read the literature, thank you for the suggestion!

Oxford Comma: Well, yes and no. I am going out to clubs on nights out mainly, it's not exactly the kind of setting I can do and say hello. I am sort of afraid of rejection, yes. I'll set a goal of trying to speak to three girls on Thursday night. I think I should join some more societies at Uni too. I won't lie, I've been rejected a few times this year.

 

[MM92]

What Uni you at mate? This site will certainly help you out, some very knowledgeable people on here.

 

[El Bambino]

What Uni you at mate? This site will certainly help you out, some very knowledgeable people on here.

Hey man! I'm at the University of Birmingham, doing Medicine. Bloody hope so, haven't really got anywhere else to turn.

 

[ApolloCreed]

Hey!

Right, first time I've done something like this. That is, ask other men for help in the dating sphere. I'm 20, from England, at a respected University, pursuing quite an esteemed career. I'm actually quite a reasonably confident man, have lots of friends, go out at least once a week. I'm not socially awkward or anything, even do public speaking now and again, though I do admittedly feel a bit anxious about doing that at times. However, guys, I have never had a girlfriend. Never had sex. Never kissed or felt the tender, meaningful embrace of a woman. Nada. I'm a nice person, respect people around me, have not wronged any body and think I deserve for this to change. I'm at University, and if I don't sort this out soon, well in a few years I'll be in a busy career and it could emerge that I'll never have the time to glean something of a clue about relationships with woman. I need help! Times are changing, peoples attitudes are different, there's a lot of individualism about and to achieve success in things is harder today than it ever was. I'm willing to put in the work but I just need some help, maybe some one can help me?

A lot of my friends are out going dudes like myself, and they don't really seem to have the problems I have. I'm not the most good looking, but I'm actually better looking than some of these guys. I'm working on getting a better physique, gym three times a week, cardio three times a week, good diet etc. Have been committed to the gym for about five months now and results are coming through. I'm being proactive as possible, but the fact that on nights out my friends have girls on their arms and are kissing etc whilst I'm there awkwardly dancing away is getting quite annoying. I'm starting to feel quite down about it. I'm feeling very self-concious lately. Like I said I'm not horrifically bad looking but I'm starting to feel like it. :/ What would you advise me to do? I'm going out Thursday night btw.

Help a guy out!

What you need to figure out is your attitude.

Working out is a good start, for both confidence and the aesthetic reasons. However, I haven't touched a gym in years and still hook up with more chicks than many of my taller, better looking, 6 pack showing friends. Why? Because I wear a don't-give-a-**** attitude.

You mentioned 'awkwardly dancing away', I'm guessing you don't like dancing. That's fine - neither do I. So don't dance as a method to hook up with chicks. If you see me on a dance floor, it's because my crazy ass is having a good time when a song I like comes on or I'm loaded on tequila. It's in this zone that you'll find girls approaching you.

You need to build an innate confidence, channel your intelligence into wit and charm. Juxtapose this with a wild, unpredictable streak and girls will find you intriguing.

Anyway, this is my anecdotal 2 cents.

Improving your clothes, hair and body are all obvious things to try also. Upload a photo for critique if you don't mind the creeps on here taking a look.

AC

 

[Bible_Belt]

When you learn more about indications of interest, you will find that women have probably already tried to attract you and failed. Women are very subtle in how they communicate, and it takes practice to be able to realize when they are trying to tell you they like you.

 

[lockout]

welcome!!

 

[El Bambino]

Thanks for the advise guys! Am going out in about two hours, will try to approach some girls and will let you know how it goes. Probably will be getting pretty drunk to ease the nerves. Will report back later!

 

[The_411]

Mate,

20 is the best time of your life. Failure is a good thing. A good cold call salesperson will fail 95 times out of 100. The key is that by failing you're sheding the reliance of a woman saying yes. It's hard to fail since we're programmed not to in many other aspects of life. However, with women failing is essential so you can understand the feeling and be able to move past it.

When you don't try a lot and fail what happens is that when you really like a girl and you get your hopes up and she rejects you you'll be down for a long time and miss out the daily opportunities.

Once you fail you will also learn why you are failing whether it is not reading body language properly, lack of confidence, the woman is psycho etc.

Learning how to pre-screen women will eliminate most women who will either hurt you/reject you. You can't learn how to pre-screen without failing because you won't know what not to look for until you do fail.

 

[dat azz]

Get a friend to go out with you and approach girls on the street. Take turns approaching and have a laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcNE3yx_3D8

Cmon

 

[Improving]

after or during reading the Book of Pook, watch The Tao of Steve. Nice summary of the rules of the game are:
1. Be desireless.
2. Be excellent.
3. Be gone. (leave her wanting more)

 

[El Bambino]

Mate,

20 is the best time of your life. Failure is a good thing. A good cold call salesperson will fail 95 times out of 100. The key is that by failing you're sheding the reliance of a woman saying yes. It's hard to fail since we're programmed not to in many other aspects of life. However, with women failing is essential so you can understand the feeling and be able to move past it.

When you don't try a lot and fail what happens is that when you really like a girl and you get your hopes up and she rejects you you'll be down for a long time and miss out the daily opportunities.

Once you fail you will also learn why you are failing whether it is not reading body language properly, lack of confidence, the woman is psycho etc.

Learning how to pre-screen women will eliminate most women who will either hurt you/reject you. You can't learn how to pre-screen without failing because you won't know what not to look for until you do fail.

Such a good post. Thanks for the advice man! What you're saying sounds so right.

Get a friend to go out with you and approach girls on the street. Take turns approaching and have a laugh

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pcNE3yx_3D8

Cmon[/img]

Don't really think that would be appropriate for career purposes, not sure a future Doctor should be doing that lol??

after or during reading the Book of Pook, watch The Tao of Steve. Nice summary of the rules of the game are:
1. Be desireless.
2. Be excellent.
3. Be gone. (leave her wanting more)[/img]

Have thumbed through the Book of Pook, seems legit tbh! Will work my way through it.

