I Have a Toxic Mindset and I'm Asking For Help

[gravityeyelids]

I'm not going to spill my guts and waste too much of your time, but it's like this: I'm in a huge rut in my life. I'm very anxious about where I'm at and a lot of it stems from the fact that I'm surrounded by people who are on the up and up and i feel like i'm just treading water. And obviously, my love life is a mess because girls can tell that my confidence is shot and i don't have a lot going for me. So this just adds to it because i havent been laid in months or had a girl to hang out with and i'm very lonely.

I could list you guys a number of excuses and reasons why this terrible world has decided to sh!t all over me, and why everything is stacked against me and trying to make my life difficult...but i'm not going to. Because the fact is that it's not and all this crap is mainly due to my own pessimistic, cynical, lazy mindset that has been overwhelming me. I find myself blaming all of these external things and rationalizing when in reality it's my own damn fault. I'm lazy and discouraged and unmotivated and can't pull myself out of this. I see all these people around me that are getting going in their (seemingly) successful careers, while i'm waiting tables, and i feel like my mid 20's are where i really need to make something happen or i'm going to wind up a broke loser for the rest of my life.

Here's the thing: I really need help in terms of becoming motivated and turning this mindset around. Does anyone have any tips or motivating words? Tough love is probably called for normally in this circumstance...however, i've beaten myself down enough over all this, so i think that i need to start taking in more uplifting, motivating material. Books, music, movies, etc. Any reading material? Or things you guys have done to pull yourself out of a rut and overcome adversity

 

[amazingswayze]

Attention; Debbie Downer

Here's the thing: I really need help in terms of becoming motivated and turning this mindset around. Does anyone have any tips or motivating words? Tough love is probably called for normally in this circumstance...however, i've beaten myself down enough over all this, so i think that i need to start taking in more uplifting, motivating material. Books, music, movies, etc. Any reading material? Or things you guys have done to pull yourself out of a rut and overcome adversity

I'll tell it to you this way. You can't think yourself out of this mindset. No SoSuave post will ultimately change your mindset. The first thing you have to understand is that you are responsible for the way you feel. Your mindset will only change if your actions change. :yes:
What you need to do at the very least, is exercise. You will feel better about yourself once this becomes a habit. Besides that, start thinking positive. Appreciate life. Surround yourself with positive people. Listen to uplifting music. I honestly think you should focus on your happiness instead of girls. No girl can change the way you think. Go out and live bro. Life is short. Do what you need to do to feel good about yourself. Life doesn't have to be so hard. You're making it seem that way. It gets better. Just find happiness.

 

[jurry]

Check out power of now by eckhart tolle

 

[kraytkiller]

Realize someone always has it worse. My life is worse than yours, and my situation as well -- I almost guarantee it. But I don't let it get me down.

Instead, I appreciate what I have. I'm lucky to be who I am and where I am, and not living in a hut eating bugs in Africa, or a prisoner of war/hostage in Israel.

Instead of feeling down, make plans, save up money, reach/achieve goals, and try to move forward in life. Set small goals that will help you reach big ones and achieve them. Go out, meet women and have fun... find a hobby, or a passion, and practice it. Get involved in life. Realize the people around you are not you, and you cannot judge your life based on theirs.

 

[El Payaso]

Think of what you want to achieve, focus on it and it will happen.

 

[ubercat]

I d also say build in some treats when u achieve a small goal. E.g. when I paid a certain chunk off Mortgage I shouted myself a mbike. U can do that with social challenges, approaches or whatever. Otherwise u ll burn yr will power out.

 

[hithard]

A little bit off topic but this show was interesting.
Redesign my brain
http://www.abc.net.au/tv/programs/redesign-my-brain-with-todd-sampson/

 

[cola]

The first thing you have to understand is that you are responsible for the way you feel. Your mindset will only change if your actions change. :yes:

Nailed it. The name of what he is describing is cognitive dissonance if you dothings you consider responsible, at some point you will become confident you are responsible.
His point on working out has validity as well.

We are close in age and trust me the last 10 years of mine or so were spent getting high, having sex, drinking and a few other bad habits I care not to mention.
I started and stopped community college like 4 times.
You do have one very good thing going on.. you're surrounded by people who are doing well.

I don't want to trade my past because it made me street smart to compliment my book smarts, and it ain't too much that'd suprise me ive seen so much. However I'm so optimistic about my future.. Im finally SAVING money, I have a room mate and we have a SWEET bachelor pad, NO more weed, I quit ciggarettes and got some great plates spinning, legit good girls.. not the strippers and hoes I was accustomed to and I have a general vision of what I want to do.. I attribute the change in my life to a couple things..

