I just found something disturbing in my gf's cell phone

[johnfjr]

she left her cell phone at my house, and insisted that she will pick it up later. Well, needless to say, I chose to look through her cell phone. I saw text messages that she had left from months ago, one in which she was describing something to her friend...but in the text she mentions that she has a "crush" on some guy. Well, the disturbing fact is that we were going out at this time. She could have fooled me. She texted me everyday telling me she loves me, and her interest level seemed sky high (we were ****ing all the time, I was being a challenge, etc.)....but anyway, so I found this old text in her phone that she sent her friend.


I don't know what to think. We have been going out for 9 months. she told me yesterday she wants to be with me "forever" and wants my children. I, of course, did not respond to that because it would be AFC to say "cool" and also I am not ready for that kind of commitment anyway AT ALL (not in the next ten years). I care for her though, and I truly would hate to leave her for a text message she sent back in october.

I know that I have sexual interest in many females (as all guys do), even though I'm completely satisfied and happy in my relationship. I even have minor "crushes" on females. But I would never **** them knowing I had a gf. I don't think she ever did that, because it was only one text message like this, but the fact that she says explicity that she has a "crush" on this guy makes me lose a lot of respect for her. Frankly, I'm hurt. She even texted me the next day on that month telling me she loved me.

What do I do guys? I don't want to lose her, but I can't respect a girl in the long term that has a cheating heart. Next her? Confront her about it and ask her whats up? I would hate to confront her because it's anti-challenge. It makes me look insecure for looking at the phone, but I dunno...

 

[Fatality]

Originally posted by johnfjr
she left her cell phone at my house, and insisted that she will pick it up later. Well, needless to say, I chose to look through her cell phone. I saw text messages that she had left from months ago, one in which she was describing something to her friend...but in the text she mentions that she has a "crush" on some guy. Well, the disturbing fact is that we were going out at this time. She could have fooled me. She texted me everyday telling me she loves me, and her interest level seemed sky high (we were ****ing all the time, I was being a challenge, etc.)....but anyway, so I found this old text in her phone that she sent her friend.


I don't know what to think. We have been going out for 9 months. she told me yesterday she wants to be with me "forever" and wants my children. I, of course, did not respond to that because it would be AFC to say "cool" and also I am not ready for that kind of commitment anyway AT ALL (not in the next ten years). I care for her though, and I truly would hate to leave her for a text message she sent back in october.

I know that I have sexual interest in many females (as all guys do), even though I'm completely satisfied and happy in my relationship. I even have minor "crushes" on females. But I would never **** them knowing I had a gf. I don't think she ever did that, because it was only one text message like this, but the fact that she says explicity that she has a "crush" on this guy makes me lose a lot of respect for her. Frankly, I'm hurt. She even texted me the next day on that month telling me she loved me.

What do I do guys? I don't want to lose her, but I can't respect a girl in the long term that has a cheating heart. Next her?

I think you need to chill out. People get crushes no matter how much they are in love with somebody they will always be physically attracted to somebody else. As long as they don't act on them what's the problem? Would you think about nexting her if she admitted to having a crush on a celebrity?

 

[Faded Image]

You just couldn't resist looking through your girlfriend's phone say. These are the types of things that happen when we go looking for things we really don't want to know. If you wouldn't have ever looked through that phone, you wouldn't be as hurt as you are now. If you confront her about, she's going to deny it and then you're going to have a bigger situation to deal with then.

I know that I have sexual interest in many females (as all guys do), even though I'm completely satisfied and happy in my relationship. I even have minor "crushes" on females

Okay, let me get this straight. You're mad because she wrote a text on her phone about having a crush on another guy right. On the contrary, you admitted to having sexual interest in MANY females. Why are you mad about this one text when you, your self have these same desires. The only difference between these two situations is the fact that she can't read your post admitting to us about you sexual desires.

What do I do guys? I don't want to lose her, but I can't respect a girl in the long term that has a cheating heart. Next her?

This decision is your's man. It's only going to affect you, not me or anybody else on this forum. What ever decision you come to, make sure it's something you won't regret.

