I hate being the shy/quiet guy.

[Automatic]

I have been very shy and quiet all of my life. Unfortunately, being shy and quiet doesn't allow me to stand up for myself and get what I want out of life. I've tried for a long time to get over this. I've decided that my shyness is just me succumbing to my fears and never conquering them. I just need to learn to push out of my comfort zone.

So, last weekend I decided to just go check out this bar downtown. It seemed like a huge step for me. I had all these doubts running though my head.

"You don't belong there. You'll never fit in there and you'll make a fool of yourself. You've always fit in with that crowd like a square peg. You know that there're unwritten rules for places like this which you don't know, so you're going to screw up. Maybe I should go on a weekday, when it’s quieter.” Etc…

I put on some nice clothes and some slick shoes and drove down there. I walked in and ordered a beer. The bartender was cool. He tried to shot the ****, but I just laughed and tried my best to agree with him without looking like a dope. I’m pretty sure I failed with that, though. I was completely intimidated in there. I left for a min to take a piss. I kinda got the impression that I shouldn’t have left the bar without paying for my drinks. I guess this is what I meant by un-written rules. Oh wells. There was a UFC fight on while I was there, so I stayed to watch it. This HB7 sat down next to me about 30 minuets before I left, and I feel bad for not saying anything. I guess I was already pushing it by being there. One step at a time, I guess. It would have been tight if I went down there and I met some cute girl, though.

As I was leaving, it looked like they were setting up the dance floor. I let myself get away with thinking that I can save that for next time.

 

[Spike_the_Dragon]

Baby steps are okay at first. After all, you don't wanna' end up stuck in a bad relationship with the first chick you make contact with. You can still be direct and in charge of the situation and take things slow, I'm sure you know. It really drives the ladies wild when you don't rush things too much.

Play on, Brother-- and watch out for those red flaggs that are sure to pop up!

 

[Wodan]

The first steps are the hardest so congratulations for pushing yourself, It is true that there are unwritten rules but one of the most important of those rules is not taking yourself too seriously and worrying about everything.

I wont lie there will defenately be little things you havent picked up on.. ive been through the same process including forgetting to pay lol (did it one time when a barmaid was flirting with me :crackup: )


remember the reason everyone is out in these bars is to relax and let theyre hair down, if your worrying about things u wont be relaxed and you will not fit in as well as you could.

 

[Triple T]

Seems like your thinking that your going to fail.
Bad atitude...change it to a positive outlook, and then you'll succeed!

But yea, props for going in there and taking the first step.

 

[PrinceBeavis]

You need to go to the DJ Bible on this site, and do the boot camp from the start. From what I've seen around here, most guys wouldn't advise you to start in a bar/club. The boot camp starts you off just greeting, and saying hi to people you see on the street, starting small discussions with people, and building from there.
I just had to take a job selling jewelry at outdoor events. It's really been giving me some good practice, talking to females...plus, it's not creepy like selling lingerie, as I've seen some guys on here try. Nothing like a public job to get you to talk to people.

And, oh yeah, don't be afraid to be a little on the quiet side.

 

[hbxdoode]

i think the first mistake you made is going to that bar by yourself. you should of have invited a friend or two to go along, so you can at lease someone to socialize with.
bar or club is boring going by yourself anyhow. you mentioned that ufc was on, it was the perfect time for you to socialize with other people who are watching also. it's very easy to initiate conversation with someone when it comes to sports.
i don't think there is anything wrong with being shy... just not too shy. you should somehow turn that shyness into a quiet, cold demeanor kind of guy that chicks dig... i dont know how you can do that, but try it.

 

[slaog]

"You don't belong there. You'll never fit in there and you'll make a fool of yourself. You've always fit in with that crowd like a square peg. You know that there're unwritten rules for places like this which you don't know, so you're going to screw up. Maybe I should go on a weekday, when it’s quieter.” Etc…

No wonder you're shy saying that nonsense to yourself! How could anybody be outgoing with that attitude?? You have a low opinion of yourself just because of the thoughts in your head. I've been there BTW!

Instead of saying you're not good enough try positive affirmations! Ask yourself why shouldn't you be able to go there! Visualise yourself being more outgoing.

You did well to go there so baby steps as they say!

 

[Mavrick]

You really need to understand the power you're handing other people by being shy and quiet. You need to also understand that no one wants your power and the less you give it away, the more they'll want to get to know you.

You want to be in control of your own life and not let the thoughts of what others think be the controlling factor. You'll let your life fly by with so many regrets if you don't snap out of your shyness. I've been able to do it, and my life has flourished. I hope you can do the same.

Insecurity is a lack of believing in yourself. Why would you lack that? You'll have an exceptionally hard time in life if you chose not to believe in yourself. If you don't believe in yourself, no one else will. You have to convince people that you are who you believe you are, and you can't let anyone define you. Believing in yourself will make believers out of others.

 

[Warrior74]

being shy and quiet is selfish. It's all about 'me me me me me'. You need to go out and think about the other people. look at who they are, where they are from, what they are into...ask questions and learn about people and enjoy learning about them. Consider yourself a show host and they are your guest, its your job to learn about them, enjoy them and entertain and be entertained by them.

I met 5 people last night I didn't know in the bar. Found out one girl is from where my family is from, she looked like a haughty stuck up bytch but ended up being the coolest of the lot. I just asked questions, told stories about my crazy party days and had a few drinks. Good times.

Get some friends to meet you out next time. or just chat up the bartender. till you meet some new people. bartenders are used to chatting up solo people...thats their job...well...that and selling alchol.