michaelhctam
Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 13, 2007
- Messages
- 195
- Reaction score
- 3
I was alone during my boarding school years, the constant updating of my bio-clock through repetitive jet lag, getting to know and repeatedly seeing the luggage handlers in Newark Airport, JFK, and the hot ticket clerk at Heathrow, and the general 'Routine' of hopping in and out of airports, planes, taxi's with heavy luggage- it was sort of a great life experience really, its sort of like my journeying back to the wilderness for months at a time and returning home to refuel for my next expedition to the wildenes. I was completely alone, me against the elements and ravenous beasts. My next stop? East-Asia, i'll be probibly be under a waterfall next to a Shinto Temple in Japan, in less than a years time or enjoying Dim Sum in the midst of the Light, Glass and Steel organism that is Hong Kong.
I have made many stupid mistakes in my life so far, with girls, with boys, with friendships, with my general relationship with people and the unforgetable awkwardness and cringe I place myself and on other people. I find these 4 years of social experimentation as a quazi-success, it ****ed me up a great deal but, hey, I familiarised myelf with the world and its airports and not going, "OMGZ Im travelin' alone!! LOL" everytime I hop on a plane- I am still in one big loveable piece.
With my journey into the wilderness and my soon-to-be release, I have made some epiphanies with myself and ways to improve myself and to become a better man. I have learnt that:
1. I tend to say things before thinking about it to my detrement: I offend people, I swear, I insult things, I challenge the tit sucking dependant tendancies of 'poitical correctness' and it seems to make people want to kick my skull in, "We all live in one big happy world! Holding hands praising God under the crescent moon/rainbow! All colors and creed rejoicing in their beauty!". Is it so wrong to disagree with this brainwashing false ****? Prejudice, Discrimination is an integrel part of human nature!
2. I focus to much on the outcomes of things: Making friends, maintaining a relationship, losing weight, becoming a good academic are things I find naturally difficult (and I am determined with blood and guts to improve this, if I don't I will slit open my stomuch in shame). Through years of beautiful East-Asian style parenting and education I have been indoctrinated with the mantra of, "If you don't get 100/100 you will become a trash eating beggar", and so- I interpreted this message wrongly and now I concentrate too hard on the outcomes and not the steps towards that outcome. Not studying, not working hard, just that grade A.
3. I am too 'nice': I use to be too fixated on trying to please everybody, I use to be soo fixated on what people think about me- it spelt insecurity and a juvenile mind. I have fixed this disease and now I don't give a **** what people think about me, also, I have realised that I was not put into this world to please every ****-sucker (figurativly and literally) that I come across. My personal quote to combat my over-bearing and guilt-issueing 'niceness' is, "The first steps of failure is trying to get everyone to like you", to be a true leader I must grab my ****ing balls and persuade people to follow my unpopular desicion! If they think I am a stupid ****- they can suck my **** (yes, please).
4. I am overtly cynical/sarcastic/satirical about life: This is mostly due to years of dissapointment and unbelievable awkward social situations through family occasions, holiday occasions, shopping occasions (Thank **** its just an occasion, give someone enough rope and they'll hang themselves). I actually quite like my attitute to life, I find it witty, I find it in-your-face, I think the world needs more people that can objectify life and no take it so seriously. Sure I got a punch in the face or a bottle thrown at my head for this attitute because I bruised other's highly elevated ego- but I like myself, a punch or a bottle is like cotton balls doused in orgasm to me.
5. I go ahead with plans that have no specific timeline: I use to be an idealist, I use to think that things will 'magically happen', take my life mistake (going to boarding school), before I went I thought it would be a happy little adventure where I would enjoy 'harry-potteresque' sleep-overs everynight with a tinge of rebellious fun! A place filled with 'posh' British kids with names like Archibald and Roger........I said this before and I will say this again, "Michael Han Cheung Tam, you are a ****ing idiot- never persue dreams with no proper timeline backed by emperical analysis and long thought process's!".
What is it that I am pursuing in life? Is it Love? No- It can't be love.....I havent found anyone that I really wanted to spend much time with. How do you describe the perfect female? Does she have a golden ratio face, a curved body, petite nose and large eyes, long flowing silky hair and a flower in her ear to put a cherry on the proverbial sundaie? The subject of women. It's fascinating yet oddly....illogical, the repetitive and ****ing bore of listening to my co-workers and their sexcapades leave me wondering if sex and it's pleasures really are the pursuit of happiness. Evidently not.
It could be education- I was born onto this planet to join ranks with my fellow sharks in the proverbial fish tank, an education is nothing but an apperatus to sharpen a dull blade- a punch is good for fighting dip****s, but men fight with words and wit. Unfortunitley, education is a double-edged sword for me- it cuts my opponents whilst cutting myself.
The pressure of striving to get into the top 3 hospitality managment school in the world caves my head in, leaves me waking up in the morning wondering why I am still alive, why my heart is still beating, why I even bother to get up and start my day- I am a ****ing insommniac's wet dream. Well- it's part of growing up, it's part of being a man.