-I got away from the street scumbags I hung with. My circle all consist of people doing better than me, and I love it. So much to learn from them. Like saving money, work ethic, mannors.

-I discovered the gym! Started working out I love it.

- I decided not to let anything bother me. If it's in my control I fix it. If it's not I let God deal with it.

So just relax. The lazy thing, when you feel lazy , do something productive. Go workout, clean your room, organize sh*t, try a new recipe..

Dont worry about girls right now. First you have to get your mind right, girls will be there, and when you get yourself together you'll even get better quality girls. It could be worst bro.. I know 24 year olds doing hard time with no future.. relax.



-I

 

[Lozboss]

OP.

A friend said to me: Progress, not perfection. A step in the right direction and a small success breeds motivation for a larger succesful/.

You should avoid dating until you are in a good place yourself. You need to be happy in yourself otherwise you won't attract the right type of people into your life and they will further damage it. Being needy attracts needy people. Like attracts like.

Get a new Hobby, join a new social circle (try Meetup App if you live near a city) and hang out with a brand new social group.

You are 24. Press the Reset button and start a new chapter of your life. Get down the gym, make the effort to meet totally new people, perhaps a new sport?

Do the little things- they will all stack up to make sure you achieve an overall happiness.

Also NEVER pin your happiness on women, focus on you and women should be a compliment to your life.

PM me if you want to talk further. I am going through something similar (although about 5 weeks into making changes).

 

[SayWhat]

I'm basically in the same position. 26 and waiting tables (although I like it). I recently have been let into a company though which job position I would love to do for the rest of my life (had 1% chance of being chosen). I started a thrilling new hobby and get compliments about my physique often.

Do you think this helps to make me feel better? Not at all. I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong, why I keep thinking the way I'm thinking right now...

 

[Bingo-Player]

I have been in your situation and too some extent i still am in it , focusing on what others are doing is pointless everyone has theyre own problems but some hide them better than others nobodys life is perfect that much i can assure you

A quote im very fond is that “every task looks impossible to achieve until you actually start it” – meaning for example the process of getting a new job seems daunting at first but you do it in small chunks

First you think of a job that you can adapt whatever skills you have too ,then you look for said job , then apply , then get an interview do it bit by bit and its not so bad

I used to work in catering/hospitaltity and like you i found it was depressing because the money & hours are cr*p managers are usually bitter and tempremental and nobody really wants to be there

But Saying that i did meet some amazing people whilst working there and i also learnt some valuable life skills so you must take what positives you can in every situation

I left that job about 4 years ago to move into a job in financial admin ......i get paid about double what i was getting in the restaurant and i work half the hours and do half the work (if that some weeks)

Sounds great yes !?!

But if you ask me today if i am happy in life , i will without question tell you no i am not

I am 23 and I work with predominantly middle aged people I’m talking 40+ and have worked in the same job all they’re lifes , the work we do in uninspiring and i can tell the majority of people here have lost the will to live and after being here for 4 years i am starting to see why , career progression is non existant and whats worse i have to travel 60 miles a day to get here

On top of that i have just had to submit to an IVA because i have loaded myself with so much debt gambling , i drive a 15 year old car that is falling to pieces and i am back stuck at home living in my parents box room ,i sleep in a single bed and have probably missed out on screwing around 60 girls in the last 2 years as a result

As you can see you are not the only one with problems in life

However i never let the world get me down , i plod along and enjoy what i can and take whatever opportunities arise

I cant fix everything at once so my first priority is moving back into my own place which im hoping to achieve by Christmas

I can stick the job for the time being as its a means to an ends

Will hopefully find something a bit more interesting in the new year , who knows what will happen between now and then

 

[Lozboss]

I'm basically in the same position. 26 and waiting tables (although I like it). I recently have been let into a company though which job position I would love to do for the rest of my life (had 1% chance of being chosen). I started a thrilling new hobby and get compliments about my physique often.

Do you think this helps to make me feel better? Not at all. I honestly don't know what I'm doing wrong, why I keep thinking the way I'm thinking right now...

You need to seek professional Help. If you can assess yourself and honestly say nothing is keeping you sad then you may have depression.

 

[SayWhat]

You need to seek professional Help. If you can assess yourself and honestly say nothing is keeping you sad then you may have depression.

No I know it's because of my social skills. I don't talk to people because I fear that if I talk to them and act normal, they won't like me or dump me...

Every conversation I have with people dies rather quickly, I don't know how to be interesting or keep something fun...

 

[Casillas]

Start working out, read at least one hour per day, get a hobby, go out more. In conclussion do things that help you to grow like person and remember it doesnt matter what happens LIFE GOES ON.