I feel hollow when talking to people...

[jericg]

I do not know if this is a social anxiety problem, but its hard for me to make real deep conversations with people. Whenever I talk to someone, ANYONE, it just feels as if no connection is being built. And so most of the times I just stay quiet and do my own thing. Is this even normal? It makes me feel... antisocial, even though I'm not.

 

[ediceneet12]

hey man you kind of sound like someone I know who used to have a similar problem, theirs nothing wrong with not saying anything if you don't have anything to say, but you should definitely try and work on those conversation skills

http://www.sosuave.com/ubb/Forum6/HTML/000235.html

I have trouble making connection's with people too at sometimes but something someone told me and really stuck with me is trying putting yourself in their shoes when talking to them.

Theirs tons of information on this website that can help you I'm sure some other people who are more experienced me (I'm kinda new here) can help you out as well.

 

[SamTheHobit]

I know how you feel op.

But I think a connection can't be forced so maybe your just talking to the wrong people?

For me. I can see through most people,, so that comes into play.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

It's hard for people to open up, including yourself.

If you geniunely care for what the other person has to say, and you can feel that in return, then you're building a connection.

This is often achieved by talking to the right people. Still, you can't know who they are unless you ask the right questions.

You must do two things.

1. You must open up yourself. Talk about yourself more freely. No more chit chat.

2. You must ask questions about them, beyond them norm. Things that you actually care about. Deeper questions. New questions.

Don't strike up a conversation for it's own sake (do, but mold it into something you care for). Eye contact. etc. Just learn to be comfortable with yourself and be more outgoing when you're social.

 

[ediceneet12]

^I'm actually really interested in the two things NorwegianDJ said if you could please elaborate a bit more and give examples. Especially the first one what do you mean bye opening up yourself?

I'm here to learn as much as I can and trying to apply it to my everyday life, and hopefully help some other dudes in the process.

Also Jericg learn to listen to people when they talk and learn to act interested in what their saying, I do this all the time even with conversations with people that I don't necessarily care about listening/interested in talking to. It makes people see you as someone who cares about what that person has to say and makes people feel a little more connected with you.

 

[RiceandChicken]

It's all about trying to make connections man. Always find something you and that person can relate to, and use it as a sticking point in you guys conversations. And like edice said, put yourself in their shoes.

 

[ediceneet12]

jericg, and since you said you are not anti-social why not learn some of these conversation skills and go out and apply them to your everyday life. I'm positive you're more social then me haha. Call up a friend, get on an online game, go for a walk go anywhere and just practice your conversation skills.

 

[jericg]

Yeah, I'm quite sure I'm not antisocial haha! I find myself leading a group conversation when I'm not so anxious about the people around me. Samthehobit, I believe that there's no such thing as the 'wrong' people because I somehow do not, cannot, make enemies. They either become a good friend, or just as someone I forget about. NorwegianDJ, you made it clear to me now that people just feel the same way as I do. I must be truly interested about them so that they can really open up and i get to know them, instead of just hollow talk, which I shamefully do alot and am quite tired of xD and I really like that quote man. I will remember that when I convo. And i know its okay to have a silent moment once in a while, it just feels awkward x) in my experiences, good eye contact diminishes that problem.

 

[ediceneet12]

hahaha there we go dude! Seems like you know what you're doing, maybe you just need to work on your conversation skills. Or since you said "When i'm not so anxious about the people around me". why not try to take yourself out of your comfort zone and get used to talking everyone and anyone?

One way I got rid of my social fears/anxieties was just bye switching up my routines and daily habits. Get yourself out there dude!

 

[jericg]

I don't know if I'm just being paranoid, but I think I may have social anxiety. It so difficult for me to make eyecontact with strangers, so talking to them is even harder. Pickup solo is impossible as I get anxious, but with a friend, I can do about 2 a dayday.

I've been with my dance crew for more than a month now, yet I still feel like a stranger. I'm the quietest one there. I don't get panic attacks or anything but I just practice with them and I dont say much to anyone. I just cannot open up. I really hate myself for being this way. How the **** do I fix this anxiety? Lately, I've been going out by myself and dancing at random places, but I get too paranoid to talk to anyone.

 

[ediceneet12]

^I defeated my social anxiety bye taking myself out of my comfort zone as much as possible, you just gotta get up and do it until it doesn't bother you anymore man.

Have you ever been able to hold a good conversation with anyone before? if yes, then GOOD. Take some notes from those past conversation's and try and apply them to everyday conversations

EDIT: It's tough to get over Social Anxiety thankfully mine was pretty mild, but hey man take baby steps. I'm sure you've been able to hold conversations before you just gotta work on holding them with ANYONE.

On the subject of being able to "Open Up" I have days were i don't say much, I don't know what to say some days you aren't going to feel like socializing I sure as hell don't feel like socializing everyday. But make sure when you do say stuff that it has meaning & depth so it's memorable, people will care more about what you have to say when you speak.