I just found something disturbing in my gf's cell phone

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Could "this guy" who she is referring to be you?? Are you assuming it is someone else?

If it is another dude then this be cause for concern - regardless of the last 20 post telling you otherwise. Many of these young guys on this forum are too trusting of women and tend to be naive of the reality of things!!

You did nothing wrong by checking her phone but do not tell her that you saw the message it will do you no good - just be aware that she may be interested in other dudes and playing you the fool. When a women has a "crush" on a guy who is not her boyfriend this is the first step to her opening up herself to him if he pursues her.

When a woman has a crush on a guy she will try to give him hints of her interest so that he may initiate communication! Maybe she is with you because this other dude never pursued her!

Be careful and be vigilant!

 

[xsonik]

puerto rican lover is right.

 

[johnfjr]

my response is to be a challenge. The best way to keep a chick thinking about you non stop and getting that "infatuated" feeling again is to keep her on her toes. The fact that she had a crush on this guy, no matter how innocent and how guilty everyone is of having crushes...it makes me think less of her. I just realized that she is merely an accessory, a big accessory in my life that I will use for sex, having a good time, and to experience life.

 

[johnfjr]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Could "this guy" who she is referring to be you?? Are you assuming it is someone else?

If it is another dude then this be cause for concern - regardless of the last 20 post telling you otherwise. Many of these young guys on this forum are too trusting of women and tend to be naive of the reality of things!!

You did nothing wrong by checking her phone but do not tell her that you saw the message it will do you no good - just be aware that she may be interested in other dudes and playing you the fool. When a women has a "crush" on a guy who is not her boyfriend this is the first step to her opening up herself to him if he pursues her.

When a woman has a crush on a guy she will try to give him hints of her interest so that he may initiate communication! Maybe she is with you because this other dude never pursued her!

Be careful and be vigilant!

do you feel that most women, even if they have high IL in their bfs, do have "innocent" crushes on other guys as well?

 

[Wyldfire]

Notice how snooping has a way of making you feel bad. Now you have managed to make yourself jealous, full of doubt and guilty all over something really trivial.

That's what you get for snooping...

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by johnfjr
do you feel that most women, even if they have high IL in their bfs, do have "innocent" crushes on other guys as well?

A "crush" to a woman is more than a mere interest - it is a powerful sign that if he pursued her she will give herself to him. And to have a "crush" on someone takes some time and it is NOT just a one day thing - you may know this dude or she obviously sees/talks to him on a regular basis!! BEWARE!

There is no such thing as an "innocent" crush on another dude when a woman has a man already! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by johnfjr
do you feel that most women, even if they have high IL in their bfs, do have "innocent" crushes on other guys as well?

Most do. People are human and they are attracted to people all the time. As long as they don't act on it when they are committed to someone else there is no reason to get worked up over it.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Notice how snooping has a way of making you feel bad. Now you have managed to make yourself jealous, full of doubt and guilty all over something really trivial.

That's what you get for snooping...

This has nothing to do with "jealousy" (this forum uses that word too much and the word "hor" )

John doesn't feel bad - he merely has doubts about someone who he thinks loves him dearly through her words - but lo and behold she may be wanting to say the same to another dude!

Why would john feel "guilty" - he has done nothing wrong!!! Oh yeah, he looked at his girl's phone and found valuable information that tells him more of the person who he is with and which may detrimental to his future emotional state if she is contemplating on being with other dude!

John, follow your instincts - listen to what it is telling you.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

Originally posted by Wyldfire
Most do. People are human and they are attracted to people all the time. As long as they don't act on it when they are committed to someone else there is no reason to get worked up over it.

Wid woman on fire, you should know better than this - if a woman found the same message on her man's phone she would go insane and you wouldn't hear the end of it - there would be much drama and gnashing of teeth!!!

 

[Fatality]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
A "crush" to a woman is more than a mere interest - it is a powerful sign that if he pursued her she will give herself to him. And to have a "crush" on someone takes some time and it is NOT just a one day thing - you may know this dude or she obviously sees/talks to him on a regular basis!! BEWARE!

There is no such thing as an "innocent" crush on another dude when a woman has a man already! DANGER! DANGER! DANGER!

Just because she has a crush on someone doesn't mean she would accept his advances. Alot cheat but alot are faithful. It's impossible to avoid crushes. You can't choose to not be attracted just because you are already taken.

 

[AMF]

High Voltage was exactly, 100% correct - snooping as you did is a pure indicator of your insecurity. As such, it may infact be an important step in figuring out how to make yourself less dependent.

You shouldnt have done it, for all the reasons that should be obvious by now.

But now, its done. "You shouldnt have done it" does not constitute any form of advice any longer.

Read this once again:

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
A "crush" to a woman is more than a mere interest - it is a powerful sign that if he pursued her she will give herself to him.

Now, there is more than a little truth to this.

Whereas instinct dictates that men are always drawn to a large number of women - even when "in love" - a woman's "crush" is in some sense much more significant.

This is because they are usually many times more selective (its is proven in all biology and anthropology that it is ALWAYS the female that does the "selecting".)

In this way, it usually - no, invariably - takes a large number of satisfied criteria for a woman to develop a noteworthy - told to her friend would probably qualify as noteworthy - attraction or "crush".

All I can say is be careful.


As a general point, too: there is only ONE real solution to this problem.

Be the absolute, unwavering best... so, there is no way - no way on God's green earth - that she can look anywhere but to you.

Self-improve guys, dont be lazy, or your apparently-devoted girl could be looking elsewhere before you know it.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
Wid woman on fire, you should know better than this - if a woman found the same message on her man's phone she would go insane and you wouldn't hear the end of it - there would be much drama and gnashing of teeth!!!