Peace!
B

 

[DJnoob]

Time to unleash the beast within

 

[00Kevin]

I would confront her about it in a joking manner.

don't tell her you went through it behind her back. Just pick up the cell phone infront of her and say, "hey I think i'm going to snoop through this and see how many guys are after you". Do it right in front of her and act like you don't care. Go through her phone list and make fun of all the names in it. "Hey is this guy one of your lovers? how about this one?" and then go through the text messages and read them out When you get to the one with the message you don't like read it out and say, "hey I who is this guy? Is it _____ ? pick some guy she finds really ugly or thinks is a loser. Make fun of her for it.

That is how I would bring it out in the open, but I wouldn't let her know I was pissed at her. Judge her on how she explains the message on her own dispite the fact that it doesn't appear to bother you.

If you get no response then I would say, "hey I trust you and everything, but I just want to understand what that message was all about."

Don't EVER be afraid to confront a woman about something that is bothering you. When you catch a woman f-cuking around don't be a chump be a man and MAKE her explain herself.

 

[johnfjr]

Just the way my girlfriend treats me is so great. she treats me like I am a king. I don't see a reason for her to have stayed with me if she truly liked some other guy. I'm secure enough in knowing that her IL is high because she always wants to hang out with me and always tells me she loves me. It's that feeling I get deep down inside. In fact, many times I have to tell her I can't hang out because she wants to hang out so much, to which she gets really offended. I remember an incident where she was being disrespectful to me in the car one time because she had a headache, and as a result I dropped her off at her house mid way through the date because I said she should sleep and I did not want to deal with her BS. Sure enough, she drove all the way to my house, like a child in tears begging me to let her back in the house! That's when I knew that she loves me. She cooks for me, talks about being with me "forever" with kids, etc. I just am positive that this girl would never actually cheat on me.

I don't even think I will bring it up. But this definitely put things into perspective for me. I will continue to go out with her like things never changed, but I will know deep down that she does indeed want to F*ck other guys, just like everyone else. It's a rather shocking fact for me, because I am a man and I want to believe that she is only attracted physically to me.

 

[check_mate_kid_uk]

listen its just a litlte crush she finds him atractive ok, its nothing if she was really hiding somtihng she would have deleted the message or not left her phone at your house.

 

[earthshyne]

You were snooping around where you shouldn't have been snooping.

Besides, it's just a message to a friend. Who knows what the rest of the conversation was like? Calm yourself. But DON'T let on that you know about this, because the trust that you and her have developed so far will be damaged or destroyed.

 

[Sart]

GODDAM

GIRLS GOSSIP,

Its what they do. They talk about men, other men, sleazy stuff, fun stuff. They tell their Mothers everything....but its all just talk. Harmless talk.

MEN, DO NOT sneak around reading their diaries and SMS messages. Irritating brothers and (once again) Women, do this shyte. Serves you right, hope you really flagelate yourself over this.

At the end of the day dude.......why did you look? I, as always, ask questions rather than always give answers. The problem as I see it, is not her PRIVATE message. The problem is what compelled you to look?

 

[johnfjr]

i looked because of plain curiosity. I know, it was a stupid thing to do, but it was tempting.

 

[Bonhomme]

Months ago?

This happened months ago, right?

Be a cool cat and chill. Just treat it as a sort of inside scoop.

Everybody is attracted to many others. What's more important is whether or not they act on those feelings.

Whatever the case, definitely don't mention it to her. After all, she has more reason to be pissed-off than you do.

 

[High Voltage]

Yuck. I can't recall the number of posts I've seen where a guy has invaded a girls privacy. Although you may claim 'curiosity' we all know (yourself included) the real reason is insecurity and control.

Are we so insecure in our ability to keep a girl that we must constantly search for verification that she is indeed 'ours'? This sickens me. You *cannot* control the behaviour of another person. To try to do so will spell disaster for your relationship. If a girl ever breached my privacy I would seriously evaluate my decision to be with that person. I also believe any girl would feel the same way.