Could it be money? No- It can't be money; it's the root of all problems and is also the saviour of problems. It's nice to have tangible or (more favourably) intangible assets- but whats the point of having piles and piles of ****ing cash when there's no pretty lady to spend it on or child to pamper- where is the incentive of having money for a person like me? It's no doubt that I will eventually have piles and piles of ****ing cash in my life (along with certain investments), but it does not give me happiness or life fufillment?
And so, this is my observation of myself for the time being- I am sure I have many more to find in the future. Thank you for being soo patient in reading what I took alot of my time and dedication to write.
Thank you. (^_^)"
I have made many stupid mistakes in my life so far, with girls, with boys, with friendships, with my general relationship with people and the unforgetable awkwardness and cringe I place myself and on other people. I find these 4 years of social experimentation as a quazi-success, it ****ed me up a great deal but, hey, I familiarised myelf with the world and its airports and not going, "OMGZ Im travelin' alone!! LOL" everytime I hop on a plane- I am still in one big loveable piece.
With my journey into the wilderness and my soon-to-be release, I have made some epiphanies with myself and ways to improve myself and to become a better man. I have learnt that:
1. I tend to say things before thinking about it to my detrement: I offend people, I swear, I insult things, I challenge the tit sucking dependant tendancies of 'poitical correctness' and it seems to make people want to kick my skull in, "We all live in one big happy world! Holding hands praising God under the crescent moon/rainbow! All colors and creed rejoicing in their beauty!". Is it so wrong to disagree with this brainwashing false ****? Prejudice, Discrimination is an integrel part of human nature!
2. I focus to much on the outcomes of things: Making friends, maintaining a relationship, losing weight, becoming a good academic are things I find naturally difficult (and I am determined with blood and guts to improve this, if I don't I will slit open my stomuch in shame). Through years of beautiful East-Asian style parenting and education I have been indoctrinated with the mantra of, "If you don't get 100/100 you will become a trash eating beggar", and so- I interpreted this message wrongly and now I concentrate too hard on the outcomes and not the steps towards that outcome. Not studying, not working hard, just that grade A.
3. I am too 'nice': I use to be too fixated on trying to please everybody, I use to be soo fixated on what people think about me- it spelt insecurity and a juvenile mind. I have fixed this disease and now I don't give a **** what people think about me, also, I have realised that I was not put into this world to please every ****-sucker (figurativly and literally) that I come across. My personal quote to combat my over-bearing and guilt-issueing 'niceness' is, "The first steps of failure is trying to get everyone to like you", to be a true leader I must grab my ****ing balls and persuade people to follow my unpopular desicion! If they think I am a stupid ****- they can suck my **** (yes, please).
4. I am overtly cynical/sarcastic/satirical about life: This is mostly due to years of dissapointment and unbelievable awkward social situations through family occasions, holiday occasions, shopping occasions (Thank **** its just an occasion, give someone enough rope and they'll hang themselves). I actually quite like my attitute to life, I find it witty, I find it in-your-face, I think the world needs more people that can objectify life and no take it so seriously. Sure I got a punch in the face or a bottle thrown at my head for this attitute because I bruised other's highly elevated ego- but I like myself, a punch or a bottle is like cotton balls doused in orgasm to me.
5. I go ahead with plans that have no specific timeline: I use to be an idealist, I use to think that things will 'magically happen', take my life mistake (going to boarding school), before I went I thought it would be a happy little adventure where I would enjoy 'harry-potteresque' sleep-overs everynight with a tinge of rebellious fun! A place filled with 'posh' British kids with names like Archibald and Roger........I said this before and I will say this again, "Michael Han Cheung Tam, you are a ****ing idiot- never persue dreams with no proper timeline backed by emperical analysis and long thought process's!".
What is it that I am pursuing in life? Is it Love? No- It can't be love.....I havent found anyone that I really wanted to spend much time with. How do you describe the perfect female? Does she have a golden ratio face, a curved body, petite nose and large eyes, long flowing silky hair and a flower in her ear to put a cherry on the proverbial sundaie? The subject of women. It's fascinating yet oddly....illogical, the repetitive and ****ing bore of listening to my co-workers and their sexcapades leave me wondering if sex and it's pleasures really are the pursuit of happiness. Evidently not.
It could be education- I was born onto this planet to join ranks with my fellow sharks in the proverbial fish tank, an education is nothing but an apperatus to sharpen a dull blade- a punch is good for fighting dip****s, but men fight with words and wit. Unfortunitley, education is a double-edged sword for me- it cuts my opponents whilst cutting myself.
The pressure of striving to get into the top 3 hospitality managment school in the world caves my head in, leaves me waking up in the morning wondering why I am still alive, why my heart is still beating, why I even bother to get up and start my day- I am a ****ing insommniac's wet dream. Well- it's part of growing up, it's part of being a man.
Could it be money? No- It can't be money; it's the root of all problems and is also the saviour of problems. It's nice to have tangible or (more favourably) intangible assets- but whats the point of having piles and piles of ****ing cash when there's no pretty lady to spend it on or child to pamper- where is the incentive of having money for a person like me? It's no doubt that I will eventually have piles and piles of ****ing cash in my life (along with certain investments), but it does not give me happiness or life fufillment?
And so, this is my observation of myself for the time being- I am sure I have many more to find in the future. Thank you for being soo patient in reading what I took alot of my time and dedication to write.
Thank you. (^_^)"