If a woman went snooping on her b/f and made this post I would tell her the same thing. Insecure people snoop. Snoopers don't trust. People who don't trust are incapable of having quality relationships. End of story.

His relationship is doomed now anyhow. If he tells her about his snooping...she won't trust him anymore. He never trusted her in the first place or he wouldn't have snooped. Now that he has found one text message from months ago to fuel his lack of trust he is going to behave more possessive, more suspicious and it WILL push her away.

Snooping is ALWAYS bad news.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

"Snnoping"? He is not going around her house checking her wardrobe and smelling her panties!! He merely checked her phone to determine if her words of love to him are sincere and he found information that brings some doubt! What is wrong with knowing reality?? She is the one who sent the text!

What if he decided to ask for her hand in marriage two months ago and then he finds this message - will any man not have doubts? That she sent the message a few months ago is irrelevant!

It is better to have this information before he commits completely to her than not having it at all - he can now make an informed decision based on factual iformation - this is good!!

Maybe the message was referring to him (John) - i don't know.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
"Snnoping"? He is not going around her house checking her wardrobe and smelling her panties!! He merely checked her phone to determine if her words of love to him are sincere and he found information that brings some doubt! What is wrong with knowing reality?? She is the one who sent the text!

What if he decided to ask for her hand in marriage two months ago and then he finds this message - will any man not have doubts? That she sent the message a few months ago is irrelevant!

It is better to have this information before he commits completely to her than not having it at all - he can now make an informed decision based on factual iformation - this is good!!

Maybe the message was referring to him (John) - i don't know.

Reading her text messages on her cell phone is SNOOPING. It's no different than reading her email, snail mail or diary.

 

[johnfjr]

it wasn't referring to me.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by johnfjr
it wasn't referring to me.

Who is she with?

If she wanted the other guy and he wanted her then she would NOT be with you.

Forget you saw the message and stop snooping. All you're doing is torturing yourself needlessly. The girl is with YOU, not the other guy.

 

[00Kevin]

Originally posted by PuertoRican_Lover
"Snnoping"? He is not going around her house checking her wardrobe and smelling her panties!! He merely checked her phone to determine if her words of love to him are sincere and he found information that brings some doubt! What is wrong with knowing reality?? She is the one who sent the text!

What if he decided to ask for her hand in marriage two months ago and then he finds this message - will any man not have doubts? That she sent the message a few months ago is irrelevant!

It is better to have this information before he commits completely to her than not having it at all - he can now make an informed decision based on factual iformation - this is good!!

Maybe the message was referring to him (John) - i don't know.

I agree. A man should put a woman to the test before he jumps into marriage.

This guy is better off for searching that cell phone. Who cares if it is wrong.

I've done searches on my girls computers for history before. Most of the time however i'll do it right infront of her and put her on the spot. I remember one time I searched a chicks computer for temp pictures. I found a picture that some perv sent her from the internet. It was a picture of his c-ock. It was funny when I showed it to her. We both had a good laugh.

 

[thejuice]

"If she wanted the other guy and he wanted her then she would NOT be with you."

Sorry to step on your toes wyldfire, but youre wrong. The truth is that if she wanted to be with you, she wouldnt have sent that text. If its an innocent crush, why talk about it?

A girl can be with someone even though they dont truly like them. For instance, lets say the girl is insecure. She couldnt get who she wants so she settles for you. Shes only with you so she can have that feeling of stability. It makes her feel wanted but it dosent nessecarily mean it goes both ways.

Im not saying your chick is doing something behind your back...its good that youre not a dumb trusting guy. keep on the lookout because if you stop watching, she might slip and youll never know. Dont be ashamed about it because you got evidence that she should be the one ashamed. Let her know about what you found. You casually found it and ask about it. Say, "hey, i was messing with your phone and i found this...who is this guy?". If she gets mad before the explanation, shes defensive and theres something shes not telling you...if she explains herself and then gets mad, then she feels her privacy was infringed. In either case, you have the right to know and ask.

 

[GaryNas]

Originally posted by johnfjr
she left her cell phone at my house, and insisted that she will pick it up later. Well, needless to say, I chose to look through her cell phone. I saw text messages that she had left from months ago, one in which she was describing something to her friend...but in the text she mentions that she has a "crush" on some guy.

I know exactly how you feel and there's no easy way to deal with these emotions. If things are going well between you two, then I suggest letting it go, and here's why...

At a time when my ex and I were having problems and I suspected something was up so I went through her phone. Her text messages to some guy confirmed my suspicions.

In contrast, I've been seeing an amazing woman for the past month we're both really into each other. I know if I look at her phone I'll see calls to other guys and maybe even text messages that I'll take way out of context. For me, it's good enough when she said she's not seeing anyone else and completely enjoys spending time with me. I do wonder, but that's just the pessimism in me.

Point is, if you're having any kind of problems, talk to her about it. Otherwise, don't worry.

 

[tmpgstx]

Many of these young guys on this forum are too trusting of women and tend to be naive of the reality of things!!

Well said Puerto .. not enough relationship experience.

John - it is an indicator that the relationship is not as strong as you may think. If she has 'eyes' for someone else, it's only a matter of time. Trust me.

If you were truely the one that she is going to have kids with, there would be no way she would be scoping other guys out and telling other girls about it.

You also have to remember that you're telling us that you don't want kids or to be married (not even in 10 years), she may be getting this vibe from you and if her feeling are not strong enough, she will leave you for someone she deems worthy for marriage. Most women want to be married by 25. Maybe it's best if both of you find someone you know you want to marry.