This is not a personal attack on you john, but it seems a very common occurance on these boards. My advice is to *not* confront her about it and keep your 'curiosity' to yourself in the future.

It seems this whole issue stems from people's over-estimation of the value of a girl. We view getting a girl as a great accomplishment and it would be tragic to our ego to have her cheating on us and have to ditch her. We are then somehow not 'good enough' because she went to another guy. This is what happens if you view your worth as a person by the girl you get.

Who cares if she's cheating on you? You'll find out eventually through non-invaisive means if she ditches you suddenly or confesses at some point. Of course, being the master 'Don Juans' that we all are, we can pick up a new one no problem, correct? Another thing, she can still look at other guys. Your concern over this reveals your insecurity again. Nothing says it like attempting to restrict someone else's freedom.

Remember, your girlfriend is an accessory. You shouldn't care what she's doing when she's not with you.

- HV

 

[whistler]

I don't know what's more sad...

All of these recent posts where guys clearly violate their girls privacy.

Or what the guys find when they do.


In this case, though, did she dateor F the guy? No, right? Then forget about it.

 

[DJDamage]

Its human nature to have crushes for others. You cannot control it when you walk through the mall and see a HB you wouldn't mind banging - but until you don't do anything about it then its just a thought.

So far her behaviour has not changed and you can see that she is still into you and you are fvcking her on a constant basis. Let her have her crush, its you that she comes back to bed with not him.

Girls always write in their diaries, email, text messages to one another about guys they like and you shouldn't be spying on her.

Don't let it bother you and don't tell her you looked through her cell phone, she will justifibly be angry and upset with you for your jealousy and that harmless crush she has on someone could become stronger when your position becomes weaker.

 

[MrHarris]

"What do I do guys? "

Grow up first of all. You violated her personal property. How would you like it if she did the same thing to you. A girlfriend of mine recently broke into my aol and yahoo and saw emails to other women in there...so I know how it feels.

Grow up again, cause what you found is old news. As you said way back in october, got dam...and now she is even more deeply inlove with you...so what are you worried about?

Grow up a little more cause your composure is leaking. Now you have put yourself in a precarious predicament. You know about what she said and it will eat away at your trust of her and your friendship. Your f*cked cause your obviously not mature enough to let it slide off your back in the comfort that YOU won in the end.

 

[-HPNOTIQ-]

Originally posted by High Voltage


It seems this whole issue stems from people's over-estimation of the value of a girl. We view getting a girl as a great accomplishment and it would be tragic to our ego to have her cheating on us and have to ditch her. We are then somehow not 'good enough' because she went to another guy. This is what happens if you view your worth as a person by the girl you get.



- HV

best quote I've read in a while...

FELLAS READ THIS AGAIN 3 or 4 times if you have to...

 

[Trance]

Even when we are completly happy on a relation, we still do a few things that the girls wouldnt like to know, like talking to certain girls on msn and flirting a bit on it; when going out at night flirting a bit with girls, just as a manner to see if they are interested as ego bost, etc..

Same aplies to girls. Everyone does this, and we dont need to know what the other person does about this things, it will just create unnecessary suspects and trouble to the relation.

 

[Ladiesssman]

I get crushes on girls all the time by physical when I'm with my girl. Time we sit at restaurant, time we walk at beach, I peak at other girls. Does that mean I'm going to cheat on her. It's just something that's pretty to look at, so I look.

Girls sometimes just play around with each other with gossip about which guy they think is cute or is crushable. They do it whether or not they have a bf. No harms. Or at least not worth making a deal out of it.

 

[DJSmooth]

Perhaps its you

So she said she had a crush on 'some guy'. Can you be sure she wasn't infact talking about YOU?

 

[Albion4]

Dude, you need to stop opening Pandora's freaking box! Why is it when guys see a big red button with the words "DO NOT PUSH" on it, they press it. You know what, you deserve whatever becomes of this and that's that. Next time, don't f<beep>king touch the phone. Maybe she left the phone at your house with that message on purpose just to see. And you just failed the test. My suggestion is this, forget about anything you saw in the phone and pretend it never happened.

*sadly shakes his head*

-Al