OK guys so I'll let you know how the night went. Firstly, I did sort of approach two girls. Sort of because I didn't so much talk to them, it was far too loud in the club, but I did attempt to dance with them. I was reading the Book of Pook and decided to adopt the arrogant bastard approach the evening, I'd give the girls a bit of attention and sort of ease off, seeing what they'd do. One girl could tell I was trying to dance with her, she was a bit receptive, but I wasn't about to grab her or anything as I think I that would kill my chances. She was pretty gross looking to be truthful so I wasn't fussed! Now on to second girl, one of the dudes I was out with was hitting on every girl in the club (was getting rejected left right and centre, the guy is a fool), he went up to try and dance with this one girl and she was a bit receptive towards him. I sort of stood a few feet away and laughed, and her friend came up to me, trying to initiate dancing in response in a jokey kind of way. I smiled at her, looked away, and she actually walked on signalling to me to follow her. I followed her a bit, pretty slowly, she looked to see if I was coming and I just carried on. She then got me into her group of friends and I started dancing with them - this was not ideal really because the guys in the group were staring me out haha! I just left it there and walked away. That was all I could glean from the night, which is pretty bad, granted, but I had a fun time. Chances were few and far between in thus club any way. I was always going to struggle! I'll just keep trying.

Another week draws to a close, and I'm still a kiss-less virgin I'll hang in there, hopefully it won't be too long till I get there.

Thanks a lot for the encouragement though guys. I actually appreciate it. I am trying. Next night I'm out, I will set out to try and fail as much as I can. How do you guys approach girls in loud clubs? Do you bother talking, or is it just trying to dance? Whatever you suggest I do to approach, I will have a quota of five. Be warned though, I will be needing to get pretty damn drunk to do this. Can you blame a guy in my position at 20 years of age? :crazy:

Cheers,
El Bambino

 

[El Bambino]

21 in July guys! Think I can at least get a kiss before I turn 21?

 

[roman81]

Have you been reading the bible, it's just that I notice it's been a while since your initial post. Well here is my two cents.....
You have to do the hard yards there are no two ways about it......

1. Go out and approach loads of girls and get rejected loads, this will help you plenty, it will get rid of approach anxiety, you will eventually grow a thick skin and rejection will not bother you anymore, most importantly you will learn from your mistakes and post it here so that others can advise you.

2. Do not limit yourself to approaching in night clubs and bars (night game). Since you are in one of the biggest universities in the country there should be loads of opportunities to practice your day game. Join some of the societies this will help with broadening your social circle. Also talk to girls in your class ask them to study together, talk to girls in the library.
3. Night game is literally a numbers game and you usually don't get a lot of time to impress, on top of that your skills have to be very sharp. The other thing with night clubs is that women have too many options and by the time you approach them they will have been hit on 50 times already. I've been out in Birmingham and it is ax pretty intimidating place, still it's a city full of pus sy for all tastes. Stick to the uni bars and nightclub as this is a safe environment and girls tend to let loose a bit more than when they are on the town.

I hope this encourages you to keep going.

 

[Mike32ct]

I agree with most of the above, but I will note that clubs are not the best for certain types of guys.

I think an intelligent guy who has some public speaking experience would do better in a BAR. Regardless of what the PUAs say, clubs are generally NOT the place for a good talker. Clubs are the place for a good dancer and/or an aggressive physically dominant guy.

Also, until you really get your game up, I would hit the bar on "off-peak" times like a Tuesday or Wednesday night. Thurs thru Sat is highly competitive and sausage fest unless you start early. (Although it has more targets to help you build a thick skin.). Go alone or with one trusted wingman. Don't bring in a pack of guys with you.

Find some girls that look bored and chat with them. Start out small.

 

[El Bambino]

Turned 21, going to be 22 in July next year. Still a virgin guys, have yet to kiss a girl lol. Making it through University though. Also worked out hard and got a ripped body! I get a fair bit of attention now, generally turn heads when walking around...

I'm sucking it up tonight! I'm just going to go to a club solo. **** it. I can at least get a kiss. Let's do this.

 

[marmel75]

I've been there bro...start portraying yourself more sexually around women and they will see you as such. Being nice around women likewise makes them see you as such.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Hey there, U.K.!

Wow, this post has been around for a while, maaaan! Anyway, just wanted to make a comment or two on this fascinating subject that I know way too much about.

First off: don't worry about not getting any action while in school. I was a virgin until I was 23, and didn't get laid once the entire time I was in college. I'm 30 now, and have more than made up for lost time, so trust me when I say, you'll still be able to get some at some point!

At any rate, like these guys said, start reading material. There's a lot of good stuff on this site, plus I recommend reading materials by David DeAngelo and Doc Love (look 'em up), they will really open your mind into why all the things you're doing now to get girls is actually screwing you up.

Beyond that, it really boils down to being comfortable in your skin. Like, you have to be so confident about who you are that you stop caring about whether or not you have a girl in your life. Ironically, once you do that you'll find girls gravitating towards you since you're no longer desperate for them.

You also need to start better examining the girls you're already running into, and see if some of them aren't throwing signs of interest your way. When I was in college there were actually a slew of girls that took notice of me that I could have banged, but I was so unsure of myself that I didn't notice it until later when I either (a) looked back or (b) they themselves told me.

For example: you might know a girl that's constantly asking you for help with mundane easy stuff. Or you might know a girl that's always saying "yes" to you when you ask her to hang out. These are just small things a girl might do that indicates she likes you, but if you're not looking for it you might miss it.

Anyway... best of luck to ya!